


Where The Lines Overlap

by bythelightofthenight, millerbellamy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Pining, Slow Build, a lot more info in the notes!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-20 06:44:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 132,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4777445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythelightofthenight/pseuds/bythelightofthenight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/millerbellamy/pseuds/millerbellamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Raven Reyes climbed out of a window, still in her wedding dress, she had no idea what was ahead of her.<br/><br/>or - a friends au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **disclaimer:** this fic is going to be over ~7 years in time. so at times it's VERY slow build. there are going to be some incredibly random-seeming ships, some of which are crack ones, but we hope you can handle them for the sake of the story. so in the ships tags we only have the ~main~ most visible ones for the characters (more will be added). and you can just imagine the settings exactly the same as on friends. we didn't go too wild with that. also we're attempting to do this without naming any OCs so there'll also be characters we're not... that fond of in canon. trust us, we know.  
>  warnings: past car accident, past (emotionally) abusive relationship 
> 
>    
> hi!! so vilma and i have been working on this for a few months and we've been raving about it to each other for so long that it's amazing to finally publish the first chapter. we're each writing half the scenes per chapter and we're both really happy with how everything is turning out. writing about the characters being cute and happy and domestic is honestly the best way to ignore canon. anyways please leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed it and feel free to come chat to us on tumblr!!!!  
> \- aisling

"Honestly. Simply just staring."

"Shut up, Clarke," Octavia hissed. "He can hear you!"

"She's not wrong," Miller glanced over the back of the couch. "Either he's naturally the dead-eyed type of guy or he's planning on dragging you to his cave sometime soon."

"You're both so mean --"

"What are we talking about?" Monty asked, eyes focused on the coffee he was trying not to spill. "Jasper creepily staring at O again?"

Octavia just rolled her eyes as Clarke and Miller laughed. "He works here! He's a barista. He has to look somewhere?"

Clarke snorted loudly. "How about anywhere else than at you?"

"I happen to be very pleasing to the eye!"

"Hey, guys! He's coming", Monty warned and their bickering shut down.

Bellamy shook raindrops out of his hair as he entered the coffeehouse, a permanent frown on his face. They all waited in silence until he’d reached the side of the couch.

“Hey, Bell,” Octavia said carefully. “What’s up?”

He just sighed and dropped down next to Miller, who took the damp clothes pressing against him without complaints, simply patting Bellamy’s curls gently when he leaned on his shoulder. “So you know how I’m not getting married anymore because my fiancée is a lesbian?”

“It’s... come up,” Miller deadpanned, earning a kick to the ankle from Clarke.

Bellamy didn’t seem to notice. “She finished calling everyone today. Everyone officially knows. The wedding’s not happening.”

“I’m sorry,” Octavia reached out to take his hand.

Clarke got up and stopped Jasper to grab the mug he was carrying and shove some bills into his hand before handing the drink over to Bellamy.

“I didn’t order this,” he whispered.

Clarke just shushed him and sat back down. “I know you’re sad, Bell, but you’ll find someone else.”

“But I don’t want someone else,” Bellamy whined. “I want to be getting married to the woman I was together with for four years.”

“We know,” Monty smiled at him encouragingly from the arm of Octavia’s chair. “But try to think it was better that it came up before you got married.”

“I know. But I don’t care yet. I just want to wallow in it for now,” Bellamy sighed again, snuggling closer to Miller. “Who am I going to marry now?”

At the simultaneous gasp Monty and Octavia let out they all turned to look where the two were staring. A woman in a wedding dress had just walked in, the white fabric of the gown darkened by the rain and dirt from the streets. She was looking around while trying to get her wet hair out of her face.

“Raven?” Octavia called, shock still clear on her face.

“Raven?” Bellamy’s brows shot up.

“Raven?” Clarke frowned, trying to catch someone’s eye for an explanation.

“Octavia? Monty!” a smile spread on the woman’s face and she rushed over to them. Octavia stood up only to get pulled into a crushing hug. “I’m so happy to see you!” Monty was next, getting an armful of bride his way.

“I’m happy to see you too,” Octavia shared a quick puzzled look with Monty before she let him go. “Uh, you remember my brother, right? And Miller?”

“Yes, of course! Hi!”

“And this is Clarke. Clarke - Raven,” Octavia made her sit down in the armchair she’d occupied moments before, while Monty retreated to take a seat next to Miller. “We've known each other since, like, kindergarten," she explained to Clarke.

“So... Raven. Are you... married?” Monty asked and elbowed Miller who snorted.

“Well," she made a face and glanced up at Octavia. “There is a wedding happening right now... Actually, they’ve probably noticed by now that I took off so it’s not really happening anymore.”

“Wait. You ran off from your own wedding?” Miller closed his eyes for a moment. “What a _coincidence_ , isn’t it Bell?”

He managed to bite down a grin when Bellamy glared at him.

"Yeah," Raven gave them a weird look, "I did. I climbed out of a window. In a bathroom. I’m not proud of it.”

They all nodded slowly, looking mostly at the floor. Octavia was the first one to clear her throat.

“So... why did you climb out of a window?”

“Okay so," Raven sat up straighter and fixed the front of her dress. “It was right before the ceremony and I’d just gotten ready. I was looking at myself in the mirror and it all just hit me. I was about to be married to Finn. And his family. Forever. And it wasn’t even the dress I wanted. Finn's mom was paying for it so I didn't have much say and... I just couldn't do it."

"Wait, Finn Collins? Who you met in college?"

"Yeah," Raven's lips curled downwards. "I'm really sorry for just showing up like this. I know we haven't talked in a long time but I don't know anyone else in the city. And I wasn't thinking very clearly after, you know, climbing out of a bathroom window."

"It's okay," Octavia rubbed her arm. "Wow, you're freezing! Let's go upstairs. Clarke, you probably have something to lend her?"

"Yeah, of course," Clarke got up with them and they left the coffeehouse.

"I guess today's the day Bellamy's ghosts of _almost_ girlfriends past are coming to visit," Miller chuckled.

"Don't be a dick," Monty huffed, getting up to follow the girls.

"You okay?" Miller asked Bellamy once he was out the door.

"Yeah, yeah," Bellamy shook his head slowly. "Just weird... We should probably go."

"To make sure they're not talking about you?"

"Yup."

"Alright," Miller patted his shoulder before pushing himself up from the couch.

  


* * *

  


_“When will Bellamy and Miller be back from their game?”_

_Raven’s tone was casual and she barely even glanced up at Octavia as she painted the other girl’s nails a vibrant red, but all the same Octavia sighed with exasperation and flicked her forehead._

_“Ow! What was that for?” Raven glared at her friend and played innocent, as if she wasn’t being as obvious as she always was. Sighing, Octavia raised her hand to flick her again but Raven jabbed the dripping nail polish brush in her face threateningly. After a mini stand-off, they both conceded defeat._

_“Could you not be gross about my brother, for like, five minutes? Is that too much to ask?”_

_Making an offended noise, Raven held a hand to her chest. “You seem to have forgotten that I have a girlfriend who just so happens to be captain of the swim team. Who I also will be going out with later tonight while you losers stay at home and watch When Harry Met Sally for the millionth time.”_

_“Don’t diss When Harry Met Sally. That movie’s a classic,” Monty chided, entering the Blakes' sitting room with a can of Coke in his hand that Octavia made a grabbing motion for. Dodging her reaching hands, Monty threw himself on the empty seat beside the sofa that was occupied by his two friends._

_Octavia grinned. “Plus, Meg Ryan is a total babe.”_

_Raven nodded in agreement. “Okay, fair enough. But still. I was just asking to be a good friend. Right, Monty?”_

_Narrowing his eyes, Monty fixed his gaze on the TV but both of his friends noticed the flush travelling up his cheeks. Raven felt a little bad for drawing attention to his blatant crush on Miller; it wasn’t that her and Octavia didn’t know - they had seen the not so subtle signs long before he had drunkenly confessed it to them. The stuttering, blushing and constant need to fix his hair around the basketball player were pretty good indicators of his feelings. When Miller had mentioned a boyfriend for the first time last year, Monty had nearly fallen off his chair and had needed to be taken into the bathroom to calm down by an amused Octavia. All the same, he was still embarrassed about it and Raven had a small suspicion that it was because he thought Miller was out of his league, despite him never saying so outright._

_Trying to redeem herself, Raven leaned over to him conspiratorially. “You know, it could totally happen. You and Miller, I mean. He’s only two years older than you and he always asks you questions and chats to you and stuff when he’s over. The best relationships are built on friendships first.”_

_Monty continued to stare at whatever was playing on the TV, but the small curve of his lips gave him away and he reached over to push Raven away from him. Their other friend simply rolled her eyes._

_“That what you tell yourself about you and Bellamy, too?”_

_Stretching across the seat to grab a cushion that she was planning to throw at the younger Blake’s head, Raven was just about to fire a retort when the door swung open to reveal Bellamy and Miller, still dressed in their basketball uniforms and glistening with sweat. Strutting in lazily with Miller right behind him, Bellamy took in the sight before him - Raven, leaning across the sofa to grab a pillow; Octavia still holding the bottle of nail polish in her hand while smirking at her friend and Monty, chancing a look over to Miller, who was making a beeline for the kitchen, before looking back at the TV again._

_“Waiting for me to arrive, Raven?” Bellamy smirked, one eyebrow raised at her lounging position on the couch._

_Rolling her eyes, she sat up quickly and fixed her tank top that had ridden up to expose a narrow strip of her toned stomach. “You wish. Hey, Octavia - can I borrow your ripped skinny jeans for my date later?” She smiled sweetly at the end, turning towards the other Blake sibling who was looking on unimpressed._

_“You could have asked me before Bellamy arrived,” Octavia muttered, loud enough so only Monty could hear. He glanced over at her with a secretive smile on his face and a knowing look in his eyes._

_Undeterred, Bellamy rested his forearms on the back of the chair and leaned over it, the muscles in his biceps flexing as he did so. There seemed to be a moment of resistance in Raven’s head, but she quickly gave in and it didn’t go unnoticed to anyone in the room when she let her eyes fall on his upper arms appreciatively. Octavia groaned loudly and elbowed her brother away from the sofa while Monty covered his eyes with his hand._

_As soon as Miller arrived back in to the sitting room, sandwich in hand, Monty quickly pulled his hand off his face, leaving a clump of hair sticking up in his wake. Octavia tried to contain the smile threatening to form because of her friend’s frazzled expression and tilted her head back so that she was looking at Miller upside-down._

_“You only come here for the food?” Bellamy asked; his tone light-hearted. They all knew about Miller’s strained relationship with his Dad but danced around it anytime it came up._

_Miller grinned, punching his friend lightly on the shoulder. “No, I come for your sparkling personality, of course. I _stay_ for the food.” Tilting his head to the side so that he could see Octavia, he smiled at her and patted her head as fondly as Bellamy would. “Hey, O. Raven. Monty.”_

_Smiling and nodding at each in turn, he went back to his sandwich once he was finished his greetings. The three of them responded with, “hey,”; their replies coming in unison. Miller took a seat on the edge of the chair where Monty was sitting while Bellamy tapped Octavia’s legs and situated himself in the middle of the big sofa once his sister had cleared some space for him._

_“So, uh,” Monty started, his voice not betraying his otherwise obvious nerves at being seated centimetres away from a sweaty Nathan Miller, ‘How did the game go?’_

_Although Octavia held very little interest towards basketball, she had gathered before they left that the team were playing one of their final games as seniors against a rival school. Bellamy’s expression grew rapturous, and he grinned smugly. “We won, thanks to Miller and I mainly.”_

_“Arrogant, much?” Raven muttered, but she was one side of her mouth was turned upwards. Returning the smile, Bellamy shrugged._

_“We were tied with a minute to go and Miller here--” he pauses to motion to his friend, as if they all didn’t know exactly who he was referring to, “-- dribbled the ball down the court and set me up to score. It was tough going but I have good stamina, on court and off.” He winks at Raven at the end, who nudges him with her toe with a smirk on her face. Making a noise of disgust, Octavia buries her head in the cushion and Miller looks over at Monty disbelievingly._

_“Could they be any more obvious? Is it actually possible for them to flirt any more than they do already? Because I honestly don’t think it is. Jesus.”_

_A little surprised that Miller was directing this rant to him, Monty quickly recovered and huffed out a laugh, looking up at the older boy. “It’s not like you’ll have to put up with it much longer. You’ll be finished school soon and then comes college.”_

_Humming in agreement, Miller’s eyes slid from Monty’s face to his hair. A crease appeared between his eyebrows and Monty didn’t realise what Miller was doing before it was too late because he was a little distracted by the other boy’s dark eyelashes. A large hand was at his forehead, palming at the hair that had been sticking up (unbeknownst to Monty) and trying to flatten it. When he had finished, Miller grinned down at him as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do._

_“There. Better. You looked like you had a serious case of bedhead,” he laughed. Monty gulped and managed to mutter his thanks without spontaneously combusting. Octavia was watching them from the corner of her eye and grimaced. The way Miller had patted Octavia on the head was the exact same way he had patted Monty on the head - with brotherly affection, as if towards a younger sibling._

__Ouch_ , she thought._

_“Well, we better get going Miller,’ Bellamy said, rising from his position on the couch. "The party starts in an hour and we still need to get cleaned up.”_

_“Fine,” Miller sighed, not looking to happy at having to go back to his house for a while. “Meet you there in forty minutes?”_

_“Yeah, sure.” He turned to the girls and Monty after the door shut behind his teammate. “Monty and Octavia, don’t go too crazy tonight kids. We don’t want any complaints from the neighbours.”_

_Laughing, Monty set to work getting the DVD set up while Octavia flipped her brother off._

_“Have fun on your date, Raven,” he called as he walked upstairs, throwing a hand behind his head as he did so._

_She hummed in reply, pretending to be too engrossed in watching Monty put on the film to answer. Not five minutes later, she ran upstairs to put on Octavia’s jeans and popped a kiss on her and Monty’s heads as she jogged out the door, already late because she had decided to stay and chat to Bellamy instead of leaving earlier like she was supposed to. Octavia wasn’t surprised in the slightest; everyone was used to it - even Raven and Bellamy._

_Bundling the blankets around themselves, Monty and Octavia huddled together and watched the movie while intermittently snacking on food that Aurora graciously brought out for them. They didn’t make it halfway through before they were both fast asleep, leaving Bellamy to guide them both to Octavia’s bed when he arrived home later that night._

__

  


* * *

  


When Bellamy and Miller walked into Monty's apartment, they were instantly shushed. Raven was in the kitchen, wearing some of Clarke's home clothes and a blanket wrapped around her, with Octavia's phone against her ear. Monty waved them over to sit down where they were all pretending to not be listening.

"She's trying to reach Finn", Octavia explained quietly. She leaned her cheek on Clarke's leg where she sat between them on the floor and sighed. "This must be really hard for her."

"She really has nothing on her, does she?" Bellamy frowned.

"Nothing. I think she said something about calling a friend to drop off her wallet, but I don't think she has a lot of those either."

"A lot of what?"

Octavia bit her lip. "Friends," she said after a beat.

Clarke pet her hair gently while Bellamy tugged both Monty and Miller under his arms. They all turned to look at Raven who was looking out the tiny kitchen window with her back towards them.

"Hey, Finn," she started suddenly. "You're probably still out somewhere so I'll just leave you this... I'm really sorry for running out on you. I know the wedding was -- The wedding was really expensive and your family went through such trouble to make it happen. But I couldn't go through with it. I don't know if I can quite explain it, but I'm okay for now. I'm staying with a friend --"

Monty smiled at that, and he could see a similar look on Octavia's face.

"-- and I'm safe so you don't have to worry about me. I don't think we should see each other for a while, though. I don't want to say everything in a voicemail, but I -- I know there's no way I can marry you. Okay... bye."

They quickly twisted back when she ended the message and turned to them. Raven brought the phone back to Octavia and sat down next to Monty. He pulled her to his side, and she slumped against him. Even after knowing her for so long, he'd never seen her like this. She'd always been a force of nature, battling even the sun with her brightness. Just the thought of something - or someone - draining that out of her made him squeeze her thin shoulders just a bit tighter.

"You know," Raven cleared her throat. "Normally I'd probably be mad, but I don't have the energy to care. It rained on my wedding day. Who cares? I didn't even want to get married."

"You know what this conversation needs?" Clarke pushed herself up, careful not to step on Octavia. "Alcohol."

Raven nodded quickly. "I like her."

Clarke just winked and moved over to the kitchen to go through Monty's cabinets. Miller went to give her a hand, going across the hall to their apartment for reinforcements.

Octavia took the spot on Raven's other side, sandwiching her between their bodies. "Not to get all mushy on you right away but I've honestly missed you so much I could cry."

"Hey! No crying until you can blame it on the alcohol," Clarke yelled over the sound of a blender.

"I _love_ her," Raven grinned, though her eyes were shining slightly.

After two drinks they'd gone through most of the past few years. Bellamy had become a history professor, no one wanted to hear about Miller's boring office job, Monty was a pharmacist, Octavia had finally settled on physiotherapy, Clarke was still in medical school.

"I mean, I finished college thinking I could do anything. But I haven't had a single job since," Raven held out her glass to Miller for a refill. "And Finn's, like, really fucking rich. Or at least his parents are. You should see the place I lived in. Ridiculous! So he was always just like 'you don't have to worry about it'. I don't think he knew me at all."

"No offense, but I think he sounds like a dick," Octavia stated, and Bellamy nodded emphatically.

Raven sighed heavily. "He probably is... But either way I need a job. None of the stuff I had was really mine. I have nothing. No job, no apartment, no _clothes_."

"Hey. Hey! You can live with me," Monty exclaimed.

"What?"

"I have no roommate! Octavia moved out like over a month ago to live closer to her job. And Bell's living with her. So I have a spare room!"

A smile spread on Raven's face, though she quickly turned to Bellamy. "You live with your sister?" she snickered.

"Shut up," Bellamy huffed out a laugh and kicked her in the shin.

"But wow! Okay! I can move in with you!" Raven cupped Monty's face between her hands. "I don't have any money, though."

"We'll figure it out," he promised.

Raven smacked a kiss on his forehead. "Next round is on me!"

After five drinks, Octavia was snoring softly on the floor in front of the TV, Clarke had gone to bed in preparation for an early morning the next day, and the rest were still sprawled on the couch. Monty yawned widely as he settled more comfortably against Miller's chest. Raven's legs were in Bellamy's lap and her head in Monty's, and she was humming softly under her breath.

"Am I going to regret this in the morning?" she asked suddenly.

"That fifth margarita? Probably," Bellamy snorted.

"I meant not getting married."

They were silent for a moment.

"I think... it's best for everyone to realize it's not right before actually getting married," Bellamy said slowly, returning the smile Miller shot him.

"And it's definitely the best for me to go sleep right now," Monty attempted to push himself up but failed. "And right here."

"Go," Miller pinched his arm. "I'll come carry Octavia to your bed. Bell's too drunk to get her anywhere."

"Hey, I'm not _too_ drunk," Bellamy rolled his eyes.

"So you want to carry her home?"

Bellamy lowered his head in shame. "No."

"Yeah, thought so."

Monty pressed a kiss to Raven's cheek and another on the top of Bellamy's head. "Sleep tight, kids. Play nice."

"Okay, mom," Raven reached out to ruffle his hair but missed.

Miller picked Octavia up from the floor and followed Monty to his bedroom.

"You'll keep an eye on them, right?" Monty asked quietly. "Don't let them fuck on my couch."

"Isn't it Raven's couch too now?" Miller smirked.

Monty tried to stare him down but he just continued smiling. "Shut up."

"Goodnight, Mon."

"Don't let me down, Nathan!"

  


* * *

  


By the time it hit one am, Bellamy and Raven were the only two left drinking the nearly-empty bottle of vodka they’d dug out after running out of margarita mix and chatting about whatever came to mind, the alcohol aiding in loosening their tongues. Miller had left ten minutes earlier, his heavy eyes and sluggish steps reiterating his need for sleep. He grunted in affirmation when Bellamy asked if he could crash over at his instead of going back to Octavia’s.

“He works so hard,” Bellamy confided to Raven after Miller left. They were both lounging on the couch in the sitting room, Raven’s legs draped over Bellamy’s lap while she propped herself up with a cushion behind her back. “And it’s hilarious - well, not hilarious actually; it’s more sad than funny - because he hates his job. Only took it in the first place because he needed some money after university to cover student loans.”

His words became increasingly slurred as he talked but Raven didn’t point it out because she was pretty sure she wasn’t far off. Taking another sip of her Coke and vodka, she saw Bellamy smirking at her from the corner of her eye. When she turned to face him, he continued smiling and staring unabashedly at her, as if there was some giant inside joke that she was missing out on.

“What? Something on my face that you find funny?” she eventually growled out, but there was no real bite in it and Bellamy’s smile only grew wider anyways. He shrugged.

“Just imagining the look on Collins’ face when the wedding music kept playing but you weren’t walking down the aisle.”

Trying and failing to manage a glare, a snort overcame Raven and Bellamy started to chuckle softly. Their laughter spurred the other on and soon enough Raven was clutching her sides with tears running down her face and Bellamy had fallen from his upright position on the sofa to a more lopsided stature, his upper body almost resting on Raven’s knees. Finally gaining some semblance of control, Raven pulled her legs out from where they were squashed between the older Blake’s torso and thighs and swivelled around on the sofa so that she was facing the opposite wall. Silent laughs still shaking her body, Raven rested her head against Bellamy’s middle and watched him rein in his sniggers and sigh tiredly. His gaze met hers and they looked at each other for a moment, eyes searching the other’s face. 

Bellamy hadn’t really changed, Raven decided. His face was older and his eyes were more intelligent than the ones she had known in high school but he was still Bellamy. He still teased Octavia and he still laughed with his whole body and his mouth still quirked up in one corner when he was trying not to smile at something. All things that she had noticed - or had been reminded of - over the past few hours and all things that made Bellamy who he was.

“So, my engagement ended a week before the wedding because, after all the planning was finished, my ex-fiancée realised that we were actually getting married in a week, which then led onto the realisation that she’s gay. You actually made it the wedding --” Bellamy pauses here to award Raven with a quick applause, to which she awkwardly attempts to bow to from her position stretched across the seat and his legs “-- but you ran out ten minutes before you were due to walk down the aisle. Which was a pretty good choice in my opinion, but I’m probably just biased.”

“Fifteen minutes, actually. And biased? Why? Because you’re in love with me?” Raven said, pouting her lips at the end and stretching out the ‘o’ in love. She doubted that the two of them would be this comfortable with such blatant flirting or their close proximity when they were sober, seeing as it had been years since they had seen each other last, but it was easy to blame it on the alcohol. Bellamy flicked her on the forehead, stirring a wisp of her hair in the process. Noticing the wayward strand, he smoothed it back with the rest of her hair and left his hand on the back of her head when he had finished, warm fingers cupping her scalp. She pretended not to notice.

“Because Finn was the reason we drifted away from you. I just -- We all missed you. And I get why you left,” Bellamy held up his hands before Raven could protest, “and you know I’d never resent you or him for it, really. I suppose I never thought he was worth it. Worth you, anyways.”

Bellamy’s hands had found their way back into Raven’s hair, twisting in the soft curls caused by the rigid wedding updo of earlier. She relaxed into the touch, closing her eyes for a moment to think about everything that happened today. Even though there was the inescapable, undeniable pull in her chest when she thought about Finn and what she had left behind, the thought of her friends surrounding her and the feeling of the heat radiating from Bellamy’s body made her think that for now, things were okay.

Squinting one eye open, she found Bellamy looking at her with his eyebrows raised expectantly. Cocking her head to the side, she mimicked his expression until he rolled his eyes.

“We used to be pretty popular in high school in terms of dating, and now look at us; two weddings that never happened to boot. How the hell did we end up here?”

Maybe his comment was supposed to be taken seriously, or maybe he expected an answer, but Raven couldn’t help but start giggling all over again. A moment where Bellamy looks surprised passed before a grin cracked his face open and he started snickering too. A loud creak from the bedroom halted their somewhat unhinged laughter, and Bellamy quickly pushed his index finger against Raven’s lips to shush her. Her breath hitched and she stared up at him as he watched the bedroom door.

“Monty and O,” he whispered, glancing back down at Raven before his eyes caught on the finger pushing against her parted mouth. 

Slowly, Raven untangled her arm from the mess of limbs tangled together and covered Bellamy’s hand with her own, entangling their fingers together. An energy burned between their gaze; a challenge in their eyes. All of a sudden Raven leaned up and Bellamy tilted his head down and their mouths met, burning and hungry. Moving her leg with the brace to the side of the sofa with the other, Raven rose further and slid her hands around to grip Bellamy’s neck, dark curls tickling her fingertips. Hands were at her hips, strong but gentle as their mouths moved together in a seamless rhythm. 

Shifting again, Bellamy’s hand found her thigh and their bodies pressed closer, wanting more. She traced the muscles moving in his back, feeling the way they contracted under her touch. She thought of how many times in high school she had idly thought about this moment, about feeling Bellamy’s lips pushed desperately against hers while his fingers played with the hem of her - no, Clarke’s - top. The taste of alcohol hadn’t been part of the daydream though and the sharp taste of it on Bellamy’s tongue and her own was what caused her to pull back.

Bellamy’s face was flushed and his breaths were heavy and ragged, but his eyes searched hers with worry - concerned he pushed the girl too fast. Bellamy knew Raven Reyes; she could do something as impulsive as Octavia could with a little bit of alcohol, so he leaned back to give her a bit of space. She didn’t look upset, though, or even regretful - just a bit unsure.

“This is probably a bad idea,” Raven whispered, biting her lip as she did so, “We’re both a little drunk and I only just arrived, so….”

Bellamy’s eyes widened for a moment - it looked like he was just letting Raven’s words and what they had done sink in - before he nodded, clearing his throat. “Yeah, of course. Right.”

The two of them repositioned themselves until they were both sitting at opposite sides of the couch with their hands clasped in front of them, staring fixedly at the ground. After what seemed like an eternity of the most awkward silence Raven had ever experienced passed, Bellamy coughed again and stood up, brushing off his jeans.

“I better get going. It’s late and you’re probably exhausted…” he trailed off at the end, hopefulness tinging his words. Raven nodded, rising also and brushing her hair off her shoulder.

“Yeah, I could definitely sleep. Deserting a groom at the altar really takes it out of you,” she laughed, but it sounded fake even to her own ears. Grimacing, Bellamy raised his hand as if to squeeze her arm, but decided against it at the last minute and gave her a small wave.

“Goodnight, Raven.”

“Goodnight!" she called after him as he walked across the room, cringing at the volume of her voice. Opening the door, Bellamy turned and looked like he was about to say something, but just smiled and shook his head. The door clicked shut behind him.

Left alone in the flat, she took the glasses to the sink and left them there for washing in the morning; to be added to her list of duties, along with finding a job and a way to pay her bills. Finn had always taken care of it for her - the expenses were nothing to him, really - but now she had to face up to the whole independence thing on her own.

“That’s kind of the point of independence, Reyes,” she muttered to herself as she headed to what was now her bedroom, courtesy of Monty, “You deal with your own problems.”

Moonlight illuminated the room in the darkness and although it was nothing like her previous home, she felt like it fit her as well as any room would. Tugging off her jeans - Clarke’s jeans, actually - she realised that she was going to have to sleep in the other girl’s top for the night. She promised herself she would wash it before giving it back to Clarke (who seemed like she would be pretty relaxed about it anyways, but still) and removed her leg brace before pulling back the covers and clambering in, bunching the blanket close around her face. Reaching down to the bottom of the bed, she placed a pillow at her heel to elevate her leg. She pressed her thighs together, shivering under the sheets despite the radiator under the windowsill. Everything felt strange and new and even though she was with her friends, a tiny part of her ached for the familiarity she was used to.

There was a tentative knock at the door.

“Yeah?” she croaked, her voice hoarser than she expected it to be. Monty popped his head around the door, then came fully into view once he saw his friend in bed. Holding a piece of clothing out in front of him, he smiled lopsidedly.

“I realised you wouldn’t have any pyjamas, which is understandable since you, uh, kinda left in a rush. So, I rummaged around and I found a pair of pyjama pants my sister left a while ago when she came to visit and an old t-shirt of mine. Figured you might be cold because the heating elements are fucked up in the radiator.”

Smiling gratefully, Raven took the clothes from Monty and said, “Great, a new project for me to work on. Thank you Monty. For everything.”

Shaking his head, Monty waved her off. "Don’t be silly.”

Raven missed Monty a lot - she missed his generosity and stubbornness and quick mind and knowing nature. People often mistook his kindness for lenience, or naivety, but Monty was smarter in a lot more ways than it seemed. He was also a good judge of character, meaning being one of his friends was a pretty decent reflection on the type of person you were.

He started backing away, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. “See you in the morning. I’ll make “nice job running away from your wedding” pancakes.”

“Hm, how are they different from normal pancakes, may I ask?”

Monty folded his arms and rolled his eyes. “The chocolate chips. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Raven repeated.

His mock seriousness dissolved into a grin and he nodded once more at her before pulling the door open to leave. “Sleep well. Oh, and Raven?”

“Hmm?”

Fiddling with the lock on the side of the door, Monty’s reply was tainted with something other than fatigue. “It’s good to have you back. With us, I mean.”

Her heart lifted and when she replied, it was genuine. “I’m glad to be back.”

Beaming, Monty closed the door and Raven reached over to turn off the bedside lamp. Sleep came a lot easier than she expected, and it wasn’t long until she was snoring softly into her pillow.

  


* * *

  


Opening her eyes, Raven squinted at the room around her and for a moment forgot where she was and what had happened. Sitting up, she stretched her arms over her head and suddenly everything came crashing back - climbing out of a bathroom window fifteen minutes before her wedding, sitting on the subway in a dress that probably cost more than some people made in a year, arriving at the cafe, coming to Monty’s and --

And kissing Bellamy.

Flopping back against the pillows, she squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed them vigorously with her hands, as if that would cleanse her mind of the events of the night before. She comforted herself with the fact that Bellamy had kissed her back and she had been the one to break off the kiss, but still. It hadn’t been Bellamy’s first night in the city, staying with people he hadn’t talked to in years - it was hers. A clock in the corner told her it was eleven o'clock and she decided that she deserved a few more minutes of sleep to nurse her hangover and ignore the fact that if things had gone differently, she would be on her way to her honeymoon right now.

When Raven finally dragged herself out of bed, head pounding and bones weary, she could already hear Monty and Octavia chatting and moving around in the kitchen. Stepping into the bright light of the main room of the apartment, she made her way over to the kitchen table and threw herself into one of the seats there before grunting at Monty and Octavia.

“Good morning to you, too,” Monty grinned. He was standing over the cooker holding a bowl of mixture in his hands, wearing a grey t-shirt and boxers. Sitting opposite her was Octavia, flicking through a newspaper that Raven assumed was from the previous day before getting bored and pushing it away from her. She was wearing what looked like one of Monty’s t-shirts and her hair was still damp - she had obviously changed out of her clothes from last night to have a shower; something that Raven herself could probably do with too. The remnants of Chanel No.5, a wedding gift from Finn’s mother, still clung to her skin like residue from the life she left behind.

“How are you feeling?” Octavia asked, sensing her friend’s discomfort and taking in the heavy bags under her eyes. Raven shrugged.

“I’m okay. Still a little tired, but yeah - I’m fine.”

“That’s good,” Monty nodded as he slid a dish piled with pancakes into the middle of the table, before passing each one of them a plate of their own and joining his friends at the table. Raven and Octavia both smiled gratefully at him and started eating. Raven hadn’t realised how hungry she was until the scent wafted up to her - evidently, a ravishing hunger was yet another consequence that came from deserting your fiancée at the altar. Halfway through her third pancake, Raven glanced up when she heard the door opening.

Bellamy stood in the doorway, wearing a pair of tracksuit bottoms that sat dangerously low on his hips and a hoodie that was a little too small for him and probably belonged to Miller. Eyes immediately catching on Raven’s, his mouth opened and closed a few times before he coughed and grimaced. Raven was pretty sure she looked like an idiot, with her mouth full of half-chewed pancake and her eyes wide in shock but she didn’t seem to be able to fix her features into something a little less dumbstruck. Damn Bellamy and his cute bed head.

“Uh hey, guys. Monty, could I borrow some juice, please? Miller and Clarke drank all of theirs before I woke up,” Bellamy finally said, turning to face the other boy. Nodding, Monty motioned towards the fridge before continuing to work through the pancakes on his plate, his eyes not leaving Raven. Thankfully, Octavia seemed to busy scoffing at her brother to scrutinise her friend too closely.

“You slept in until this time and you still look like crap. Not like Raven here is any better --” To Raven’s dismay, it looked like something clicked in her friend’s head because she cut off suddenly, eyes narrowing. Noticing the sudden change in mood, Bellamy quickly thanked Monty before making a hasty exit.

Octavia turned on Raven as soon as he was gone while Monty sighed woefully into his pancakes. “Please tell me you two didn’t have sex. I really don’t need that mental image at this time of the morning. I just ate.”

“This is all Miller’s fault. I _told_ him not to let you two bone on my couch. I asked him specifically and yet here we are.”

“We didn’t have sex!” Raven exclaimed, cheeks reddening in embarrassment and incriminating her further. Both her friends looked skeptical and she knew that they wouldn’t believe her unless she told them the truth, so she decided to just be honest. “We just….kissed a little. But we stopped after a minute. Two minutes, at most.”

That seemed to quell Monty’s immediate distress about his sofa and Octavia’s face softened a little, but her eyes still contained a little suspicion. Drumming her fingers against the table, Raven didn’t have to wait long for the questioning to begin.

“So, who made the first move?” Monty piped up, pancakes now devoured.

“I don’t know. It just sort of…. happened. And then I pulled back and I said it was a bad idea and he agreed. He left and I went to bed. No big deal.”

“No big deal? This is the most drama we’ve had since Bellamy and Anya split and it’s only your first night in the city.”

Octavia leaned forward in her chair, smirking. “Yeah, I mean you just arrived and you’re already causing trouble. But okay, real talk. On a scale of one to ten, how good of a kisser was he? It’s okay if you go with one. Or a minus number. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“One? I mean, I get that he’s your brother and you don’t want to think about it or whatever, but come on, O. Let’s be realistic here,” Monty scolded, one eyebrow raised while Octavia stuck out her tongue. Realising that they were expecting an actual answer, Raven sat back in her chair to think.

“God, I don’t know…..Eight and a half? Yeah. Maybe a nine if I hadn’t stopped just as we were getting into it. But we were drunk so that might have impaired his kissing a little or something.”

Octavia pretended to stick a finger down her throat while Monty nodded thoughtfully. “So, it was a good kiss, then?”

It _was_ a good kiss, Raven had to admit. Finn wasn’t a bad kisser, really - he just wasn’t great and it was always the same with him; it had been for as long as they were together. Maybe it was the fact that Raven had thought about kissing Bellamy for a large portion of her teenage years (and even after, if she was being honest) or maybe it was because the day had been one of the most eventful in a long time, but looking back on it the kiss almost felt like a dream; like it had never even happened, along with everything else that went down yesterday.

“Yeah,” she half-moaned, laying her head on top of her hands on the table. “It was a _really_ good kiss. But we can’t. We shouldn’t.” When neither Monty or Octavia said anything, she raised her head to look at them with pleading eyes. “Right?”

The two of them exchanged a secret look and Octavia shrugged while Monty sipped his coffee thoughtfully. Huffing, Raven threw her head back into her arms. They were going to have to talk about it, right? They should definitely talk about it. But if Bellamy had been drunker than her (which was plausible) it could have meant nothing and could easily be blamed on the alcohol - alongside the obvious flirting and closeness.

“Thanks for the help, guys,” Raven grumbled. Monty grimaced sympathetically.

“Look, we can’t tell you what to do. But you literally just escaped - and I use that word liberally - a relationship and a wedding. You haven’t been single in years and you shouldn’t jump into something until you’re ready. Especially with Bellamy.”

“Why ‘especially’?” Octavia frowned, looking offended. Monty rolled his eyes.

“I just mean - Bellamy’s not just a one-night stand kind of thing, you know? Not with you at least. He’s _Bellamy_. He doesn’t really do things half-assed. Plus, it would be weird if -- Hey, actually we were all supposed to watch Mad Max tonight and now it’s going to be awkward because you two stuck your tongues down each other’s throats. Great. Thanks a million.”

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” Raven muttered darkly. Downing the last of his coffee, Monty grimaced and Octavia stared at her pointedly.

“Just -- I don’t know, maybe let it settle for a while before you bring it up. Honestly though, I’m sure Bellamy will want to talk about it. He’ll probably figure out how he’s feeling or whatever and then come to you, so don’t worry about it. You know what he’s like.”

Surprised that Octavia was the one dishing out relationship advice concerning her brother rather than Monty, Raven nodded at her appreciatively. “Yeah, thanks O.”

A feeling of doubt niggled at her - the kiss could have been fueled by alcohol and broken relationships rather than any actual feelings or desire. She knew that it was probably too early for another relationship that could turn into something serious but she didn’t want the possibility of having something with Bellamy to be gone forever.

 _Whatever_ , she thought. _He’s probably not even thinking about the kiss right now. If he wants to bring it up, he can bring it up. I have more important things to deal with right now than whining about Bellamy Blake to his sister - like getting a job. And clothes. And money._

Sighing, Raven buried her head in her arms and tried to push any distracting thoughts out of her mind for the time being.

\--

“I _knew_ you two were going to kiss. When I left you I honestly thought we were teenagers again by the way you were looking at each other. Did you see how I moved to the other sofa? I thought Raven was going to jump you or something and I did not want to get in the middle of that. Talk about déja vu. Clarke, you owe me money.”

From her place on the kitchen counter, Clarke let out a grunt of indignation through a mouth full of cereal. Swallowing, she looked at her roommate angrily. “I do not! You can’t make a bet with someone when they’re passed out. Both parties must set and agree to the terms of said bet. Google it.”

Miller sighed relentingly, looking put out while Clarke smiled sweetly. “Anyways, I wouldn’t have agreed. I knew they were going to end up making out. It was pretty obvious from the way they were all over each other - add alcohol and I think we all knew what to expect.”

“Now, that’s just plain wrong. I was the one --”

“Can we focus, please?” Bellamy ground out through gritted teeth. Clarke shot one more skeptical look at Miller while he rolled his eyes and Bellamy knew that the argument was far from over between them. “What do I do? When I went over she stared at me like I was a ghost or something and then she just looked away.”

Spreading jam on what had to be his sixth slice of toast that morning, Miller hummed thoughtfully while Clarke shook her head. “I only met her yesterday but you two seem like you have a lot going on. Did you ever date? Or hook up?”

Bellamy shook his head but it was Miller who answered her question aloud.

“No, they didn’t. But everyone thought they would. It was so weird, I think we all just expected it to happen.” Miller stared contemplatively at the fridge before snapping his gaze back to Bellamy, smirking. “But now it has, right?”

“She just got out of an engagement. I mean, what if she just kissed me back because she was drunk? And then she said that it was too soon and…” Bellamy trailed off, at a loss.

“Maybe just talk to her?” Clarke said, grabbing a scarf as she hopped off the counter. “Just be honest with her. But I mean, you just got out of an engagement, too. Think about what this thing with Raven could become, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re right. I’ll talk to her later,” Bellamy mumbled. “Have fun at your art…thing.”

“Of course I’m right.” While wriggling into her shoes she managed to hop over to Miller and Bellamy to pop a kiss on both their cheeks, before shouting “bye boys!” behind her and closing the door. As soon as she was out of sight, Miller grabbed both of Bellamy’s shoulders tightly and spun him around so they were facing each other. It wasn’t that intimidating, considering the fact that Bellamy was a little taller than his friend, but it at least caught his attention.

“Look, Bell, I’m your friend and I want what’s best for you. And I know you still like Raven so I’m telling you now, let it cool off for a while. If you talk about it, it’s going to get awkward. So, just --”

“Pretend it never happened?” Bellamy cut in, confusion in his eyes. Miller had a point, but brushing it under the rug couldn’t really benefit anyone, right? His friend was nodding, dark eyes serious.

“Well, maybe give it a month at least. Just act normal around her for now and then when things have settled down a bit, go for it.”

It made sense, Bellamy thought. Making things weird would only put them and their friends in an awkward position. Raven had said that it was too soon, so Bellamy would back off and give her some space romantically. Easy. Plus, it meant that he didn’t have to broach any delicate subjects that evening and would be totally stress-free.

The downside was that for the time being he couldn’t kiss her again, unfortunately. But seeing as he had gone who knows how long in high school and college without making a move, surely another month wouldn’t kill him.

Apart from that minor blip, he definitely liked Miller’s plan more than Clarke’s. It involved less awkwardness and less dealing with whatever the hell he was feeling right now and more postponing the latter for an indefinite amount of time.

“Okay. Thanks, man.”

Miller flashed a smile that was surprisingly bright for that time of the day. “Happy to help. Now, why are you wearing my hoodie again?”

Batting his lashes, Bellamy pouted at his friend’s unimpressed expression. “Because it’s soft and smells like you and --”

“Enough, Jesus, I get it. Keep it, I don’t care.” Walking back in the direction of the toaster, Miller ducked his head but Bellamy didn’t miss the small grin on his lips. Holding his chest, he let out a dramatic sigh.

“Aww.”

“Shut up.”

  


* * *

  


Octavia pulled the pillow from under Monty's head and threw it at Bellamy. "Change the channel, you nerd. Don't you watch enough of these documentaries at home?"

"It's my turn to choose!" Bellamy caught it and chucked it back.

Monty wriggled closer to Raven to rest his head on her thigh. "Don't you just love it when the kids come home, sweetie?"

"Sure do, honey", she chuckled.

Octavia looked ready to go and wrestle the remote control out of her brother's hands, so Monty wrapped his legs around her middle. No force needed to be used, though, as the TV made a static noise and went dark along with all the lights in the apartment.

"I might be telekinetic now", Octavia whispered. "Either way, someone's looking out for me."

"You'd really rather --"

"Alright, both of you shut up and help me find some candles", Raven pushed herself up. "I'll go check my closet. Octavia take Monty's, and Bellamy the drawer."

"Why doesn't Monty have to do anything", Octavia grumbled but got up anyway.

"Your father has had a long day at work. Let him rest", Raven yelled from her room.

Monty smirked widely at Octavia sticking her tongue out at him.

"Hey, did you also -- Ah", Miller shut the door behind him as he entered the apartment. "Clarke wouldn't believe I'd paid the bill so I had to come check if your power was out too."

Monty laughed. "It is. We're looking for candles."

"Are _we_ really?" they heard Octavia mutter in his bedroom.

"Feel free to join the party."

"I guess anything's better than listening to Clarke mutter to herself", Miller shrugged.

"Oh, while you’re walking this way can you pick up that pillow for me? Bellamy has the worst aim.”

“Hey! It clearly bounced off of O’s head. My aim is fine.”

Monty turned around to look at him. “You’ve gotten old. Deal with it.”

Miller simply rolled his eyes at them as he went to fetch the pillow.

“Hey, Miller! Do you have any candles at your place?” Raven appeared at the doorway of her room. “I can’t believe we don’t have any.”

“Nothing here either”, Bellamy said, returning to the armchair to save his seat.

Miller made a face at him and sat down by Monty’s head. “Well, if I had to guess, I’d say no since Clarke’s over there reading in the light of her phone. We do have about six boxes of matches, though, because Clarke thinks she’ll have the time to go camping someday.”

“She’s always been ambitious”, Monty snorted. He set the pillow against Miller’s thigh and settled back down. “How was your day?”

“Octavia! Any luck?” Raven yelled, again out of sight.

“I really thought I’d die of boredom today”, Miller crossed his fingers. “Maybe on Monday.”

“Nothing here! Except Monty’s secret stash of sex toys”, Octavia called back.

Raven showed up again, now to stare incredulously at Monty. “You have, like, a box of dildos somewhere but not candles?”

“First of all”, Monty raised his voice. “No. Second of all, O, you wish you’d be smart enough to find my stash.”

“It’s a blackout and we’re out of candles. This is unbelievable”, Raven sighed.

“Oh, maybe there’s some in the basement!” Octavia dropped on the couch. Monty barely got his legs out of her way, but she dutifully took them in her lap once she was comfortable. “You know, in the storage.”

“That’s a good idea”, Monty nodded. “Anyone want to go get them?”

“You’re the only one with the key”, Octavia smiled sweetly.

“No”, he whined, trying to catch someone’s eye for a moment of weakness. “No.”

“Go. Go. Go.”

“Don’t make me go alone!”

“Go. Go. Go”, Octavia smacked his foot.

“Miller --“

“Hell no.”

“Raven!”

“It’s creepy down there”, she flashed an apologetic smile.

Monty kicked Octavia in the side and dug his elbow in Miller’s thigh as he got up. “If I die, I’m leaving nothing to you”, he said as he marched out of the apartment. After making a dramatic exit, he knocked on Clarke’s door and asked if she needed candles too.

“If you find any extra, that’d be great. Thanks, Mon”, Clarke blew a kiss at him without taking her eyes off of her textbook.

He got down to the first floor, the only sound coming from his footsteps and muffled through walls. At the door of the basement he had to stop for a moment. _Don’t let me die_ , he repeated in his head as he unlocked the door. It was pitch black and even with his phone as a flashlight he could barely see where he was going.

_Great, now I won’t even get to see what kills me._

Monty wasn't even sure why they had one padlock-secured chain-link cage in their name. It only held what was left of a very old bicycle and stuff Monty's grandma left behind when she moved out. And hopefully candles.

He was just getting the key out when the door slammed open, making him nearly jump out of his skin. His feet got caught in each other and he fell over with a thump. The person entering pointed a flashlight at him as they rushed over.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah", he took the hand that was held out for him and got pulled back upright. "Just went a bit weak in the knees."

The man grinned and shook the hand he was still holding. "I'm Connor."

"Monty."

\--

When he returned upstairs with the candles, he got two phone flashlights aimed at him the moment he got through the door.

"You found them?" Raven asked.

"Why do you look so happy?" Octavia narrowed her eyes at him.

"I did. And I don't", Monty said, unable to stop smiling.

"Did it smell weird in the basement? If there's another gas leak, I swear to god I'm going to --"

"No leak! I'm not on anything. I just... met someone."

Now Bellamy and Miller turned to look at him as well.

"In the basement?" Raven walked up to him, taking the candles from him before pressing her hand flat against his forehead.

"Yeah", Monty just kept smiling.

"And you didn't hit your head?"

"Nope", he shook his head, and Raven dropped her hand, going to light the candles instead. Monty climbed over the back of the couch next to Miller, who had already turned back to his phone.

Octavia shuffled closer. "So who is he?"

"His name is Connor. He lives in the building."

"And he asked you out?"

"He did."

"That's so weird and romantic!" Octavia smacked Monty's shoulder.

Miller snorted, looking up from his phone only when they both fell silent. "I mean yay. Hooray."

Monty just chuckled while Octavia shot him a glare.

"So when are you going out?"

"Tomorrow."

"Wow. What are you going to wear?"

Miller got up abruptly. "I'm going to go take one of these to Clarke." He grabbed the nearest candle and left the apartment.

They stared after him for a moment before Octavia shrugged.

"Not like he knows anything about fashion, anyway."

  


* * *

  


It had been a whole month since Raven climbed out of a bathroom window to escape her wedding. Full four weeks of truly being on her own and focusing just on herself.

Raven hadn't had a lot of reasons to be proud of herself in a while, but when Monty brought home a bottle of cheap champagne on the one month anniversary of her freedom, she raised her glass with her friends and thought she'd really be all right. She'd already taken the biggest step when she left Finn.

She'd only talked to Finn once after that day. All she could say then was that she wasn't coming back. Finn didn't understand but she never expected him to. Things had always gone his way after all. He didn't know loss like most people did.

Their relationship had started in junior year of college. She'd caught his attention and he'd made her feel special. It had been easy and fun at first, and everyone seemed to think he was a great catch. For some reason she took her time before introducing him to Monty and Octavia. Raven was crazy about him, but still something was holding her back. Back then she wasn't sure why she had a feeling they wouldn't react well to him.

Finn had a special skill of imprinting himself all over people's lives. He found his way into every nook and cranny of your life and took over while keeping up an innocent front. If you didn't let him in, he made you feel like you were forcibly keeping things from him. He was meant to have full access.

Raven understood him a little better after meeting his parents. They were rich. Just undeniably filthy rich. Finn told her what to wear for their first meeting. She didn't question him.

They didn't like her. Even Finn didn't seem surprised. They were old money, her name had no effect on people. When they told her to make herself at home, she took one look of their pristine sitting room and didn't move from her seat for the entire visit. She felt like she shouldn't even open her mouth. Looking back, she didn't recognize herself.

Somehow she still ended up feeling sorry for the boy who had always got everything he wanted. In the process, she was becoming one of those things as well.

After Octavia and Monty met Finn, they were quiet just a little too long when she asked what they thought. The two shared a look, and she knew she didn't want to hear it. She got defensive quickly. Around them she was still herself at least. Although, on this she didn't know how to listen to them.

Raven had always worked hard for everything she wanted. She did well in school so she could get a scholarship. She knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life. With Finn she didn't have to do anything. In fact, he'd encouraged her to not work after graduating. By then she'd lost touch with her friends, and above all her spirit.

It took her many nights on the couch when it was way too late at night and the city was still just as loud as during the day before she could even cry about it. Letting go of that life had come so easily once she took the first step. She didn't feel much regret or doubt over it. Suddenly it was all crystal clear and that made it hard to properly deal with it.

On the nights she sat by the window and watched the city lights flicker, Monty didn't say anything. He simply passed her on his way to the bathroom, and on his way back he placed a kiss on the top of Raven's head. The first time she cried, she tried to hide it from him. Monty was kind enough to pretend he didn't notice, but he stayed close just a few seconds longer.

The second time she didn't hide anymore. Monty sat next to him and pulled her to his side. Tugging on a strand of her hair, he'd softly asked if she wanted to talk about it. And she did.

Raven knew that when they were kids, Monty had been confused because he'd never met her mom. Raven didn't talk about her much either. So once he asked his own mom why she thought that was, and she told him that Raven's mother was an alcoholic. He wasn't completely sure what it meant, and his mom said it wasn't really her place to talk.

Not prone to keeping secrets, he brought it up with Raven the next time they were alone. She told him it was like an illness, but instead of staying in bed and resting, her mom kept sticking her wet head out the window. He said then that his mom could be Raven's new mom. She would've liked that a lot.

Her mom was the only family she had. She'd always just accepted it. But when she met Finn it truly felt like a way out. Getting to move to a fancy apartment and have other people clean it was unbelievable. Enough so to help her forget what she was giving up.

Finn became her only family, and he loved reminding her of that. Now that she was free, she couldn't remember when she last loved Finn and didn't just feel like she owed him something. Just like with her mother.

\--

"You know what?" Raven dropped down on the coffeehouse couch next to Monty.

"What?"

"I don't have any stuff."

"Okay?"

"I used to have stuff. It probably still exists."

"I hope there's a point to this", Monty poked her shoulder.

"My stuff is still at Finn's. I think I want it back."

Bellamy and Miller, who had been talking to each other quietly, turned to look at them.

"You heard me", she threw Monty's napkin at Miller.

"You really want to go back?" Monty asked carefully. "I mean... can we get in without him being home?"

"We?"

Monty nodded. "Yeah, I'm coming with you."

"Me too", Bellamy said.

"I guess", Miller shrugged.

Raven bit her lip, eyes shining. "I'd say this is the right time for a group hug, but everyone's not here."

"We can group hug later", Monty set down his cup. "Are we going now?"

"Now?"

"Well are you busy right now?" Monty raised a brow at her.

She grinned. "Shit. Let's go."

"Should we get Octavia? To, you know, protect us?" Monty glanced at Bellamy and Miller, who simply rolled their eyes.

"I'll call her", Bellamy dug out his phone.

"Clarke's at work, right?"

"Yeah."

"She'll just have to hear about this later then."

\--

"Do you think he's home?" Octavia peered up at the building in front of them. "Man, this is where I'm moving when I get filthy rich. Fucking Battery Park."

Raven looked up as well, eyes finding the window that used to be hers. "I'm not sure. I think not. But we'll see."

"This is one fancy ass building", Miller said.

"Just wait until you see the inside." Raven led them to the front door where a stoic man wearing a uniform stood.

"Good evening, Miss Reyes", the man nodded and held the door open for them.

"I feel like I should've dressed up for this", Bellamy muttered.

"A doorman. Honestly, I need to get rich like right now", Octavia held on to Miller's arm so she could stare at the ceiling as they walked across the lobby. "Will they kick me out if I start singing Chandelier?"

"They won't but I will", Bellamy said.

"Stop before you even start", Miller sighed.

They stepped into the elevator and everyone fell quiet. With a _ding_ the doors opened to the top floor.

"I'm guessing you don't have a key", Monty spoke up once they were all gathered in front of one of the two doors in the hall.

Raven shook her head. "One day they'll put pockets in wedding dresses."

"So what now?"

"I'm counting on something", Raven knocked on the door.

They all listened as footsteps neared and then the door was opened.

"Hey, Sienne."

The older woman blinked at them. "Raven? I didn't expect to see you again."

"Sorry about that. Rash decisions and all."

"I was just about to leave. Are you coming in?"

"Yes, please. We won't be long."

Sienne had been Finn's housekeeper as long as Raven had lived with him at least. She never had that many people to talk to so she used to follow her around, asking if she needed help or company while she cleaned around the apartment. The woman had gotten used to it eventually and Raven liked to think they were in rather friendly terms. She'd even brought her son Zoran with her a few times and Raven kept him entertained for the day.

"Are you coming back home?" Sienne asked.

"No. I live elsewhere now. Finn and I aren't together anymore", Raven explained, the words coming out easier than ever.

"I see", she nodded thoughtfully. Suddenly she pulled Raven into a tight hug. "Good luck, Miss Raven", she whispered.

"Thank you", she choked out before Sienne was grabbing her purse and leaving the apartment with a final wave. Raven cleared her throat and turned to the others. "Alright. Let's do this. O, you take the master bathroom and see if you can find my abuela's necklace. You know what it looks like, right?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"You two", Raven looked both Miller and Bellamy straight in the eye. "Check the closets for any bags, and that drawer over there for anything with my name on it, okay? And don't break anything."

Miller rolled his eyes but got to work while Bellamy muttered about getting talked at like a child.

"We'll take the bedroom", she took Monty's hand and led him through the apartment.

She really wasn't planning on taking anything that wasn't truly hers. That left out most of the things she'd gotten while dating Finn, and there wasn't much left of what she used to own.

"I'm going to need your phone once I find mine. I'm not going to keep it but I need to save a few numbers before I destroy the SIM card."

"Of course", Monty squeezed her hand and offered an encouraging smile. "What else are we looking for?"

"I'll go through my clothes quickly. Most of them aren't... really mine. Actually, nearly nothing in this house is mine", Raven shook her head quickly, trying to stop the train of thought. "I hate this place."

They made it to the bedroom. She rummaged through the closet, and Monty packed it all in the bag Octavia had grabbed for them from home. Raven loved thinking of the place as home.

"You have no idea how many times I took that lamp on the desk apart and fixed it again", she said conversationally to fill the silence. "The process of it kept me sane when I couldn't figure out anything else to do."

"You were always great at that. Our toaster lived way beyond its years thanks to you", Monty chuckled.

"I think it's something I want to do", Raven popped her head out of the closet. "Like, for real again. Do you think I could do it?"

Monty leveled her with a look. "You're a real mechanic. Of course you can. You have a college degree. All we need is a job for you."

Raven bit back a grin. "You really think so?"

"Of course! You're Raven Reyes. What _can't_ you do?"

She skipped out of the closet to wrap her arms around him. Monty hugged her back, returning the quiet 'I love you' that was whispered to the crook of his neck.

On most nights by the window, she thought about what she was going to do with her life. She'd always wanted to be a mechanic; it's what she studied for. But with Finn such a line of work wasn't even an option. What she wanted was secondary.

Something she also wondered about was her injury. She didn't know if it would affect her search for a job. The accident happened at the end of her freshman year of college. A drunk driver hit her when she was on her way to pick up Finn with his car. Her left side took a bad hit in the crash, leaving the nerves of her leg severely damaged. The doctors couldn't say much for a long time. She didn't expect to walk again.

The situation didn't stay hopeless. After extensive physical therapy, she was able to start using the brace, first with crutches and then without. She could walk rather normally with it, just slightly slower, but if she strained herself too much the brace became painful to use until she'd rested enough. Finn had promised that he would pay for the best doctors to make sure she would walk again. It was because of him that she was able to stay in the hospital that long in the first place. She didn't know how she could ever repay him.

Around the same time her relationship with Octavia and Monty had grown more distant. She and Finn had been serious for a while and he was always by her side. He didn't care much for her friends. Raven didn't know if it was that or if the three of them just grew apart.

Raven got back into the closet and found the last few pieces she knew she'd bought with her own money. Clarke and Octavia had kept her clothed just fine for the past month, but it'd be nice to wear something of her own. Octavia came to find them soon, the necklace in hand. It was all Raven had of her late grandmother that her mother hadn't sold at one point or another.

"What is this, though?" Octavia held up another piece. It was a long chain with a metallic bird preparing for flight hanging heavy from it.

"Finn had it made for me on our one-year anniversary", Raven huffed. "It cost more than my apartment at the time, I think."

"Shit, that dude is rich", Octavia stared at the bird. "Are those diamonds?"

"Just leave it there", Raven pointed at the nightstand on the side she knew Finn slept on. "I don't want anything of his."

They moved back to the hall, finding Bellamy and Miller by a pile of handbags.

"I found these", Bellamy handed over her passport and a few folders. "Nothing else really."

"What are the bags for?" Miller asked, nudging one with his foot.

"My phone. Hopefully", Raven frowned. "Okay. Once you've looked through one, get it back in the closet. I really want to get out of here."

It wasn't much after Octavia had yelled out 'I've got it!' and Raven had saved a few numbers from the phone to Monty's, when they all froze at the sound of keys in a lock.

Finn's eyes widened at the sight of the five of them standing in the middle of his apartment. He quickly spotted Raven, though, and a carefully hopeful smile spread on his face. Raven felt a wave of nausea in her stomach; she hadn't seen that look in years.

"Raven! You're home."

From the corner of her eye she could see both Miller and Bellamy cross their arms over their chests and Octavia actually took a step forward. "Actually, I'm not. Just getting my things."

The smile lasted a few more seconds before a more cold and calculated look took over. _That's more like it_ , Raven thought.

"Well then... I hope you'll be out of my apartment soon."

"How did you know I was here?"

"You didn't think I'd tell them to call me if you came back? I'm surprised it took this long", Finn glanced at the others around her. "You didn't need to bring backup, though."

"They're helping me."

"Ah."

"Yeah, believe it or not: some people do it without demanding something back."

Octavia snorted, and Finn's eyes turned to her.

"You look familiar."

"Unfortunately you do too", Octavia lips curled in distaste. "Like I didn't have to see you enough outside her hospital room, telling us to fuck off."

"And to this day you still listen just as well."

"Alright, shut the fuck up."

They all turned to look at Bellamy in surprise, but he was too busy to notice, glaring at the man in front of them.

"Let's go", Raven said, taking a hold of Bellamy's arm and dragging him past her ex-fiancé.

"You'd better make sure I never see you again", Octavia snarled as she followed them.

"She's not kidding", Monty dropped what was left of the SIM card on Finn's palm. Miller followed him without a word, glaring at the man until the door slammed shut behind him.

They walked in silence to the subway. They were all looking at her worriedly, but it wasn't until they stopped that she burst into tears. To her surprise, it was Miller who wrapped his arms around her first, followed by Octavia and the rest.

When they pulled away, she was hiccuping through giggles. "You know now you're stuck with me forever, right?"

Bellamy kissed the top of her head, his arm still around her. They still hadn't talked about what happened on the first night, but then Raven knew that he'd always be her friend no matter what. "I think we can handle it."

  


* * *

  


“He did not!”

“He did, I swear,” Octavia giggled, “I don’t know where the hell you were, but Bellamy thought it would be romantic to set up a picnic under the stars on top of our house. In true Blake fashion, he climbed up there after Monty shared some of his supply with him --” she pretended to take a puff of an invisible roll-up, winking coyly “-- and then he got stuck and started freaking out. It was the funniest thing, he rang Miller while he was up there and told him he had no idea where he was. Miller then started freaking out and called me and all of a sudden, I heard this thump from the roof and I saw him out there, waving at people on the street. Do you know how fucking hard it is to get a stoned eighteen year old boy off the roof without letting his parents hear? Very fucking hard.”

Their laughter filled the room again, the two of them holding onto each other for support. A little bit of wine from Octavia’s cup spilled on the sofa and the two of them stared somberly at it for a second in silence. Placing her glass on the table, Raven pulled the cushion out from behind her back and threw it on the patch of crimson that was steadily spreading. The two girls looked at each other and started chortling again, both finding it hilarious how easily they had seemed to surpass the problem in their inebriated states. 

Octavia’s hair was in a wonky French plait thanks to Raven and her idea of a girly night in (which mainly consisted of drinking and making fun of dumb stuff their friends had done). She was sitting cross-legged on the ground, head resting on her folded arms that lay on the couch. The other girl was lying across the seat with her chin propped up by one hand, other holding her glass of wine.

“Miller came over and all but dragged him down and then Bellamy wouldn’t go to sleep without him there. So Miller had to sit there on his bed for two hours and just make comforting sounds while Bellamy told him about every single bad thing that had happened to him ever. Trust me, it was definitely an extensive list.”

“I can imagine,” Raven sniggered, “So that was the only time he got high? Ever?”

Holding out her hands with the wine in her glass coming dangerously close to the rim, she shrugged. “He had a bad experience - can you blame him? It’s not like -- Monty?”

The two girls were alerted to their friend’s presence by the brash sound of the door slamming and an aggravated sigh that was distinctly Monty’s. He walked over to them, unbuttoning the top of his shirt as he did so with a less-than-happy expression on his face and threw himself on the seat to the left of the coffee table. Spotting the bottle of wine, he grabbed it by the neck and swigged almost a quarter of it down, Adam’s apple bobbing in time to his gulps. It was placed back on top of the table with a loud bang, Monty wiping his mouth as he did so while Octavia and Raven shared a look.

“You…uh…..you doing okay there, Monty?” Octavia tested cautiously, reaching out for the wine which she was firmly denied of by a swat from Monty.

Puffing out a breath of air while he leaned back against the chair, he finally looked over at his friends. “Well, first of all, Connor called me while I was sitting in the really expensive, really fancy restaurant, waiting for him to arrive, to tell me that his car had broken down and that he wasn’t going to make it in time for the reservation.”

“That sucks,” Octavia said, a sympathetic tone to her voice, but Monty held up his index finger while he took another drink.

“Not even done there. So then, I had to get up and leave and the waiter looked so smug - like I couldn’t afford it or something!”

“You could afford it,” Raven stated assuredly, leaning over the space between the seats to pat his leg.

“I know! And then Connor texted me and told me he’d make it up to me tomorrow, so I was feeling a little better. But who did I run into on the staircase?”

“Who?” Octavia and Raven shouted in unison, meriting a strange look from Monty.

“Sorry, we’re a little further on than you are,” Octavia grinned, jiggling the bottle of wine that had somehow made its way back into her hands.

“I’ll catch up soon enough. Anyways, Murphy was walking down the staircase just as I was walking up and _of course_ he stopped me to ask me why I was arriving home all dressed up at this time. When I finally told him, he had to make about ten snarky comments along with a side dish of life advice.”

Octavia groaned. The thought that Murphy was back put a dampener on her night too. She refilled her glass.

“Murphy? Is this the Murphy that Miller was seeing in college? It didn’t seem like they had a long-term kind of relationship.” Looking from Octavia to Monty, Raven’s face was flooded with confusion. Octavia didn’t blame her.

“They’re not,” her and Monty replied simultaneously, voices sullen. Octavia realised that Raven had never actually met Murphy - only hearing about him when Miller and Bellamy were home visiting - but she probably understood what kind of a person he was.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on with them, to be honest,” Octavia shrugged, “He just shows up at random times and we have to put up with him. I mean, I’m pretty sure their relationship is purely physical but --”

“Let’s stop that train of thought right there,” Raven laughed.

Monty downed another gulp. Pulling back, he frowned. “Don’t we have anything stronger than this?”

“ _We_ don’t. But I know someone who does.” Octavia stared pointedly at the door. Realisation dawned on Monty’s face and he hopped up quickly.

“Clarke. Right. I’ll be back in a minute.”

After he left the room, Raven glanced at Octavia with one eyebrow raised. “Murphy’s really that bad?”

“He’s the worst. Enjoy your time now, when you don’t know him and have not yet experienced his complete and utter dickhead-ery.”

“I don’t think that’s a word.”

“He makes it a word.”

Monty arrived back within a few minutes, carrying not only a bottle of vodka but two bags of Doritos under each arm and a large chocolate bar held between his teeth. A large cheer filled the apartment and he was soon tackled to the ground.

“Clarke gave you all this and she didn’t want to come over?” Octavia asked while crunching on a crisp, once all of them had recovered. Monty tilted his head to one side and grimaced.

“Kind of. She was studying but she gave me the vodka and chocolate. Then Miller came out of his room and threw the Doritos at my head. Also, Clarke said that you have an early physio appointment tomorrow and maybe you shouldn’t --”

“Shhhh.” Octavia cut him off, stuffing a piece of chocolate in his mouth.

“But --,” Monty began, but was interrupted once again by Octavia.

“Shhh.”

After half an hour, they had somehow ended up sitting outside on the balcony; Octavia and Raven in deckchairs underneath piles of blankets and Monty sitting on the wall, a cushion stuck between the fire escape as a precarious place to lean his back against. True to his word, Monty had soon caught up to the two girls and by the time it hit eleven pm, they were all at the point of no return. Octavia had insisted on making a ‘Blake special’ which consisted of fruit juice and a lot of vodka which Raven and Monty were now sipping cautiously.

“Okay, I got one,” Raven announced, throwing her arms out dramatically, “if you had to date one of our group’s exes, who would it be?”

“Anya,” Octavia replied straight away, without even hesitating.

Monty clucked his tongue. “You’d do that to Bellamy? Harsh, O.”

Shrugging unapologetically, Octavia sighed. “He would get over it, okay? Anya is flawless. Nobody can deny it.” She stopped to giggle. “I bet she’s amazing in bed too.”

“Octavia!” Raven slapped her arm, but she was grinning too.

Coughing loudly from where he was perched, Monty looked over to his friends with a mischievous glint in his eye. “You ever think about what _our_ friends are like in bed?”

Octavia grinned, her teeth scarily white in the moonlight and wiggled her eyebrows at Raven.

“Like Miller?”

Humming thoughtfully, Raven stroked her chin. “He’s seems like the kind of guy who would be really tender, you know? I mean, you wouldn’t think it but I feel like he would be really attentive to what you want and would make sure you got it.”

Octavia nodded. “I think he would be really sweet but at the same time, could totally rock your world too.” She stopped to look over at Monty. “Whatcha think Monty?”

Monty shrugged, staring into his cup and tracing the rim with his finger. “Sounds about right, I suppose. I’m guessing Octavia doesn’t want to talk about her brother?”

Retching over the side of her chair, the younger Blake flipped Monty off. “God, don’t even go there.”

Raven was picking at her nail but a small smile played on her lips. Monty knew he was probably wading into dangerous territory but pressed on anyways.

“I mean, we know before Anya he was pretty experienced. I’d say he knows what’s he doing but isn’t afraid to change it up too….”

“God, I know we haven’t always got along in the past but if you’re listening please save me now. Or push Monty Green off the roof. Whichever works.” Octavia’s voice was muffled because her head was buried in her hands but the desperation shone through the slurred words. Seeing that Octavia had reacted mildly (for her), Raven nodded appreciatively at Monty.

“Even in everyday situations, he’s obviously strong but he can be really gentle. Plus he does a lot of running, right? His stamina is probably --”

“Enough! Stop! My ears!” Octavia howled to the amusement of Monty and Raven. Eyes squeezed shut and her hands covering either side of her head, Octavia started to hum to herself before Raven and Monty could say anything more. After another minute of this, she slowly removed her hands and watched them suspiciously. They tried to keep their faces as blank as possible but one look from Raven and Monty burst into giggles, covering his face as he tried to stop. The other girl was in no better state.

Repressing her laughter under Octavia’s glare, Raven wiped a tear from her eye. “Your face, O. Okay, how about Clarke?”

The three of them paused for a moment, eyebrows furrowed, before Octavia spoke up.

“I mean, we’ve all heard her, so…..”

Monty snorted and that set them off again, Raven’s glass falling to the ground and breaking from the laughter that shook her body. For a brief moment, she thought about how long it had been since she had laughed so whole-heartedly before moving in with Monty and how often she did now.

  


* * *

  


"Bellamy was telling me about the earliest types of sinks this morning while I was brushing my teeth and couldn't make him stop", Octavia leaned on her palm heavily. "If I had known I'd be living with him again, I would've never left home."

"Aren't you learning, though?" Monty grinned, setting a coffee cup in front of her on the table before sitting down next to her.

"Sinks, Monty. Sinks."

"Yeah, you can't understand unless you've experienced it firsthand", Miller stated from where he was reading the paper by the counter.

"Didn't it at least help you out in school? All the extra knowledge?"

Octavia looked thoughtful for a second. "The opposite, actually. Once I started hearing anything about history, my brain immediately just tuned it out."

Monty rolled his eyes but accepted his defeat. They all turned to look when Clarke walked in, hair a mess and still in her pyjamas.

"How's your day off going, babe?" Octavia asked.

"I'm tired but I can't sleep. I could paint but I have no inspiration. I don't work when I don't have work", she groaned, wrapping her arms around Miller's waist and leaning on him heavily.

"I'm not sure how you're still alive", Miller huffed. He went back to reading with Clarke now tucked under his arm.

Monty's phone buzzing on the table made all of them jump simultaneously. He picked it up quickly, shooting an apologetic smile at Octavia, who'd almost spilled her coffee.

"It's Raven."

"Ooh, can I answer?" she made grabby hands at him.

"You can talk once I'm done", Monty pushed her away and answered the call. "Hey! How's D.C.?"

"Hi! It's busy. Noisy. Are you at home? Say hi to everyone from me."

"Raven says hi", he repeated obediently, and everyone yelled their greetings so she could hear. "How's the course?"

"It's... so cool. Honestly, I've missed this so much. This was such a good idea. But I miss you guys."

"We miss you too."

Raven had signed up for a three-week course on workplace safety as the second step of her finding a job -plan. The course with her degree was supposed to guarantee her a job, according to the reply she'd gotten from a shop she was interested to work in. (Sending emails had been step one.) It wasn't a cheap trip, though, and Raven had had Jasper give her shifts at the coffeehouse through August and September to pay for it. Still, it wasn't enough so the rest of them chipped in. She swore multiple times to each of them that she'd pay them back.

"Have you made any friends?”

Clarke gasped. “Don’t encourage her!”

”I have, actually. I mean there’s mostly guys here, but not all of them are awful.”

“I want to talk!” Octavia whined.

Monty rolled his eyes. “Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about? O’s bugging me. She wants to talk to you.”

Raven laughed. ”No, I just had some time and thought I’d see what you’re up to. You can hand me over. I’ll send you some pictures later.”

“Okay. Have fun but not too much fun. Love you.”

“Love you too!”

He handed the phone over grudgingly while Octavia flashed him a smirk.

“Hey, Raven! It’s me!”

Miller and Clarke were both reading the paper now, pointing out parts to each other from the pages and commenting on them in a low voice. Monty would’ve taken a picture of them if he just had his phone. He narrowed his eyes at Octavia, who was currently asking Raven if girls were a lot prettier in D.C. He opted for grabbing her phone from the counter and snapping the picture and another one of Octavia. It was possible he was planning on making a scrapbook. Maybe as a present for Raven later, he didn’t know yet. He liked to think he’d one day get use out of the dozens of folders full of pictures on his computer.

"Oh, hey", Clarke stood up straight, cracking her neck in a way that made Monty shudder. "What are we doing for Bell's birthday?"

"Party!" Octavia hollered, the bottom of the phone covered.

"He won't like that", Miller stated.

"He won't know about it until it's too late to cancel", Octavia gave him a pointed look before returning to the call.

"It doesn't have to be a big party", Monty offered.

"As long as you take all the credit for it", Miller shrugged. "I'll get him there."

  


* * *

  


Grumbling to himself, Bellamy rooted through Monty and Raven’s fridge. There was beer and a stick of celery and something that vaguely resembled cheese but nothing that was actually substantial. Deciding that he would probably have marginally better success over at Clarke and Miller’s, he started walking over to the door while wondering why he felt like the only adult in their group of friends. Reaching for the handle, he hopped back when the door flew open of its own accord.

_Serves them right if they have a poltergeist in here. Wouldn’t be surprised if Raven roped Monty into messing around with a ouija board or something anyways._

It wasn’t, to Bellamy’s dismay, a vengeful spirit; but Connor. Stepping back to let him past, Bellamy smiled in greeting and Connor nodded back at him.

“Hey, Connor. I think Monty’s running a bit late at work but he should be here soon. You want a beer?”

Bellamy realised Monty would probably be pissed at him if he left Connor waiting on his own until he came back. Plus, Miller could come over after he left and he didn’t think it was the best idea to leave him alone with the other man, judging by the glares he seemed to shoot in his direction and his icy tone around him.

“Yeah, a beer sounds great,” Connor smiled, following Bellamy over to the fridge and leaning against the counter beside him. He crouched down to pull out the beers, making sure to avoid the thing that didn’t really look like cheese on closer inspection. When Bellamy stood up, Connor was standing a lot closer to him than he had anticipated, still smiling widely. Monty didn’t really care about the concept of personal space and generally just lay on top of whoever he was closest to at any given time, so maybe his boyfriend was the same.

“Uh, there you go. Where are you and Monty heading tonight?” Bellamy asked, popping open his beer as he did so. Shrugging, Connor sipped the drink without moving away from Bellamy.

“I don’t know - some restaurant. How about you? Any Friday night plans?”

It seemed like an innocent enough question but the way Monty’s boyfriend leered at the end gave Bellamy the impression that it wasn’t. Brushing it off and blaming it on paranoia, he shook his head somberly.

“Nope, just a guy’s night in with Miller. I was actually heading over there now - you can come if you want. I think Miller found his Die Hard boxset so he’s probably already put the first one on.”

Connor raised his eyebrows and slid closer so that Bellamy was trapped between his body and the counter pressing into his back. “Guy’s night in? So, it’s not a date night then?”

“Me and Miller? No, we’re just friends,” Bellamy laughed, momentarily distracted from the possibility of Connor making a move on him. It wasn’t the first time someone had thought him and Miller were dating; they were always gravitating towards each other and spent most of their time together. It was a fair assumption to make.

“Ah. Any other significant other in your life?” Connor wheedled, gripping the counter so his face was inches away from Bellamy’s. This was _definitely_ not innocent small talk and the line of friendly personal space had been crossed long ago. “Because I can’t imagine that a guy like you would be single.”

“I, uh…. Look, Connor I --” Bellamy stumbled over his words, disconcerted by the way Connor kept staring at his lips. He was saved by the door flying open and Miller’s angry arrival.

“Dude, where are you? The Gruber guy has just - oh. Connor. You’re here.”

His voice notably fell at the end, the disdain evident. The distraction of Miller coming in had allowed Bellamy to scramble out of Connor’s reach and he was almost subconsciously shuffling over to his friend for safety. Connor didn’t look shamefaced at all and smirked at Miller.

“Hey, Miller. Heard you guys are having a movie night.” Miller visibly stiffened and clenched his jaw but his face hadn’t dissolved into a total glare yet. “Mind if I join you until Monty comes?”

Bellamy was about to make up an excuse because there was no way that he’d sit anywhere near Connor for the next twenty minutes before watching him leave with Monty like nothing was wrong and he didn’t think Miller was all too keen on the idea either. Before either of them could say anything, though, Connor’s phone went off.

“Hello? Oh, Monty…. Yeah, I’m here… No, Bellamy and Miller are…Okay… Right… Fine, yeah… I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As soon as he hung up, Miller crossed his arms and looked at Connor suspiciously. “Is Monty okay? Did something happen?”

Connor shook his head and rolled his eyes, riling Miller further. “No, he’s just stuck at work so he told me to head home. Guess I have to take a rain check on the movie with you.”

“Shame,” Miller mumbled in a way that made it sound like he didn’t really think it was before walking over to the fridge. Connor deliberately brushed past Bellamy on the way out and sent him a coy wink as he walked out the door. When he was gone, Bellamy let out a sigh of relief.

“Why is there nothing to eat in here?” Miller muttered, slamming the fridge door shut. Pulling out a chair, Bellamy sat at the kitchen table and looked up at his friend with confusion still etched into his features.

“Connor just hit on me,” Bellamy said warily. An expression of disbelief overcame Miller and he pulled out a seat beside the other boy.

“What? Connor as in Monty’s boyfriend? Just now?”

Bellamy nodded after each question and Miller’s eyes widened in surprise.

“He thought me and you were dating and then he started moving in really close and asking me if I was seeing anyone. I swear if you hadn’t arrived when you did, I think he was going to kiss me.”

“Shit,” Miller breathed. “We have to tell Monty.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy nodded. There was no way he could keep something like this from one of his friends. “I’ll tell him when he gets home from work.”

“Or you could call him now.” The forced casualness in his tone didn’t fool Bellamy and he looked at Miller with one eyebrow raised.

“Dude, I think I can wait until he gets home to ruin his relationship.” Miller shrugged but his mouth was pinched tight and he avoided Bellamy’s gaze. Voice softening, Bellamy said, “You sure are excited to tell him the truth even though there are plenty of things that you haven’t told him.”

Miller tensed and his eyebrows furrowed and Bellamy was worried that he was going to tell him where to go and storm off. Instead of anger, though, Miller just deflated and let out a small sigh. His face looked like one of hopelessness and Bellamy felt a jolt of sympathy.

“You know he doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“Miller, you don’t know --”

“Yeah, I do. And I’d rather be his friend than be nothing at all. I’m not going to ruin that over a stupid crush.”

“I think you went past stupid crush about three years ago. But whatever you need to tell yourself to feel better.”

Miller huffed out a laugh and shoved Bellamy with the heel of his palm. "Asshole.“

"This asshole has a point. I mean, as if the pining looks weren’t bad enough you’ve started --”

He was cut off by Miller snorting loudly. “Like you can talk. You nearly tripped over yourself the other day to help Raven carry her shopping.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes but a small smile ghosted over his features. “Whatever. She didn’t even need my help. Oh, by the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you - how much longer do you think I should let the whole thing with Raven cool down? Because it’s been a while and maybe I should talk to her or something…”

Miller pursed his lips, then frowned. “I think you should give it another month. Just to make sure that things won’t be weird.”

He was probably following Miller’s advice a little too willingly, but it was easier to flirt and smile and laugh than it was to actually sit down and discuss his feelings with Raven.

“Yeah. Thanks, man. So, Die Hard?”

“Die Hard.”

They get out of their seats and head over to the door but halfway there Miller turned to glare at Bellamy.

“My looks are not _pining_.”

“They are. They really are.”

  


* * *

  


__

_It was the end of freshman year. Miller stuffed his belongings to the back of Bellamy's mom's car and they drove back home. It was his second time coming back. The first time had been brief and uneventful, only fueling his will to _not_ go back home._

_For Christmas, Bellamy had made a pact with him. He'd sworn to stay and go to all the possible parties with him instead of visiting his family. Miller had told him he didn't have to, but he'd insisted. But as loyal as Bellamy was, he was also a sentimental fool. On Christmas morning he was already on the bus home. He sent 16 messages during the ride, all apologizing and filled with too many smilies. Miller called him just to tell him to shut up so he could sleep._

_Now it was summer and he couldn't stay away any longer. It was just a little too hot in the car. Or maybe it was just his nerves. He could probably ask Bellamy if he could stay the night._

_"Nathan?"_

_He shook out of his thoughts at the sound of Aurora's voice. "Yeah? Sorry, I was just thinking."_

_"You boys must be tired after all that studying."_

_He and Bellamy shared a look. "Yup."_

_Aurora glanced at them in the rear view mirror. "Still hungover?"_

_Bellamy made an appalled noise while Miller just laughed loudly._

_He'd always loved the Blake house. It was nearly identical to the one his dad still hadn't been able to sell, and yet so different. It was always filled with life and people. And still it felt homelike even to him._

_"Octavia and Monty should be home. Raven hadn't shown up yet when I left."_

_"Who asked?" Bellamy muttered, and Miller hid a grin behind his hand._

_Aurora ignored her son. "I need to go run some errands and then pick up your father. There should be enough food in the fridge for the both of you to survive on."_

_"Thanks, mom", Bellamy leaned between the front seats to press a kiss on her cheek before jumping out of the car to get out their bags._

_Miller just rested his hand on her shoulder for a second as he was getting out. Before he could close the door, Bellamy stepped in and crouched back inside._

_"Hey, it's okay if Miller sleeps over, right?"_

_"Of course, sweetie", she smiled at Miller through the window._

_The relief made him lightheaded, both from not having to ask and not having to leave._

_"See you later!"_

_As Aurora drove off again, Bellamy wrapped an arm around his shoulders._

_"I was so close to throwing up that first half of the way, my god."_

_Miller ruffled his hair. "You're the greatest son anyone could wish for."_

_They made their way into the house, Bellamy calling out for Octavia as soon as he was inside. His sister pounded down the stairs and threw herself in Bellamy's arms. She looked mostly the same as she had a year ago, fresh-faced and long hair loosely pulled back, as she grinned at Miller over Bellamy's shoulder._

_"Hey, Miller! Did you miss me?"_

_"Obviously", he accepted her quick hug as well._

_Before he knew it, she was back to chattering a mile a minute to her brother. Miller could see the way he was struggling to keep the pained look from his face at Octavia's constantly rising pitch. As she got into a fast paced story about the senior pranks they were already planning, Miller turned to carrying their bags properly inside._

_When he returned, Monty was just walking down the stairs to join them. He was still a few steps away and the boy hadn't noticed him yet. It was for the best, no doubt, since he was staring way too obviously._

_Monty seemed to have grown into his height, lean body more toned and angular than before. His hair was growing out a bit and he had to push it away from his face with long fingers. He looked hot, that's what was up. He didn't look like a kid anymore._

_Miller had always thought he was cute, but in a sweet, childlike way. Like Octavia. But clearly they were all growing up fast. It felt more than weird. Definitely a little creepy too, standing there just out of sight and staring._

_He cleared his throat and stepped into view. Monty smiled when he noticed him._

_"Hey! Long time no see."_

_"Yeah, it -- Yeah." What? Now he couldn't even come up with anything to say?_

_"I didn't know you were coming too."_

_"And I already thought you got all dolled up just for me", he deadpanned._

_Monty huffed out a laugh, glancing down at his pajama bottoms and a shirt that looked like something Miller had seen Octavia wear more than once, and scrunched his nose. "I'm so sorry I failed you."_

_"I think I'll be able to forgive you one day." He ignored the light flush on Monty's cheeks. It was still too weird to think that way._

_"Tell him, Monty! I'm not lying!" Octavia saved him by pulling their attentions to her again._

_The two soon disappeared back upstairs, leaving Bellamy and Miller still standing by the door._

_Bellamy clasped his shoulder. "So you think Monty's really hot suddenly, huh?"_

_"Oh my god, shut up."_

__

  


* * *

  


“Bell? Are you dressed yet?” Octavia yelled from the bathroom.

Miller looked up from his phone to his best friend who was standing in the middle of his bedroom, fortunately fully clothed. “He is!”

“I can talk”, Bellamy muttered, tugging at the sleeves of his dress shirt.

“Sure you can, buddy.”

Bellamy turned to him with his hands on his hips. “Why are we even having a party? I’m just getting old.”

“You’re 26, sweetcheeks. You’ll live”, he huffed. “And don’t let O hear you say that or she’ll kill you.”

“Don’t let O hear what?” the Blake in question raised her brows at them from the doorway.

“We”, Miller got up from Bellamy’s bed, “are ready to go. And the Birthday Boy is excited. Isn’t he?”

“Yes”, Bellamy sighed.

Octavia’s eyes jumped between them for a moment before they were blinded by a bright smile. “Great! Let’s go.”

They made their way to Monty and Raven’s, where most of the guests had already arrived. It wasn’t a big crowd: just the five of them and some of Bellamy’s younger coworkers and a few guys from university they were still friends with.

Raven was still in D.C., and Miller had been forced to witness the phone call between them the previous day. It had been a full ten minutes of Raven saying she was sorry and Bellamy repeating it was fine. His face had transformed from sullen to a goofy smile, and all Miller could do was hope his eyes didn’t fall out of his head with how hard he was rolling them.

He’d advised Bellamy to keep his distance for a while so Raven could settle in properly. It wasn’t his fault he’d actually listened... He only meant well, though. He knew what it was like to fall -- to like a friend more than he should. In the best case he was saving Bellamy from that.

Monty hugged Bellamy tightly before turning to grin at Miller. “Hey!”

He could feel the smile on his face before even registering it. “Hi.”

“Octavia thinks we’re a tiny bit low on ice, and Clarke’s a little... busy”, the glanced over at the balcony where the blonde seemed to be telling a fast-paced story to two of Bellamy’s coworkers. “Do you have any at your place?”

“Yeah, yeah. Do you want me to get some?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll get it.” Monty touched his arm as he passed him, heading for the door.

So maybe he’d been a little harsh on Bellamy. Maybe he and Raven would work out even though they were good friends. Weren’t best relationships built on friendships after all?

\--

The party picked up a bit after a few drinks had been downed. Miller sat with Clarke and Monty in the kitchen, playing a very lazy game of Uno. He had no idea who was winning.

"Mon, this is a party. Leave your breakup face at home", Clarke threw a card at him after he sighed for the third time while glancing at one of Bellamy's coworkers and his girlfriend. He was simply sitting with his arm around her shoulders, but Monty looked like it was the worst day of his life. "I know Connor turned out to be a dick, but you need to just move forward."

"I know", Monty sighed. "I just like relationships."

Miller reached over to rub his shoulder. Monty let his head drop to the side, resting on top of his hand.

"Uno!" Clarke called out, her words just slightly slurred. "Maybe. I actually have no fucking clue how to play this game." She dropped her cards on the table and leaned back in her chair.

When Miller noticed the look on her face, she had already opened her mouth, leaving him no time to stop the words from coming out.

"You two are both single. Why don't you get it on?"

Miller let his hand drop, and steeled himself for the blow while keeping a neutral expression on his face. He always knew it'd be sooner or later that someone said it.

Monty spluttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, uh, very original, Clarke. The two gay guys of the group getting together."

"Just a suggestion", Clarke hiccuped a laugh. "Miller just looks like he needs to get laid."

He snorted, being able to smile normally. It was better to joke about it than leave it hanging. "Maybe we'll make one of those if we're not married by forty pacts."

Monty rolled his eyes. "Great idea."

Clarke's phone rang loudly even over the music. She answered it with one hand covering her other ear. "Hello?"

"What, you're saying I'm not good enough to be your backup? You don't think I'll look this hot at forty?" Miller flexed his arms at him jokingly. He knew it was his drunken mind that made him imagine Monty's eyes lingering.

"Alright. Maybe you're not the worst option", Monty relented. He tried to take a swig from his cup, but found it empty. "I'd say we need to visit the refreshments, Mr. Miller."

"Let me accompany you, Mr. Green."

"Raven says hi", Clarke said as they were getting up - shakily - from the table.

Monty leaned close to the phone against her ear. "Goodnight, Raven!"

"Yeah, he's drunk", Clarke huffed to Raven while pushing Monty's face away from her. "Get me a drink too. Where's Bellamy?"

Miller looked around. "Balcony. All alone. Poor thing."

"Raven wants to wish him happy birthday. Don't take my seat!" Clarke clambered up and made her way towards the balcony.

"Why would anyone take her seat?"

Monty giggled, leaning against the wall by the table of drinks. "Because it's next to me."

"Yeah, right."

He agreed.

  


* * *

  


Deciding that he could do with some fresh air after an hour of the party, Bellamy went outside to stand on the balcony. He looked out at the city below for a few moments to clear his head, before turning his gaze back into the apartment through the glass window.

Octavia was bopping along enthusiastically to the music, her brown hair flying in all directions and catching the attention of half the room. After searching the scene before him for a few minutes, Bellamy spotted Monty leaning against a wall with Miller beside him; the two of them were laughing about something and Bellamy smirked when he noticed Miller’s gaze drop to Monty’s lips before quickly moving back up to the other boy’s eyes again after a few seconds too long. Luckily, Monty hadn’t noticed and was smiling obliviously at Octavia’s dancing.

There was a tap on the side window and when he looked over, he was met by the image of Clarke stretched over the sill, holding out her phone to him.

“Raven,"she whispered, a knowing smile on her face. Ignoring the obvious look she was giving him, he took the phone from her grasp and put it to his ear.

"Raven?”

“Hey! Happy birthday, Bell. How’s your day going?”

Bellamy smiled to himself at the familiar sound of her voice. “It’s good. Octavia seems to be enjoying it more than me though - from the way her and Clarke cleaned out the drinks table, I’m expecting her to pass out any second now.”

Raven laughed and Bellamy’s grin widened at the sound. “How about Clarke? Still standing?”

“It’s Clarke. She’s the only one who can hold her drink better than Miller.”

“Right.” Bellamy could hear his friend’s smile through the phone. Sighing, she moaned, “I wish I was there. I’m sorry I had to miss it.”

“It’s fine,” Bellamy replied adamantly. “I’m going to see you tomorrow anyways, right? Plus I’m sure you’ve bought an amazing present for me to make up for it.”

“It truly is the ultimate present. I spent a good forty minutes searching for it.”

“I hope it’s not a birthday hug from you. Because that’s really not my definition of an amazing present.”

Scoffing, Raven shot back, “That was one time and I was a broke student. Anyways, you would be _lucky_ to receive one. But no, it’s something better.”

“Hm, we’ll see.”

There was a yawning sound down the phone and a creaking of bedsprings. Frowning, Bellamy said, “You sound tired. I should probably let you go.”

Raven hummed in reply. “I wish I could keep talking but I’m exhausted. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course. See you then.”

“Night, Bell. And happy birthday.”

There was a click and Bellamy looked down at the blank phone screen, a small smile playing on his lips. A cough from behind alerted him of Clarke’s presence. She had evidently jumped through the window while he was on the phone and was now leaning against the glass of the one looking into the flat, a smirk on her face and her eyebrows raised.

“Right. Sorry,” he muttered, handing back the phone. Pushing herself off the window, she took the phone from him and pocketed it before joining him as he leaned over the wall.

“So, what happened when you talked to her that time after you kissed? Because I kind of assumed you would be together or something by this stage.”

An uncomfortable look crossed Bellamy’s face and he avoided Clarke’s eyes. Gasping, she swatted him with her hand and shook her head in disappointment.

“You didn’t talk to her?”

“I….Not exactly. But,” Bellamy held up his hands before Clarke could launch another attack, “only because Miller told me I should leave it for a while. And every time I asked he said I should just let it settle for another month or so.”

Clarke looked at him disbelievingly, arms crossed over her chest. “You took Miller’s advice. _Miller_. He is literally the worst person at giving advice that I’ve ever met. Why did you think completely ignoring the fact that you two kissed was in any way, shape or form a good idea?”

Bellamy shrugged. “Because it meant I didn’t have to talk about it. And she didn’t bring it up either so it obviously wasn’t a big deal to her.”

“Jesus, Bellamy. Come on. You’re smarter than that. You obviously like her and it seems like she feels the same way so be honest with her.”

Sighing, Bellamy turned around so he was leaning against the wall, back to the city below. Clarke watched as his posture shifted from his usual tall, proud stance to something that looked almost defeated; vulnerable.

“I don’t know how, though.”

Reaching out to rub his arm, Clarke softened her accusatory tone when she spoke. “Just tell her that you like her and that you don’t expect anything of her but you just wanted her to know. I mean, she’s probably aware of it already but laying everything out is probably your best course of action. You need some serious damage control.”

“Thanks,” Bellamy muttered sarcastically, but he was the corners of his mouth were turned upwards. Seeing Clarke shivering in her light camisole, he looped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his chest. Clarke hummed in appreciation and buried her head in his jumper - it was a well-known fact that Bellamy was a human furnace; constantly radiating heat.

“Seriously, Bell. Just go for it.”

Still not entirely convinced, Bellamy patted Clarke’s head and blew out a breath. “Maybe.”

“Maybe means there’s a possibility you won’t get to kiss Raven again, so you might want to rethink that one.”

Groaning, Bellamy rested his chin on Clarke’s head and tried to sort out the conflicting thoughts whirring around in his mind. On the one hand, it was Raven; the girl he’d known and had been friends with for most of his life and one of the few people that he trusted the most in the world. Even the thought of jeopardising that bond seemed ridiculous. And on the other hand, it was _Raven_ , the person he’d probably had his most long standing crush on ever and the woman that had kissed him on her first night in a new home, with all the fearlessness he’d learnt to expect from her long ago.

His train of thought was suddenly put on hold by Octavia’s drunken shouting through the window. Her hair was knotted and sweat glistened on her forehead - signs of her earlier energetic activities. There was a wild grin on her face when she called, “Guys, for a minute it looked like you two were making out!” She snorted loudly at the end, laughing at her own ridiculousness. Bellamy shuddered and made a sound of disgust, pulling away from Clarke as he did so.

“Oh God,” Clarke whined, “There’s a disturbing thought.”

“I know, right?” Octavia giggled, stumbling a little with the force of her laughter. Nodding in to the apartment, Bellamy motioned for Clarke to climb through in front of him.

Before she did, though, she leaned in close to him and said, “I know you’re afraid she won’t want the same things you do, and it’s fine to be worried about your friendship. But what if she does? Things will change but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”

Running his tongue over his teeth, Bellamy stared seriously down at Clarke, not breaking her gaze until there was a crash from inside the apartment where Octavia had just been standing. Clarke clambered back in and he soon followed, grabbing a drink from Miller and pushing any thoughts of what he was going to do the next day out of his mind until his birthday was over.

  


* * *

  


When Bellamy blinked his eyes open the next morning due to an insistent shaking at his shoulder, Miller was leaning over him with a frown on his face. The familiar feeling of a leather sofa under his back reminded him that he had decided to crash at his friend's after the party and he groaned as he leaned up on his elbows. Miller raised an eyebrow critically.

"What's with the face?" Bellamy grumbled, swiping at sleep residing in the corner of his eye. Sighing, Miller held his watch out in front of him.

"I don't love being your personal alarm clock. You're supposed to be collecting Raven in half an hour. So, better get moving if you don't want her to be waiting around at the gate."

Bellamy swatted at Miller's hand and groaned at the pounding in his head but got up anyways, stretching his arms over his head. Seeing the time and realising that Miller hadn't been lying about the possibility of him being late, Bellamy hopped into action and ducked down to see if his shoes had ended up under the sofa.

"Your shoes are here," Miller said, kicking one of them out from behind the counter with his foot.

"Thanks." Sliding them on and pocketing his car keys, Bellamy grabbed a slice of toast off the other boy's plate. "And thanks."

"Asshole," Miller grumbled. Smiling sweetly back, Bellamy turned in the direction of the way out. Just as he put his hand on the doorknob, Clarke's words from the night before ran through his mind.

_"But what if she does?"_

He gripped the doorknob tighter, knuckles white. The more he thought about it, the more sense it made. Sure, there was a chance Raven wouldn't want him like that and it would be shit and it would hurt but he'd get over it. This not knowing, though - being stuck in some kind of relationship limbo - was going to kill him. If he was never going to be able to kiss Raven again, Bellamy wanted to just accept it and move on.

"Fuck it," he whispered, half to a mildly confused Miller and half to himself. Nodding determinedly, he took a step back from the door and jogged over to Clarke's room. When he pulled open the door all he could see of the girl was a blonde mop of hair peeking out from between the sheets. She let out a groan at the light streaming in but didn't move otherwise.

"I'm going to tell her. You convinced me - I'll do it. It's better to know, right?"

When no reply came, Bellamy exhaled heavily.

"Right. I'm going. Wish me luck." Still no answer, only a small movement of Clarke's feet as she shifted the position of her legs. "Or don't."

A thumbs up popped out from the sheet and he grinned. Closing her door, Bellamy quickly moved back to the exit and winked at Miller before he opened it.

"I'm going to talk to Raven about - well, us."

Miller looked at his friend thoughtfully, then shrugged and nodded. "Good idea. Hey, could you pick me up a Toblerone at the airport?"

"Wow, thanks for the help. And yeah, but last time I got you one you just let Monty have it. Do you even like them?"

Miller looked down and mumbled "Yeah, I do, actually," but Bellamy already had his answer. Smirking, he nodded and gave his friend one final wave before heading out the door.

\--

Adrenaline thrummed through his veins as he waited for Raven to come through the departure gates. He had Miller's (well, Monty's) Toblerone clutched in his hand and was running the other through his hair frantically. Around him, people were chatting and bumping into him but he couldn't focus on anything apart from the fact that Raven would be walking through the doors any minute now and that soon enough, he would be baring all to her.

He knew that he should be scared. And he was, a little. But mostly all he could think about was the possibility that she felt the same and that there could actually be something between them and that piece of hopefulness overwhelmed any doubt.

Running through what he was going to say, he shot down anything too indirect. Blunt but not harsh was what he was aiming for. There was a brief moment wherein Bellamy considered texting his sister for advice but he knew that that wouldn't end well.

Any other thoughts on the matter suddenly left his head because the doors opened and people began trickling in. Using his height to his advantage, Bellamy craned his neck in an effort to see Raven, squinting to see inside the now large crowd of people.

A familiar ponytail bobbed into view and for a moment he was so happy to see her - smiling and happy and _Raven_ \- that he didn't notice the person that she was holding hands with. When his eyes finally registered the pretty girl giggling at something Raven had said, his stomach dropped and he felt the grin slide from his face.

_Of course._

Gritting his teeth, he ignored the heavy feeling in his chest and raised a hand to wave her over, building up a friendly façade to greet her with and cursing himself for taking so damn long to realise what he was feeling for Raven Reyes. Jealousy was already taking root but he knew that he wouldn't be able to hold it against the other girl - he wasn't like that. And at the end of the day, it was his fault for being an idiot and not deciding to do this sooner.

Seeing Raven finally spot him, a grin lighting up her face before she started making her way over, Bellamy realised that it wasn't something he was going to forgive himself for anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm beyond happy this chapter is finally out! i powered through my exam today just thinking about it lol.  
> when we started working on this we decided we wanted to do long chapters that'd each be kinda like one season in the show. this chapter was a bit of a trial with mostly just main plot points but it worked out great! so there's a lot more to look forward to now that we've got the hang of this.  
> it's just been super fun writing this. we work so well together and aisling's inspired me a lot she's literally been working on three fics at the same time at some points?? incredible.  
> anyway i hope you enjoyed this and there's plenty more coming!! tell all your friends lmao. we'll probably be updating the 'friends au' tag on our blogs about how things are going. so on tumblr @natharmiller and @millerbellamy  
> \- vilma


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **disclaimer:** we got asked in the first chapter about clexa and, well, we did say it'd happen so we've now added the tag. also bc it might be nicer for readers who find this bc of it to be able to catch up now rather than at like 50k when we finally tag, you know? but like is said in the first ch, slow build.  
>   
>  we're sorry there's been a bit of a wait, but chapter two is back and a bit of a monster of a chapter so we hope you enjoy. there's a lot of relationship building in this one along with a few new characters that everyone loves making appearances and a scene from one of the most iconic friends episodes. it was so lovely seeing all the positive feedback last time and we hope that this chapter is as enjoyable as the last one was! thanks for reading.  
> -aisling

“Bellamy, could you please try and look a little less miserable? People keep sending pitying looks over here and it’s ruining my vibe.”

Clarke’s words barely registered as Bellamy watched through the coffeehouse window while Raven and Harper kissed goodbye. When they pulled back, Raven gave the girl a small smile before the two of them headed in the opposite direction. Flopping back in his seat, Bellamy massaged his forehead in frustration.

He had been right, at the airport. Harper fit into their group perfectly and everyone fell in love with her as soon as she walked through the door so it was impossible for him to hold any resentment towards her - especially seeing how happy Raven had been since she had arrived home from Washington. Everything was finally getting back on track for her and what kind of a friend got in the way of that? He only let himself mope when Raven was nowhere near. Which was now, so. Clarke could deal.

“Bellamy? Are you even listening to me?” Clarke’s words echoed in his ears as she slammed her magazine down on the table and he nodded quickly, then shook his head once he saw his friend’s expression of disbelief.

“Sorry, I -- Sorry. What were you saying?”

Sighing, Clarke set a hand on his shoulder and looked at him meaningfully. “Bell. Maybe it would be an idea to focus on something else right now other than your, uh… unhappiness.”

All in all, she had to admit that he had been handling the whole Raven becoming unavailable (and, by extension, Harper joining their group) thing relatively well. He acted like he always did around Raven and he was friendly to Harper - the other night the two of them had bonded over a shared interest in historic architecture. At times, it didn’t even seem like he was pretending to be fine; everything looked to be genuinely okay. It was only when Clarke (or Miller, she assumed) was around that he let the act drop.

“Like what?”

Clarke went through a mental list things in Bellamy’s life that could take his mind off Raven. If she said family, he would start concentrating on Octavia and being a good big brother - she could think of several stories about him being overbearing when Octavia was a teenager that indicated why that was a bad idea. Work already occupied a lot of his time and he went on enough daily history rants for Clarke’s liking, thank you very much. His personal life, though, still held a few loose threads.

“How about you focus on you for a while?” Clarke asked, deciding to ease him into the idea slowly.

“What, like bubble baths and shit?” Bellamy scoffed, looking at Clarke skeptically. She fought a smirk.

“They’re actually very relaxing, but I’ll save that lecture for another time. No, I mean maybe before you start a new relationship or even begin thinking about one, you should --”

“No. No way.” Bellamy shrugged off her hand and crossed his arms over his body, a thunderous look taking over his features. Sighing, Clarke widened her eyes pleadingly.

“Come on, Bellamy. It’s been, what? Months since you even sent a text to Anya? The two of you dated for years - don’t tell me you can’t salvage any part of the relationship.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes like a teenager getting told off and it made Clarke wish for the millionth time that she had been friends with them all for as long as the rest of them had. She couldn’t really complain though; having them all in her life now was more than enough.

She had been lucky finding not only Miller’s apartment - reasonably priced, situated a quick bus journey away from school and not completely falling apart - but the guy as a roommate as well. All the rest of the affordable apartments she had checked out came with people Clarke didn’t think she would be able to spend 24 hours a day living with. Compared to them, Miller - quiet, sarcastic, generous Miller - was a godsend.

“Fine. Excuse me for trying to interrupt the mournful looks. Carry on.”

“Much appreciated,” Bellamy replied, grabbing the nearest magazine and opening it on a random page before realising it was some celebrity gossip thing and promptly firing it back onto the table. Furrowing his eyebrows, he swivelled around to face Clarke again.

_What is it with Blakes and having the last word?_

“Anyways, you’re not one to talk. You and Wells are both attracted to each other, right? And you two manage to get along fine without actually getting it on.”

“How do you know we don’t ‘get it on’?” Clarke smirked, one eyebrow raised coyly while she sipped at her coffee, before making a face. “Jasper!” she called, waving her hand around in the air. He shuffled over almost automatically, face slightly fearful. Smiling sweetly, she thrust her cup out in front of her. “Hate to be a pain but I asked for decaf.”

Not meeting her gaze, Jasper swallowed and nodded before grabbing the cup and trudging off again. Clarke turned back to Bellamy.

“Woah, woah - wait a minute. You and Wells finally hooked up? Holy shit, nice going! When are you inviting him over for dinner? I want to make sure I’m available.”

“Not that’s it’s any of your business, but we didn’t hook up.”

“Oh. You should. Wells is a great guy. We all love him.”

“Yeah,” Clarke sighed, “I’ve noticed.”

Ever since Clarke had introduced Wells to the group, mentioning his name brought on an onslaught of reasons why the two of them should get together like, now. Bellamy wasn’t the worst (Miller owned that title, surprisingly enough) but he still nagged her about him whenever he got a chance.

Bellamy shook his head to clear his thoughts (which Clarke was pretty sure had been focused on Wells) and shrugged. “Back to my point. If you can be friends with Wells whilst attracted to him, then - then so can I. With Raven.”

Smiling sympathetically, Clarke patted his back. “Oh, honey. Sure.”

The door chimed and Raven ran in, looking flustered and sweaty. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed impatiently while she tapped the counter in a frantic rhythm. Beside her, Bellamy was looking concerned and jumped up to go see what was wrong. Clarke watched the two of them chat at the counter; the way Bellamy leaned against a stool to be closer to her face and the way he grinned when she started using elaborate hand gestures to emphasise what she was saying.

She didn’t miss the way she smiled up at him either, despite her obvious stress. When she hurried back out, Bellamy watched her leave before returning to his place beside Clarke with the same dopey grin on his face.

Once he noticed Clarke, he lamely coughed out, “She missed her bus.”

Clarke hummed in reply but said nothing, watching the cogs whir in Bellamy’s brain as he thumbed pensively as his lip. Glancing at her watch, she stood up and dusted herself off. “I have to go. Hot date. You gonna be okay to mope on your own?”

Bellamy shook his head. “Enough moping for today. I’ve reached my daily quota.”

“Atta boy,” Clarke grinned, ruffling his hair before heading towards the door. She tried to imagine what it would be like if two people in their friend group actually dated - or worse, broke up - and promptly pushed the thoughts out of her mind. She would cross that bridge when she came to it.

  


* * *

  


Octavia climbed up the last flight of stairs just as she finished a long phone call with Bellamy. Sometimes she wondered how he was the older one out of the two of them: his grocery shopping skills were awful.

She knocked on Monty and Raven’s door before letting herself in. Monty was sitting in the kitchen, reading something. He jumped when she came in, scrambling to fold the sheet of paper he was holding.

“What did you do?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Nothing”, Monty said in a slightly high pitched voice.

“Monty”, Octavia stared him down with her hands on her hips.

He let out a deflating breath. “I opened Raven’s mail. By accident! She never gets mail so I wasn’t really looking.”

“So what?” she took a seat next to him. “Just tell her that.”

Monty bit his lip, and she sighed.

“What is it?”

“It’s not… new mail.”

“Monty! How could’ve you possibly ended up reading Raven’s old mail by accident?”

“I was cleaning and I just saw an envelope on her desk and it was under a magazine so I thought maybe she’d accidentally brought it in her room! I know it’s bad!” Monty buried his head in his hands. “But you have to look at it.”

Octavia raised her hands quickly when he tried to push the envelope towards her. “What? No! You’ve done enough _accidental_ snooping for the both of us.”

“O, I’m serious”, Monty grabbed her hand and leveled her with a serious look. “I think Finn sent it to her.”

“Is it a letter then? Is the asshole still asking her back?”

“It’s a bill for her physical therapy”, Monty unfolded the paper again and frowned at it. “I think Finn’s sent her the latest check from her appointments. She used to go to some ridiculously expensive clinic when Finn was still paying for it. I guess the asshole isn’t trying to get her back but to get back at her.”

“Shit”, Octavia muttered as her eyes skimmed over the digits. “She hasn’t said anything about it. I didn’t even know she still goes to sessions.”

“I don’t think she does. Obviously she can’t go to the old place if it’s this expensive. But I’d know if she was going to a new place.”

Octavia ran a hand through her hair, combing through the knots her fingers got stuck on. “She’s already so worried about paying us back for the D.C. trip. There’s no way she can afford this even with the new job.”

“She’s going to be so mad”, Monty mumbled, back to hiding behind his hands.

“And there’s no way she’s letting us help.”

Monty peeked at her from between his fingers. “We could… not tell her?”

“We have to.”

“I know we have to”, he pouted. “But what if we don’t.”

Octavia huffed, resting her forehead on the tabletop. “What else can we do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well you’d better come up with something or soon we’ll be trying to slip money into her purse when she’s not looking.”

Monty made a thoughtful face, and Octavia slapped his shoulder.

“Not an option. Think, Monty.”

“I’m trying!”

“Okay”, Octavia got up to pace around the kitchen. “I have an idea. Maybe. But first you need to --”

The door opened as Raven made her way into the apartment. Octavia’s eyes widened and she quickly pointed at the envelope and then at Raven’s bedroom. Monty nodded and stuffed it under his shirt. Octavia fought an eye-roll before turning to smile at Raven.

“Hey, honey! How was your day?”

“It was fine”, Raven said slowly, a reserved look on her face as her eyes moved between the two of them. “What are you up to?”

“Oh, nothing. Well, actually something. I was just asking Monty if he wanted to come to the gym with me tomorrow and he said no. Hey! Would you like to go?”

Raven’s brows furrowed. “Uh, sure? I’ll call you after work?”

“Sounds great! Okay! I’ll see you tomorrow”, she smacked a kiss on her cheek. “Bye!”

Once she was out the door she leaned against the wall heavily and let out a long sigh. She didn’t know how much faith she should put in Monty’s sneaking around skills.

Clarke’s voice startled her. “Hey, O. You okay?”

“Yeah, just had to take a breather”, she smiled.

“Okie dokie”, Clarke moved past her, keys in hand.

“Hey! Clarke. Can you go in there for a second and distract Raven. Just for a second. You know it’s cool once Monty stops looking like something’s wrong.”

“Okay”, Clarke shrugged. She threw her bag in her own apartment before heading across the hall.

Octavia let her head thump against the wall.

\--

“So”, Raven said, turning to face her. “You and Monty found the bill, huh?”

Octavia knew she was taking too long coming up with an answer, and Raven raised a brow at her.

“Okay. We did - well, he did. What gave it away?”

Raven put her bag into her locker before closing it. “I didn’t realize it until Clarke had left. Monty hugged me for like two minutes straight.”

“Dammit Monty”, Octavia grumbled. She laid both of her hands on Raven’s shoulders. “We’re just worried about you. You don’t talk to us about this stuff. And we know it’s been hard since Harper went back to D.C. --”

“Oh my god”, Raven looked up at the ceiling so hard her whole head rolled back. “I already told you that we both knew it was coming. We weren’t that serious. She’s amazing but neither of us was looking for a long-term relationship. It was time for her to go back home. I just skyped her yesterday. Harper’s fine and so am I.”

Octavia let her hands drop. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, O, I’m sure. And no, this isn’t about your brother either. Bell and I are fine too”, Raven, in turn, took a hold of her shoulders and led her to sit down on the bench in the middle of the locker room. “I honestly just didn’t have anything to say about it. I’m going to pay the bill. If that’s all it takes for me to get even with him I’m more than happy to do it.”

“Okay”, Octavia sighed. “But at least don’t worry about the D.C. thing, okay? None of us wants anything more than to see you get on your feet.”

“Okay”, Raven tugged on a strand of her ponytail. “Now, are we here to work out or did you have an ulterior motive for this too?”

She grinned. “Well, there is something I want to show you.”

“Alright.”

Octavia guided her to the second floor of the gym. She was quite sure Raven didn’t know where she was taking her, but she didn’t ask either.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to be here?”

She held up her keys. “I work here.”

“Really? I thought you worked at like a hospital or something”, Raven blinked against the lights she turned on.

“There too. But this is my office”, Octavia held out her hands as Raven took in the space. It was a large, brightly lit room with different exercise equipment like wall bars and light dumbbells. Opposite a large mirror there was her desk, cluttered after a busy day.

“It’s really weird to imagine you doing this”, Raven said thoughtfully, sitting on an exercise ball. “But still it’s very you.”

Octavia leaned on the edge of her desk. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“Is there like a ritual to this or are you just going to ask me?”

She huffed out a laugh. “I think I should be your new therapist.”

“I really don’t know, O…”

“You’re not supposed to stop working, Raven. And this is by far the best choice. You know it too. You won’t owe me anything. I want to help you because I’m your friend.”

Raven stared at her with an apprehensive look on her face for a long while. "You’re not going to let it go, are you?”

“If not me, you still need someone.”

“Okay”, she said finally. “But I’m paying you.”

“Deal.”

Raven sighed against her neck when she came to hug her. “And you need to stop scheming behind my back.”

“That I can’t promise.”

“You’d better. Now can we go do a few crunches so we can get out of here and you can buy me pizza?”

“Fine.”

They walked back downstairs while Raven explained explicitly what kind of pizza she wanted. Octavia was paying attention to it until the last few steps when she noticed a familiar figure on a treadmill.

“-- and maybe they’ll have… Okay, you’re not listening to me”, Raven said, scanning the place to see what caught her attention. “ _Hello!_ ”

Octavia rolled her eyes but she knew exactly what she meant. It was exactly what she’d thought the first time she saw Lincoln walk into her office. He was her patient for a few months after his previous physiotherapist started her maternity leave. He still came to the gym often even though his sessions had ended. She didn’t know if he was a regular now, but she sure wasn’t complaining.

“Are you hitting that?” Raven asked, eyes still obviously on the man.

“I’m afraid not. Also shut up. He might hear you.”

“You know him?”

“I was near his body twice a week for two and a half months. And he didn’t ask me out”, Octavia sighed. “He’s so smart too. Like god, let me live.”

“I get it”, Raven nodded. “He has the body working for him but then the face just tops it off. He looks like he reads to sick kids in his spare time or something.”

“He’s a fireman”, Octavia whispered.

Raven’s mouth fell open and she pretended to stumble. Octavia fought to keep a straight face as they were nearing the treadmills.

“I can ask him out for you.”

She snorted. “We’ve tried that once and it didn’t work out.”

“I was drunk then. This is serious business.”

“Hey, Octavia!” Lincoln smiled at her as they passed.

“Hi!” she grinned back.

Raven looked like she was going to combust right there and then.

\--

She lived through 45 minutes of Raven telling her she was being stared at. They were getting ready to head to the locker room when Raven grabbed her arm.

“O, it’s clearly a sign that I’m here right now. I’m here to tell you to go for it! What if he’s, like, The Dream Guy. You have to at least talk to him.”

“Like you’ve talked to Bell about your weird make-out thing?” she deadpanned.

“Okay, if you want to play that game”, Raven glanced over at Lincoln, a smirk spreading on her face. “A deal. I promise to talk to Bellamy if you go ask out Mr Muscle over there.”

Octavia narrowed her eyes at her. “You were planning on doing that anyway, weren’t you?”

“Just go!” Raven pushed her forward.

With one last glare at her friend, Octavia made her way to where Lincoln was prepping weights for himself. She tightened her ponytail nervously but stood her ground.

“Hey, Lincoln!”

He turned around and smiled brightly at her like always. “We meet again.”

“We do. I was just wondering if it’d be weird if I asked you out on a date?”

“Straightforward.”

She shrugged. “That’s what I do.”

“Wait, though. Weird because of my supposedly weak masculinity or weird because I was your patient?”

“The latter”, she laughed. “I hope.”

“Ah, I’ve been wondering that too, now that we’re being honest. I’d love to.”

“Great! Well, I already have your number so… I’ll call you?”

“Sounds good”, Lincoln said.

Octavia took a very short moment to thank - not in a weird way - the kid who set some building on fire and brought this man into her life. “Good”, she reached out to touch his arm briefly. “See you!”

She returned quickly to Raven who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Nice work with the arm touching”, she winked at her.

“Shut up. You’re the worst”, Octavia grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the locker room.

“I think you mean good influence.”

“God, he’s hot. What if I just, like, die right in the middle of our date.”

“I’m sure he knows CPR”, Raven giggled, and Octavia smacked her with her towel.

  


* * *

  


When Raven got up, she was surprised to find that Monty wasn’t in the kitchen making breakfast. He was usually up hours before her on a Saturday - work always ran late on a Friday and she had most weekends off so she felt that she deserved a lie-in. If Monty woke up early of his own free will, well, she wasn’t about to turn down cooked food. She knew that Monty had been having a tough few weeks at work, though, and he was definitely the kind of person who preferred the stability of a relationship to random hook-ups. As of late, his demeanour had been less than sunny and she hoped that something would pick up for him soon.

Deciding that she could probably start repaying him for the countless mornings he had made breakfast for her, she whisked two eggs before pouring them into a pan and threw some bread in the toaster, hopping up on the counter while she waited for the food to cook. She decided to just keep checking up on the eggs every few minutes because she couldn’t be bothered to go looking for her phone with an actual timer.

Or, she planned to keep checking up on them, before she got distracted by a book that Monty had left lying out.

Then there was smoke and the smell of burning and she really needed someone to reset the fire alarm before the whole building was evacuated because she burned toast and scrambled eggs. The thought of Miller’s unimpressed face alone was motivation enough to prevent the possible crisis from occurring. She was determined not to wake Monty so she ran over to the other apartment and tried the handle, praying that Clarke was awake. The door was open (unsurprisingly) and she was met with Bellamy lounging in the recliner, flicking boredly through channels. As soon as Raven explained the situation and after Bellamy had finished laughing, they hurried back into her and Monty’s flat and Bellamy caught the beeping just in time. He chucked the burnt toast in the bin and shook his head.

“Never a quiet moment with you kids.”

Frowning and tugging on her pyjama shorts, Raven tilted her head to the side. “Kids? Alright, grandpa. Sorry to disturb you. Feel free to go back to your antiques show.”

Raven resumed her position on the counter so that she was at eye-level with Bellamy, crossing her legs and resting her head against the shelf behind her. Sighing, Bellamy leaned against the table and folded his arms, one eyebrow raised in what felt like a challenge.

There was quiet for a few minutes. It wasn’t awkward; just peaceful, with the sounds of birds chirping and cars honking in the background. Bellamy supposed that it was probably the first time they had been alone together since Harper and Raven broke up. Not that he should be thinking about that, or should even notice something like that. Just like he shouldn’t notice the way Raven’s dark lashes brushed against her cheek when she blinked or the way she fiddled with her ponytail when she was thinking, like now.

“So, uh,” Bellamy started, deciding that actually talking to her would help him avoid any dangerous thoughts, “How are you? After Harper had to leave I never really got to talk to you about… stuff.”

Raven shrugged, hiding a smile at Bellamy’s forced casualness. “I’m fine. It wasn’t a long term thing but we had fun. I still text her sometimes to see how’s she’s doing.”

He looked a little surprised when he asked, “Wait, you didn’t break up because she had to leave?”

“Nope.”

Bellamy pursed his lips and nodded nonchalantly. Folding her arms, Raven looked at him. Properly looked at him. A little after her and Harper had broken up, she had started thinking about the kiss again. Not that she hadn’t been thinking about it before, but all of a sudden there wasn’t anything to stop it from happening again, if she wanted. It hadn’t taken her very long to admit that she _did_ want it to happen again and preferably as soon as possible. She had just been waiting for right time to bring it up - preferably without any of their other friends in the background. Bellamy’s feelings weren’t totally unknown to her either - he wasn’t as half as subtle as he’d like to think - but she still wasn’t sure how far it stretched beyond an old crush. Seeing as he still hadn’t said anything to her about her first night in the city, Raven had figured she’d have to be the one to bring it up.

“You remember my first night in the city?

Jolting from his relaxed position against the table, Bellamy’s eyes widened before he coughed and ran a hand through his hair, conveniently avoiding her gaze. “Uh - yeah. I do.”

“And you remember how I told you I wasn’t ready to jump into anything?”

Bellamy nodded, arms crossed over his chest now and eyes meeting hers. He licked his lips and glanced down at Raven’s almost imperceptibly. It was unusual for Bellamy to offer so little input on any conversation he was involved in, but it wasn’t like Raven had expected him to be very forthcoming about his feeling in the first place anyways. Swallowing, she went on.

“Well, I’m ready now. It was different with Harper because we knew it wasn’t going to be a long-term kind of thing. Me and you,” she gestured between them, coaxing a smile out of Bellamy in the process, “it’s not like that. I don’t want us to be just a fling. I never did. When I was a teenager, I always expected that we’d get together and now that I’m back and in a good place, I don’t feel like waiting anymore. If you want this too, I mean.”

There was a pause, wherein Raven raised her eyebrows at Bellamy who realised after a few seconds that the ball was in his court.

“I - uh,” Bellamy started, opening and closing his mouth a few times. Raven gave him a moment. It was quite early in the morning for a conversation as intense as this. “I obviously want… this. You. Of course I do. Raven - the day you came into the coffeehouse in your wedding dress, it was like some kind of weird dream. I couldn’t believe it was you. You have no idea how much - how much we all missed you. And then we kissed and you said you needed some space so I gave that to you and I can still do that if you need it. But if you’re ready, then so am I.”

This time, Raven didn’t bother resisting the smile tugging at the side of her mouth. There were butterflies in her stomach and she felt so much like her teenage self again that it was almost embarrassing. The fact that Bellamy was grinning back at her, though, made her think he was in the same position.

“So, same page then?”

Bellamy nodded once, firmly. Quiet descended on them again and Raven wanted to laugh at Bellamy’s expression - he looked like he was fighting some kind of internal battle about what his next move should be. She realised he was probably still a little conflicted about the whole needing some time thing and didn’t want to push her. Raven’s breath caught in her chest.

“Are you just going to stand there?”

Bellamy laughed and any awkwardness dissolved just like that. They were Raven and Bellamy and whatever happened, that familiarity was never going to change. He managed to mutter “no” before he strided over to where she was sitting to cup her cheeks gently and press their lips together softly. There was no rush this time - unlike the first night when the kiss had been frantic and hungry, their mouths moved softly against each other, Raven’s hands resting easily on Bellamy’s shoulders with his arms wrapped around her back. It felt right.

She lost herself in the way Bellamy held her - tenderly, but not as if she was a delicate thing that could break at any moment. His lips travelled down her jaw to her neck and she tightened her legs around his waist. There was a cough behind them and they pulled apart; Bellamy looked mildly upset at being interrupted and Raven bit her cheek to stop herself from laughing. Monty was leaning against the doorframe, smiling knowingly.

“Finally,” he grinned. “This is a new development, right? You haven’t been secretly been doing it for months or something?”

“New,” Bellamy answered, lips curved upwards. Raven dropped her head to his shoulder and breathed him in while he ran his hands through her hair.

Monty rolled his eyes but the grin hadn’t left his face. “God, you two are gross already. Is Miller awake yet?”

Bellamy scoffed, untangling himself from Raven’s arms. “It’s Saturday. What do you think?”

Monty pouted, then shook his head. “Whatever. I’ll wake him up. He won’t mind.”

_No_ , Bellamy thought. _He definitely won’t._

As soon as the door clicked shut behind Monty, Raven looked at Bellamy and sighed. “How long do we have until everyone comes over to interrogate us?”

Looking contemplatively at his watch, Bellamy wrinkled his nose. “I’d say about seven minutes. O will probably sprint here or something.”

Raven smirked and leaned down to bring her mouth to Bellamy’s ear.

“Well, we better make the most of those seven minutes then.”

  


* * *

  


“I can’t believe I missed Octavia’s scene phase.”

Clarke pouted and rested her head on Monty’s shoulder, looking genuinely upset. They were all gathered in Monty’s apartment, empty pizza boxes lying across the table and floor as evidence of their Friday night feast. From Raven’s position lying against Bellamy - on top of each other, as they always seemed to be since they had gotten together - she feebly waved a hand in the air.

“Don’t be. It was intense. Plus I have pictures, so.”

Octavia buried her head in a pillow, lying across Miller and groaning dramatically.

Hugging a cushion to his chest, Monty grinned at his friend. “I don’t think Clarke would be all that interested. Lincoln, though…”

Very nearly banging heads with Miller as she shot up, Octavia glared at Monty and then Raven through a sheet of brown hair. “You wouldn’t ruin our friendship like that.”

“You overestimate the value of your company.”

Octavia was about to fire off another retort when Clarke let out her second loud sigh within a few minutes. Monty patted her leg sympathetically and the rest of them grimaced. There were definitely times when Octavia felt bad that Clarke was the only friend in their group that hadn’t known the rest of them since childhood. She had Wells, of course, and everyone was more than happy to hear about all of their shared memories (in excruciating detail - several times) but he wasn’t around nearly enough for anyone’s liking, least of all Clarke’s.

All of her other childhood friends were miles away in the hometown she had escaped from years earlier. Any time the subject of family came up, Clarke (much like Miller) clammed up almost immediately. The most Octavia knew was that her father had died a couple of years back and she had stayed around to help her mother for a while afterwards. Once the worst grieving period was over, she had packed up her things and left for med school in the city.

When she had first moved in with Miller, none of them had really known what to make of her. She was attending a gruelling course and studying full time, but also managed to squeeze in some hours to paint and was still one of the most relaxed people they had ever met. Monty had asked countless times what she was smoking and didn’t believe her when she claimed she was drugs-free. To add to that, she seemed to carry this charm that people immediately fell for - if a painting of hers couldn’t be sold professionally, one of her acquaintances would have bought it within a week, in no small part due to some convincing from the blonde.

“Come on Clarke, don’t be sad. Our teenage years were boring,” Miller said, nodding at Bellamy for support.

His friend shrugged. “Yeah, nothing ever happened. You know what is a million times more interesting than our high school years?”

Clarke sighed. “I know what you’re going to say but --”

“Wells’ high school years. While we’re on the topic, did he play any sport?”

“Football.”

“Was he on the debate team?” Miller chimed in.

“Have you met him?”

“How many people fell in love with him each year, on average?”

Clarke, looking sick of this line of questioning already, rolled her eyes. “Most people, at some stage or another. He used to give welcoming speeches to all the students coming in and by the end of the first day he’d have acquired a small army of starry-eyed teens following him around.”

Octavia pushed herself up from her position across Miller’s legs, face pensive. “Hypothetically, who, out of all of us, would he be most likely to bring to prom?”

Bellamy scoffed at the question, feigning disinterest, but he looked to Clarke all the same.

“Well, since the two of us went together, probably me.”

Regretting the words as soon as they left her mouth, Clarke covered her ears as everyone started shouting at once.

“Wells? In a suit? Pictures, Clarke!”

“How did he ask you? I bet it was super romantic.”

“Why aren’t you two dating yet?”

“Man, I love Wells.”

“Speaking of dating,” Clarke interjected, in an attempt to get back on track to the original line of questioning, “Who were everyone’s high school crushes?”

Almost straight away, Bellamy and Raven met each other’s gazes and a small smile passed between them.

“Oh, here we go,” Octavia muttered darkly, earning an elbow to the side from Miller and a huff of laughter from Monty.

“I’ve liked Raven since I was like - what? Seventeen? Yeah, somewhere around that. She was into me too, obviously,” Octavia sputtered at this and Miller rolled his eyes, “But we were just never single at the same time so it didn’t happen.”

“Aw,” Clarke sighed dramatically, holding her chest and batting her eyelashes. “How cute.”

Raven shrugged but there was a smile on her face. “Same, I suppose. I think Bellamy was my first proper crush, actually.”

Bellamy popped a kiss on her bare shoulder and she leaned back into him, closing her eyes. There was a loud retching sound from Octavia’s side of the couch and Clarke laughed.

“Wow, that’s over a decade of being into each other. When’s the wedding?”

Laughing along with everyone except from Bellamy, Octavia almost missed the small shrug and thoughtful look on his face. But she didn’t - the same way she didn’t miss Raven tensing up for a second before grinning easily again. There was a comfortable silence for minute before Monty spoke up.

“Well, I had a thing for Miller all through high school,” Monty admitted, smiling lopsidedly. He glanced at the other boy and shrugged. “You probably knew. Subtlety wasn’t my strong suit.”

“Yeah, neither was flirting,” Octavia muttered, grinning. Monty stuck out his tongue at her.

The only people who seemed surprised by this confession were Clarke and Miller - and even then, Clarke was nodding a few seconds later.

“I can see that. If I was around back then I would have hooked you all up like that,” she griped, clicking her fingers at the end. Miller’s lips were parted and he was looking from Monty to Bellamy to his feet and back again. Finally, he shook his head and smiled at Monty before sliding out from under Octavia on the sofa and heading to the fridge.

Frowning at the loss of heat from Miller’s body, Octavia pulled her legs into her chest and grimaced. All of a sudden, Clarke turned on her, eyes narrowed. “Actually, why weren’t you playing matchmaker, O? You had the means.”

The younger Blake sibling snorted. “Yeah, but I didn’t have the stomach. And anyways, I wasn’t going to be some kind of fifth wheel every time we hung out. It was already bad enough that whenever the two of them,” she made a disgusted noise and gestured to Raven and Monty, “came over, they couldn’t focus on anything but Miller and Bellamy and Bellamy and Miller and Bellamy’s dreamy eyes and Miller’s nice arms and --”

She was cut off by Raven, who was now sitting ramrod straight in Bellamy’s lap with her arms folded. “Shut _up_ , Octavia! Like you can talk…”

Their bickering faded into the background and Clarke smiled at the sight of the two of them, arguing fiercely while Bellamy and Monty watched the girls with amusement, offering input now and then. Miller leaned down beside her on the chair, beer in hand, and grinned.

“See? High school isn’t that different from the way things are now. Just…more hormones. And weed.” At this he raised his eyebrows at an oblivious Monty and Clarke laughed. Having all of them around her made her feel a little less worse than she had twenty minutes earlier. 

And watching Bellamy and Monty try to settle Octavia and Raven’s row over who was the better flirt between them made her feel a lot better than she had twenty minutes earlier.

  


* * *

  


It’s a Sunday morning and Miller wasn’t especially proud of how long he stayed in bed. Being single and bored with the least exciting job ever didn’t exactly have him jumping out of bed each morning. But he managed somehow.

He rolled out from under the covers and pulled on a shirt. Clarke had complained about having to look at his "beautifully sculpted chest” every morning so they’d compromised by him promising to wear a shirt on the weekends. Something smelled really good. Miller wondered if Clarke had finally cracked and learned how to cook something besides eggs.

“Morning, sunshine”, Clarke said when he emerged from his room.

“Yeah, yeah”, he muttered, making his way to the bathroom.

It wasn’t until he came back that he noticed the third person in the room. Clarke’s childhood best friend, Wells, was standing behind the counter with a spatula in hand, wearing nothing but boxers.

“Hey, Miller!” he greeted. “Breakfast?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Miller was about to take a seat next to Clarke when he took in her appearance. Instead of her usual home attire of mismatched sports bras and boxer shorts, she was wearing a robe. If he knew anything about his roommate, it could only mean one thing.

“No way!” he gasped, looking between the two of them. Clarke gave him a suffering look while Wells just kept cooking. “You guys hooked up? Oh my god. No way!”

“Miller, chill out, please --”

“Oh my god! Don’t move!” he was already halfway out the door and rushing into Monty and Raven’s apartment.

“No pants kind of day, huh?” Octavia grinned at him from the couch.

“You won’t believe this so I have to show you”, Miller pointed towards the hall. “Clarke and Wells. It finally happened. It’s happened.”

Monty’s mouth fell open while Octavia and Bellamy were already scrambling to the door. “Seriously?”

“Without a doubt.”

Raven and Monty followed him to his apartment where the Blake siblings were already grinning at the visitor.

“Sorry about them as always”, Clarke said to Wells. “They’re like babies.”

Wells just waved her off, greeting the others warmly.

“So how did this happen?” Octavia asked, waving a fork she’d grabbed to steal from Clarke’s plate between them. “Because last time I checked, it was ‘never going to happen’.”

Clarke sighed. “We were drunk. We are both single. And that’s all there is to it. So you can all calm down.”

Octavia blinked at them. “So, what? You fucked and then just shook on it?”

“Yes. We’re still not dating. It was just sex.”

The five of them made a disappointed noise. Bellamy was about to open his mouth but Clarke threw a piece of toast at him.

“Wells?” Raven questioned. Five sets of hopeful eyes turned to the man.

“Sorry, guys. It was really just a one time thing.” Wells patted her shoulder. “Clarke and I aren’t romantically involved. But the good thing is that I’ll still come around, right?”

Raven smiled brightly at him. “You’re right.”

Clarke made an exasperated noise. “See? This is why I didn’t want them to find out.”

Wells laughed.

“You’re just mad because you literally lost a bet about yourself”, Miller huffed.

At Wells’ raised eyebrows Clarke rolled her eyes. “There was no money involved.”

“Not for you maybe”, Miller grinned. “But O owes me five bucks and Bellamy ten.”

“Me too, Bell”, Raven flashed a smile.

“You’re all the worst people I know.”

“I think it’s sweet”, Wells said.

“Hear that, Clarke?” Octavia fought her fork with her own. “It’s sweet. We’re all very cute.”

“Yeah, yeah”, Clarke muttered, pulling her plate out of reach.

“Alright, guys. I’d better head out”, Wells set the frying pan in the sink.

Another chorus of disappointed noises ensued.

“Next time you come over, if you’re not busy banging Clarke, you should come say hi”, Raven suggested.

“Of course”, Wells nodded before disappearing into Clarke’s bedroom.

“He’s so cool”, Monty sighed.

“Okay, you babies”, Clarke snapped. “Please return to your lives.”

“She just wants to keep him all to herself”, Octavia whispered to Raven who agreed.

“Bye, Wells!” Bellamy shouted before Clarke all but kicked them out.

“You’re the worst roommate ever”, Clarke informed Miller. “I hope you can live with that.”

“Sorry, but I wanted my money”, Miller winked and went to find pants for himself.

“You’ve always been the worst one!” Clarke yelled after him.

He got out of Clarke’s hair quickly and evacuated to the other side of the hall. The others were already in a heated argument over something when he dropped down next to Octavia on the couch. Raven and Bellamy were sitting in their unbearable couple way: basically on top of each other in the armchair. Not that he wasn’t happy that they’d dealt with their shit. But we get it. You’re dating.

The two hadn’t _really_ been that bad. Miller figured it was bound to be a little weird at first with all of them being so close. It took them some time to get used to seeing Raven go in for a kiss when Bellamy showed up at the apartment. In turn, Bellamy always lit up like a light when Raven walked into a room, but that Miller had witnessed enough to consider normal.

After the first month, for a week or so they couldn’t stop finding the two making out in various places. Octavia planned to buy a bell she could ring whenever she was nearing so her eyes would be saved.

It was all evening out, though. They were still Raven and Bellamy - a honeymooning Raven and Bellamy. But still.

“Soulmates definitely exist”, Octavia stated. “I’m calling it now: Lincoln is totally mine. Hands down.”

“God, both of you were raised to be such hopeless romantics”, Raven snorted. “The universe has a sick sense of humor if soulmates actually exist.”

Miller purposefully didn’t glance in the direction of anyone specific in that moment, so he caught the look on Bellamy’s face. He’d known the man for a decade and he knew that look.

It didn’t appear much as teens when Miller started at a new school and Bellamy showed up to give him a tour. They’d been friends since that day, and Miller was sure he knew the guy even better than his own sister did.

He knew Bellamy was, in fact, a romantic, but so was Raven back when they were kids. Either way, the point was that having been raised by stable, loving people, Bellamy had grown up to have high hopes about nearly everything in life. Miller had also seen those hopes crushed not too long ago when Anya told him she couldn’t go through with the wedding.

It had started months before. Bellamy became absent-minded and buried himself in work during the wedding arrangements. Miller knew he himself was one to avoid his problems, but Bellamy was even worse if things were truly bad. When Anya came clean about the thoughts she’d had for a long time, Bellamy was devastated. He’d felt like his future just ran through his fingers and was gone forever.

It was the look that had Miller worried again. If Bellamy was in too deep, too fast, it could only mean trouble. The man could be a bit much when he was really devoted to something. It was just one of those things that made him _Bellamy_.

He didn’t want to have to say he’d been right about this.

“Monty. What do you think?”

“Uh”, Monty made a face. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s a nice thought at least.”

Both Octavia and Raven groaned at his answer.

Bellamy still looked like he’d fallen deep in thought. Miller didn’t know if he should try to talk to him or not. Maybe it was just the honeymoon period ending that brought this up. It was always the make it or break it moment in relationships. Raven and Bellamy had basically always liked each other. There was no way they couldn’t get past it.

  


* * *

  


She was sitting in the armchair with what she assumed was Miller’s sweater over her, when the others showed up, chattering noisily until they noticed her. They seemed confused for a second and Raven realized they were looking for Bellamy. She’d decided to save the stinging of her eyes for later, so she just stared on.

“Hey”, Clarke said carefully. “Why are you sitting here alone? We thought Bell was here so we didn’t want to… interrupt anything.”

“He left”, Raven cleared her throat, wrapping her arms around herself. “We, um -- We broke up.”

There was a moment of silence where shock was written all over their faces. (Miller’s the least. Raven wanted to kick him a little.) Monty was the first to come hug her, the others following. When Miller let her go, she punched his shoulder.

“Hey!” Miller yelped, and Octavia stepped between them, hand on Raven’s arm.

Raven knew she packed a mean punch so the way he rubbed the spot made her feel a little better. But only for a second. “Why don’t you look surprised?”

“What?” Miller gave her an incredulous look. “I am surprised!”

“Tell me the truth, Miller.”

He looked around for backup but everyone was staring at him expectantly. “What the hell? I wasn’t expecting that you break up, Raven! I was just worried about you both because you jumped into this so fast, okay? But what don’t I worry about? I was sure you’d be fine.”

Raven pulled him into a hug again. “Okay, but stop projecting your depressing worldview on me for a second.”

“Okay”, he promised.

“So what happened?” Monty asked as they all sat down.

Raven thought back to an hour ago, when Bellamy was still there. It had been tense all day, but Raven wasn’t planning on bringing it up until she did.

She’d been thinking about it for a while, that it was all a little too much for her. Bellamy made her so happy but still she felt like maybe she wasn’t. Sometimes when they were alone, she felt this weight over her. It wasn’t crushing like with Finn, no, nothing like that. If Bellamy treated her any better, he’d be a literal Disney prince. But it was still a weight.

She knew Bellamy didn’t do it on purpose. But she thought he should’ve noticed that she wasn’t always comfortable. In that moment she didn’t have a speech planned, but she definitely should’ve said more to him when she told him they were moving too fast.

“I just said I thought we were… maybe going too fast. Like, obviously I adore him, but we’ve only been going out for four months. But apparently he agreed with some of it. Because then we were agreeing it was better to break it off now rather than --” she took a deep breath to steady herself. “You know. Rather than when it would really hurt.”

Her voice broke a little on the last words, and Monty hugged her tighter.

None of them really knew what to say. It was the worst situation in a group of friends, and quite frankly no one had been expecting it.

Octavia frowned. “Did you talk things through at least?”

“I -- Well I know we should’ve. But you know your brother. He’s not that confrontational and he needs time to process.”

Raven wasn’t happy with the situation, but she figured it needed to be between her and Bellamy. She knew he’d taken a hit with Anya, but you’d imagine that would make him want to talk things through instead of just walking out. She didn’t want to be mad at him; it would’ve made things easier. But she was.

“You’d think he’d learn”, Octavia sighed.

“So are things going to be super awkward now?”

The others turned to glare at Miller but Raven just gave him a half-smile.

“I don’t know. I mean we ended it so it wouldn’t be too messy. But I don’t even know what that means.”

“I never imagined it’d end like this”, Clarke shook her head slowly.

“Okay, can you leave the thoughtful pondering to after I’ve fallen asleep dramatically against someone’s shoulder?” Raven huffed, already leaning on Monty’s side.

“Of course”, Clarke kissed her temple. “Is there anything we can do for you?”

“Just”, Raven snuggled closer to Monty. “Keep me company. I won’t even cry so Miller won’t be uncomfortable.”

He rolled his eyes at her. Octavia was giving him a look and he knew she was right. “Thanks. But I think I should… You know.”

“Oh”, Raven’s face fell. “Right.”

“No sides. I’ll just check up on him.” Miller got up and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. “I love you and you’ll be okay.”

“Love you too”, Raven smiled sadly at him. “Sorry I hit you.”

“Sorry I projected my negative worldview on you.”

“It’s okay.”

\--

When Bellamy opened the door for him, he had a look of hope on his face that very quickly fell.

“Raven’s not coming”, Miller closed the door behind himself.

Bellamy was already several steps away, a defensive look taking over. “Why did you?”

“Could we not do this, Bell? I know you’re upset, but --”

“But I shouldn’t be? Because she was right to break up with me?”

“Which you agreed to! And then left instead of talking about it!” Miller breathed deeply to lower his voice. “Bellamy. You knew this could happen. Sometimes relationships end. One bad breakup doesn’t save you from getting hurt again.”

“Well it should”, Bellamy huffed without looking at him. “And what do you know?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m emotionally distant and can’t hold a relationship. What’s new? This isn’t about me”, Miller took a step closer. “Bell, you need to accept that this happened. Hell, it’s probably not even the last breakup you’ll face. But you have to deal with this. You can be angry or sad or whatever you want. But stop putting your energy into being condescending and petty. It’ll get you nowhere.”

Finally Bellamy met his eyes and pinched his lips into a tight line. “But it’s _her_ , Miller. If it doesn’t work out with _her_ , how can it work with anyone?”

“Maybe you need to stop thinking of her as _her_. It’s Raven, Bell. You’ve always been friends first. Don’t lose that.” He’d nearly made his way to him in small, timed steps.

“It hurts.” And suddenly he was crumbling, lip wobbling and eyes swimming. “I couldn’t make Anya happy. I couldn’t make her happy. I couldn’t. I always ruin it.”

“I know it does”, Miller pulled him in gently, petting his hair as his shoulders shook. “But you didn’t make them _unhappy_. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you.”

“It’s unfair”, Bellamy sniffled.

“That’s -- That’s true. But even though it feels that way, your life isn’t over. You still have people in your life. Losing Anya didn’t break you and neither will this. Your relationships with two people you love are just changing.”

Bellamy hugged him tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m used to it. For some reason I’m your best friend”, Miller patted his shoulder. “But you know Raven deserves better. You two should be able to act like respectable adults.”

“I know”, Bellamy sighed.

  


* * *

  


Octavia felt like they should be having a barbeque or something.

It was the Fourth of July and it definitely should have not been spent sitting around Monty and Raven’s living room, with this awkward tension that Bellamy and Raven were insisting was “no big deal” whilst watching what was possibly the most boring documentary Octavia had ever seen in her life - an impressive feat considering she had grown up and now lived with Bellamy Blake. Fireworks weren’t an option because taking into account Raven’s pyromaniac tendencies and her current anger at Octavia’s brother, she and Monty had made a private agreement to stay away from them this year out of fear for Bellamy’s safety.

The scene was a far cry from the comfortable energy of just a few weeks earlier. Bellamy and Raven were on opposite sides of the room, sneaking looks at each other every once in a while before glaring back at the television. It wouldn’t be long before one of them caught the other’s gaze and fired off an insult that would end in slammed doors and tired sighs from the rest of them. Monty, Miller and Clarke were squashed onto the big sofa together and Octavia was sitting on the floor by Bellamy’s feet, just waiting for something to set them off.

Surprisingly, the documentary ended without incident. For his part, Bellamy looked to be genuinely engrossed in it and let out a contented sigh when it ended. Raven’s jaw clenched. It would have been funny that something as simple as Bellamy’s breathing could irritate Raven if it wasn’t taking such a toll on everyone’s mood. Octavia watched Monty lean over to whisper something in Miller’s ear. It wasn’t hard to figure out who they were talking about.

“My family and the Jahas used to go out to their lake house every Fourth of July,” Clarke blurted out suddenly. Everyone was surprised - Clarke hardly ever spoke about her family. She cleared her throat and picked at a loose thread in her jumper. “We’d watch fireworks and me and Wells would always sneak off to get a better view from up high. We stopped after -- We stopped a couple of years ago.”

There was quiet for a moment and Miller placed a comforting hand on Clarke’s leg. On his other side, Monty shrugged. “Fourth of July’s were never that great in my house. My siblings would call my parents the day before and tell them that they were working on a really big presentation and couldn’t fly home so it was just us in the house. All I’d hear about through this stupid, forced, family barbeque was how amazing they were doing and what a pity it was that they couldn’t make it back for a visit. The past few years with you guys have been… better.”

Octavia doubted that this particular one fell into that category but still. It made her reminisce about what 4th of July used to be in the Blake household. She tried, and failed, to avoid her brother’s pointed gaze. Unfortunately, Miller seemed to notice and smirked.

“Bellamy, what was it you guys used to do again?”

Licking his lips, Bellamy opened his mouth to reply but Octavia beat him to it. “We visited our cousins and played a little football. That’s it. Nothing too exciting.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Miller sat up a little straighter and tilted his head. “Wasn’t there something else though? Some - some sort of competition?”

He knew exactly what he was doing and Octavia tried to ward him off the topic with a cold glare. Not so easily dissuaded, Miller turned to Bellamy and raised his eyebrows expectantly. He cracked within seconds.

“There was… something.” The rest of them looked equally puzzled - even Raven didn’t try to pretend she wasn’t interested. Running a hand through his hair, Bellamy nodded slowly. “The Blake Cup.”

“Right,” Miller smiled, flopping back into his seat - job done. He grinned at Monty who was failing to suppress a smile.

“What’s the Blake Cup?”

Octavia was surprised to see that the question had come from Raven, of all people. She seemed genuinely interested but turned to Octavia for answers instead of her brother.

“We used to play football at our cousins’. Bellamy and I were the captains every year and we would compete to win the Blake Cup. Some years it… got a little heated.”

“Octavia broke my nose.”

“By _accident_. And it wouldn’t have happened if you had just moved out of my way,” she ground out, eyes narrowing. Even just thinking about the games of football they used to play was getting her fired up and she clenched her hands into fists to try and quench the fire rising inside her.

Monty looked at the two of them contemplatively. “So, where’s the cup now?”

The two Blakes glanced at each other and from the corner of her eye, and Octavia saw Clarke covering her mouth with her hand. Standing up suddenly, Bellamy started pacing.

“After the nose breaking, Mom took the cup and hid it. She said we were fighting too much and that we couldn’t have it back until we learned to compete like adults.”

“And how long ago was this?” Miller smirked. He obviously knew but relished in seeing the Blakes squirm.

Octavia bit her lip and spoke quietly. “Four years ago.”

“Oh my God,” Clarke snorted.

“We haven’t been allowed to play football together since.”

“Wow. Don’t you think that was a little…dramatic?” Clarke asked.

“I’m sure one innocent game wouldn’t end in any serious injuries. Plus we have a medic on hand, so.” Miller winked at Clarke at the end, who shrugged and smiled proudly.

“In training.”

“I want to play,” Raven stated firmly, mouth set in a firm line. This seemed to snap Bellamy back to reality and he shook his head.

“No. You can play and me and O will just keep score or something.”

“Keep score?” Octavia spluttered. “No way am I keeping score. It would be a tragedy to let an opportunity to kick Miller’s ass go by.”

Miller grinned but didn’t deny anything - Octavia was a force to be reckoned with.

“Well, you can play and I’ll stay in here and watch TV. I think there’s a part two to that documentary we just watched…”

“C'mon, man. You gotta play. The Blake-Miller dream team needs a revival.”

Miller widened his eyes pleadingly but Bellamy was adamant. She knew what the determined set of his jaw meant - he wasn’t budging. Not unless --

“I know what’ll get him to play.”

\--

After a short trip to her apartment and back, Octavia returned with a small bundle in her arms wrapped with a scarf. Bellamy watched along with everyone else as his sister unwrapped the familiar shaped object and placed it proudly on the table.

It was essentially a Furby that had been spray-painted gold and featured an assortment of beads and sequins. There was a block of wood that it was attached to which read ‘The Blake Cup’ in Octavia’s scrawl and Bellamy traced the letters with his fingers.

“How did you --”

“I found it last year in the back of Mom’s closet when I was looking for old photo albums. She must have forgotten about it so it’s been in our apartment since then.”

There was still a small voice in Bellamy’s head telling him that it was a bad idea to play against not only his sister but also Raven. Unfortunately, his doubts were overpowered by the sight of the trophy before him.

“Alright then,” he eventually got out, earning a cheer from everyone. “Let’s play.”

\--

“So, the Blakes are captains, right?”

Clarke stood with her arms folded, wearing one of Miller’s baseball caps with her blond hair in two braids. On closer inspection, Monty noticed that the jersey she was wearing was actually Miller’s too.

“Right. I pick first because I’m younger,” Octavia declared. Bellamy opened his mouth to argue, but before he could Octavia pointed a finger. “I choose Raven.”

Bellamy snapped shut his mouth immediately, realising that it was the right decision. Monty gave Octavia an appreciative nod - the two of them on the same team wasn’t a scenario he’d like to think about.

Sauntering over, Raven’s ponytail bobbed back and forth and she smiled sweetly. “Thanks, O. I don’t think I could stand playing alongside your brother. No offence.”

“It’s cute that you actually think I would pick you,” Bellamy practically growled. The tension between them looked like it was about to explode but Miller coughed quietly and the situation was diffused. Even though he wasn’t looking, Monty smiled at him warmly for easily bypassing the row.

“Miller.”

No one was surprised by Bellamy’s first choice and Miller walked over to him to do the handshake the two of them had made up when they were teenagers. Monty noticed the smallest twitch of Raven’s lips before her face was stone again.

“Sorry, Clarke. Monty.”

Patting his friend’s back, Monty joined his team. Looking put out, Clarke trudged over to Bellamy’s team and glared.

“I was obviously going to pick you next, Clarke,” Bellamy said sincerely, while Miller sniggered behind his hand.

“Well, seeing as your choice was between me and that bush I have to say I’m honoured,” she spat out.

“Alright, team huddle,” Octavia yelled, grabbing Monty’s arm and pulling him into a small circle with Raven. “So, we need strategies.”

“Fine. As soon as the whistle blows - do we have a whistle? Okay, well as soon as the game starts, how about I take down Bellamy?”

There’s quiet between them for a second before Raven cracks a dry smile.

“I was joking. Kind of. But I’ll mark him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea --” Monty interjects.

“No can do, Raven. Blakes mark each other. Those are the rules. You and Monty just alternate between Miller and Clarke, or even the two of you on Miller sometimes. If Bellamy isn’t causing trouble, I’ll help.”

“Good plan.”

“You guys know the rules, right?”

Raven nodded ferociously and Monty shrugged, but quickly copied Raven’s nod after Octavia sent him a dangerous look.

“Okay. We’re good to go.”

“O,” Monty began, tilting his head. “It’s just a game, right? Let’s have fun. Don’t injure your brother.”

“ _That_ sounds fun,” Raven mumbled. Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll try.”

They watched the other team split up from their huddle, also. Clarke looked on as Bellamy and Miller did their handshake again before high-fiving each of them enthusiastically.

Shuffling over to where Miller was standing, Monty nudged him with his elbow. There was a look of determination on his face that was mirrored by Bellamy and Octavia, but it cracked into a smile once he saw Monty. “Hey.”

“Hey. I don’t know if I’m more afraid of Bellamy and Octavia killing each other or Bellamy and Raven.”

Miller huffed out a breath and cast his gaze to where Bellamy and Octavia seemed to be arguing about something. “You never know. Clarke could surprise us. Anyways, don’t expect me to go easy on you because we’re friends.”

“I would never.”

Before Monty could process what was happening, Octavia was shouting at him to join her at the bottom of the court and Bellamy was throwing the ball. Just as he realised that Octavia and Bellamy had decided it was time to begin, Bellamy threw the ball and it soared through the air, into his chest.

Octavia ran ahead and screamed his name so he quickly passed it to her as best he could, vaguely aware of Raven saying something in the background. She flew past her brother nimbly, elbowing him in the process and scoring the first touchdown.

“Wow,” Octavia laughed, brushing her hands together as if to rub off dust. “I forgot how easy kicking your ass was.”

\--

Bellamy threw the ball over Raven’s head and Miller grabbed it quickly before dodging Octavia and scoring. There was a loud thump and when he looked over, Bellamy was holding his knee on the ground.

“What the hell, Reyes?” he bit out. She glared back.

“You tripped over my foot. Not very gracefully, may I add.”

“That was a foul!”

“Bellamy, I saw you. It was obviously a dive,” Octavia argued, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“Sounds about right. You do love diving into things without thinking,” Raven snorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bellamy spat. Miller realised it was probably time for an intervention.

“Team huddle!” he called, helping Bellamy up and motioning a bored Clarke over. She folded her arms and sighed.

“I haven’t even touched the ball yet. You two aren’t passing! Come on, give me a chance. I’m _good_.”

Looking shame-faced, they both apologised and agreed to pass to her. It was a well-worn habit from high school basketball - depending on each other out of everyone in the team and working well together because of it. Satisfied, she nodded for Miller to continue.

“Right. We’re seven points down and need to catch up. Octavia is the main threat here, but Raven and Monty aren’t terrible either. Monty is fast and Raven is… passionate about beating Bellamy. So, any tactics?”

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows and squinted her eyes at the other team, as if an idea would come to her. The other boy put a hand on his shoulder.

“I think Miller needs to take off his shirt. Distract the other team. Octavia won’t lose focus so easily but Raven and Monty will probably have a little less concentration for a while, at least.”

Miller swallowed. “I don’t think --”

“That’s a great idea. But I’ll lose focus too so it’ll kind of be counterproductive,” Clarke shrugged, raising a hand.

“Damn it Clarke,” Bellamy scowled, but the idea was dropped.

“Alright, look. Bellamy, you block Octavia. No one expects me to throw it to Clarke so that’s what I’ll do. Clarke catches it and scores. Boom.”

Nodding, Bellamy looked impressed. “Nice one, Miller. This all depends on Clarke.” He turned to the blonde and winked, “No pressure.”

“I’m in med school. You don’t even know what pressure is. I can deal.”

They nodded and moved out. As predicted, Raven, Octavia and Monty gravitated around Bellamy, leaving Clarke wide open. Miller made to throw to the other boy before firing at her. Her eyes widened for a split-second before narrowing and she caught the ball perfectly and took off. The others looked shocked as Clarke expertly weaved around them and threw the ball down. Bellamy let out a cheer and Miller ruffled her hair.

“We should have been using you all along,” Bellamy said, shaking his head. Clarke grinned and stretched her arms above her head.

“Alright, it’s a tie so next score wins,” Octavia announced.

“And why do you get to decide when the game ends?” Bellamy asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Because Lincoln is picking me up in ten minutes.”

Bellamy sighed relentingly. “Fine. Just let me tie my laces.”

“Wasting time, are we?” Raven sang, looking at her nails with boredom written on her face.

“Am I allowed to tie my shoelaces without you making a comment? Or am I just that interesting to you that you need to pick apart everything I do?” Bellamy snapped. Miller was about to interrupt when part of Monty and Clarke’s conversation drifted over to him.

“…I’ve never felt like this about someone before. We met at the pharmacy. His name is Jackson and…”

If Miller tried to move a little closer, well, the others were too busy arguing to notice. He barely realised how hard he was digging his nails into his palms.

“You have to introduce him to us soon!”

“Yeah, definitely. He’s just -- He’s great. You’ll all love him.”

A familiar ache settled into Miller’s stomach and he let the ball fall to the ground. Almost as if his feet were moving by themselves, Miller found himself standing beside the now full-blown row of Bellamy, Raven and Octavia’s.

“Let’s just get this game over with. You can fight inside after where it’s warm,” he said bluntly. The three of them exchanged a look but must have realised he wasn’t kidding around and nodded.

“Fine. Let’s finish this.”

\--

Octavia had the ball and was running swiftly up the court with it. Raven had deterred Miller with a bony elbow to the side, and Clarke’s attempts to stop her were blocked by Monty. The only thing standing between her and becoming the official Blake Cup owner was her older brother.

The two of them were drawing closer and it was a collision waiting to happen. She watched the way Bellamy crouched slightly, as if he was a lion getting ready to pounce. His feet moved back and forth quickly and she realised there was no way she was going to get past him. Whether it was the fact that Raven was on the opposing team or the reintroduction of the Blake Cup, he was more determined than she’d ever seen him.

“Octavia!”

A roar beside her. Raven appeared suddenly and held out her hands for the ball. Almost without thinking, Octavia passed it to her friend and watched as she sped onwards, to the left of Bellamy.

Mouth dropping open, it took Bellamy a second to react and Raven took advantage of his shock. Just as he recovered, Raven was two feet from the scoring line.

Acting quickly, Octavia shouted, “Raven, go!” jumped on her brother and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He stumbled and fell into Raven, who lost her balance. The three of them fell into a heap on the ground.

“Shit, are you guys okay?” Clarke asked, rushing over with Monty and Miller in her stead. Rubbing at her scraped knee, Octavia nodded and pushed herself up. Bellamy looked like he was about to ask Raven if she was okay but decided against it and offered her a hand to pull her up, which she refused.

“I’m fine,” she muttered.

“Hey,” Miller started, walking to where the ball lay. “That was a touchdown.”

Raven grinned. “Holy shit, seriously? I scored?”

“I -- We won the Blake Cup!” Octavia yelled, hugging Raven tightly. Monty cheered and quickly followed.

“No - no way!” Bellamy stuttered. “That was a clear foul and anyways, the ball hit off my elbow so I was the last to touch it.”

“Wow, you really can’t accept defeat, huh? Must be embarrassing for you, with all your bravado before,” Raven smirked.

“I just didn’t think you guys would stoop to cheating just to have a chance of beating us. But hey, take the cup if it makes you feel better.”

A car honked its horn and a familiar face peered out the window. Waving, Octavia ignored the fighting behind her and sprinted over to Lincoln.

“Hi! Guess whose team won our game?” Octavia smiled proudly, hopping into the passenger side and leaning over to kiss her boyfriend. He chuckled.

“I’m proud of you. You should have texted me earlier, I could have met your friends. How about you introduce me now?”

Octavia looked over. Bellamy and Raven were arguing angrily, arms gesticulating wildly as Clarke stood between them and tried to diffuse the situation. Monty was wearing Miller’s jacket over his shoulders and shaking his head at the two of them while Miller rolled his eyes and made his way off the court.

“I think another time would be better. My brother and my best friend who’s also his ex-girlfriend are on the verge of killing each other right now. My other friend who’s also my brother’s best friend’s roommate is the blonde one shouting at them. She’s in med school so hopefully no one will actually bleed.”

“Oh,” Lincoln said, looking a little worried still. She grabbed his hands and firmly put them on the steering wheel.

“Next time you see them, they won’t be like this. Hopefully. Now let’s go celebrate my win.”

Lincoln smiled. “Sounds good.”

  


* * *

  


“Stay still, Clarke”, Octavia tugged on her hair. “I know I can do this. If Raven could then I can too.”

“Why do you even need to braid my hair?”

“Why do you even need to braid her hair in my bedroom?” Monty asked.

“We’re keeping you company”, Octavia stated, rising up to her knees to see the top of Clarke’s head better. “French braids are almost as bad as learning French in high school.”

“Why is it called french kissing? Like anyone didn’t stick their tongues down other people’s throats before the French did”, Clarke huffed. “And don’t get me started on french fries.”

“I’m so glad we’re friends”, Monty muttered behind his book.

“Monty? O?” they heard Miller calling.

“We’re in Monty’s bedroom!” Octavia yelled.

“Both of -- Oh, hi Clarke”, Miller appeared at the door. “Why are you playing hair salon?”

“Because we can”, Octavia said. “Also shut up. You don’t even have hair.”

“I have… some hair.”

“What’s up?” Monty turned to him, setting down the book.

Miller took a seat at the end of the bed, moving his hand towards Clarke’s head to have Octavia try to slap it away. “I was just looking for - well, anyone really. It’s been so fucking shifty around here after _you know_.”

“I can’t tell anymore whether 'you know’ means the breakup itself or the mess that was the 4th of July _or_ if it’s inspired by the brand new development of them being unable to walk through a door without looking nervous”, Clarke grabbed Miller’s finger and twisted it until he backed down.

“I’ve had to yell 'he’s not here’ when Raven came home four times just this week”, Monty sighed. “I’m going to need a butler soon.”

Octavia snorted. “Now, now. Raven’s still a smart and sensible person. Imagine living with Bellamy’s moody ass. I’m glad the guy can’t PMS because I’m already done.” She made a thoughtful face at Clarke’s hair. “Miller, hold this part.”

“I’m not playing”, he said immediately.

Monty rolled his eyes and helped her. “We need to have, like, an intervention.”

“That’s not a bad idea”, Clarke nodded, making Octavia gasp as she almost lost hold of the braid. “Sorry.”

“Maybe we could --”

They heard the door slam as Raven got home. “Monty?”

Before he could answer the door opened again. They all stayed completely still as there was a moment of silence.

“Is O here?” Bellamy asked.

Octavia’s eyes widened. “Should I --”

“No”, Raven said.

“Oh. Okay I’ll come back later.”

Octavia made an alarmed gesture. “I really should --”

“You don’t have to leave.”

They all turned to look at each other in surprise until Raven continued.

“There’s no need to be _uncomfortable_.”

“Oh boy”, Monty sighed.

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Bellamy pressed.

“Why am I not surprised you don’t know.”

“We need to get out of here”, Octavia whispered.

“I’m not going out there”, Miller hissed. “The door’s closed. They don’t know we’re here.”

“This is horrible”, Octavia buried her head in her hands, letting the braid go loose.

\--

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Bellamy frowned at her.

She laughed dryly. “Why am I not surprised you don’t know.”

“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What I’m talking about is that you’ve made being around you incredibly uncomfortable for everyone. Including me. And just because you’re like a baby who can’t talk about their feelings the second something goes a little wrong.”

Bellamy gaped at her for a moment before finding his voice again. “ _You_ broke up with _me_!”

“And here I was thinking it was a mutual decision”, she rolled her eyes. “I wonder how I got that idea. Oh wait - I guess it was you saying 'yeah okay let’s break up’.”

“Well what was I supposed to do?” Bellamy snapped. “You wanted to break up.”

“I did. And you didn’t really even care to hear why. Or talk about it.”

“What was there to talk about? You said we should break up.”

Raven made a frustrated noise. “I also wanted to make you understand why! You’d just been dumped by your fiancée right before your wedding. But since the first night I came here, you’ve wanted to start seeing me? Have you even talked to your ex after she left you? You haven’t dealt with any of that crap and still you started dating me!”

“You kissed me first! Right on that first night after leaving your own fiancé. And you asked me to be with you! Do you not remember any of that?”

“I got my closure when I got my things from Finn. I’ve been dealing with it for over a year now. Like a grownup! And don’t even compare our situations like that. I was in a bad relationship for years. Yours was loving till the very end. So your fiancée is gay? At least she actually cared about you.”

“So the problem was me not being friends with Anya?”

“A part of it, yeah!” Raven exclaimed. “You lost a wedding, a marriage, a wife. I wasn’t there to give you those things! We’ve maybe known each other for years and years but our romantic relationship was only four months old. Harper and I broke up barely a month before I realized I’d love to be with you. I meant every word I said to you that day. But it wasn’t the most serious place to start.”

“What are you saying?”

“I felt like a replacement! For Anya, for me in high school who you had a crush on, for - I don’t even know! I wanted to be with you. But I’m not Anya. And I’m not who I was in high school. I felt every day like you were going to say you love me any second. And I didn’t know if I could say it back! I wasn’t there yet, not even close!

I’ve only just started this… new life. I finally have a job, I’m already in minor debt. When I was with Harper we both knew when she went back that’d be it. That’s the level of commitment I was ready for then. When I got together with you, I thought it could be as easy as I imagined it would be when I was 16 and you were just Bellamy, Octavia’s brother and the cutest boy in the neighborhood. But we’re not the same people, Bell. Neither of us. I know you think you love me. But is it really me or just the idea of me? Think about it.”

Bellamy cleared his throat. “That means you got together with me without being ready, too. Your unstoppable search for independence - that, honestly, no one just starting on their own has - was constantly there like a wall. You didn’t really want anyone close enough to help you.”

“Okay. Maybe that’s true. But you see how I’ve been honest with you?”

“You’re really saying you couldn’t be with me because I _liked you too much_?”

“Bellamy! Stop! Try to understand what I’m saying here. It didn’t work out. I felt like I was a part of someone else’s old relationship and not my own, new one. I care about you a lot. I always have. But”, she had to stop to wipe her eyes when they were suddenly overflowing, “I’m not the right person for you. I’d love to say not now, but -- But --”

She couldn’t keep going, sobs taking over and shaking through her body. Bellamy sighed deeply and walked up to her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest.

“I don’t want to lose you”, Raven hiccuped against his shirt. “You’re an important part of my life.”

“I know”, he hushed her gently. “You’re important to me too.”

Raven cried in his arms for a little longer. Bellamy just held her and hoped it wouldn’t be the last time.

“I’m sorry it went down this way”, Raven said, wiping her eyes as she pulled away.

“I’m sorry I was such a jerk”, Bellamy brushed her hair behind her ear. “I guess it was a smart choice to break up.”

“I think we both need to be our own people for now”, Raven took his hand and held it tightly. “And we can help each other.”

Bellamy watched her for a moment before smiling slightly. “I’d like that.”

\--

When they finally got out of Monty’s bedroom, hands full of used tissues, they found Raven sleeping on the couch. They’d waited until it got quiet, hoping she would go to bed. Bellamy had left almost an hour earlier.

“Raven, honey, let’s get you to bed”, Monty shook her shoulder carefully.

They all watched in silence when her eyes fluttered open and she sat up.

“Are you okay?” Octavia asked softly.

“Yeah”, Raven smiled, eyes shining in the light that came in through the window. “I’m fine.”

The three of them hugged for a long time before Raven went to bed. They sent Octavia home to Bellamy and Clarke and Miller were ready to go back across the hall. Monty held each of them tightly before they left. Octavia sniffled against his neck, Clarke kissed his cheek, Miller’s hands were warm against his sides.

  


* * *

  


It was late after Bellamy had stayed at work to grade the last of one class’ papers. He figured everyone was still at Monty and Raven’s, though, so that’s where he headed.

He didn’t mind living with Octavia, that wasn’t it. But going home to the reality of him having nothing was depressing even as a thought. It had been a month since the fight he had with Raven. Well, it was more Raven yelling at him for being an idiot but still. He was glad she’d been honest with him even though it stung so much more than he could’ve imagined.

“Hey, Bell! You missed dinner”, Octavia greeted him as he stepped into the apartment. “There’s still some left on the stove.”

“Who cooked?”

“Monty.”

“Nice”, he took off his coat and grabbed a plate while Octavia rolled her eyes at him.

“Where’s everyone?” Bellamy sat down, mouth already full of pasta.

“Across the hall. Wells is here.”

He nearly dropped his fork. “And you didn’t open with that?”

“They’ll be back in a second”, Octavia leaned back in her chair. “How was work?”

“It was work. Why is Wells here? Did they finally get together? I can’t believe I missed it!”

“Still BFFs as far as we know. They’re still fighting it”, Octavia shook her head.

The door banged open and Miller ruffled his hair when he walked in, the others in tow. “Hey!”

Bellamy swatted him off. “Hi. Hey, Wells!”

“Good to see you again, Bellamy”, Wells took a seat next to him.

Clarke was shooting glares at him, but he pretended he didn’t notice. “You too!”

“I heard what happened and I’m sorry”, Wells said quietly. Octavia took that as her cue to leave.

“Thanks.” He couldn’t help glancing over at Raven, who was laughing at something Monty said. It was a lot easier than it was a month ago, but he still exercised a lot of what Octavia called “internal sighing”.

“Are you doing alright?”

“Yeah, I suppose. We both have some issues we need to sort through. It was for the best.”

“Are you?”

Bellamy frowned. “Am I what?”

“Sorting through your issues.”

“I -- I guess I’m not.”

Wells gave him a genuine smile. “Maybe you should.”

Bellamy stared at his plate for a while. “Yeah… maybe I should.”

\--

Later that night he stared at his phone for fifteen minutes before even picking it up. He typed and deleted a message seven times before finally sending it.

And that’s how the next day he found himself on the front steps of Anya’s building, waiting for her to buzz him in. It had been almost a year since he last saw her, and as he stood in the elevator it felt like a lifetime had passed. When he stepped out, Anya’s door was already open.

She was still as beautiful as ever, a nervous smile on her face. “Hey, stranger.”

He’d missed her voice. It was once his favorite sound in the world. “Hi.”

“Come on in.”

He walked into her apartment, unable to stop the memories of them walking into their first home together from flooding back. It was the day he’d known he was going to marry her. They sat down on the couch and an awkward silence fell over them. Bellamy looked around the apartment, trying to figure out where to begin.

“I was surprised that you texted me”, Anya said finally. “I was happy but, well, it was kind of unexpected after all this time.”

Bellamy sighed. “I know. I guess I just thought it’d be easier if I didn’t see you… for a while.”

“I get it. And I’m not saying you should’ve gotten over it sooner. I just… I don’t know if I’m awful for saying this, but I missed you.”

He had to clear his throat a few times before he could talk. Being around her came so naturally to him, even after all this time, but he hadn’t truly prepared himself for this conversation. “I missed you too.”

“I know I hurt you a lot. I wasn’t honest with you right away and kept it all inside. I had these doubts for years but I just couldn’t talk about them no matter how much I trusted you. I made us both unhappy.”

“I didn’t understand it for a long time”, Bellamy admitted, reaching out for her hand. She squeezed his fingers tightly. “I mean, I’ve never had to go through something like that. I just… couldn’t help thinking it was my fault that you stuck around --”

“Bell, no. I was with you because I loved you. And I ended it with you because I knew it wasn’t fair that you didn’t know that my love had… changed. Well no, not changed. But I’d figured out how I loved you. The fact that I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean it didn’t matter.” Anya’s eyes were starting to water, and Bellamy blinked back the stinging in his as well.

“It felt easier to blame you. For a while. But I know you didn’t really change. O didn’t come out to me until she was 20. She said it was hard to unlearn some way of thinking. All I can do is believe her. And you. Marrying you would’ve made me incredibly happy, but only really if you were as happy to be marrying me.” He reached out to wipe away a tear from her cheek. “I just wanted you to be happy.”

“I wanted to be happy with you”, Anya took hold of his other hand too. “And I tried. But it wasn’t really a romantic feeling that I had for you. It just took me very long to accept it. Because you were my best friend and I’d grown to believe I had to love men. I had never cared about anyone like I cared about you. So it had to be love.

I’ll never be more grateful for anything than how much you respected me. Because after I accepted it myself, I wasn’t afraid to tell you. It was hard because I knew you’d be hurt, but I knew it was the right thing to do. For the both of us. But I was never scared of your reaction. Because you were always my family.”

Bellamy pressed his lips together tightly. “You’re such an ass. Stop making me cry.”

Anya laughed wetly, shuffling over to hug him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and fit his chin on top of her head.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you after everything.”

“You’re a good person, Bellamy Blake, but you don’t deal with change well”, Anya pinched his side, making him let go. They settled side by side with his arm still around her shoulders. “Believe it or not but you’re even more stubborn than your sister.”

“Am not”, he huffed.

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

\--

Hours later they were still on the couch, now with glasses of wine in hand.

“I’m sorry you had sex with me”, Bellamy said, staring at the ceiling.

Anya snorted loudly. “The sex was fine. You are an attractive dude, Blake. Just not my preference.”

“Well as long as you find me pretty”, he grinned, still at the ceiling. “Even if I’m not at the top of your list.”

“Yeah, the number one spot is taken.”

His head snapped up when her words really sunk in, the room spinning for a second. “So… you’re seeing someone?”

Anya raised a brow at him. “It’s been a year, Bell.”

“That’s not what I meant”, he turned to sit sideways on the couch. “What’s she like?”

Anya’s cheeks flushed and she bit her lip. “She is… amazing.”

She wasn’t looking at him and Bellamy was grateful. He loved seeing her so happy and he didn’t want her to think even for a second he wasn’t happy for her. After a few glasses of wine he was just having trouble controlling his expressions. And he was still wallowing in the aftermath of him and Raven a little. So really, he deserved to be a little jealous.

When she turned back to him he’d shaken all the negative thoughts away. Her smile was sweet, lips stained slightly by the wine, and he couldn’t help returning it.

“Do you remember when you proposed to me?” she asked suddenly.

“Of course.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget it”, Anya grinned. “It was a ridiculous day.”

Bellamy could still see it in his mind: the water flooding all over the floor, Anya kicking the wall next to where the pipe was broken, muttering angrily in Nepali at it. He’d just returned from trying to find someone to give them a hand, but apparently there was worse damage in other parts of the building.

After hearing the bad news, Anya had burst into laughter. She’d laughed so hard she slipped and fell on the wet floor. Bellamy had watched her giggle helplessly for a moment before joining her. They were supposed to be at their favorite restaurant then, all dressed up for their date. He had planned to do it there, but they never made it out of the apartment after the flooding started.

Sitting on the wet floor of their apartment, he’d pulled out the ring from his dress pants’ pocket and asked her to marry him.

“Why do you ask? Need tips?”

“Shut up”, Anya pushed at his shoulder. “I’m reminiscing.”

“It’s cute.”

Anya narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you so glum?”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “I’m not.”

“I know you well enough to disagree.”

He sighed. “Fine. So I was seeing someone for a while --”

“Who?”

“You remember Raven Reyes?”

Anya stared at her with her eyes wide. “Your childhood crush? Octavia’s bestie since whenever?”

“Yeah. She came back around a little after we broke up. She’d actually just left her fiancé then.”

The smack came without warning. Bellamy rubbed the back of his head and pouted at her.

“Ow?”

“You fucking idiot! You tried to date your _dream girl_ right after a massive breakup? For both of you?” Anya hissed.

“Well it wasn’t just me --”

“Bellamy! Why?”

He made an obscure gesture. “It just happened! But she dumped me, okay?”

“Why?”

“Well… it’s a long story…”

“Bellamy”, Anya frowned at him.

“She thought she was a rebound. That I still had some past issues I hadn’t dealt with.”

“Oh, so that’s why you’re here.” She didn’t look mad - just thoughtful. “A little too late.”

“You’re telling me”, Bellamy huffed, letting his head fall back. “I lost her.”

“Hey, now”, Anya touched his shoulder. “It wasn’t the right time. But look at what you’re doing now! It’s progress.”

“I thought she was the one, you know? Since you weren’t”, Bellamy sighed again. “I blew it.”

“Well, sure, with that attitude.”

“It was the right thing to do then. She wanted to be honest with me right away.”

“Ouch. Well I can’t disagree with that, can I?” Anya scratched her chin. “So you’re backing off?”

“Of course. She’s my friend.”

“Like you and I?”

Bellamy smiled at her. “Yeah.”

“Boy, did I miss your face”, Anya reached out to pinch his cheek.

“I’m sorry I was MIA for so long.”

“It’s fine. Miller’s kept me updated.”

“What?”

“I’ve talked to Miller on the phone a few times. Since we broke up. More back then when it was more recent”, Anya said.

Bellamy shook his head. “I guess I should’ve known. He always loved you.”

“It’s a gay thing.”

He gave her an unimpressed look. She just smirked.

“I should probably go home. O doesn’t know where I am.” Bellamy pushed himself up from the couch and Anya followed.

“Tell her hi from me. And you should visit me again.”

He stopped by the door and turned to face her. “I will.”

“I’ll hold you to that”, she dragged him into yet another hug. “You’ll be okay, kiddo.”

“I’m only a year younger than you, grandma.”

“Respect your elders”, she patted his cheek as she pulled away. “Goodnight, Bell.”

“Bye.”

Just as he was reaching for the door, it opened and a woman blinked at him from the other side. She seemed to recognize him, though, as a careful smile spread on her face.

“Hi! You must be Bellamy. I’m Echo.”

“Nice to meet you”, he shook her hand before turning back to Anya. “I’d dump myself too”, he mock-whispered.

Anya giggled, kissing Echo’s cheek as she moved around him into the apartment.

“You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?” Echo wrapped an arm around her waist.

“It’s his fault”, Anya said, winking at Bellamy.

“Don’t listen to a word she says!” He stepped outside. How coming there had felt so scary, he didn’t know.

“Get home safe”, Anya called from the door as he walked towards the elevator. “And don’t forget to call me!”

He just waved in reply.

  


* * *

  


Bellamy approached Monty the week before Thanksgiving.

“So, same arrangement as last year?”

Monty nodded eagerly. “Of course.”

And so the actual day found them in their 'kitchen tag team’ mode, as Octavia had very aptly titled it. The rest of their friends had been exiled from their work space to the living room, watching the game that Miller had insisted they put on with varying degrees of interest.

“This makes me want to play football again,” Clarke sighed. “We should all go out another time, now that there’s less…”

She paused, shaking her head. Raven raised her eyebrows.

“Fighting?” she supplied.

“I was going to say tension,” Clarke shrugged, “but that works too.”

“Yeah, we should,” Miller nodded. “Only this time I’m not letting you guys win.”

“Oh, seriously?”

There was an outcry of protests and insults from Raven and Monty, before Bellamy suddenly held up his hands and shushed them all.

“Octavia was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago. She’s late. And it’s snowing - what if something happened?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Bellamy. Stop being so dramatic. She was at Lincoln’s, right? They’re probably just saying goodbye or something, if you know what I --”

“Okay, I’m going to stop you there. It’s just she said she’d text if she was going to be late and -- O! Hey.”

The door had opened and Octavia walked in, her nose tinged pink and pieces of melting snow caught in her dark hair. Her eyes were on the ground and she swallowed before greeting them.

“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late, I had to -- yeah.” Walking over to the sofa, she dumped her coat and bag beside where Miller was sitting. On closer inspection, Raven thought she saw a little redness around her eyes. “I’ll be right back.”

They all stared as she hurried into the toilet and locked the door behind her. Rubbing his lip, Bellamy’s eyebrows were furrowed with worry and he made to follow her. Raven jumped up and pressed a hand to his shoulder.

“Leave her for a few minutes. She’ll be out soon.”

Clenching his jaw, Bellamy’s eyes flickered down to Raven’s before he nodded and headed back to the kitchen. It wasn’t long before the doorbell rang and Monty threw the vegetables he was chopping onto the table.

“Shit, that’s Jackson. Bellamy, keep going, I’ll be right back. Crap -- how do I look?” he asked, spinning around to face the others. Looking offended at being left out of the question, Bellamy mashed the potatoes a little more forcibly than before. Raven gave him a thumbs up and Clarke hummed, nodding enthusiastically.

“Swell.”

“Like a million dollars.”

Miller just looked up at Monty for a second before grunting and turning back to the TV. Rolling his eyes at his back, Monty shook his head. “You guys are no help.”

“Open the door!” Raven whined, banging on the sofa in frustration. Giving her a look, Monty walked over to the door.

The guy Raven presumed was Jackson smiled and kissed Monty on the cheek when Monty pulled open the door. Dressed in a navy button down and black jeans, he waved at everyone as he entered the room.

“Hi, everyone. I’ve heard a lot about you all - it’s good to finally to put faces to the names.”

Raven and Clarke jumped up to introduce themselves but Bellamy beat them to it, shaking Jackson’s hand firmly. He grinned warmly at them all and answered their questions obligingly, hugging Octavia (who had suddenly appeared) in the middle of them. He could guess all their names and complimented Raven on her “epic” winning score in the football game that he had heard all about it.

“Well, technically they didn’t win. But whatever,” Bellamy called from where him and Monty were busy at the kitchen counter. Octavia rolled her eyes and led Jackson to the sofa; Clarke and Raven trailed behind.

“He’s cute. I like him,” Clarke whispered to the other girl. Raven nodded, her face serious.

“Me too. Especially after Connor - he seems more genuine.”

“You’re Miller, right?”

Miller, who had apparently been staring at the television since Jackson arrived, finally looked up and grimaced. “It’s nice to meet you, Jackson.” Extending his arm, he shook Jackson’s hand before flopping back in the chair again. Behind them, Bellamy was giving him a funny look that Raven couldn’t interpret. She chalked it up to the fact that he wasn’t the best at meeting new people and relaxed back into her chair.

She glanced over at Octavia, who was chatting exuberantly to Jackson about her job, any traces of her earlier distress gone. Raven didn’t have to check to know that Bellamy was sending worrying looks their way.

After an hour, within which Clarke got really into watching the game on T.V. and Monty sporadically came to sit with Jackson before leaving again to finish the food, Bellamy finally called out “Dinner!” and they gathered around the table to dig in hungrily.

“So, you two met at the pharmacy, right?” Bellamy asked, shovelling a forkful of turkey into his mouth. Raven laughed at the disgust on Clarke’s face.

“Uh, yeah. I was picking up some stuff because I had a cold and Monty was working at the counter. We got to talking and…yeah,” Jackson laughed. Monty grinned at him.

“You’re lucky all the sneezing didn’t scare me off.”

“I am, am I?”

“Hey, Raven, what was that thing you were telling me about earlier? The story about the guy you had to help because his car broke down?” Miller asked suddenly, staring fixedly at her. She raised her eyebrows in surprise but shrugged and opened her mouth to reply. Before she could, though, Octavia started talking.

“I need to tell you all something,” she said quietly. Bellamy dropped his cutlery and the room grew quiet as Raven’s heart thumped in her chest. Fleetingly, she thought about how uncomfortable Jackson must be feeling.

“Lincoln -- he’s leaving to build houses in Africa. A friend asked him to volunteer and he agreed. He was there once before so it’s not a big deal or anything. He’s going to be gone for a while and I’m…I’m thinking of going with him.”

Tension suddenly descended on the room and the only sound that could be heard was everyone’s breathing. Bellamy swallowed. “How long is a while?”

His voice was shaky and Raven could see him fighting every instinct ingrained into him. Miller thumbed at his bottom lip and was looking between the Blakes with concern. Shrinking back in his chair, Jackson kept his eyes on the plate in front of him.

“A year. Maybe more,” Octavia answered.

It took a second for everyone to react, shaken by the impact of her words. Raven felt her stomach drop and she winced as Bellamy started talking, voice low and quiet.

“A year? A whole year, O? You’ve been dating this guy, what - a few months? And now you want to leave your family and friends and everyone who loves you behind for twelve months because of him? Are you --”

“Bellamy, relax,” Miller interrupted, giving him a quelling look. None of them really expected a full-blown fight to break out but Bellamy was definitely teetering on the edge of something. He sighed and shook his head.

“Octavia, can you please think about this? You’re not even considering the consequences. Have you researched where you’re going? What you’ll be doing?”

Octavia narrowed her eyebrows. “Don’t treat me like a child. I have given and am currently giving this a lot of thought, so you’re going to have to trust that I make the right decision.”

Bellamy shook his head disbelievingly. “You can’t just --,” he started, sounding a lot more desperate than Raven had ever heard him, but was cut off by Octavia.

“I can’t? I _can’t_? I think I can do whatever I like, Bellamy. I love Lincoln, and I trust him too. If I’m going - which is, may I add, still undecided - then you’re going to have to respect that and get on with it.”

Opening his mouth, Bellamy looked like he was going to say something else - an apology, maybe, or a plea. But he closed it, ran a hand through his hair and sighed before he walked out of the apartment. The door shut behind him.

“Octavia,” Monty said, head tilted to the side. She refused to meet his gaze.

“I’m going for a walk. I need to think.”

After she had exited too, Miller stood up. “I’m going to talk to Bellamy. It was good meeting you Jackson.” He nodded at the end. Jackson smiled meekly back.

Clarke closed her eyes and groaned. “I can’t believe that just happened. What if she goes?”

Raven shrugged. There was no use trying to dissuade a Blake. “Then we respect her decision.”

“That’s it?” Monty asked incredulously. “We just have to be happy for her?”

“I guess.” Raven’s heart hurt. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and tried again. “Even if it sucks, we have to support her. She’s our friend.”

There was quiet for another few minutes with Raven, Monty and Clarke all lost in their thoughts. Jackson coughed politely and stood up.

“Well, I’m going to hit the road. It was lovely meeting all of you and the meal was delicious. I’ll call you later, Monty?”

“Shit, yeah. I’m sorry about,” Monty made an awkward hand gesture, “all of this. We’re normally not as dramatic as this dinner has made us seem.”

“Yeah, we’re fine, like, ninety percent of the time,” Clarke chipped in, an apologetic look on her face. Jackson waved them off and kissed Monty’s cheek before making his exit. Raven waved wanly after him.

“Fuck,” Clarke sighed.

“Some Thanksgiving,” Monty murmured. Raven tried to muster a smile, but found herself laying her head on her arms instead.

“Some Thanksgiving indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> clearly we're going with the cliffhangers lmao. hello again. it's been a while but we're back.  
> this chapter was a bit different than the first for many reasons but i hope you all still enjoyed it as much. even though you're probably bummed about the ravenbell.. we're all about the character development so bear with us friends. unlike (g)ross, bellamy is worthy of a second chance.  
> we're just as excited to start ch3 and it'll be perhaps a bit slower in pace. hopefully you'll be joining us then again. thank you to anyone who's commented or even just tagged nice things when you reblog the post they make us feel Very Nice inside.  
> also yes. we love wells.  
> \- vilma


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: not much new just know there's some mental health related talk. happy new year!!
> 
> hey!! thanks for sticking with us, i can't believe we're this far already. this is a p emotional chapter in some ways but it's also a great character building chapter so i hope you'll enjoy it. also there's a new character that is so amazing i'll be personally offended if you don't love them. anyways enjoy, hope you all had a lovely christmas and let's hope for a good 2016.  
> \- aisling

Raven adjusted the position of her laptop, waiting for the call to connect. Harper’s concentrated pout popped up on her screen soon enough.

“Hey!”

“Hi! Long time no see!”

“Yeah, sorry. It’s been pretty hectic. _A lot_ is going on.”

Harper laughed. “Tell me everything. I miss your messes.”

“Just my messes?”

“Well your friends’ too.”

“Right”, she snorted. “Where should I even start?”

“Alright. I’ll go first”, Harper tugged her hair behind her ear. “I got a promotion last week. My job is just as boring as before, but now I’m in charge of a few other extremely bored people.”

“Congrats! I always knew you could do it.”

“Thank you very much. I’m also sorry to inform you that I’ve taken a lover.”

Raven burst into laughter. “What a sad day it is to all women in D.C. And myself of course.”

“I thought you should know”, Harper grinned. “It’s tough to take in but you’ll get through it.”

“I can’t promise you anything.”

They were quiet for a moment. Harper was giving her a knowing look but she wasn’t going to break.

“You don’t have to tell me about your love life if you don’t want to.”

“It’s actually not that. Though currently there isn’t much to tell. We’re having some trouble with Octavia.”

“What kind of trouble?”

“She’s got herself a man. His name is Lincoln. He’s a firefighter.”

“Wow. And the problem is?”

Raven glanced at the door instinctively like she always did nowadays when talking about the /issue/. “They’ve been going out for a while now. I was actually there when she asked him out. She’s madly in love. But now he’s going to Africa. I’m not sure which country. But it’s some kind of a house building project. I don’t actually know a lot about it since it’s hard to bring up. Bell’s pretty upset and O’s upset that he’s so upset.”

“What’s the issue? Distance or time?”

“Both. It’s not a short trip. I got the idea that he’s done this before so it’s easy for him to just make it happen. For O not so much.”

Harper propped her elbows on her knees and leaned on her palms. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know. They’ve dated for a little under a year. He’s basically like a… muscular Prince Charming. I don’t blame her. But I don’t know if it’s what /she/ wants to do. I feel like she's maybe more worried about losing him than anything else.”

“Sounds complicated.”

Raven rubbed her eyes. “I told you everyone’s a mess.”

“What about Clarke? Miller? Monty?”

“Clarke’s finishing medical school next spring. She’s starting to freak out a bit. In a Clarke way, so it’s not that bad. But she’s drinking now. I mean not when she needs to work or anything. But oh boy when she has time off.”

Harper grimaced. “Will she live?”

“She’s Clarke. She always survives.”

“Like you?”

She scrunched up her nose. “Sure.”

“Okay. What else? Is Monty on crack? Did Miller escape to Canada?”

“Monty’s actually doing great. He’s got a new man too. His name is Jackson. He’s a few years older. They seem pretty much perfect for each other. He’s probably doing the best out of all of us.”

“That’s nice to hear. So is Miller the one on crack then?”

Raven bit her lip, thinking about her friend. Miller was… fine. He was fine. Except that he wasn’t. With all that was happening it was just hard to pinpoint what exactly was wrong. “He’s -- Well, he’s not on crack. You know how he’s introverted and evasive at best? But like in a good way?”

Harper chuckled. “Sure.”

“Now he’s all that in a bad way. It’s like everything he’s thinking about he holds inside. He’s like a pressure cooker.”

“What does he have to internalize that's especially recent?”

“I have no idea! But there’s got to be something. He’s not telling us anything. Maybe Bellamy, but he has too much going on to deal with him too. They might be best friends but neither of them can handle their emotions, I swear to god. He just looks so unhappy. It’s terrible to watch.”

“He was fine when I was still there. Did something happen?”

“Not that I know of. I’m just scared when Murphy will pop up.”

“Murphy?”

“He’s this guy Miller goes out with sometimes. He’s the worst. But he’s like some kind of a comfort… thing to him. Or maybe not comfort but no one really knows what. I’m not even sure if they like each other. Hell, I’m not sure they really know each other. But he kind of shows up when you least hope he would. I don't know how it works.”

“Sounds fun... So he hasn’t shown up yet?”

“Nope. Fingers crossed.”

Harper raised both of her hands to show her fingers. Raven smiled softly, stretching her back as she tightened her ponytail.

“You know who that leaves?”

“No”, she whined.

“Okay. On a scale of your friends, where would you place yourself?”

“Oh boy. I think definitely below Monty. If he’s at the top, that is. I’m doing fine. Work’s fine. I’m not seeing anyone but I’m not really looking either.”

“You’ve seen _someone_ after me though, right?”

“Well…”

“Now I’m interested.”

“It’s not that interesting. Really.”

“Why did you break up with him?”

“How did you -- _Him_?”

“Bellamy”, Harper raised her brows knowingly. “I know you a little, Raven.”

She sighed. “Is it that obvious?”

“A little bit.”

“Okay, you got me. Bellamy and I… We got together about a month after you and I ended it. It just -- I don’t even know. We just happened. It felt right at the time. And we were great. You know I’ve adored him since I was a kid - and the other way around. But it didn’t work out. It was too soon. He had his business with his ex and I apparently couldn’t let him close enough. We were both in the wrong, but also right. Anyway! All in all it was hard but it’s better this way.”

Different emotions crossed Harper’s face before she spoke again. “You love him?”

“I don’t know if it was ever like that. Like all the way. But he’s special. He’s so special”, Raven shook her head. “But I’m fine. It’s fine.”

“I didn’t mean to… you know.”

“I know. It’s fine. I can talk about it. He and I have talked about it.”

“I’m really proud of you, you know?”

“Thank you --”

“Raven! You home?”

“Monty’s home”, she replied to Harper’s questioning look. “I’m here!”

Monty showed up at her door, knocking lightly on the doorframe before stepping in. “Harper! Hi!”

“Hello there! How are you?”

“I’m great. Haven’t seen you in a while. When are you coming to visit?”

“Harper’s a busy lady. She’s got a promotion and a new lady friend”, Raven told him.

“Fantastic. No excuse for not visiting, though. We miss you.”

“I miss you guys too. But since I’m not there, you should tell me about this mystery man you’ve found for yourself.”

“Raven didn’t already reveal everything?”

“No”, Harper flashed her a smile. “I’m still missing his social security number and --”

“Alright, you two. I’ll let you have a moment alone. I need to pee.” She got off the bed, giving Monty her spot in front of the laptop. As she walked out of her room, Miller was just stepping into the apartment. “Hey, dollface. Harper’s on skype in my room. Go say hi.”

Miller just mumbled a response but made his way towards her room. She watched him go, shaking her head lightly.

  


* * *

  


“Monty. Monty! Where’s the ice?” Bellamy asked for the fifth time.

“It’s still in Miller’s freezer”, Monty answered, also for the fifth time. He threw an exasperated look in Miller’s direction before turning back to his job of setting out snacks.

He chuckled, reaching out to grab a chip from the bowl Monty was filling. With his hands full, all Monty could do was glare at him.

“Alright, guys! How do I look?” Raven pirouetted towards them. She was wearing a sparkly golden dress that reached all the way down to the floor.

“Who needs fireworks when we have you”, Monty grinned.

“Exactly”, Raven kissed his cheek.

“You look beautiful, Raven”, Bellamy said after finally getting his eyes off of her.

“Thanks! Where’s O? Back when I got this, she said she’d leave any man she happened to be with once I wore it.”

“Really?” Bellamy’s voice was just a tad too hopeful.

Raven shot him a disapproving look. “Please let your sister live. It’s New Year’s Eve. We’re celebrating. Get in the party mood.”

“I’m trying”, Bellamy muttered.

“She’s probably on the other side”, Monty offered.

“I’ll go get them.”

“I’ll come with you”, Miller said quickly, earning an encouraging smile from Monty. He followed Raven across the hall. Clarke was sitting by the counter, tapping away on her phone, barely looking up when they walked in.

“Hey, you know you can bring your phone with you, right?”

Clarke looked up again and did a double take on Raven, who practically preened. “I’ll go anywhere with you.”

“Where’s O?”

“She’s downstairs waiting for Lincoln”, Clarke tugged on the collar of her dress. “This sure won’t be uncomfortable.”

“Bell will behave himself.”

Miller was impressed by the amount of confidence in Raven’s voice.

“We need to take a picture together!”

He held out his hand for Clarke’s phone, but she didn’t give it to him.

“All of us”, she said pointedly. “We’re selfie-ing this shit.”

Raven dragged him into frame and Clarke snapped what felt like a dozen pictures of them. When she was finally satisfied, they released him.

They heard Octavia before the door even opened. Raven whistled as she entered, and she stopped to curtsy. Lincoln was right behind her, smiling widely.

“No one to save today, Lincoln?” Raven teased.

“Off duty”, he chuckled.

“Who knows with all of you”, Octavia huffed, leaning on his side. “Why are you here?”

“I do believe we live here.” Miller grinned at the grimace she sent his way.

“Well, the party’s starting so we should go.” Octavia turned to lead the way, Lincoln’s hand on her waist.

Miller grabbed the ice from their freezer before following them.

\--

He was just returning to the party after sneaking out to use the bathroom at his own place, when Monty nearly scared him to death. He was waiting right behind the door and wrapped an arm around his shoulders when he walked in.

“Sorry”, Monty giggled. “Sorry.”

“Are you that drunk?” he asked, draping his own arm around Monty’s waist.

“I’m not. I’m just in a good mood. And I was wondering if you know where O is. She’ll kill me if I don’t ask her to join the drinking game.”

“She’s making out with Lincoln in the hallway.”

Monty scrunched up his nose. “Great. I don’t want to witness that no matter how much I love her.”

“Yeah, better wait”, Miller chuckled.

Monty leaned on him heavily, patting his chest. “I’m all good. I’ll just wait with you. Jackson might not make it. It’s almost midnight. It’s sad.”

“Yeah, poor you. All alone.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m here with you. You’re not alone.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mon.”

Monty let go of him, instead turning to face him. “Sure?”

“Yeah.”

"Good.” Monty’s eyes moved to somewhere behind him. “There she is. O!”

Miller stayed where he was while Monty skipped over to Octavia. He took a few deep breaths before looking over the party. Clarke and Bellamy were talking to Lincoln in the kitchen now. It looked like they were trying to make him say which one of them was right about something. He didn’t want to know. Monty and Octavia were on the couch, yelling over each other and everyone in the game.

“Hey.”

He turned to his right to see Raven leaning on the wall next to him. “Hi.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“You look like you want to leave.”

“You don’t have to call me out on it.”

Raven sighed, shaking her head lightly. “Okay, sorry. Do you want me to keep you company?”

“Did no one meet your standards here?”

She laughed and elbowed his side. “In this dress? I think you get to be my prince tonight, Miller.”

“Appreciated.”

Raven let her head drop on his shoulder. “So what are your New Year's resolutions?”

“No idea. I never stick to them anyway.”

“Not with that attitude.”

“What about you then?”

“I think I’ll try to stay single for a while. Get over Bellamy. All that.”

Miller snorted, and she made an offended noise.

“I’m serious! Don’t be a dick. I want to patch up our friendship without any sexual tension.”

“I don’t think your friendship has ever existed without tension.”

“You’re just no help, are you Miller?” Raven huffed.

“Guess not”, he chuckled.

\--

Lincoln had to leave about an hour before midnight because of an emergency call from the station. Octavia looked about three parts proud and only one disappointed. He apologized for having to leave so abruptly, but they all just wished him luck saving the world.

Fifteen to midnight all but Clarke were sitting around the kitchen table. Monty was still sad that Jackson wasn’t there, Octavia had kicked off her heels, Raven looked all but ready to go to sleep, and Bellamy was making origami out of a napkin.

“Hey”, Clarke appeared next to him. “Have you seen the girl I was talking to earlier?”

“Which one?” Octavia grinned.

“Ha ha. Seriously. Long, brown hair. Pale. Bit of an accent. I wanted to kiss her at midnight.”

“Sorry”, Bellamy shook his head.

Clarke took a seat next to Miller with a sigh.

“I want to kiss someone at midnight”, Octavia whined. “Clarke, can you kiss me?”

“Sure --”

“Wait up. There’s six of us here. Come on”, Raven said, sitting up straight. “I can’t kiss Bell - no offense.”

“None taken.”

“I’m not kissing Bell either”, Miller stated.

Bellamy sent a sour look his way.

“Fine, I’ll kiss him”, Clarke rolled her eyes. “O, you can kiss Raven. Boom. Problem solved.”

“I feel so wanted”, Bellamy muttered.

“So then I’m kissing you.”

Miller turned to look at Monty, who just stared back. “Right.”

People were starting to get into position in preparation for the countdown coming from the TV. His throat was feeling a lot tighter than it did a few minutes ago. It’s not that he didn’t _want_ to kiss Monty. It happened to be very high on the list of things he wished to do in his life - a list buried under multiple layers of unpleasant feelings in his brain. But in front of their friends, the whole party. It wasn’t how he’d imagined it.

It was definitely a bad idea. But he couldn’t say no anymore. And he didn’t really want to if this was his only chance.

Barely a minute before the countdown, the front door opened and Jackson rushed in, snow in his hair and his cheeks pink from the cold, apologizing for being so late. Monty’s whole face lit up when he saw him.

Bellamy caught his eye just briefly before he turned away. The mix of relief and disappointment felt a lot like nausea in the pit of his stomach.

The countdown started and ended. Raven and Octavia shared a quick kiss before hugging each other tightly. Monty was already wrapped up in Jackson’s arms. Bellamy and Clarke opted out of kissing each other by pressing kisses on both of Miller’s cheeks instead.

“Happy New Year”, Bellamy stroked his back as he leaned into him.

Miller rested his temple against his for a moment before everyone else was demanding hugs.

\--

“Kiss my ass, Bellamy!”

Miller raised a brow at Octavia, who climbed onto the balcony. She grinned, closing the window behind her.

“Sorry to interrupt your alone time”, Octavia leaned against the railing next to him.

“It’s fine. I’m just… resting.”

Octavia nodded. She turned around to look down at the city. They were silent for a while. He was fine without talking, knowing Octavia wouldn’t hold her tongue if she had something to say.

She took multiple audible breaths but didn’t say anything. He simply watched the party inside, letting her gather her thoughts.

“I -- I don’t think I should go”, Octavia said, voice cracking at the end.

He didn’t know what to say. Octavia wasn’t a crier, she never had been. She was usually just outright stubborn, refusing to cry in front of people. He didn’t know if he was supposed be to acknowledging her tearing up.

“I don’t think I should go with Lincoln. I don’t -- My job is here, my family. I’m -- It’s scary.”

“O, it’s --”

“Don’t say it’s okay to be scared. I’m not afraid”, she wiped at her eyes angrily. “I just -- He’s perfect. He’s so kind, he’s smart, he _literally_ saves lives. He knows exactly what he wants.”

Miller sighed. “It’s not a bad thing to not know what you want. It doesn’t make you less anything.”

“I’m going to lose him”, Octavia sniffled, still trying to dry the tears streaming down her cheeks. “He’ll leave and I’ll stay. I’ll be all alone again. I love him. I don’t want to lose him.”

He touched her arm and suddenly she was hugging him, burying her face to his chest. “I’m sorry, O.”

She mumbled something indistinctive.

“But I know you’ll do the right thing for yourself. You always have.”

“I just wanted to think I could be like him. You know? Be such a good person, do things for others. He’s so selfless. I’m not like him.”

“You’re not selfish. You’re not asking him to stay. You’re just… letting go when you need to.”

“Well it sucks.”

“It’d be worrying if it didn’t.”

Octavia sighed. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Miller rested his cheek on top of her head. “You all are just peeing in my cereal today. I’m the singlest of all singles.”

“Don’t make it about you”, Octavia muffled her laughter into his shirt. It turned into another sigh soon enough. “Do I have to tell him?”

“Yes.”

“Do I have to break up with him right away?”

“That I can’t say. And don’t ask for my advice. Clarke’s told me multiple times to stop giving advice to people.”

“Does liking someone ever end well?”

“I wouldn’t know, O. But speaking of telling, you should talk to your brother. Maybe save him from an aneurysm.”

“Ugh, that too.”

He let his arms drop, expecting her to let go but she didn’t. “Oh, we’re still doing this?”

“I didn’t say you can let go.”

He wrapped his arms around her again, petting her hair.

“Sorry for dumping all this on you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

  


* * *

  


Raven had just settled on the sofa, coffee cradled in her hands, when she heard the door opening behind her and a pair of heavy footsteps walking in. Before long, she was joined on the couch by Bellamy and he smiled over at her in greeting.

"Hi. Nice scarf. Hufflepuff?"

"You know it," Bellamy tugged at the yellow and black garment so it was a little looser.

Things weren't perfect yet. There was still the tinge of apprehension whenever it was just the two of them alone, and every now and then a joke or innocent comment hit a sore spot. Still, they were getting there.

"I uh," Bellamy started, rummaging around in his deep coat pockets, "got a call from Anya this morning."

Raven sipped at her mug, waiting for him to go on. She knew from experience he'd tell her himself in his own time.

"I went over and she told me that her and Echo are engaged and they wanted to tell me before sending out the invitations and stuff."

"Oh." Raven looked over at him for any signs of distress. Unlike Miller, Bellamy could be read easily. Finally finding the pen he'd been looking for, Bellamy placed it on the table in front of him. "How do you feel?"

He shrugged and smiled lopsidedly. "I'm...happy for them. I don't know, there's probably a small part of me that's a little sad but I barely even feel it. I'm excited. Echo is great and Anya is happy. What more could I want?"

Raven raised her eyebrows. "That's really good, Bell. And hey, at least you finally have a chance to wear the suit you bought for your wedding."

"And we have the opportunity to really milk all those failed wedding jokes," Bellamy added.

"There are just so many positives."

"Truly."

Raven takes a sip of her coffee and flicks through one of the magazines on the table while Bellamy goes up to order. She glances up when she hears his laugh, wondering who he's talking to (because it's hardly Jasper spitting out witty comments) and sees a girl with short dark hair smirking at whatever Bellamy's reply is. Raven quickly looks back at her magazine.

He was back within seconds, slapping the sugar packet against his hand in the annoying way he always did and humming a Years & Years song that was playing on the radio. Checking to see if the pretty girl he had been talking to was still there, Raven frowned and swivelled around.

"You should ask her out. She's cute."

Bellamy paused just as he was about to take a bite of his scone, mouth hanging open. He swallowed and looked at Raven funnily. "I, uh -- I don't know. Maybe."

If they didn't want it to be weird, they had to make an effort. Raven ploughed on. "Come on, you don't have to hold back just because I'm here. I don't care. You're not seeing anyone, right?"

They looked at eachother for a second, before Bellamy coughed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, no --"

The door swung open before Bellany could finish his answer, a voice that made Raven's stomach turn filling the coffeehouse.

"So then I said 'well, you can go fuck yourself' and ..."

Raven winced and Bellamy turned his head slowly to see Murphy strolling towards them. Several paces behind him was Miller, looking disinterested in the whatever Murphy was saying and wearing the same sullen expression that had been the norm for him as of late. Almost immediately, Murphy's eyes slid to the vacant space beside Bellamy and he changed direction to join them.

"Miller," Bellamy sighed, loud enough so only Raven could hear. His face was contemplative and a little somber. It was obvious that something was up with their friend, but Raven was going to find it really hard to empathise if she had to listen to one of Murphy's thrilling stories for the next hour.

"Raven and Bellamy. How long has it been?" Murphy grinned, clapping Bellamy on the back. Shaking him off, Bellamy barked out a laugh and shook his head.

"By my count, not long enough."

"Funny. Where's everyone else?"

"Not here, luckily," Raven muttered, stirring her coffee as she added more milk.

Murphy cocked an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair. "So...it's you two alone? Isn't that awkward? After the whole dating and messy break-up?"

Bellamy clenched his jaw and Raven glared over at an oblivious Miller. Finally, Raven replied, "Not really. I can think of worse ways to spend an evening. Like with, oh I don't know --"

"Monty's here. I'm going to say hi. You two think you'll be able to go ten minutes without biting each other's throats out?' Murphy cut in, attention turned towards Monty who had appeared beside Miller and was saying something to him in a low voice.

Raven shrugged, smiling sweetly. "I guess we'll have to manage."

As soon as he left, Raven and Bellamy shared a look.

"Is it just me or has he gotten worse since we last saw him? It feels like he's worse."

Raven shook her head. "It was nice while it lasted. Not seeing him. I can't believe him and Miller are back together."

"I can," Bellamy admitted, face tight. He glanced over at Raven, any signs of earlier awkwardness gone. "It's like a pattern. Miller slumps into a -- I don't even know, he just gets down sometimes and I don't know why because he won't talk about it. And then, sure as anything, Murphy is back around."

"God," Raven breathed."That's..."

"Yeah."

Bellamy picked up the newspaper and predictably headed straight for the crossword. Deciding to leave the dating conversation for a time when they were back to that stage in their friendship, Raven moved closer to offer her help.

\--

If Miller was with anyone else but Murphy, he'd feel bad for the little jolt of happiness he felt when Monty walked through the door of the coffeehouse unaccompanied by Jackson.

But since he did happen to be with Murphy, he didn't beat himself up about it too much.

Of course, his initial bit of happiness soon waned when Monty spotted Murphy talking to Bellamy and Raven; his eyes travelling up to Miller and making the connection. Frowning, he joined him at the counter. 

"Hi," Monty grimaced, shaking his coat off and getting his arm tangled as he did so. Miller tried not to laugh and nodded in reply.

"Hey."

Miller allowed him to struggle for another few seconds wherein he totally gave up containing his amusement and snorted, before grabbing Monty's shoulders and spinning him around to help.

He began gently tugging at the caught sleeve and Monty stopped fidgeting, letting him untangle whatever was stuck. When he finally succeeded, smiling triumphantly as Monty turned back around, he felt his heart drop at Monty's serious face.

"What is it?" Miller asked, voice level as he handed the other man back his coat. Monty shrugged, eyebrows furrowed.

"I just -- I just don't get why you keep going back to him. You could do so much better than Murphy."

Miller said nothing, the heavy feeling in his gut growing. Seeming to have an internal conflict going on, Monty shook his head.

"I mean...do whatever you want. It's your life. But you deserve someone better than him. After Connor, I didn't feel like I could trust anyone. But then Jackson came along and ..."

Miller tuned the rest out, feeling his stomach swirl. It wasn't like anything Monty was saying was news to him. It just felt worse having to hear it from him, knowing he was right. Realising that Monty had stopped talking about Jackson, Miller looked up to see Monty staring back at him, head cocked to the side. Miller opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off before he could.

"Monty! Hey. How's it going? Heard you got a new boyfriend. Shame about the guy before, though. Can't be fun - your boyfriend hitting on one of your best friends. And it probably doesn't do anything for your self- esteem, right?"

Murphy grinned easily at the end, stretching his arms above his head. Monty rolled his eyes and gave Miller a small smile before brushing past Murphy to join Bellamy and Raven.

"Weird. Anyways, you wanna head out?" Murphy asked, flicking a piece of dirt from the counter.

Miller thought for a second before replying. "I'm just going to go home. Don't feel too great. Sorry."

Surprise crossed Murphy's face for a second before he shrugged. "Cool with me. See you."

Flouncing away, Miller rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. When he glanced up Bellamy was scrutinising him but quickly schooled his expression into a smile. Miller returned it as best he could before leaving too.

  


* * *

  


If Bellamy was being honest with himself, it had been brewing for weeks. It wasn't as if he was completely unhelpful when it looked like Miller was going down a bad road. He had been waiting for the right time to say something about Murphy, and when the time came over a shared pizza one evening, Miller shrugged and replied, "I'm not seeing him anymore."

Bellamy tried to shrug it off, but secretly he was proud of his friend for letting go of the walking parasite (even if it wasn't going to last forever). Convincing himself that Miller seemed better than before, he soon forgot about any problems in that front.

Octavia, though - he probably should have said something. Ever since Lincoln had left, Octavia had been taking up project after project to keep herself busy. First it was rock-climbing, then it was knitting, then came tap dancing, closely followed by baking. Occasionally these activities overlapped and Bellamy came home numerous times to find his little sister in a deep sleep on the couch. He figured that eventually, she'd wear herself out and go back to normal.

He should have known better.

Himself, Clarke, Raven and Monty were sitting in Clarke and Miller's apartment one evening; the television on but none of them were paying any attention. Raven and Clarke were engaged in an intense game of cards while Monty and Bellamy talked about Anya's upcoming wedding.

"How does this game end?" Clarke asked, still staring at her cards as if she was trying to burn a hole in them. Raven shrugged.

"I don't know. When I get too tired to hold the cards up anymore."

Before Clarke could reply the door opened and Miller walked in. He had obviously been caught in the rain outside and his coat was glistening with water, but instead of looking miserable he was smiling to himself.

No. Not to himself. To whatever was in the large box under his arm.

"Hey, Miller," Bellamy greeted him cautiously, eyes darting from Raven to Monty to Miller again.

"Hi, guys. What's up?" Miller replied, placing the box on the counter while shaking off his coat. His friends eyed it suspiciously.

"Not a lot. What's in the box?" Raven asked bluntly. Bellamy gave her a quelling look but turned back to Miller for the answer all the same. Miller grinned.

"Well, I was on my way home from work and I walked past this pet shop --"

"Oh, God. Please no snakes or lizards." Clarke was looking increasingly worried and squinted at the box.

Miller held up a hand. "No - no listen. So it was raining and I decided to take shelter for a while. And I went in and I was just walking around, pretending to be interested, until I actually became interested. And then I decided to buy something. Why not? I've always wanted a pet."

Raven was trying to contain her amused smile while Bellamy just rubbed his forehead. Monty moved closer to the counter. "So what is it?"

"It's a tarantula, isn't it," Clarke whined. "Bellamy, I'm crashing on your couch for a while. How long do they live?"

" _She_ ," Miller announced, sounding quite offended, "is called Barbara. And she's a Dwarf Hotot."

Still confused, they watched as Miller opened the box and slowly put his hands in, cooing to whatever was in there as he did so. If Bellamy hadn't been worried before, he was terrified now.

After what felt like an eternity, during which numerous scrabbling sounds could be heard from inside the box and the four others edged ever closer, Miller withdrew a white ball of fur in his hands, cradling it to his chest.

Upon further inspection, Bellamy saw two black eyes and realised it was actually a rabbit his friend was holding protectively.

"Meet Barbara," Miller smiled proudly. The four of them stood watching him for a few seconds before Bellamy said something.

"Do you think this is a good idea? It seems a little.....spur of the moment, don't you think?"

Miller rolled his eyes, stroking Barbara's white fur while her dark eyes blinked rapidly. "I'll Google rabbit-care tonight. I don't care - she's staying."

"It's just a little sudden...," Bellamy said softly, looking to Clarke for reassurance. Unfortunately, she seemed to have warmed to the idea in the space of a few minutes and was looking at the rabbit with wide eyes.

"Can we pet it?" Raven asked. Miller shook his head vehemently in reply, but upon seeing his friends' wounded gaze, held the rabbit out to them.

Giving up trying to resist the temptation to join them in fawning over Barbara the bunny, Bellamy was just about to walk over when the door swung open to reveal Octavia.

She closed the door behind her and waved a hand in the air as a greeting. Her eyes were automatically drawn to the rabbit and she squealed, reaching out a hand to pet it.

"Who's this?" she grinned. Miller smiled like a proud Dad and Bellamy sighed.

"Barbara."

"She's just beautiful."

"Well, I don't think Miller has really thought this through, but sure; cute rabbit," Bellamy commented, leaning back against the counter.

"She's adorable. Actually, this is great!" Octavia exclaimed suddenly. Miller pulled Barbara in, wrapping a hand over her ears. "This could be great practice."

"Practice for what?" Raven asked absentmindedly, crouching down so she was eye to eye with the rabbit and could mimic its movements.

Octavia strolled over to the counter, opening an overhead shelf and peering inside. "Practice for when I have a baby."

Bellamy's head shot up. He spluttered for a few moments - a thousand thoughts swirling through his head, including the one that hoped that she was joking - before he was able to say something. "You're -- you're pregnant?"

The rest of the group looked as dumbfounded as he felt and Bellamy comforted himself with the fact that if she was, in fact, pregnant, Raven or Clarke or even Monty would know. 

Probably.

"No." A small moment of relief. "Not yet."

Raven leaned back on her hunkers, eyes full of confusion. "Yet?"

"Yeah," Octavia nodded, folding her arms confidently. "I've decided. I'm getting older, you know? And after Lincoln, it just feels like I'm never going to find someone who I connect with like that. It took years for Lincoln to come into my life -- I can't wait that long again. So, I'm going to start my future now and go to the sperm bank. Start a family."

Bellamy found himself feeling slightly dizzy. He sat down on one of the stools beside the counter and raked a hand through his hair. "You're serious?"

Octavia nodded, face set in stone. Miller looked at her with narrowed eyebrows and Bellamy wanted to point out his hypocrisy, seeing as he was cradling a rabbit in his arms.

"Octavia, none of us have our lives together. The only one of us in a long-term relationship is Monty and it's not like that came along easily. Think of all of our personal lives. They're no better than yours."

Raven nodded and Monty hummed in agreement but Octavia shrugged carelessly.

"I'm not you. I don't want to spend my life waiting for someone else to come along."

"Octavia --," Bellamy tried to say something else, but his sister held up a hand.

"Don't bother. I've made my decision."

The other four watched this whole exchange with their mouths hanging open, and at the end Clarke started laughing.

"Why couldn't you have dealt with this by getting a rabbit or something, like Miller?" she snorted. Octavia grinned, jumping up to sit on the counter.

Bellamy felt mildly ill.

Letting out an offended noise, Miller covered Barbara's ears with his hand. "Don't listen to them, Barb. You mean much more to me than some kind of drastic coping mechanism."

"This isn't over O," Bellamy said. "We have to talk about this."

" _You_ can talk all you want. I'm going to start looking up potential baby names. Who wants to help?"

"I don't think the whole thing is a great idea, but I'll support you no matter what," Monty said decisively. After a second, he added, "Also, I'm staying here to play with Barbara."

"Same. On both counts," Raven chipped in, flicking through what looked suspiciously like rabbit care products on her phone.

Miller nodded and added, "Yeah, you do you. I'm really feeling the whole 'do your thing' vibe today, so yeah. I support your decision."

"Why is everyone so relaxed about this? Octavia wants to have a baby. Can you all please emphasise that this a bad idea?" Bellamy asked, exasperated. Seeing as the rest of them were too caught up playing with Barbara, Clarke turned to him sombrely.

"We all recognise it's a bad idea. The rabbit is just taking their focus away for now. Anyways, relax; it's going to take a while to happen and she might change her mind by then. Look on the bright side - at least she's not on another continent right now."

Sighing resignedly, Bellamy held up his hands in defeat and decided to leave it for a few hours. If the rest of them weren't taking it super seriously, then he was going to try not to either, for a while at least. Allowing himself to be sucked into a game of fetch with Barbara that wasn't exactly going to plan, he tried to forget the thoughts of becoming an uncle that were looming in the back of his mind.

  


* * *

  


“Wow. You look like shit.”

Bellamy could feel his features soften into a smile as he let Anya into the apartment. “Hi to you too.”

Octavia had already climbed over the back of the couch and caught his ex fiancée in a hug when he got the door shut. As they let go, Raven stood up to shake her hand.

“Hi, I’m Raven. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Oh! Likewise. I’ve heard so much about you.”

They both glanced at Bellamy and he quickly pretended to be interested in grabbing some water from the fridge.

“And congratulations on the engagement! Must be exciting.”

“Thank you! It is. Somehow finding two dresses makes it so much more work, though.”

Raven and Octavia laughed, and Bellamy rushed to cut in before they decided to start sharing failed relationship stories.

“An, you had something you wanted to talk to me about? We can go across the hall.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Anya reached out to pet Octavia’s hair with a soft smile on her face. “Take care, okay? It was nice seeing you both.”

Bellamy led her out in a chorus of goodbyes and promises to say hi to Monty. Miller was still at work and Clarke was MIA as per usual, so the apartment was empty. Anya left her coat on the back of a chair, looking around with a grin.

“Wow, it’s been a long time since I was here last.”

“It hasn’t been that -- Wait, how old are we?”

“Very old, baby face. Nearly 30.”

“Horrible.”

“Your ex girlfriend is incredibly beautiful, by the way.”

“You’re telling me”, he huffed by Miller’s door.

Anya watched curiously as he disappeared inside. Her eyebrows rose up high when he reappeared with Barbara in his hands. “Oh my god!” she gasped. “Who is this?”

He took a seat on the couch and Anya followed like in a trance. She reached out carefully to pet the bunny’s back. “Meet Barbara.”

Anya let out a sharp laugh. “Of course.” She held out her hands and Bellamy helped set the animal against her chest, making sure she had a good hold of her before letting go. It was mostly for Miller… Mostly.

“She’s not Miller’s, is she?”

“She is”, he sighed. “Well, she’s a little all of ours. But Miller bought her. And don’t tell him I said that.”

Anya’s lower lip was jutting out as she watched the bunny. Barbara simply blinked back at her. He had no idea how she stayed so calm and still.

“How did Miller end up buying a bunny? Not that she isn’t _fantastic_. But Miller’s never seemed like the pet owner type.”

“A lot of new things have popped up lately.”

“What do you mean?”

He bit his lip for a moment before letting out a breath, stance softened by Anya’s worried look. “Octavia’s suddenly been struck by baby fever. She’s adamant about having a child. I have no idea how to deal with it. No one else seems worried. They think she’ll get over it. But I’m afraid she’ll end up doing something she regrets in the long run. And Miller’s been down for a while now. You know him. He has episodes of just… distancing himself, and then something like this”, he nodded at the bunny, “happens. He hasn’t been this impulsive since we grew out of doing keg stands every weekend. I’m starting to feel bad about talking about other people’s issues behind their backs but I have no idea what to do.”

Anya whistled lowly. “That’s a lot.”

“Yeah. And, like, I know I can’t tell her what to do. She can do what she wants with her body. But I can’t _not_ worry. I mean, sure, she’s an adult, but she also seems to think as she ages that she’s meant to fill some quota. Like that she’s already lost her chance of something. Just looking at me should be enough proof that’s not how it works!”

“Okay, slow your roll”, Anya said while getting her hair out of Barbara’s mouth. “You’ve talked to her, right? Maybe she’ll actually get over it.”

“You’d have to see it for yourself. We have two people here, at the brink of what seems like either the existential crisis of a lifetime or a nervous breakdown. Maybe even both. An, I’m not equipped to deal with this. Miller bought a _bunny_. It’s genius. No one can focus on anything else and they both go free.”

“Sounds like you might need a vacation.”

He just rested his head on her shoulder.

“Does he have some kind of a disorder?”

“No, not that I know of. Obviously he’s never had a real medical opinion. But what I can tell by a few basic psych courses and WebMD: anxiety and depression. He knows it, too. But he’s used to it. Hell, we’re maybe all a little too used to it. What if we can’t see when he actually needs help?”

“You don’t think he’d come to you?”

“I --” Bellamy frowned. “I’m not sure. That’s why I’m worried.”

“I’m sorry. I have no idea what you should do either”, Anya nudged him with her elbow. He sat up to see that Barbara seemed to have fallen asleep. “She loves me.”

“She’s a smart bunny.”

“I bet everything will be okay, though. Breakups are hard. Life in general is hard. Sometimes you need to have darker patches to get to the brighter parts.”

“How poetic of you.”

“You know me.”

They sat in silence for a while, making faces at each other when Barbara let out the tiniest of noises. He finally lost and laughed when she held up one of her braids as a mustache.

“Maybe I should set Miller up.”

“Sounds like an awful idea. Who would you even pick?”

“I actually asked someone once.”

Anya’s brows shot up. “You didn’t.”

“I did. Remember Wells, Clarke’s friend?”

“Of course! I love Wells.”

“Right? I asked him if he’d like to take Miller out. Obviously Miller would fall madly in love with him right away and they’d live happily ever after.”

“And?”

“He has a girlfriend now - not Clarke”, Bellamy shook his head slowly. “It was a sad day.”

“Sounds like you’re a little in love with Wells.”

“Who isn’t?” he shrugged.

“You’re a good friend, Bellamy Blake. And speaking of good friends, I still need to ask you something.”

Barbara woke up, startling visibly. Anya handed her over and he took her back to her cage so they wouldn’t get peed on. Miller was the one in charge of cleaning her cage.

“Okay. Shoot”, he said as he dropped back on the couch.

“As you know, I’m getting married later this year.”

“I do.”

Anya took his hand. “I know it’s weird to talk about this stuff after everything, but you’re my best friend and I love you a lot.”

“Are you going to cry? Just tell me now.”

Anya smacked his hand. “I might cry. Shut up. Echo and I are both getting walked down the aisle in the beginning of the ceremony. Echo’s parents are really excited and they’re all, like, into the whole planning and everything. But… you know my folks. They’re old. When I came out, they made it clear they wanted nothing to do with me. We still sent them an invitation but it got sent back.” She took a moment to steady her voice. “I don’t have a lot of family, Bell. But you’ve always been a part of the little I have. So would you walk me down the aisle at my wedding?”

He had to clear his throat twice before he could speak. “It’d be an honor.”

Anya squeezed his fingers tightly. “Thank you.”

  


* * *

  


"So, I'll pick them up at around six? Does that sound okay?"

Octavia nodded vehemently, plait bobbing up and down with her exuberance. "That's perfect, thanks."

Dressed in what she normally wore to the gym, Octavia was prepared to deal with whatever the two children threw at her and she tried to smile kindly at them. Reaching out her hands, she took the two year-old from her father's arms and sat her on her hip. The kid seemed content enough for the moment, looking curiously around the apartment, while her nine year-old sister petted Barbara.

Miller slapped a reassuring hand on his friend's back. "Don't worry, Nyko. I'll be across the hall with Barbara if Octavia needs me. You and Gus should enjoy your evening off."

"Okay," Nyko nodded, casting one last wary look at Octavia before popping a kiss on Tris and Reese's heads. "Be good."

Tris gurgled in response, grabbing a fistful of her father's beard in her hand. Untangling himself, he smiled at his two daughters before leaving the apartment.

It had been Miller's idea. Octavia had been over at his last week, playing with Barbara (to Miller's protests) when, in what was probably an effort to tear her focus away from his rabbit, Miller mentioned that he had an idea. He had reasoned that if Octavia wanted some actual experience, she should practice babysitting for real with a friend of his from work.

(Octavia was admittedly surprised that Miller had a friend from work. Any talk pertaining to Miller's job was less than enthusiastic and normally included two curses per sentence.)

It was weird, but she felt like her and Miller had grown closer over the past few weeks. There was a lot of similar stuff going on in their lives. In all honesty, he was probably the only one who actually believed she was going to go through with the baby thing.

Which didn't really bother Octavia. It would be nice to have a little more actual support, rather than the occasional reiteration from Monty that he would help her in any way he could. Bellamy was definitely against the idea, even if he tried to hide the full extent of his disapproval. Any time Octavia tried to bring it up, he would make arguments against every point she was making; every reason why she wanted it. The only thing that managed to sway him the tiniest bit was the thought of being an uncle, but even that didn't last long before he remembered all the other reasons why he was against it. 

And she _had_ thought it through. The end of her relationship with Lincoln left her feeling lost. With him, it had been easy to think about the future. Moving in together, married in a few years, kids, a house - it wasn't a stretch to think about, and Lincoln fit into the picture perfectly.

After he left, she spent way too much time trying to fill the space he'd left in her life. When she realised that she didn't need to wait for another person to come along to start the life she had been thinking of, all the panic was just....gone.

"So, I'm going to go," Miller said, snapping Octavia out of her thoughts. She stared accusingly at him.

"I thought you were going to help me."

Miller shrugged apologetically. "Sorry. I think Barbara is coming down with something. Plus, I don't think it's...safe for her to be around younger children."

He wrapped a protective arm around his rabbit and Octavia rolled her eyes but waved him off.

"Whatever, I'll manage. See you later."

"Good luck!"

 _It's only a few hours and you've been reading up on childcare,_ Octavia told herself. _You'll be fine._

Reese wandered into the sitting room and switched on the television while Tris shuffled around in her arms before making an upset noise.

"You're hungry, huh?" Octavia asked her, brushing a hand through her short curly hair. From the couch, Reese swivelled around.

"I am too."

"Okay, no problem." Octavia grinned enthusiastically and set Tris down on the floor beside a pile of toys she had found in her and Bellamy's apartment.

_It's going to be fine._

\--

An hour in and it was going less than fine.

As it turns out, finding something for them to eat was a challenge in itself (especially taking Raven and Monty's less than balanced diet into account). By the time they'd settled on a bowl of cereal for Reese and a banana stolen from Clarke and Miller's for Tris, with the promise of something "more nutritious" later, Reese was bored of TV and the toys had been discarded by Tris; leaving Octavia in charge of entertaining them.

"Okay, what do you want to play?" she asked them, deciding it was better to let them pick something.

"Uh...," Reese started, but was interrupted by the door opening, revealing a haggard looking Clarke.

She rubbed her eyes before stepping into the apartment and rummaging through the cupboards, looking for something. This was probably the most she'd seen of Clarke all week and it was less than encouraging.

"Hey, this is my friend Clarke. She wants to become a doctor and has exams soon so she's been studying lots, right Clarke?"

The sarcastic tone didn't sit well with Clarke and she shot her friend a sour look before attempting a smile at the children. "Hi, girls; are you having fun? I normally don't look like this - I'm just really, really tired and I ran out of coffee. I wonder if Octavia knows where the coffee is?"

Stifling a snigger, Octavia pointed to where it was sitting on the counter. Whimpering in relief, Clarke offered one more feeble wave before staggering out again.

"Let's play doctors," Reese stated firmly. Silently thanking Clarke for the inspiration, Octavia gave Reese a thumbs up.

"Great idea."

\--

Two hours in and Octavia was finding it harder to convince herself it was going well.

Tris had gotten cranky after their game of doctors had faded out and was now wailing for her parents. Reese had taken to trying to plait her hair like Octavia's and kept asking for help, seemingly unaffected by her sister's crying.

 _If someone else was here, it would be a lot easier to manage the two of them,_ Octavia thought. A dull ache settled in her chest.

Divine intervention must have been at work, though, because as soon as she thought it Monty and Jackson walked in.

"Hello, person who does not live here," Monty said drily. Jackson grimaced at the crying child and reached out his hands for her, which Octavia gratefully accepted.

"Bellamy's preparing for a big presentation so I couldn't do it at ours. God, Jackson I--I don't know what to do. Tris won't stop crying and I've tried like, singing and feeding her and stuff but she just wants her Dad. Well, her Dads."

Jackson raised his eyebrows at her and cocked his head. Standing beside him, Monty reached out to wipe a tear from her cheek. They looked very much like a family, but Octavia decided not to say anything.

"We just need to distract her," Monty murmured, before throwing a few cushions on the ground and guiding Jackson to stand over on one of them. "The ground is fire and we have to make our way to the door, okay Tris?"

Before long, the crying had stopped and she was giggling along with Monty and Jackson's theatrics as they jumped from pillow to pillow. Soon Reese and Octavia had joined in and they were racing to the finish line. The evening went a lot quicker and after a tiring hour an and half, Nyko's husband Gus arrived to collect the two girl.

Reese was sitting between Octavia's knees while the older girl plaited her hair, and Tris was asleep on Monty's chest. He smiled fondly at the two of them, gathering his younger daughter up in his arms while Reese thanked Octavia and gave her a spontaneous hug. While she ran over to Miller's for one last look at Barbara, Gus thanked Octavia for the day.

"Even if it was only a few hours, it really does make all the difference. They're my life now but I wouldn't have it any other way. Anyways, it looks like you did a great job; they loved you. Maybe we'll see you again soon."

Octavia smiled and for some reason her eyes felt a little watery. "Definitely."

When they finally convinced Reese that she could come back and visit Barbara any time she liked, Octavia was left alone with Monty and Jackson. The two of them were sitting beside each other on the sofa, looking as worn out as Octavia felt.

"That was tougher than I thought," Octavia admitted, picking at a loose strand of thread on the sofa. Monty made a "you're telling me" face, but Jackson just shrugged.

"Yeah, but it makes sense. I think one of the greatest things you can do in the world is raise a kid well. I can't wait for it."

Monty looked a little unsure. "The pressure of it all though. And I don't even mean financially -- I mean making sure they feel loved and supported as well. I think only people who didn't really have that are worried about it. Me and Miller were talking about it one time."

Octavia had only met Monty's family a handful of times (seeing as when he was younger they never seemed to be around the house) and from the few encounters she had seen why Monty was always under pressure to live up to his siblings.

Jackson looked a little worried by Monty's admission and squeezed his shoulder gently. "You'll be a great dad. Don't worry about it."

Tensing slightly, Monty shifted uncomfortably before standing up to get a glass of water from the kitchen. Jackson switched on the TV.

All of a sudden Monty's words hit her harder than any of Bellamy's arguments had. Kids were so impressionable and Octavia wasn't sure if she could handle that. So much time had been spent reviewing all the practical factors, she never even thought about the possibility of something else deterring her.

And a baby taking up her time was the most long-term solution she could think of to her problem. But then there was the fact that she'd have to take time off from her job (her job that she loved) and miss out on going out with Raven every time they wanted to get wasted together.

Which had seemed fine before; doable. Now, Octavia wasn't as sure. The idyllic feeling she'd been experiencing was wearing off with a sharp dose of reality.

She decided to sleep on it.

\--

It wasn't until the next week when she worked up the courage to say it to Bellamy.

"I'm not going through with the baby thing."

He slowly put down his coffee, before nodding once. "Okay."

"You can say I told you so."

"O, I wouldn't do that." She gave him a look. "Okay, I wouldn't do that about _this_."

"I just -- It's not the right time. And it has nothing to do with being in a relationship or not. I'm not ready to commit to something as big as a child right now, but I know I will be someday and that's okay. Plus..."

Bellamy raised his eyebrows, looking to her to continue.

"Monty said something the other day. It made me think. That kid is going to grow up and it depends on me to not mess them up. It's so easy -- It's too easy for it to go wrong. For me to make it go wrong."

At this, Bellamy moved his laptop from his knees and looked at his sister seriously. He stood up and held one of her shoulders.

"Octavia, I wasn't too keen on you having a baby for many reasons. One of them was never the possibility of you not loving or caring for that child enough, okay? You would be a great mother. I didn't doubt that part for one second."

She didn't realise she was crying until Bellamy reached up to brush a tear from her cheek. "Thanks, big brother."

He pulled her into a hug and she felt a little better than she had since Lincoln had left.

  


* * *

  


The weekend that Clarke finished (and passed) her exams was the first time she tried to schedule a dinner with them all. It was not the last.

The original had to be cancelled because Raven had work and Monty was visiting Jackson's family with him. Instead, she spent a slightly sad night in drinking with Miller and Barbara and watching reruns of The Office.

The next time she tried to set a date, it was turned down by Octavia because of an impromptu baby shower her cousin was throwing. This was a fair reason seeing as she took Clarke with her.

The third time was cancelled mere hours before because Bellamy came down with a fever and insisted on Clarke staying at his bedside during recovery, to the annoyance of the others.

Two months after officially leaving med school and Clarke had finally found a date that suited everyone. All of them had promised to make it to the dinner, even if they had to kill a man to do it (that part was Octavia, but at least she got the gist).

Her and Monty arrived first and took their seats. It was a fancy restaurant (or, as fancy as they could all afford) and the two of them had dressed for the occasion - Clarke in a black string dress and Monty in a grey shirt and navy tie.

"All the waiters look so judgemental," Monty whispered to Clarke behind his menu, glancing up at one who was side-eyeing them from another table.

Clarke just grinned. "Maybe he's checking you out."

"Maybe he's checking _you_ out."

"Maybe we should ask him."

"Maybe not."

"Maybe --”

Clarke's phone went off and she held up a finger to shush Monty as she answered.

"If you're cancelling on me Blake there's going to be hell to pay."

"No -- no, not at all."

Bellamy sounded slightly out of breath on the phone and his tone was more than a little panicked. Making a face at Monty, Clarke sighed loudly.

"Well, what's the problem?"

There was shouting in the background, the beep of a car horn and the screeching of brakes. Bellamy cursed into the phone before replying.

"No problem. Me and Octavia are just going to be a few minutes late. We were visiting our aunt in the city and traffic is brutal. We'll be there soon. I was just talking to Miller and he said Raven was taking a nap after working a double shift but was leaving with him in a few minutes."

There was another curse, and then Octavia could be heard telling another driver where he could stick his horn. Bellamy shouted a distracted "see you soon!" into the phone before the line went dead.

"Uh," Clarke started, placing down her phone with a confused look on her face. "That was Bell. Him and Octavia are on their way, and Raven and Miller will be here in a few minutes."

"Great, I'm starving," Monty sighed, dragging a hand over the menu wistfully.

"We'll be able to last until they come. Let's order some wine."

"Alright."

Clarke proceeded to call the waiter over and asked for a bottle of their finest wine, which was then amended to a bottle of their finest wine under twenty-five dollars.

They were halfway through the bottle of wine with none of their friends arriving when Clarke's phone beeped. A text from Miller appeared on her screen, shortly followed by another.

**from: the roommate**

going to be a bit late. see you in twenty minutes.

**from: the roommate**

make that half an hour

Holding out her phone to Monty, he raised an eyebrow but said nothing. She fired off a reply.

**to: the roommate**

What about Raven? Have you been talking to her? Is she with you?

**from: the roommate**

nope. soz

"He just 'soz'ed me. I _hate_ when he does that."

"Rude," Monty agreed. "Will I try O?"

"Sure."

\--

Octavia remembered how Lincoln had told her that when he was in an especially dangerous situation in his work and needed to focus, he'd think of something that reminded him of home.

"It's a cliché," he'd laugh, "but it works. I'm telling you."

Octavia didn't doubt him for a second, but unfortunately her idea of home was sitting beside her and happened to be the very source of her stress.

_In 500m, turn right._

"Just turn off that fucking GPS. I know where I'm going."

"No you don't! Look, we passed that hotel twenty minutes ago. We're going full circle."

_In 200m, turn right._

Seething, Bellamy beeped the horn twice for apparently no reason whatsoever before turning to his sister and smiling with his teeth bared.

"Well, do you want to drive then?"

"Yes," she replied immediately. Bellamy shook his head.

_Turn right in 50m._

"You're not driving."

"Then why did you ask?"

_You have missed your turn. Please proceed to --_

Jabbing at its buttons, Bellamy let out a cry of joy when the mechanical voice cut off suddenly and the screen went black. Taking a deep breath, he craned his neck to see a passing street sign.

"We're two streets away. Let's just stop and ask for directions."

This was a well-worn argument between the two of them. Octavia refused to stop and ask for directions because by the time you found out you could have located it yourself. Bellamy disagreed.

"No - you said it yourself. We're nearly there."

"Look, there's a guy right there. We could just --"

Octavia's phone started ringing and she clapped a hand over her brother's mouth.

"We're not stopping. Just, try that road on the left. We haven't been down there yet. Hello?"

"Hey O. It's Monty. Just wondering where you guys are? We have to order soon."

She mimed "shit" at her brother before answering.

"Yeah, we're nearly there! We're only two streets away and --"

"Ask them do they know the way!" Bellamy chimed in. Octavia covered the receiver and shook her head fiercely.

"Okay," she said, holding up the phone again, "We'll see you soon! Bye!"

She was pretty sure Monty was trying to say something else but she hung up anyways and pointed at a roundabout up ahead.

"Miller definitely said something about a roundabout. We're nearly there."

\--

"-- and if you hit the roundabout, you've gone too far. Okay?"

Miller heard a distressed shout from Bellamy, before Octavia replied, sounding distracted and on the verge of laughter.

"Yeah, thanks. We're leaving as soon as this dog stops attacking Bell. Actually, as soon as I can get a video of it."

"Alright," Miller sighed resignedly. "See you soon."

"Bye!"

He slipped his phone back into his jeans pocket and glanced at his watch. He wasn't due to leave for another twenty minutes.

Deciding to head over to Monty and Raven's to see if they had left yet, he gave Barbara one last pet before leaving the flat.

Letting himself in, he frowned when he saw that no one was there. Raven had been due back from work twenty minutes ago. Just as he was about to ring her, suddenly worried that something had happened, he heard a small snore from the bedroom.

Peering his head in for a second, he saw Raven fast asleep on the bed. He knew she had worked a double shift and was going to be exhausted no matter what, so decided to let her sleep for another while. When he had called her earlier, she said she was going to get a taxi herself because she wasn't sure when she would be home.

Spotting a pen and notebook on the desk, he scribbled a quick note to let her know that he was leaving and to check up on Barbara before she went too. Before he exited, he pulled the blanket up over her so she wouldn't freeze.

Checking the time again, he decided he had more than enough time for a quick coffee.

\--

"We're not moving," Clarke announced resolutely, causing several people to turn their heads. The waiter gritted his teeth and cocked his head to the side.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but you're sitting at a six-person table. There's two of you and quite frankly, we need this table to accommodate some of our larger groups."

"There will be six people here," Monty insisted, eyes wide. "Everyone is just held up."

"We're not moving. I don't care if you need to seat the entire state of Texas. This is our table." With the end of this statement, Clarke picked up the menu and started scanning it intensely, despite the fact that she had decided what she wanted half an hour previously.

Monty gave the waiter an apologetic shrug before turning back to Clarke. There was an indignant huff behind him, then the sound of the waiter marching off. He grinned at Clarke and shook his head.

"This is ridiculous."

"I know, I'm going to kill them," Clarke replied. "Call Octavia again. I'll ring Raven."

\--

Raven was vaguely aware of a beeping sound going off near her head. It only really registered when her ringtone (Octavia singing 'A Whole New World') started playing too.

"Shit," she mumbled, fumbling around with her hand to stop one of the two sources of noise. Her alarm went off first and she blinked open her eyes in time to see that it was Clarke ringing her on her phone.

"Hello?" she answered sleepily. There was chatter in the background and Raven had a feeling that she was supposed to be somewhere.

"Raven? Where are you? You're an hour late! The waiter is trying to kick us out of our seats."

_Clarke's dinner._

It suddenly clicked that Raven had slept through her alarm and she sat up suddenly, grabbing her brace from where it lay on the floor and pulling it on. Jumping up while balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear, she searched frantically for the dress she had put out to wear.

"Right! No, I'm on my way. It's -- there was a crash on the road. I've been stuck in the cab for like an hour. We're finally moving though."

"Okay," Clarke breathed, sounding relieved. "What about Miller?"

"Miller?" Raven repeated slowly. So she wasn't the only one who was late?

She tried to remember if they were supposed to be en route together but Clarke cut in before she could.

"Yeah, he texted me an hour ago to say he was going to be late. I thought you might have met him or something."

"Uh, nope!" she replied brightly, pulling the the black dress she'd finally located up over waist. "I'm sure he'll be there soon. I have to go, see you in a few!"

As soon as she hit the end call button, she dialled for a taxi while simultaneously doing her make-up with one hand (an impressive feat, if she did say so herself).

Before she could leave, a note on the counter caught her eye and she scanned the messy scrawl quickly before sighing and throwing it in the bin, unable to deny Miller's request.

\--

When Bellamy and Octavia finally pulled into a parking space and reached the restaurant, tired of bickering and arguing, they were immediately able to spot Clarke and Monty because they were the centre of attention. The waiter was saying something to Clarke with a stern look on his face and she was replying with an equally outraged expression gracing her features. Monty was covering his mouth in an attempt not to laugh at them.

"We're with those ones," Bellamy said to the waitress, pointing to their friends.

She smirked and nodded her head. "Go on ahead. I'm loving how this is playing out so far."

Octavia just walked ahead and took a seat beside Monty before smiling up at the waiter sweetly. Hurrying to join her, Bellamy nodded at Clarke and Monty.

"Sorry. We got lost. You guys causing trouble?"

"Well, _we're_ not." Clarke glared up at the waiter, who replaced the jug of water with a pinched face before leaving them to it.

"So, Miller and Raven haven't arrived yet?" Bellamy asked. Clarke raised her eyebrows.

"Does it look like they're here?"

Monty reached over to pat her hand and smiled at the others beseechingly. "Clarke is a little...testy. For justified reasons."

"Well, I'm in the same boat seeing as Bellamy drove us around in circles for two hours." Octavia took a sip of her water. Bellamy bristled.

"Maybe if we just stopped to ask for directions we would have got here faster. Just an idea."

"If we stopped to ask for directions -- What's that?"

Octavia pointed at a piece of paper that Monty quickly hid. Staring at him, Octavia held out her hand for the paper and Monty relented.

"We got bored," Monty said, as explanation for the colouring picture from the restaurant, intended for children aged 3-7. The two of them had evidently coloured half each.

"Well, I can tell which is Clarke's," Octavia smirked. Making an offended noise, Monty snatched the picture back and stuffed it in his pocket just as Miller arrived.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Miller grinned as he sat down beside Octavia, looking anything but sorry. Reaching up to fix his lopsided beanie, Octavia frowned at him.

"Your shirt's done up wrong and your beanie is off. You're looking rather...dishevelled." She smirked then, and Bellamy tried not to laugh. "Anything you want to tell us?"

Miller swallowed and pretended to look at the menu. "Uh, have we ordered yet?"

"So, what were you doing that made you late? Or shall I say, _who_ were you doing?" Clarke grinned, winking at the end. She high-fived Octavia who proceeded to whoop loudly.

"Anyways -- shit, has Raven not arrived yet?"

"She told me that she was five minutes away half an hour ago." Clarke shrugged. "Maybe we should order."

"Yeah, I'm starving," Miller agreed. Bellamy sent him a knowing look and he glared back.

"We can't order without her," Monty stated with a sense of finality to his voice, and no one tried to argue.

\--

When Raven finally reached the restaurant, a whopping two and a half hours later than expected, she was greeted by cheers from her friends.

"It's a miracle," Bellamy said, standing up to pull Raven's chair back for her. "We all made it."

"Yeah, how was that traffic Raven?" Clarke asked in good humour, clearly having bypassed staying pissed at everyone two bottles of wine ago. She tried to look shame-faced and shrugged.

"Overslept. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you're here now," Miller grinned, and from the corner of her eye she saw Bellamy beaming at him, his whole face alight. She had been thinking about saying something to him about having a talk with Miller and Octavia, but it looked like he had decided to do it on his own.

"Anyways," Raven announced, filling up her glass, "let's drink to Clarke for persevering: with med school and with us!"

"To persevering!" they all chorused, and as the night went on they realised that the long wait to get to the meal had been worth it.

  


* * *

  


“Bellamy! Help!”

He all but ran to Octavia’s room only to find her flailing around, halfway into a dress. Octavia turned to shoot him a glare when he started laughing.

“My hair is caught. Help me, jackass.”

He untangled her and zipped her up, flicking Octavia’s hair on her face once he was done. “There you go.”

She blew the strands away with a sour look on her face. “Thanks.”

Bellamy caught a look of them in the large mirror on the wall and stopped. Octavia noticed his weird expression and followed his eyes. She wrapped an arm around his waist.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, yeah”, he nodded absentmindedly. “We’re so old.”

Octavia huffed out a laugh. “Are you having a crisis too? I guess it’s fair.”

“Maybe at 40. I could buy a motorbike or something.”

“If you buy a motorbike before me, I’ll have another crisis”, Octavia stated.

Bellamy pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. “Deal.”

“Are you ready to go walk your ex fiancée down the aisle?”

“Yup”, Bellamy patted his breast pocket.

Octavia raised a brow. “Are you going to make a speech?”

“It’s the dad’s job, isn’t it?”

“Echo has a dad. You’re not a dad.”

“Well it’s just in case”, Bellamy shrugged. “So are you coming with me or with the others?”

“I think I’ll go hang out at Raven and Monty’s. All this wedding stuff is exhausting.”

“Like you’ve had to do anything”, he rolled his eyes. “Make sure everyone’s dressed and ready on time, okay?”

“Of course. Go on then.”

He was ushered out of the room. For a moment he just stood in the hall, watching her twirl in front of her mirror like she used to when she was a kid. He was equally happy and relieved she was back to her usual self.

\--

Walking through the venue, it was hard to imagine himself back to the time he was preparing to get married. It felt so distant.

He asked for Anya, and got stuck talking to someone who turned out to be Echo’s dad before actually getting instructions to find her. The door was slightly ajar when he knocked. Anya’s clear voice told him to come in.

His breath got caught in his throat when he saw her, dress and all. Anya looked up and smiled brightly, holding out her arms.

“How do I look?”

“Stunning”, Bellamy closed the door behind him. “Just breathtaking.”

“You’re just saying that because you know I’d kick your ass if you didn’t.”

“Obviously.” He stepped into Anya’s arms, hugging her tightly. Anya whined when he pressed his cold hands against her bare back, but didn’t push him away.

“You look dashing too, Bell”, she said after letting go. “Reminds me of the tux we were getting you.”

“Since I never got to wear that, I bought a similar looking suit. Can’t waste looking this good”, he snorted.

“Money well spent.”

“I didn’t think you’d get a see-through dress.”

Anya looked down at herself. “Shut up. I look ridiculously good. And it’s totally lined anyway.”

He grinned and the corners of her mouth tugged upwards. “It’s beautiful.”

“Damn right.”

They watched at each other for a moment and suddenly Anya’s eyes were swimming with tears. She made a frustrated sound and reached for the tissues that were placed on the counter nearby.

“I can’t cry with this much makeup on.”

“How about we don’t cry at all.”

“I think on my wedding day I can cry as much as I want, Bell”, Anya sniffled while drying her eyes carefully.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Anya pursed her lips. “I’ll just cry more.”

“Maybe it’ll pass quickly. Come on”, he took her hand.

“I’m just really happy you’re here”, Anya squeezed his fingers. “It means the world to me.”

He fought down the feeling of choking up. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“Fuck”, Anya groaned, fanning her eyes with her hand. “I just can’t help wishing my parents were here. I hate it.”

Bellamy wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I know. I know.”

“This is a happy day. I’m happy. I hate this.”

He leaned his forehead against the side of her head. “You’re allowed to be sad too.”

“They don’t deserve it.”

“Yeah, but you do.”

She gave him a watery smile. The door opened suddenly, startling them both. Echo blinked at him for a second before focusing on Anya.

“Oh, babe.”

“I already cried about this once today”, Anya told Bellamy.

Echo took the tissue from her hand and patted her cheeks dry before pressing a kiss to one.

“You’re not going the traditional route then?”

Echo chuckled, giving him a one-armed hug. “We figured why bother. This is supposed to be the best day of our lives. Why spend most of it apart? We bought the dresses together anyway.”

“Sounds good”, he tugged on Anya’s ear gently, and she stuck her tongue out at him. “Less stress.”

“My dad said he talked to you earlier when I saw him. How’d that happen?”

“By accident. He had a lot to say”, Bellamy huffed out a laugh when Anya smiled too.

“They’re so excited”, Echo shook her head slowly. “I don’t think they were this bad at my sister’s wedding.”

“Echo’s parents are, like, the complete opposite of mine. How do you tell that story again, babe?”

Echo laughed. “I came out first time as trans, then later as a lesbian. All they asked me for was to teach them how to google so I wouldn’t have to feel like a walking dictionary. They’re hippies if you couldn’t guess by my name.”

Anya leaned against her side. “Your name is beautiful.”

Echo rubbed her arm comfortingly. Bellamy couldn’t help smiling at them.

“Is everything set? Do you need help with something?”

“Echo’s still waiting for her - what? - third line of cousins to arrive”, Anya huffed. “I’ll come show you the whole aisle situation.”

“Sounds good.”

\--

Anya’s grip was painfully tight on his arm when they walked down the aisle. There had been a good hour at least since she last cried so he figured they were in the clear.

Most of the guests were Echo’s family, but he spotted Miller, Raven, Octavia and their mom at the front with Monty, Jackson and Clarke in the row behind them. His mom already had the tissues out.

They got to the front and he turned to Anya. She was already sneaking glances of her wife-to-be before focusing on him with a wiggle of her brows. With a soft laugh she pulled him into a hug.

Letting go of her wasn’t as hard as he’d once imagined, her smile so bright when she made her way to her fiancée. He took a seat next to Raven who bumped their shoulders together.

“They’re doing so well. By this time I’d already squeezed through a bathroom window.”

He elbowed her side and she hit him right back. As they watched the ceremony, her hand wrapped around his.

\--

Bellamy was sitting with Monty and his mom when the call for the father-daughter dance came. His mom had been trying to ask Monty when he was tying the knot for the past five minutes while Jackson was elsewhere (Bellamy suspected he’d been snatched by Echo’s grandmother who was quite the dancer), leaving Monty laughing and shaking his head, claiming he definitely wasn’t ready yet. So the timing was pretty good.

Anya dragged him to the dance floor. “No pressure, but those dance lessons we took better still be in there somewhere”, she knocked the side of his head. “We need to look cooler than them. For my honor.”

“Well if it’s for your honor”, he snorted taking her hand and bringing the other to her waist. He had actually had Octavia practice with him a little bit. “So do you have the honeymoon planned out?”

“We’re going to Europe for two weeks. The ease of being an artist and having next to no real work hours.”

“Lucky you.”

Once the song was over, Octavia announced that Echo got points on general adorableness while they won for style, and was dragged away by Anya for a dance. There was a tap on his shoulder and he turned to face Raven.

“It’s only fair I get to try once. You’ve got some moves, Blake.”

He laughed and pulled her in.

“No sliding for me, though. My brace isn’t a fan. Terrible for my dance moves. I think we need to go all slow dance on this one”, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Bellamy’s hands settled on her back. They swayed for a moment in silence. Monty and Jackson were dancing with their faces close together and their hands clasped between their chests. Clarke was dancing with her second partner of the night - he assumed them both Echo’s cousins. By the looks of it, the girl Miller had agreed to dance with was going to be disappointed by the end of the night.

“Looks like O’s back to her charming old self”, Raven said.

He turned to look where his sister was dipping Anya back dramatically before they both burst into laughter. “Seems so.”

“No one’s making an uncle out of you just yet.”

“I’m glad.”

“I heard she called Lincoln the other day. That’s a good sign, right? They’re still friends.”

“Looks like it.”

Raven leaned back slightly to see his face. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Weddings are exhausting.”

“That they are. You know what would cheer you up?”

He didn’t like the smirk she was giving him. “Well?”

“The Blake dance routine. I remember seeing it when I was eight. I bet you still have those moves too.” She giggled and tried to squirm away when he pinched her sides. “Is that a no?”

“You know that’s a very dark part of my past.”

He could feel her laughter against his chest when she rested her chin on his shoulder and tugged on his hair.

  


* * *

  


Miller knew Monty couldn’t see him when he walked into the apartment. He was looking around before calling for him.

“Yeah?”

Monty startled visibly. He walked further inside and finally spotted him on the floor by the couch where he had been hidden from view by the armchair. “Why are you on the floor?”

“Why wouldn’t I be on the floor?” he petted Barbara’s head carefully instead of looking at him.

Monty came to sit next to him. Miller gave him a curious look, but he just let his head fall back against the couch.

“Why are you here?”

“I wanted some company.”

“The four people in the next apartment weren’t enough?”

Monty huffed out a laugh. “I wanted company who wouldn’t ask me if I’m okay.”

He frowned. “Why do you think I won’t ask if you’re okay?”

“Because I’m asking you not to.”

“Ah.”

Monty’s eyes were still somewhere on the ceiling. Miller let Barbara down so she could hop around on her own for a while.

“So if I won’t ask you if you’re okay, do you want to talk about it?”

“You hate sharing.”

“I’m working on it”, he shrugged.

“Fine”, Monty sighed. “I left Jackson.”

It was the last thing he’d expected to hear. He cleared his throat, trying to find something to say, when Monty continued.

“And I quit my job.”

Now he was just staring with his mouth open. Monty turned his head slightly to see him.

“Yeah.”

“I -- I mean -- What?”

“Yeah.”

“You were doing so well?”

“On which?”

“Both!”

Monty blinked rapidly at the ceiling again, throat working a couple of times before he spoke again. “I know.”

“What’s going on, Monty?” Miller asked gently.

“We were doing well. I think he was thinking of proposing to me.”

Despite what he’d said earlier, Miller could still feel his stomach drop at the words. “Oh?”

“I always knew he was older and how that usually means different situations in life but… I didn’t think we’d end because of it. He’s kind of brought it up a few times just casually. How I feel about getting married or having kids. Like, I know I want those things, right? At some point in my life I do. But I’m 26. I still have those five years to get to where he is.”

“You don’t want to marry him?”

“I don’t -- I mean… I think I would if I had more time. But I don’t know how much time. And what if…”

“What if what?”

Monty brought his knees to his chest and rested his chin on top of them. “What if I… don’t.”

“Then you shouldn’t.”

“But it’s not fair. He’s perfect for me. But I can’t even… think about it. I should be, right? I should be able to picture it. I should want to.”

“I don’t know. I’ve never wanted to marry anyone so far.”

Monty closed his eyes and groaned. “What if I made a mistake?”

“Do you feel like you did?”

Monty’s lips turned downwards. “No.”

“There you go.”

“But if I hadn’t… brought it up, we could’ve kept going. Because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, we had a whole talk about making babies and stuff. I can’t -- I’m too young to handle that yet. And he couldn’t deny wanting those things.”

Miller looked over to Barbara. “You still love him?”

“Yeah. He was supposed to be _the one_. But I can’t… be with him, thinking I’m not the right person for him. That I’m not what he deserves. Maybe that’s senseless, but as soon as I realized it, there was just no way I could’ve stayed. And I hate it.”

“Hey. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Monty just looked at him sadly.

“So the job..?”

Monty grimaced. “It was a little rash. But I actually feel quite good about it. After I realized I couldn’t stay in a relationship where I’d feel like I wasn’t enough, I had to keep it up. I’ve never _liked_ what I do. It’s just what I ended up doing. I’m a pharmacist. Who the hell _wants_ to be a pharmacist? I get nothing out of it. It just makes me tired. I’m doing okay financially and I’m not paying the rent alone so I just… did it.”

“Wow. You’re… just incredible”, he said sincerely, unable to help it.

Monty elbowed him weakly, finally smiling. “Shut up.”

Miller could only hope he wasn’t blushing. “No, I mean… you’re so accomplished. You’re not… scared.”

Monty’s smile fell. “Are you scared?”

He bit his lip, looking for Barbara again. “I have to give her away.”

“What? Why?”

He reached out and picked her up, bringing her to his chest. “There’s no pets allowed in the building, apparently. I hadn’t even thought to check.”

Monty wriggled closer so their sides were pressed together. “I’m sorry, Miller. I know how much you love her.”

“I thought this was something I was doing well in”, he swallowed gravely. “Like, I exceeded all your expectations of my abilities to take care of something.”

Monty ran a hand through his hair. “Miller. We’re more worried about your abilities to take care of yourself.”

He didn’t especially want to have this conversation, but he also knew Monty wouldn’t let it go if he tried to leave. So he sat tight and focused on petting Barbara. It had only been a matter of time before one of them confronted him. And since Bellamy already got to him about three days earlier, this was probably overdue.

“I’m really worried about you. Have been for a while now. And I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you earlier. I’ve been selfish and only concentrated on myself because I was doing so well. But I’m here now. Okay?”

“What do you want me to say?” Miller asked quietly.

“I don’t… know. But we’ve all been so concerned about O and everything else, I feel like we should’ve been more aware. You haven’t been acting like yourself for a while.”

He laughed drily. “What am I like when I’m myself?”

“You’re snarky and funny and caring. You _care_ about people, Miller. But it’s felt like you don’t care about anything lately. Except for Barbara, who you’ve been _so_ concerned over.”

“How does it bother you?”

“I -- We love you, Miller. All of us. We want only the best things for you. We’re on _your_ side.”

He didn’t like to think about it. Thinking about it was messy. His mind had always been a whirlwind of anxious thoughts and doubts - sometimes less, sometimes more. There was no right _answer_ to what he knew Monty wanted to hear.

“You know how… I am.”

“I’ve known you for a long time. And you’re not always like this. It’s a different story how you like to keep to yourself and all that. Because that’s okay too. But… I don’t know. It seems like you’re hurting. And no one deserves that.”

He fought the stinging in his eyes. “This is not... nice.”

Monty leaned his head on his shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just… on an awful honesty streak. We should’ve talked properly ages ago. Sorry for jumping on you like this.”

“Awful.”

“I know.”

They were quiet for a moment. Barbara had settled on his lap.

“I’m not okay”, Miller said, forcing the words to come out all at once. “I don’t want it to be all dramatic. A part of me wants it. But mostly no. I feel like… the more I talk about it, the more I’ll end up realizing I’m just making it up. Just exaggerating.”

“I want to hear whatever you feel like telling me. Promise.”

“I feel awful”, he breathed out. “Every single day. Except sometimes I don’t so it makes no sense. I’m not very happy… most of the time. But I’ve just gotten used to it. That’s probably not good.”

Monty didn’t move. He just kept his weight against Miller’s side and his head on his shoulder. It was… nice.

“I talked to Bellamy. He cried”, he laughed shakily when Monty let out a chuckle. “I’ve always been like this… Nervous and kind of a downer. But it’s gotten worse. So I think I -- I think I need to go talk to someone. So Bell and I agreed I’d go meet some… therapist person. I don’t know. I promised I’d try it out. See how it goes.”

Monty lifted his head so he could look him in the eye. “I’m proud of you. And we’ll support you, okay? Whatever you need.”

He had to look away before he could answer. “I know.”

“We’re hugging now”, Monty stated.

Miller smiled. “Fine.”

Monty wrapped an arm around his shoulders, careful not to stir Barbara. Miller just buried his face into his shoulder and took deep, shaky breaths. Monty didn’t let go for a long time.

“I think I need to find Barbara a new home.”

“We’ll figure something out. I promise.”

  


* * *

  


When Monty stepped into the coffeeshop, he was surprised to see that the only one of his friends there was Miller. It was unusual to see one of them on their own - it seemed like there was always at least three of them roaming around in here at any given time. Ordering a coffee and muffin, he soon joined Miller who was flicking through a newspaper and humming absentmindedly to whatever was on the radio. 

"Hey," Monty said, bumping his knee against Miller's as he sat down. Looking up, Miller grinned. 

"Hi."

He was glad to see Miller smiling - to see him happier than he'd been in a while. Even giving away Barbara hadn't caused his recently improved mood to waver. They'd talked it over with Bellamy and decided to give her to Nyko and Gus a few days ago, much to the delight of Tris and Reese, and with a promise to visit again soon. Maybe letting go of her was a good thing for him; at least, Monty thought so. 

"How was your day?" Miller asked, setting down his coffee. 

Monty shrugged. "It's weird not having a job. I'm looking though. And it's kind of exciting not knowing what's next."

Miller nodded. "Yeah, that's great, Monty. It was really brave of you."

"Thanks." Monty smiled again and Miller smiled back. "How about you? Manage not to kill anyone at work today?"

"Barely," Miller grimaced. "It was a struggle but I was a little -- ah, I was a bit distracted today, actually." 

"Really?" Monty was surprised to hear Miller offer something like this so freely. He was normally so private about...everything, really. 

"Yeah, it's uh," he paused, raising his arm to scratch his neck. "It's kind of dumb." 

Monty let his gaze drift to his arm for a millisecond before he raised his eyebrows at Miller. "I'm sure it's not dumb."

"Okay," Miller furrowed his eyebrows for a moment before he started speaking. "So, you know how we the other day we were talking about me kind of starting to try and change some stuff in my life?"

Monty hummed in reply.

"Well, I started thinking about relationships and stuff. Like, my most long-term relationship is with Murphy and my whole dating record in general isn't great." 

"Mm," came Monty's reply, because - well. He didn't want to make Miller feel bad about his choice in boyfriends but personally, Monty himself could never see what he saw in them (Murphy, especially). Sure, some of them were cute, but they nearly always turned out to be assholes and Miller deserved a lot more than that.

"You don't want to insult me so you're saying nothing. Well, anyways, then I realised that it was me constantly doing this, you know? I'm the one falling into these bad relationships or not giving them a chance at all. So, I have to make a change; like you made a change with your job."

Monty could feel his cheeks reddening and he turned to face Miller properly, tucking one of his legs under the other. He didn't know why he was feeling so self-conscious all of a sudden.

Miller fixed his beanie. "Uh, this is kind of the dumb bit. There's --," he cut off for a second, looking up at Monty and laughing before continuing, "don't laugh at me, but there's this guy I like. And he's a good guy -- I _know_ he's a good guy."

Monty didn't really know what to reply. It wasn't like his crush (it didn't feel right to call it that, but whatever) had ever gone away, not really - he just...never let himself think about the possibility of something happening. They were friends. Plenty of times, Monty had thought that maybe the interest was reciprocated, or that something was going to happen between them (he tried not to think about the New Year's party a whole lot). Sure, he had just gotten out of a relationship and maybe he had decided to cool down the romance department for a while. But if it was Miller, everything was different. 

"Well then, what are you waiting for?" Monty asked him, probably a little too enthusiastically than what was necessary. "You deserve something good."

"I -- yeah," Miller nodded, face pensive. 

Monty was trying not to hope. He really was, despite his swirling stomach telling him otherwise. It should have been too soon for him to be so willing to be with someone else but it didn't feel like that at all, which was probably because he'd been willing to date Miller since he was about fifteen. Miller glanced up at him and searched his eyes and Monty looked right back.

"Wow, I'm really sorry for unloading this all on you."

"Don't be."

"I really appreciate -- fuck."

That wasn't part of the script. Monty frowned.

"I -- what?"

"No, not you, Mon..." he started to say, drifting off when a tall guy with blonde hair walked past their sofa. The two of them caught each other's eyes and the tall guy smiled and nodded at Miller. He stopped for a second, and looked unsure of whether to say something or not before finally settling on a simple 'Hey, Miller'. There was this awkward tension between them and --

 _Oh._ It clicked in a second and Monty's stomach lurched. 

"Hey."

The guy walked over to the counter and waved at Jasper to catch his attention. Miller was still staring after him.

"That's the guy?" Monty asked, trying to sound neutral (or, trying not to sound disappointed).

"Yeah," Miller's gaze snapped back to Monty and he shrugged half-heartedly. "Drew. He was, um...You remember how I was late to Clarke's dinner?"

"Everyone was late to Clarke's dinner," Monty smiled, a laugh getting caught in his throat because he knew where this was going. 

"Yeah, well, he was the reason I was late." He bit his lip for a second before puffing out a breath. "Do you think I should ask him to go for a drink? Or dinner?"

He saw the little nervous jitter Miller's leg was doing and tried to understand why he was anxious about something that couldn't possibly end badly. 

"You should, definitely. I -- he's not going to say no. There's nothing to worry about."

Miller smiled at Monty for a moment before he gripped his friend's shoulder. "Thanks for everything, Monty. You're the best."

With that, he stood up, brushed himself off and casually walked over to where Drew was standing. Any other time, Monty would have found the forced casualness funny but the conversation of a few minutes ago prevented him from doing so. Drew grinned when he saw Miller beside him and they started talking. It didn't look like the conversation was going badly and Miller's wide smile indicated that Drew had agreed to dinner with him. 

Monty slouched back in his chair and pushed those thoughts out of his head. He truly was happy for Miller and if he had to ignore the small part of him that was disappointed - well. It wouldn't be that hard, seeing as he'd been doing it for the last ten years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i got a little carried away maybe i'm mentally 13 But [LOOKS FROM THIS CH](http://natharmiller.tumblr.com/private/136256551512/tumblr_o06cndZglA1rrxboe) (yes i was looking at wedding dresses at 2.46 in the morning)
> 
> hello. it's been an even a longer while now but we're back.. again. idk what to say it's late i've had a few drinks i hope you liked this and had a fun NY. tho please do imagine me and aisling coming up with the idea of barbara.. it was a good time. we'll see you again in another long while for ch4 ✌
> 
> \+ this chapter is dedicated to julia bc she brought us to life with her reading liveblog and also she made us some artwork And playlists which you should check out from our [friends au tag](http://natharmiller.tumblr.com/tagged/friends-au)
> 
> \- vilma


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **disclaimer:** idk if we still need to be disclaiming stuff? some mental health talk again + almost worth the M rating lmao 
> 
> hi everyone!! we're back again and so are you, so thanks for that. this chapter was pretty hard to write because there's a little more character introspection than before but we got through it and it turned out pretty good i think. some stuff is also sort of set up for next chapter so ya know....be ready. it's a big one.  
> anyways!! enjoy and thank you to everyone who's been reading and liking and commenting, it means the world to us.  
> \- aisling

The shop closed early that day because her boss, Sinclair's, kid had a birthday party. The first thought Raven had was that she'd go home and sleep, but as she was passing the coffee shop, the scent lured her in.

It was nice and quiet with most people still at work. She got comfortable on the couch, coffee in hand, and sighed contently. There was nowhere she needed to be, no rush. Quite frankly, she wasn't sure what she'd do with all this time.

She was trying to remember the name of the song playing on the radio, when she heard the familiar voice. Well, it wasn't that familiar anymore; she hadn't heard it in a few years. But it was one she wished she could forget.

Jasper was just pointing her out when she turned around. Raven cursed him to hell under her breath. Finn gave her a careful smile and rounded the couch to come to her. She just sat frozen, watching the person she had said goodbye to a long time ago approach her.

"Hey, Raven", he said and took a seat.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

" _Why?_ "

Finn was still smiling, his voice oddly quiet. She didn't trust it one bit.

"I haven't heard from you in so long. I wanted to know how you're doing."

"I have a phone."

"You don't answer my calls."

Raven couldn't keep the disbelief from her face as she set down her cup. Not that she was trying too hard. "There's a reason for that."

"I've missed you."

She just watched him, waiting for him to have a point. Seeing him smile that much still made her skin crawl.

"I've done a lot of thinking since we broke up --"

"You mean since _I_ left _you_?"

Finn wasn't fazed. "And I'm better now. I've done a lot of soul searching and --"

"Oh boy", she muttered.

"-- I think we should give this another try."

She burst into laughter. Finn blinking at her in surprise just made it worse. "Ah, fuck. You're serious?"

"Of course I am", he reached for her hand but she flinched away from reach. "I still love you."

"First of all: don't touch me. Second of all... you don't _love_ me, Finn. You liked _having_ me. I was miserable with you. Whether you could tell or not, I don't know. But you certainly didn't love me for most of our relationship - if any of it." She shook her head, now frowning at him. "I don't know how any of this is unclear to you."

"We were so good together, though. Don't you remember?"

"No."

"Raven --"

"No. I don't remember. What I remember is how you isolated me from my friends. You kept me out of working even though I love what I do. I was your trophy wife, your -- I don't even want to think about it. Getting away from you was the best thing to ever happen to me."

Finn's expression was slowly changing. She could recognize the look underneath, the cold emotionless interior. That was the Finn she remembered.

"You don't know what you're missing."

"Oh, I think I do. And it's fine. I've been doing more than fine without you."

"Or so you think."

"I _know_ ", she schooled her own expression into a neutral one. "I think you should leave. You're a shitty person just for thinking this was a good idea, to be honest. I don't have anything else to say to you, Finn. Goodbye." She picked up her cup again and turned to look away.

Finn sat there for a little longer before getting up with a huff. He left without another word. She didn't move until she could hear the front door closing.

The mug clicked against her teeth when she brought it to her lips with shaky hands.

"Raven? What are you doing here?"

She turned around to see Clarke taking off her coat. Soon enough she was sitting next to her, their knees touching.

"Got out of work early."

Clarke glanced back at the door, a pensive look on her face. Raven followed her eyes but there was no one there.

"What?"

"That guy that passed me by the door. Looked familiar for some reason", Clarke frowned.

"Oh, I think I know who you mean. You might've seen a picture of him sometime. That was my ex fiancé, Finn."

Clarke met her eyes, face a mask of worry. Suddenly it dropped, a blank look taking over. "Oh... fuck."

"What?"

Clarke buried her face in her hands, doubling over while chanting 'fuck' under her breath. Raven stroked her back. She had no idea what was going on, and Clarke wasn't talking.

"Clarke, don't leave me hanging like this. What is it?"

She sat up straight again, teeth biting to her lip as she watched her. "That's not how I know him."

It felt like ice water had been injected into her veins. "Tell me. Clarke. Please."

"I didn't remember it until you said his name. Fuck, Raven. I had no idea!"

"Clarke. Spit it out."

Clarke looked like she was close to gagging. "I slept with him."

"It's not like I've been with him in --"

Clarke took her hand. "No, Raven. I slept with him years ago."

She froze. Clarke was holding onto her hand just as tightly as she was.

It made sense. It wasn't like she hadn't suspected it over the years. But there was never proof. She _had_ chosen to trust him despite the nagging feeling in her gut.

"I'm so sorry, Raven. I had no idea. I'm really, really sorry."

Raven shook her head sharply. "It's not your fault. It's not."

The tears were stinging in her eyes. Clarke looked completely helpless. Their hands were still clasped tightly.

The feeling had always been lurking in the corners of her mind. That maybe she wouldn't make it. Maybe no one really was there for her. She'd worked just that much harder just in case, despite having proved herself wrong time and time again.

Unlike what Finn thought, he was merely the stepping stone. She could only do better. And she had.

"How did it happen?"

"How did --"

"I don't want to know more. Just... How did it happen?"

Clarke just looked at her sadly. "Is this going to help?"

"I have to know."

"Okay", Clarke sighed. "I only remember it because he was so... rich. The hotel room he had was so expensive. I was at a bar with some people from work. He came to talk to me when I was alone, picking up the next round. He wasn't very subtle. My standards _clearly_ weren't high enough. But there was no ring and he talked a big game. So I left with him."

She swallowed gravely. "I just... never wanted to believe it."

"I can't say how sorry I am. I wish I could take it back."

"I don't think it was just you", Raven said. Clarke's mouth formed a small 'o'. "I didn't sleep with him that often, I guess. I hadn't figured out the brace yet and, well, it wasn't that great."

Clarke's face scrunched up, and Raven let out a breathy laugh.

"It wasn't your fault either, Raven. He's a disgusting person", Clarke reached out to wipe away the tear that had escaped down her cheek. "He never deserved you."

She wrapped her arms around her friend and hugged her tightly, breathing in the familiar and oddly comforting scent of disinfectant and rubber. Clarke always was a great hugger - even while stinking of hospitals.

“You don’t have to stay here with me. I only came here because I know they’ll call me back to work sooner than later”, Clarke said once she let go.

“It’s not because --“

“I know”, she smiled. “But this isn’t about me. Take your time. And maybe text Monty if you’ll be out late so he won’t worry. Okay?”

Raven hugged her again, just briefly, whispering ‘I love you’ against her hair, before heading out. She didn’t want to be the kind of woman who let their internalized misogyny get the best of them when they knew better. But looking at Clarke now _hurt_. She’d get over it, she would. But she needed a moment. She knew Clarke understood.

\--

She wasn’t sure when she decided it. It wasn’t until she was standing outside the building that she truly acknowledged what she was doing. She’d just walked around for a long time, wandering aimlessly. She wanted to feel better, to get over it, forget it. But she didn’t know how. Was she meant to scream? To break something? Her anger had always been forcefully subdued by circumstances she couldn’t control. Now she was in control. But she had no idea what to do.

For whatever reason, she found herself here. She knocked and waited. Footsteps moved across the apartment and the door cracked open.

Bellamy stood there in nothing but his pyjama bottoms with a toothbrush sticking from his mouth, blinking at her in confusion. He just signaled for her to come in before disappearing into the bathroom. Raven closed the door behind her.

“O’s not here. She’s over at some friend’s place”, Bellamy called from the bathroom before stepping out, toothpaste free. “Did you need something?”

She hung her coat and kicked off her shoes. “I do.”

Bellamy just watched her curiously. “Okay?”

Raven dropped on the couch, and Bellamy followed cautiously. She straightened her legs carefully; all that walking wasn’t such a good idea. Bellamy was still quiet, clearly waiting for her to start talking.

“I heard something today. I _don’t_ want to talk about it.”

“Oh. So... what do you need from me?”

Raven turned to look at him. Bellamy met her eyes, his face open. “I don’t know why I’m here. I was out walking and I wanted some company and... Now I’m here.”

“You just ended up here?”

“I wasn’t really even thinking and... yeah.”

Bellamy was sporting one of his dopey smiles without probably even noticing it himself. It was one of his best smiles, hands down. She had to look away, her cheeks suddenly burning.

Raven cleared her throat, eyes on the opposite wall. “So... what did you do today?”

“I was at work. It was pretty uneventful. I think one of my students has a crush on me again.” Raven burst into laughter, and he gasped in mock-offense. “How dare you?”

“No, I guess I get it”, she glanced at him, eyes moving over his still bare chest. Bellamy’s arms snapped up to cover himself, and Raven rolled her eyes. “Nothing I haven’t seen before, Blake.”

“My eyes are up here, _Reyes_.”

She grinned, kicking his leg. Bellamy reached forward to carefully lift both of her legs up and into his lap, patting her ankle absentmindedly. Her throat felt suddenly tighter at the gesture.

“About this thing you _don’t_ want to talk about --“

“Still don’t.”

“Alright”, Bellamy nodded. “Do you want to stay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll go get a --“ Bellamy gestured at himself and then toward his bedroom, ready to get up.

Raven stopped him by pushing him back down with her leg. “Don’t.”

Bellamy was caught off guard, but he recovered quickly. He raised a brow, and she just stared back. When he got on his knees on the couch with her legs on either side of him, sliding between them, it came with practiced ease. He always came to her if she couldn’t, working out any situation and position without a beat, never making it feel like it was difficult or like her leg was in the way. She pulled him down with her with a hand on the back of his neck, the weight of him over her familiar.

Raven saw him grin before letting her eyes slip closed as he finally kissed her. She tangled her hand in his hair. _This_ was what she wanted. He made a soft noise into her mouth when she tugged on the dark strands. No thinking, just feeling.

Bellamy broke the kiss to trail his lips down her neck. She arched up into him, feeling his breath stutter against her skin.

“Are we going to..?”

“Uh-huh.”

Bellamy sat back on his heels, pulling her to sit up as well. “Yeah?”

Raven nodded determinately. She grabbed the hem of her shirt and tugged it over her head. “Pants off, Blake.”

He didn’t listen, instead going back to kissing her neck, fingers running over her thighs, sending a shiver down her spine. She moved to unstrap her brace, but he stopped her.

“What?”

“O will murder me if we have sex on the couch.”

Raven snorted, wrapping her arms around his neck as he picked her up and headed for the bedroom.

  


* * *

  


When he woke up to the sunlight streaming into the room, Raven was already gone from his bed. She was still there some hours earlier when he'd been shaken out of a dream, her body warm against his back.

He'd missed the company, skin on skin, the warmth. Having her around had always been natural. She fit into his life without exception.

Bellamy dragged a hand over his face. Raven's clothes were gone from the floor. He didn't know why she didn't stay. He felt like he should've known. But knowing Raven, it could've been anything.

Whatever the previous night was, he'd hoped they could've talked about it now. With her in his arms and the rest of the world far away. It wasn't that he expected them to be back together now. But he'd be lying if he didn't hope so. What he felt for Raven never really dimmed or faded away. But she'd broken up with him and it needed to be her who felt like they could try again. He hoped last night was a start.

Whenever they were together, it was just... something else. They fell into it so easily and it was like nothing had changed. Not that things hadn't changed; they'd both grown since the end of their relationship. He didn't know if it was enough, but maybe Raven had figured out it was before him.

He didn't want to overthink it. But he couldn't help feeling hopeful. To stop himself, Bellamy rolled out of bed. In the bathroom mirror he spotted the marks on his back where Raven had accidentally scratched him instead of just grasping. She'd burst into a fit of giggles, trying to apologize, head falling back into the pillows. He'd all but collapsed on top of her, the laughter vibrating through their bodies.

Bellamy shook his head at himself in the mirror before stepping into the shower. He'd just gotten his clothes on afterwards when he heard the door followed by Octavia calling for him. She had a strange look on her face when he met her in the living room.

"Hey, O. What's up?"

"Have you talked to anyone today?"

"Not... today", he stumbled over his words slightly, but Octavia seemed too distraught to notice. "Seriously, O, what's going on?"

She took a seat on the couch, tugging off her scarf with a tad too much aggression, and he followed. "I was talking to Clarke on my way home. You know what I'm talking about?"

Bellamy blinked at her for a few seconds. The first thing his brain supplied him was that she was talking about him and Raven, but that made no sense. "No? I didn't talk to Clarke last night or so far today."

Octavia sighed, wriggling out of her coat and chucking it away. "Finn Collins came around yesterday --"

"What? Where?"

"He turned up to get Raven to take him back. She turned him down, obviously. What a piece of shit, that guy. I'm --"

"O, focus!"

She grumbled. "He was walking out - scalped, I imagine --"

"O..."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, Clarke was walking in just then and she saw him. But they'd never met before, right? Wrong. The two of them had hooked up way before."

Bellamy just looked at her in confusion.

"While he and Raven were still together. He cheated on her with Clarke."

He fell back on the couch, deflated. Octavia let her head thump back as well.

Raven hadn't told him. He didn't know why she didn't just tell him. She'd slept with him just because she was upset. It hadn't actually meant anything to her. And he'd been foolish enough to think...

"I'm going to make some coffee. Do you want some?" Octavia asked.

"Yeah, sure", he said absentmindedly.

He couldn't really wrap his mind around it all. Everything that he'd been thinking, every emotion he'd been feeling this morning, was all of a sudden replaced by numbness. If it was just sex for Raven... He didn't know what he was thinking the night before. He should've asked. Clearly something was up.

Octavia settled back next to him and handed him a cup. They sat in silence, both deep in thought while drinking their coffees.

\--

When Octavia had headed over to Monty and Raven's, he'd claimed he had papers to grade. He just couldn't face her yet. She couldn't have been in the best mindset either thanks to Collins, but she had the others to keep her company.

The next day he had to go over as he'd promised to give Clarke a lift. He was hoping Raven had gone to work already.

Clarke looked like a Monday morning in human form when he got into her apartment. Instead of 'good morning' she just groaned at him.

"Hey, Clarke. Your wallet was in our --" Raven stopped in the doorway as she spotted him.

Clarke took it from her and exited the apartment with a quick thank you kiss to her cheek. Bellamy didn't meet her eyes.

"Bell", she tried.

"Don't worry about it", he moved past her swiftly, careful not to touch her.

He could hear Raven sigh when he walked after Clarke.

\--

Bellamy was in a better mood when he got home. He'd gone to the Museum of Natural History after work (for probably the 20th time in his life) and it always cheered him up.

Octavia was sitting on the couch when he shut the door. He greeted her as he took off his coat. When there was no answer, he turned to her, just to see it wasn't O after all.

Raven gave him a careful smile, which he didn't return. She let hers drop as well.

"Is this a thing for you now, coming over uninvited?"

"Like you can talk", Raven scoffed. "O let me in."

"Well she doesn't seem to be here so..."

"Bellamy, please. Can we talk?"

He met her eyes. She looked worn out, exhausted. He wanted to turn away but he knew he wouldn't.

"Why?" he asked instead.

"We need to fight", Raven said. "Or something. Anything. I know you're upset and you have every right to be. But I have to explain."

"I don't want to fight", Bellamy muttered as he joined her on the couch.

"I don't want to fight either", Raven's voice was thick and she blinked rapidly for a moment before taking a shaky breath. "I'm really sorry, Bellamy. I should've told you. I know I should've."

"Yeah. You should've."

"I know. I don't have an excuse for it."

"I just don't get it."

"I know", Raven sighed. "I was being selfish. I heard about Clarke and I just... I didn't know what to do. It was selfish of me, to just go to you. To just think about myself. It was a moment of weakness."

"Is that what I am?”

“No!” Raven covered her eyes with her hands. “Bellamy, no. I don’t know how to explain --“

“Try harder”, he pleaded quietly.

Raven’s hands fell back into her lap. She gave him a pained look. “I promise I’m trying. Last night I... I wasn’t lying. I just came here. I swear. It was intentional that I didn’t tell you about Finn. But I couldn’t deal with it. I was trying all day. But I couldn’t. And it made all these feelings come back up. And I just didn’t want to feel that way.”

“How am I a part of this?”

“I guess I... I knew you’d make me feel better.”

“We could’ve talked --“

Raven cut him off. “I was feeling bad about myself, okay?” she snapped. “I wanted to feel better. About myself. I told you I was selfish. I used you to do that.”

“That’s not why I’m hurt.”

She frowned at him. “It’s not?”

“No”, Bellamy looked down. “I don’t get why you thought you couldn’t tell me.”

“You wouldn’t have slept with me otherwise.”

“I would’ve”, he insisted.

Raven gave him a soft smile. “You wouldn’t. You would’ve wanted to talk instead. You would’ve felt like you were taking advantage of me. I didn’t want that. I just needed to feel wanted. But that doesn’t make what I did okay.”

Bellamy was quiet for a while. He still couldn’t really take it in. He’d always trusted her and he still did. But sex was different - to him at least. He couldn’t help thinking Raven saw him differently than he saw her.

“Did it help?”

“Huh?”

“Did you feel better?”

She huffed out a tired laugh. “Yeah. It did. We’re -- We work. We always have.”

“Are you okay?”

She shook her head, eyes shining as she bit her lip. He moved closer to her to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She curled against his side, resting her head on his shoulder.

“It couldn’t have been anyone else. I hope you know that”, she said quietly. “I wouldn’t have trusted anyone else the same way. I hope you know how important you are to me.”

He’d heard those words before. They’d sounded final, then. But now, he wasn’t sure yet.

“I know”, he said, hoping he did.

“I hate how it made me feel. That he still could. I wish I hadn’t hurt you in the process too.”

He petted her hair gently. “It’s okay. I get it now. I’m not mad at you. I just wanted to hear the truth. I wasn’t expecting anything.”

“I know you weren’t”, she glanced up at him. “You’re the best kind of guy, Bellamy Blake.”

“Right”, he knocked their foreheads together.

“Right”, Raven patted his thigh. “We should go get some pizza. I’m hungry.”

“We should talk, though.”

Raven made a face at him. “I’ll talk if you buy me pizza.”

“Deal.”

  


* * *

  


"Bellamy and I had the most awkward conversation this morning," Octavia grinned, running a hand through her hair. From where she was lying on the sofa, her feet propped up on the back of it, Clarke raised her head. 

"Do tell." 

She sipped at her coffee before answering. "We were just eating breakfast, and then he started telling me about this really great guy he works with. Like, he was really talking him up. Mbege or something."

"Oh, I met him at one of their Christmas parties. History buffs are surprisingly fun to party with." Clarke had a small grin on her face and Octavia snorted.

"Well, anyways. I was like 'if you like this guy so much, you should date him'. And Bellamy, finally getting to the point, told me that he seemed like a nice guy to go out with. Can you believe that? My own brother trying to set me up." 

"Doesn't sound like Bell. He's normally so wary about stuff like that."

"I know, right?" Octavia shook her head. "Maybe he feels bad for me. The last few dates I've gone on have been awful. I told him no thanks, but God. It was embarrassing."

"I'd say." They were quiet for another few minutes before Clarke sat up and hugged a pillow cushion. "I could do a better job, you know."

"At what?" Octavia asked absentmindedly, doodling on the side of the newspaper. 

"Setting you up on a date. If you want. Oh! We could pick dates for each other. That would be fun."

"We know all the same people," Octavia smirked. 

"I don't know anyone from your gym. You don't know anyone from the hospital."

Looking like she was considering it, Octavia nodded slowly. "Alright. That's not a bad idea. How about next Friday? Will you find someone worthy of me in that time?" 

"I'll try." 

"It's a deal then. I'm excited!"

"Me too!" Clarke grinned. "Although I know I'm going to find the better date."

"We'll see." 

\--

It was Thursday evening and Clarke had picked up Chinese on her way home from work. She had had a long week and she thought she deserved it. There was extra for Miller and more in case Drew was over at theirs.

When she walked in, Miller and Drew were sitting on the sofa looking at something on the laptop. Drew had an arm around Miller and he laughed and kissed the exposed part of Miller's shoulder after the other man pointed out something to him. Clarke sighed.

"Bonjour. I bought Chinese for you two so stop making out on my couch."

"Oh, hey Clarke," Drew grinned, jumping up from his seat on the couch to join her where she was setting out plates on the counter. "Thanks for the food. I'm starving. My roommate would never do this."

"No, your roommate would tell me to keep it down because they need their beauty sleep," Miller grumbled from the sofa. Drew smiled affectionately at him and Clarke giggled. 

"How was work, anyways?" Drew asked her. Since their first introduction (and Clarke forgiving him for making Miller late to her dinner), he'd been showing up more and more in their apartment. Clarke liked him - he was fun to have around. She had told Miller as much and recommended him to never stoop back down to Murphy. 

"Eh. Busy, as usual. Plus since I'm relatively new, I'm still getting a lot of shit. I didn't have any overly troublesome patients today, though. So that's something. You guys do anything fun?"

Miller nodded while grabbing one of the cartons of rice. "Yeah, well seeing as we're both off all day tomorrow which happens once in a blue moon," he looked at Drew meaningfully who shrugged in a 'what can you do' kind of way, "we're going to go to a few places around the city. Since all we do is hang out here or at Drew's, we're going to roll all those cutesy date ideas into one."

"Who are you and what have you done with Miller?" Clarke laughed, causing her roommate to glare back. Drew elbowed him and made a kissy noise. 

"Anyways," Miller growled, "so far we have the aquarium, that diner beside the college, the cinema and Central Park."

"Very nice. I had my first kiss in Central Park," she told them through a mouthful of Chinese. "School trip. It was pretty steamy." 

"I'm sure it was, Clarke Casanova."

There was the sound of the door opposite them slamming and Miller sighed. "How did they smell this from across the hall? It's impossible."

Octavia burst in and surprisingly enough, she didn't look too focused on the food. Instead she grinned at Clarke.

"I thought I heard you arrive. Just wanted to tell you that I made reservations for dinner tomorrow evening. I can't wait for you to meet your date. She's amazing." 

There was a brief, sweet moment where Clarke had no idea what Octavia was talking about and was sure that she was getting mixed up. And then, prompted by Octavia's encouraging expression, the memory of their conversation from earlier that week hit her and she almost spat out her rice. 

"I-- yeah. I can't wait. It's going to be great."

Octavia folded her arms. "C'mon, give me something, mysterious girl. What's my date like?" 

"Your date..." Clarke trailed off, glancing over at Miller and Drew. They were whispering something to each other and laughing (presumably) at Clarke. She gulped. "She's, uh -- she's really great."

"It's a she? This is going to be fantastic. Well, what's her name?"

How could she have let this slip? Clarke was always on top of everything; her work, her painting, her social life. She was normally great at balancing it all.

"Um… Maya."

"A pretty name. I'm sure she won't disappoint."

Clarke laughed falsely and shook her head. "Now, no more questions. We don't want to ruin it."

"Alright," Octavia relented, and her gaze slid down to the takeaway. "I'll leave you to it."

As soon as she left, Clarke collapsed against the counter with a wail. Miller patted her shoulder comfortingly. 

"There, there." 

She looked up. "Why did I say Maya? I don't know any Maya's. Do either of you?" 

Miller shook his head while Drew grimaced. "Well, my grandmother."

Clarke raised her eyebrows. "That's a viable option." 

\--

She was on the late shift at work (or early shift, depending on how you looked at it) when the idea came to her. 

It was a little past 3am and the A&E had quieted down enough for Clarke to get through some paperwork. One of her fellow doctors was dealing with a patient outside and the various others were stabilising a car crash victim that had been entered in a few hours ago. She logged into one of the ancient computers on the desk and started updating her last patient's file. When she had finished that, she checked to see who was coming in for a check-up that morning, as was usual for Fridays.

Scrolling through the names, she suddenly thought of a solution to her problem. It wasn't professional, and on some level it probably wasn't legal, either. 

_What are the chances that someone called Maya that's around our age happens to be coming in? Little to none,_ Clarke reassured herself. _There's no harm checking._

Ensuring that she was on her own for the third time, she slowly started typing Maya into the search bar, filtering results for the next day.

"Please, please, please," Clarke chanted. "I saved like three lives today. You owe me this."

One result blinked on the screen in front of her. 

**Vie, Maya** \-- _28_

"Oh, God." Clarke rested her forehead against the screen. "Thank you." 

\--

Clarke knew she was charming, and she would freely admit to using it to her advantage when necessary. She managed to convince the doctor assigned to Maya that they needed to change patients that day and all it took was a smile and a few admiring comments. 

"Men are so weak," Clarke tutted as she walked away, file in hand. Flicking through it, she saw that Maya was recovering from a burn on her hand that had happened a few weeks ago. This was her last check-up and she'd been changing the dressing herself since a fortnight ago. 

She was unmarried, so that was a start.

"Let her be gay and single," Clarke muttered. A passing nurse gave her a strange look. 

She pulled back the curtain to see Maya perched on the bed. She had dark hair that fell to just past her shoulders and a nose-ring on her left nostril. Her outfit was casual but she was beautiful, that much was clear. Straightening her back, she stepped past the curtain. 

"Hi! Maya, isn't it? I'm Dr. Griffin, I'll be seeing you today. Your usual doctor isn't available at the moment."

Maya smiled brightly. "It's nice to meet you, then. Although I think this is my last time here."

"It seems it is. Do you mind showing me the hand?"

Maya held out her left arm and presented the bandaged hand to Clarke. It was wrapped well and Clarke nodded appreciatively. 

"Looks good. I'll take them off and examine the affected area and you'll be ready to go again."

"Great!" 

While she took off the bandages (normally the job of a nurse, but seeing as she was Clarke's last patient of the day, it didn't matter), Clarke managed to find out that Maya worked in a pre-school, was currently single and lived only twenty minutes away from her own apartment. She didn't know how she was going to subtly ask her if she was into women, or willing to go on a blind date with Octavia. Time was running out. 

She decided to be honest. "Maya, I have to tell you something." 

"Not exactly the words you want to hear from your doctor, but alright."

"No! No, it's nothing bad. It's just," Clarke steeled herself. "It isn't an accident that I was your doctor today. I arranged it because me and my friend Octavia promised to set each other up on blind dates. And I forgot, but I told her that I didn't and that her date was called Maya. So, here I am."

"Here you are?" Maya raised an eyebrow.

"Here I am, asking you to help me out." 

"You're a stranger, and you're asking me to go on a date with another stranger? Are you serious?"

Maya didn't look horrified; it was more in the realm of mildly afraid. 

Clarke tried to sound desperate. She was feeling it. "Look, Octavia's amazing. She's a physiotherapist and she's kind and caring. It's one date. You seem like a great person and you're definitely Octavia's type." 

That last part was a lie but Maya's cheeks reddened so Clarke didn't really mind. She pulled out her phone and showed her a few of the more flattering pictures of Octavia that she had. She seemed especially interested in the one of the two of them dressed up for a night out in a nearby club. 

_Definitely into women, then._

"I --" Maya shook her head, but there was a small smile on her face. "This is crazy. I can't believe I'm thinking of agreeing to it."

Clarke said nothing, searching her eyes for a sign of hope. 

Laughing, Maya shrugged, "I guess I'll help you out. I'm not doing anything this evening and I haven't been out on a date in a while, so. Yeah." 

Clarke hugged the other woman tightly. 

"You won't regret it. I'll pick you up at six." 

\-- 

When they arrived at the restaurant, Clarke spotted Octavia and her date across the room. She squeezed Maya's hand quickly. 

"You sure you're ready for this?" 

Maya nodded. Even Clarke had to take a moment when she saw what Maya was wearing - a black crop top with a chunky silver necklace - and briefly considered taking her out on a date and ditching Octavia completely. 

Maya nodded. "I guess. This isn't me at all but it's exciting." 

Clarke nodded and grinned. "Here we go then." 

Octavia stood up when she spotted them walking over, her coral dress catching the attention of a few people from the surrounding tables as she did so. 

"Hey. It's nice to meet you. You must be Maya?" Octavia said, barely even looking in Clarke's direction as she reached over to shake Maya's hand. 

"I am. Octavia, right?"

Smiling to herself, Clarke sat down and introduced herself to her own date, Caris. It was a good start. Everything was going to be fine. 

"So," Octavia started, taking her seat. "How do you two know each other?"

"Uh." 

Everything had been going too perfect. Really, she had been lucky to make it this far at all. Clarke had gotten cocky and not thought the rest of it through. 

"We've known each other since school. High school," Maya piped up.

Clarke nodded enthusiastically, gulping down her water. "Yeah, high school. We basically grew up together."

Octavia's eyes widened. "It's weird we haven't met before - ah, so you knew Wells?"

The look of confusion on Maya's face couldn't be disguised. Clarke shook her head quickly, trying to improvise. 

"The two of them never got along."

Octavia tilted her head back, narrowing her eyes. 

Bad move.

"Why don't you get along with Wells?"

"Who's Wells?" Caris inquired. Clarke held up her index finger while she thought of an answer. 

"Maya...accidentally killed Wells' hamster in 3rd grade show and tell."

Octavia's eyes widened and Maya choked on her water. Clarke tried to signal for a waiter. They needed to start eating.

"She sat on it. He never really got over it."

"Huh." Strangely enough, Octavia seemed satisfied with this answer and started perusing the menu. Clarke winked coyly at Maya, who was still spluttering.

\--

"So, do you two meet up a lot? I can't believe we've never been introduced." 

Maya shrugged. "With Clarke's busy schedule it's hard. And I work Monday to Friday so finding free time isn't easy."

Everything was going well. Clarke was almost happy that she'd forgotten about it in the first place, seeing as Maya and Octavia were hitting it off so well. The two of them hadn't stopped chatting for the whole time they were there. Maya had been particularly impressed when Octavia told her that she had taken her brother in after his engagement had ended. Clarke was so invested in their date she was almost neglecting her own. 

"Right, it would be the same for us if I wasn't always over at her place," Octavia smiled, leaning closer to Maya. "Add that to the art and it's just these tiny windows of time you get to hang out."

Maya banged the table loudly and looked over at Clarke. "That's why you sounded familiar. I was at an exhibition of yours last --" 

She bit her lip and winced. Expression morphing from one of confusion to shock, Octavia glanced between the two of them. 

"Wait - what? 'Sounded familiar?'"

Rubbing a hand over her face (and ignoring the pride she felt at being recognised for her art), Clarke sighed. 

"I knew this wouldn't last," Maya muttered. 

Caris was looking rather judgemental and squinted at Clarke. "Do you two not know each other?" 

Clarke firstly looked adamant, before sighing at Octavia's stony expression and trying to appear apologetic. "I forgot, okay? And I panicked and I improvised. I used to act, remember?"

"This isn't a joke, Clarke. You don't know this girl. She could be a murderer, or something."

Octavia looked like she didn't really believe this statement but the Blakes were well known for their dramatic tendencies. Coughing loudly, Maya looked sideways at Octavia.

"Not a murderer, thanks." 

"Look," Clarke huffed, "I took a chance --"

"You got _lucky_." 

"I -- alright, but doesn't a small part of you think this was fate? I mean, you seemed to be having a pretty good time before you found out about the whole virtual strangers thing."

Octavia shook her head. "That’s a low blow." 

And with this, she picked up her purse and coat and headed for the door, giving Maya a look that Clarke couldn't interpret. She rolled her eyes and grimaced.

"Sorry, Maya. This is my fault." 

Shaking her head, Maya placed a comforting hand over Clarke's. "Don't worry about it. I got a free dinner and had a nice date before… this. I'll see you later." 

She made a quick exit too, expression guarded. Turning to Caris, Clarke frowned when she saw her getting ready to leave too. 

"Woah, wait you're going as well? What's the rush?" 

Snorting, Caris leaned down close to Clarke. "Thanks for an entertaining night but I'm taking off. Not too keen on going on a date with someone who picks up strangers for their friends."

Shrugging, Clarke motioned towards the door. Picking at the remains of her main course, Clarke listened to the click of her heels against the ground. 

A waiter waltzed over. "I'm assuming you'll be wanting the bill?"

Clarke cocked an eyebrow at him. "You assume wrong. I'll have the dessert menu, please."

\-- 

"Hey!" 

Octavia swivelled around at the sound of the familiar voice, memories of the dinner from the week before resurfacing immediately. 

(She would be lying if she said this was the first time she'd thought about it.)

Maya had her hair tied up in a loose bun, curls escaping to frame her face. She was smiling almost timidly and Octavia bit back a smile. 

"Was kind of hoping to bump into you here. Clarke said this is where you guys hang out a lot. Can I...?"

She gestured to the couch Octavia was sitting on. Nodding, she scooted over to make room. 

"You and Clarke made up right?" Maya blurted out, looking minorly worried at the thought of them still fighting. Octavia shrugged. 

"We're not talking anymore. There's a big split in the group. So, yeah. Don't blame yourself." 

Maya's mouth fell open, but she laughed a second later when Octavia finally cracked a grin. Her friend had arrived over to their apartment the next morning with pancakes (obviously made by Monty) and an apology. 

"That's good to hear."

They smiled at each other for a second before Maya looked down at her lap and cleared her throat. 

"It was really nice meeting you. Even if it was a little… unconventional. I had a good time."

"I did too."

The corners of Maya's lips quirked up and she nodded. "Maybe we could go for an actual date. Where I don't have to pretend to know your friend or to have killed a hamster."

Maya was right. The way they'd met was unconventional, to say the least. But it had been nice. Better than nice. It had been one of the best dates she'd been on in months. 

She nodded enthusiastically. "That sounds good. Friday?" 

"Friday." 

They exchanged numbers and Octavia left the coffee shop with a grin on her face. She decided to hold off on telling Clarke until at least after the date to save her gloating for another few days.

  


* * *

  


Monty walked out of his room to find Bellamy, Raven and Clarke sitting around the table. Clarke was staring into a cup of coffee, occasionally checking the situation on the chessboard between Raven and Bellamy. Monty had no idea how Bellamy had talked her into playing with him; no one ever agreed.

“Hey, Mon! Have a good nap?” Raven smiled at him - well she would’ve had she not been staring at the board.

“It was alright. Tho I did hear you yelling at Bell at one point.”

Clarke leaned back as he moved behind her to grab some water from the fridge. She reached out for his hand and held it over her shoulder. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, leaning on the back of her chair.

“Sorry. He was trying to trick me.”

“You always say that”, Bellamy huffed, making a move.

“Is Miller around?” Monty asked.

“He came home early today. He was in last time I checked”, Clarke said between trying to give Raven hints on what to do next.

Bellamy noticed and shoved her shoulder. “Yeah, I saw him briefly when I came over.”

“Why?” Raven glanced at him finally.

“When I woke up I realized I was wearing his hoodie. I figured I must’ve taken his accidentally”, Monty shrugged.

“Accidentally”, Clarke scoffed, and the other two shared the sentiment.

“Plenty coming from you all. We’re all guilty.”

Raven glanced down at the sweatshirt she’d grabbed back when she hadn’t gotten her own clothes yet. Clarke crossed her legs, clad in Miller’s sweats. Bellamy tugged on the hem of his t-shirt, muttering something about sharing and caring.

“Thought so”, Monty chuckled. “I’ll go check on him.”

Clarke let go of his hand with a squeeze.

“Tell him to come over if he’s alright”, Bellamy met Monty’s eyes briefly. “We have dinner.”

“Alright.” He leaned over Raven’s shoulder to make her next move. “Check.”

Raven made a delighted noise while Bellamy glared. Monty left swiftly to let Clarke mediate the fight over whether it counted or not.

Miller was nowhere to be seen when he stepped into the apartment. Now he knew to check the floor too. His door was closed, though, so that’s where he headed.

Monty knocked on the door. When there was no answer, he tried again. “Miller? It’s me.”

There was a low noise that sounded enough like a ‘yes’ that he opened the door. Miller was lying on his bed with his back towards him. The lights weren’t on so Monty could only see him in the light coming from the living room.

“Hey. I just came to return your hoodie. Sorry for being a clothes thief again.”

“It’s fine”, Miller muttered. “There’s a reason all your gifts for me are clothes.”

“Not _all_ of them”, Monty grimaced. Miller didn’t say anything, and he just stood there. “I have some water. Do you want some?”

That had Miller pushing himself up slightly and holding out his hand. Monty stepped over to him and handed him the bottle.

“You’re not sick, are you?”

Miller shook his head. He hadn’t really looked directly at him yet. Monty tried not to be worried.

“Do you want me to go?”

Miller shrugged, lying back down. Monty closed the door before going and settling next to him on the bed. Miller would’ve said yes if he meant it. A minute passed in silence before Miller rolled on his back, leaving them side by side.

“Can you just… talk about something?” he asked softly, his voice nearly a whisper.

“Something?”

“Anything.”

Monty stared into the darkness and tried to think of something to say. “I think I found a new job.”

Miller made an acknowledging sound.

“It’s a little further away. But I can get there by train. The shop’s not too far from the station. Well, the greenhouse is a little further. It’s owned by this older lady, Mrs. Ryan, and there’s mostly like teens working there from time to time. They all look at me like I’m ancient. But I think I -- I think I kind of love it. I was there today to check it out. My interview wasn’t that special. She just asked me if I had any experience, and I said no, but I was willing to learn. She laughed and told me I’d get the hang of it in no time. Apparently when she showed me around, I had 'a spark’”, Miller snorted at the word, and Monty grinned, “whatever the hell that means. Maybe she’s right. Some old people have a weird sixth sense.”

“What is the place?”

Monty could feel his cheeks heat up, suddenly nervous Miller would find it ridiculous. “A flower shop.”

In the dim light coming through the blinds, he could see Miller turn to look at him. “I think it suits you.”

He couldn’t help smiling, the warmth spreading through his body. “Thanks.”

“You are weirdly crafty.”

Monty laughed, nudging him with his elbow. “Why weirdly?”

“I don’t know. You like that kind of stuff. I don’t see the appeal.”

“I guess. I don’t know. The pay isn’t that great, but I’ve lived on way worse. I’ll get some fresh air when I have to walk around - well as fresh as it gets around here.”

Miller bit his lip. “Are you happy?”

Monty thought about it for a moment. He was rarely truly unhappy, but that didn’t mean he was on cloud nine all the time either. But today… Today he’d felt good. About the job, about himself, about the future not being perfectly clear. “Yeah. I think so.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

He found Miller’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. He’d get a hug another time, he’d make sure.

Miller sniffled suddenly, clearing his throat quickly right after. “I don’t know why I can’t make myself be happy.”

Monty’s chest hurt at the broken edge in his voice. Miller had been working on sharing a lot, but it also revealed a lot of heartbreaking things they’d never considered about him. And the worst part was that they had no idea how to make him feel better.

“This whole therapy thing has been feeling like it’s working. I know all these things now... like explanations to why I'm feeling this way. I’m -- I’m dating someone I actually like and who cares about me. But now I feel like this again”, Miller made a vague gesture at himself.

“I don’t think it’s supposed to happen overnight.”

“ _I know_ ”, Miller snapped before taking a deep breath. “Sorry. I -- It sucks the most that I know I should be better.”

“I don’t know what to say, Miller. But you don’t need to be anything for us at least. We know you’re doing what you can. We're not asking for anything else.”

“I’m just really tired. I was hoping I wouldn’t come down this fast. Maybe I went too high so the drop was bigger. I was feeling so good before.”

“Have you talked to Dr. Tsing about this?”

“Not yet. Today’s the first day. I’ll have it under control by tomorrow, probably. I’m used to it after all.”

Monty rested his hand on his arm. He knew there was no help in telling everything would be fine over and over again. Miller liked it reasonable and realistic, no stating the obvious either. All he could do was sympathize and be there.

“How has it been going otherwise? Do you like it there?”

“I like Dr. Tsing. I don’t know if I like talking about myself that much. It’s kind of weird. Sometimes I go there and I have nothing to say. And still I end up talking the whole time. Even if I’m fighting it. Sometimes I just talk about a project at work or an annoying coworker. Or you guys. And it’s all fine.”

“That’s good. I’m glad.”

“A few times ago, I was talking about my dad. I don’t think I’ve talked about him that much... ever.”

Monty picked at a loose string on the sleeve of his shirt. “You don’t have to tell me what --“

Miller stared at the ceiling. “It’s fine. It’s not like you don’t already know. I was trying to think of the last time we talked. And Tsing was like take your time. And I was like I’m _trying_. He calls me once a year, on my birthday, like always. But we don’t really talk. So I wasn’t sure. And she wanted to know how I felt about it - of course. Like, if I was sad. But how could I be sad when that’s about as much I’ve always heard from him. As a kid it felt like years between us talking. He worked long and weird hours. I was with a nanny or my aunt and then alone when I could. Then later I barely spent time at home once I became friends with Bellamy. That’s just how we’ve always done it.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be sad about it”, Monty noted.

"I guess. I just don't need people feeling bad for me about it. I'm -- I'm dealing with it." Miller glanced at him. "Sorry for unloading on you like this."

Monty shook his head. "It's good that you're talking. Whatever makes you feel better. You know I'll always be here to listen."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

They smiled at each other, settling into a comfortable silence. That was until Monty's phone buzzed three times in a row. He dug it out from his pocket, the brightness of the screen making them both hiss.

 **From: Bell**  
Are you alive?

 **From: Bell**  
Both of you

 **From: Bell**  
There's still food left

"Do you want to come eat something? They've got dinner on the other side", Monty asked. "Or I could bring you some here?"

"It's okay. I'll come over", Miller stretched his arms over his head. As Monty got up, he rolled to the edge of the bed to reach for his phone. He grimaced as soon as he unlocked it.

"What?"

"Drew's called me."

"You haven't told him?"

Miller didn't look up from his phone, lip caught between his teeth. "I don't need him to see how big of a mess I really am just yet."

Monty didn't know what to say so he said nothing. Miller finished typing a message and dumped his phone on the bed. Together they walked across the hall.

The chessboard was gone when they got in. The trio had moved to the couches, now accompanied by Octavia and Maya. She'd started coming around more and more often with Octavia. No one minded; she fit right in. And Octavia was always in a good mood when she was around.

They were greeted excitedly, and Miller managed a reassuring smile at his friends' slightly concerned looks. Monty elbowed him lightly and got him to make himself a plate of whatever was left. Whenever Bellamy came over to cook for them, there were no leftovers.

"Right, so after class I asked her to stay so I could talk to her about her grades that had been dropping", Bellamy picked up the story he'd clearly been telling before they came in.

Monty snatched half of the last stuffed pepper from Miller's plate to his own while he was focused on listening.

"Her excuse? She's "in love" with me."

Octavia and Raven couldn't hold in their laughter. Clarke was making kissy noises at him. Bellamy glanced back at him and Miller for support, but they were both holding back grins, not looking up from their food.

"I was in love with one of my professors once", Maya said, carding her fingers through Octavia's hair thoughtfully.

"Really?" Octavia grinned up at her.

"Yeah. It was a very short, one-sided love affair", she snorted. "But yeah, I would've never told her about it. And I'd call myself a pretty confident person."

"You think she's lying?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen Bellamy's history skills in action yet", Maya winked at him.

"Don't jinx it!" Octavia nearly rolled off the couch in her attempt to knock on the wooden coffee table.

Bellamy threatened to drop her legs off his lap. Octavia pretended to zip up her mouth.

"Come on, guys", Bellamy turned back again. "Support me."

Monty made a face. "I don't know. Like, what can you do? You're there to teach. That's all you have to do."

"But you are a dreamy, dreamy man no matter what, Bell", Miller promised.

  


* * *

  


"Okay, good. I'll see you tomorrow." Octavia pocketed her phone, still smiling faintly when her eyes fell on Miller. He was lounging on the couch, telling by the sounds playing Candy Crush. "Hey. When did you get there?"

Miller didn't look up. "I live here."

"Funny", she dropped on the couch next to him. "Are you trying to beat Raven's high score again? You know you can't."

"I can try."

Within the next two moves he'd failed. Octavia grinned smugly at his annoyed look.

"Told you."

Miller huffed, throwing his phone on the seat next to him. "Who were you so secretly on the phone with?"

"It wasn't secretly. I just wanted some privacy."

"From whom? No one's home."

"Clarke's across the hall."

"Clarke's home?"

Octavia shook her head. "You two are the worst housemates on earth."

Miller just shrugged. She crossed her legs and sighed. They sat in silence for a moment before Miller sighed even more deeply and turned to her.

"So the call?"

"You won't guess who it was."

"I won't."

Octavia gave him a sour look. "I should've stuck with Clarke."

Miller cracked a smile, knocking their knees together. "Come on."

"It was Lincoln."

Miller's brows shot up. "Didn't see that coming. How is he?"

"He's great. And he's... Back. Properly, again."

"Ah. You said see you tomorrow."

"Yeah", Octavia bit her lip. "I'm going to go see him. He's coming into the city for the day. He’s moved recently."

"So... what's up with that?"

"We're going to catch up. That's about it", Octavia twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "We started talking again already last year. But it took a lot to get over him."

"Are you nervous?" Miller asked.

"To see him? No."

“Not what I meant.”

She made a face. “I guess it’s always weird when you broke up not because you stopped loving each other. But it’s not like I’m in love with him anymore. We’ve been just friends for a while now. I don’t know. I guess I was just so certain that I’d marry him and have kids with him. Like, I had no doubt about that.”

“Have you talked to Maya?”

“Yeah. It’s not like I’d be in a relationship with her if I was in love with someone else. And she said she gets it. But I don’t know. I don’t feel like I’m the same person I was when I was with Lincoln. I don’t think it’s even a _thing_ that I could be in love with him now, the same way.”

“That’s good then?”

Octavia nodded. “I have no regrets.”

Miller grinned. “Maya’s really got you good, hasn’t she?”

She shoved at his shoulder. “Shut up.”

\--

“-- so Otan finally reaches me and he spends at least ten minutes yelling at me for disappearing. I was on a two-day hike and he’d been calling me constantly. I hadn’t checked if my text had gone through.”

Octavia laughed, trying not to choke on her coffee. “Poor guy.”

“Yeah”, Lincoln grinned, stirring his tea. “Still let me come live with him, though. So it was all good in the end.”

“It sounds like Travel-Lincoln is a completely different guy.”

He chuckled. “Maybe when I go to new places. I’ve been around Accra before so I think I’m more responsible there.”

“You were out there for what? Ten months? You told me about the schools and the other projects on the phone. But you never told me what you did for the rest of the time.”

“Well I know one of the coordinators so I could get around. In between working I traveled mostly. My final destination there was Egypt where Otan lives. I stayed with him for a few weeks. Though for the very last month I was in Italy.”

“Why Italy?”

“I went to help out a friend - that coordinator. She moved back to the states. So I went to help her pack up her stuff from her house there. Then we came back together.”

“Sounds incredible.”

“Regret not coming?” Lincoln teased.

She scrunched up her nose at him. “I did for a while. But it was your thing. I was a lot newer in your life. This is what you do.”

“O, it’s --“

“I know. Don’t worry. We went through this before you left. And I think it was for the best even though it was awful at first." She covered his hand with her own. "And I'm glad we're still friends. I missed you a lot."

He stroked her thumb with his own. "I never did think we'd just be friends."

Octavia rolled her eyes. "I didn't either. But it's working just fine."

"So what about you then? I know you've been busy. You never stay still."

"I don't know. A lot has happened. But I'm still just me", she shrugged. "Anya got married. Monty had a career change. Clarke finished med school. The rest of us have just been kind of... living."

"So nothing new in your life?"

Her phone buzzed and she quickly silenced it. She managed to catch the name on the screen and smiled. Maya had a habit of sending her multiple messages in a row instead of one long block of text.

"See? That's something", Lincoln gave her a pointed look.

She stuck out her tongue. "You're the least subtle person ever. Just ask if I'm seeing someone."

"Are you?"

"Are _you_?"

"Now that's just sad. I asked first", Lincoln raised his brows challengingly.

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"I asked."

Octavia gasped. "You're totally seeing someone too! Nice try."

Lincoln held up his hands. "I am. But I asked first. Don't even try it. Who is this person?"

She bit her lip. "Her name is Maya. She's a kindergarten teacher. Clarke... set us up."

"Ah. We both have girlfriends then."

Octavia narrowed her eyes. "Tell me more."

Lincoln huffed out a laugh. "The friend I helped move. Emori. We're kind of living together now."

She laughed. "Kind of?"

"Well now I will have fully moved in when I get my stuff there. We've known each other for years and now spending all this time together just had it... click."

"Nice", she nodded. "Living with you must be nice. You're so tidy. It's unnerving."

"You're just the messiest person to ever live."

"True", she grinned.

Lincoln's smile was careful. "So this Maya... She make you happy?"

"Yeah, she's -- Wow. Yeah. She does."

"Good. Hope she can keep up with you", he winked exaggeratedly.

Octavia flashed him a smirk. "Just fine." She shook her head slowly, turning more serious. "It's kind of scary. I think before I took it all for granted, you know?"

"I didn't think you did."

"You and I were on the same wavelength, though. We both thought it'd be like that. But I guess after we broke up, I had to really think everything through. It was like a wake up call. That I can't just expect things to happen as I think they should happen. Believing in fate or whatever will only get you so far."

"And now things are less... predictable?"

"You'd imagine", she chuckled. "I still want the same things. It's just that now I know not to assume anything."

"Sounds good."

"I think it is. I mean... I've never dated a woman before. So that is new. But this was worth the wait."

"Seems like things do work out, doesn't it?"

She returned his smile. "It does."

"So how on earth did you have Clarke set you up?"

"Now that's a story..."

\--

The apartment was empty when Bellamy got home. He wandered around for a moment before heading over to Monty and Raven's. As he let himself in, he remembered Octavia and Raven were out together.

With a sigh he was about to turn back when the door opened nearly in his face. Monty made a surprised noise at the yelp he let out.

"Hi, Bell!”

"Hey, Mon. What are you up to?"

Monty left the door open and took off his coat. "I have a date. I need to get changed and head out."

"Nice. I'm just going to --"

"Hey, Bell", Miller ruffled his hair as he walked inside, closing the door. "Monty, Clarke didn't have your jacket."

Monty grumbled something and disappeared into his bedroom.

"Why would Clarke have his jacket?"

Miller shrugged as he took a seat at the table. Bellamy sat next to him, and together they watched as Monty skipped over from his bedroom to the bathroom and back.

Finally he stepped out, raising his arms in defeat. "Okay! I need to go. How do I look?"

"Ten out of ten", Bellamy told him, and Miller nodded in agreement.

Monty grabbed his coat. "Thank you. I love you both. Don't eat all my food. Bye!"

Bellamy waved, and Miller just watched him go. He considered Miller for a moment. He'd been feeling better again lately; it was clear just in his being. He was less highly strung, smiled more easily. Seeing him now made Bellamy feel lighter, knowing his friend wasn't hurting constantly.

"How does he always get so many dates?" Bellamy shook his head.

"Why wouldn't he", Miller said absentmindedly.

Bellamy raised a brow at him as he snapped out of it. Miller glanced at the ceiling.

"Anyway..."

He rubbed his shoulder gently. "What's up?"

"Nothing's up. I've just been thinking."

"About what?"

"It's not about... him", Miller made a vague gesture at the door.

Bellamy believed him the best he could. "Okay. What is it then?"

"I was talking to Octavia a little ago. She was talking about Lincoln and it made think. She mentioned something about not being with Maya if she was in love with someone else."

"Are you in love with someone else then?"

Miller waved him off. "That's not it. I was thinking about how she meant it. Like, if she wasn't as committed, it wouldn't be fair to Maya. I don't know how to explain it. I'm --"

"You broke up with Drew." It wasn't a question.

Miller visibly deflated. "I did. It's not that I didn't like him but..."

"You don't love him."

"Maybe it was because we started out just hooking up and it was fun. Then we got together and actually became friends. I like him as a friend. But I couldn't picture falling for him. And that just wasn't fair to him."

"How did he take it?"

"He was okay. I don't think he was that into it either. Though he did say he could've seen it work. And that just made me feel worse because I didn't see it."

"I'm sorry", Bellamy gave his hand a squeeze.

Miller just smiled. "I don't know. It was still the most stable relationship I've had. It was just nice. And easy. It wasn't a bad experience at all. Like I was able to just have fun and be with someone."

"I'm glad. I don't think breakups have to always be bad. Just because something's ending, it doesn't mean it wasn't good."

"Yeah. And we'll still be friends. I don't --" Miller frowned. "Before I would've said I wasted it or that I didn't deserve it. But I did. Why wouldn't I? I'm 29 years old. I just need to... let things happen more."

"I've always said you're a catch", Bellamy grinned. "I'm happy for you."

Miller turned to look at him. "You asked me if I'm in love with someone else..."

"Don't say it's me."

Miller punched him in the arm. "I would've already had you if it was."

"True. I could've never resisted you."

"Damn right", Miller chuckled.

"Sorry. You were saying?"

Miller made a face. "When I was trying to figure out this thing with Drew, I was thinking about how I wanted to feel. We're almost 30. It'd be nice to think about the future and... I don't know."

"Dude. You know I'm a hopeless romantic. Just hit me."

Miller bit back a smile. "Remember that time, last year of uni, when I kissed you?"

"Vividly. You were apologizing for it for like a week, and Anya just laughed at you." Miller looked like he wanted to smack him again. "But it was a good one. We were drunk. Go on."

Miller settled with another eye-roll. "I kissed you because I wanted to know if it'd feel the same."

"Same as what?"

"The same as I'd started feeling for Monty", Miller admitted. "I might be in love with him now, still, but that doesn't mean I can't feel the same way about someone else. I've always known I'll get over it. It'll still happen."

Bellamy watched him as he spoke. They were nearly as much alike as they were different. They'd both harbored these feelings for years and years without knowing what to do with them. But he'd gotten to know what it felt to have those feelings reciprocated and Miller hadn't.

"I just need to find the right person. And I will. And then I'll know it's real because..."

"Because you know what it feels like."

"Yeah."

"Maybe it's a start that you accept it now."

Miller shrugged. "Monty's one of my best friends. He's never been the problem."

"You're not a _problem_ either, Miller. Sometimes you just can't help your feelings. It doesn't make you any less of a friend to him."

"I know", he sighed. "Would've been so much easier to just fall for Drew."

"Shut up. You're listening to yourself and handling your emotions. This is a good thing."

"Whatever", Miller huffed, but he was still smiling.

  


* * *

  


They were all sitting in Monty and Raven's apartment one Thursday evening, yelling at a contestant on a game show when Clarke first suggested it.

"Why do these people apply? I don't mean to sound like a dick but honestly; why bother?"

Bellamy was getting the most riled up and Raven laughed at Octavia's tired sigh.

"I'm going to fill out a form for you or whatever the hell you have to do to get on one of these things because I'm done with hearing the same crap every time we watch a show."

"Don't," Raven groaned. "We'd never hear the end of it if he won." 

"That's true," Monty shrugged while Bellamy looked dangerously close to lobbing a slice of pizza at him. "It would be like, every special occasion merits a rewatch. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter... Just any excuse, really."

"Unless he did badly," Miller piped up. "Then we'd never even get to see it in the first place." 

Looking the most betrayed at Miller's statement, Bellamy was about to fire off a retort when Clarke walked in, still dressed in her hospital slacks. 

"Hey, guys," Clarke said, a little out of breath. 

"Clarke, I'd do great on one of these gameshows, right?"

She nodded and patted Bellamy's head as she moved past him to stand in front of the TV. Turning it off, she was immediately met by a chorus of indignant groans. 

"Shut up and listen. I had an idea. I'm off for the next few days and don't have anything planned in terms of my art, right? And I was thinking of something we could all do together --"

"Because we hardly ever see each other," Miller deadpanned. Clarke gave him a look but continued.

"And I don't think we've ever been away on a trip altogether. So, why don't we head to my beach house for a couple of days?"

"You have a beach house," Raven repeated flatly. She wasn't particularly surprised but this was the first she'd heard of it. The others were nodding approvingly. 

"Yeah, in Maine. Our family and the Jahas used to spend some of our summers there. It's pretty big and there's a town nearby. We should all go tomorrow. Stay for a long weekend until Tuesday or Wednesday."

"Tomorrow?" Miller grimaced. "I don't know if I can get off work that soon."

Everyone looked at him and he grinned.

"I'm joking. I don't care if they fall apart without me, I can take a few days off."

"Yeah, I'm fine to stay off," Bellamy said. "Maybe my students will learn to appreciate me when I'm back."

"You're going for a few days, Bell," Octavia muttered. "They probably won't even notice."

Raven beamed at Clarke and nodded enthusiastically. She knew that no matter how much she tried to still hide it, Clarke still felt some sort of unfounded guilt for what happened with Finn, despite Raven urging her not to. A part of her hoped Clarke wasn't just organising this because of that. She just wanted to leave him and all the drama he brought with him behind. 

"I'll bring my car," Bellamy announced, chest puffed out in pride.

"Shotgun riding with Bellamy," Miller said, loud enough that everyone could hear. The two of them high-fived. 

"Oh right, so all six of us are going to pile into your car with our luggage?" Raven asked with one eyebrow raised. "Logistics not your strong suit or are you just feeling ambitious?"

Deflating, Bellamy looked at Miller with disappointment written across his features. Plenty of times before they'd managed to fit the six of them in there, but for short journeys only and without luggage as well. 

Deep in thought, Miller suddenly took out his phone and started scrolling through contacts while he spoke.

"I, uh -- I might know someone. This woman at work has a minivan but she told me she doesn't use it anymore. I'm pretty sure she's looking to sell it but we could probably borrow it for a few days; she owes me a favour. I'll ring her now." 

He stepped into another room to make the call. The atmosphere had morphed into a burning anticipation for the group's holiday together.

"Alright!" Clarke exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "This is great. I'm going to go pack. I'll see you all tomorrow morning."

"See you!" 

As soon as the door closed, Monty got up too. "I'm going to call my boss. She won't mind but I better let her know."

"Same." Raven jumped up and headed into her room, bumping into Miller on the way who gave the Blakes a thumbs up. "We have the minivan. Only condition is no sex in it, so I'm not going to look at anyone in particular but -- Bellamy, no sex in the mini-van." 

He glared in response before jostling Octavia. "Come on, we better pack too."

Looking up at him with wide eyes, Octavia said, "I'm going on a date with Maya tonight..."

"Congratulations."

"Will you pack for me?"

Miller snorted. "You trust him to pack for you?" 

Octavia nodded. "He used to do it all the time when I went to summer camp."

"Cute." 

Bellamy rolled his eyes but nodded after another few moments of Octavia's pleading. "Fine. No complaining though." 

"I promise."

\-- 

The car was loaded up and ready to go by ten am, but they didn't actually get to leave until eleven because Bellamy had evidently lost his touch in terms of packing Octavia's stuff. When they finally left, Octavia and Bellamy had both exhausted themselves with running around their apartment looking for things and were fast asleep within minutes. The two of them sat either side of Raven and were both laying their heads on her shoulders. 

Monty and Miller were sitting in the back, a piece of luggage situated on the chair beside them. Clarke had been mildly offended that no one wanted to sit with her in the front, but they had all made excuses of tiredness (or wanting to finish a book, in Raven's case), and even Clarke had conceded that they wouldn't get that up beside her. She had a tendency to sing along to every song on the radio, _loud_. Sleeping wasn't an option. 

Even now, Monty could hear her belting out the lyrics to an old Abba song. Top 40 was normally her forté, but she consistently proved herself to be a multi-talented lady. He nudged Miller's knee with his own. 

"You tired?" he whispered, slouched back in his seat. Miller looked at him and shook his head. 

"Not especially. I just didn't want to have to perform any duets today."

"Same. Though our lack of enthusiasm isn't exactly deterring her." 

They both watched as she bopped her head to the song and shouted "everybody now!" when the chorus started again. 

The two of them sat in a comfortable silence for another few minutes until Monty nodded at Bellamy. In the time since they'd left, Raven has fallen asleep also and her head rested on Bellamy's, though one of her arms was wrapped around Octavia. He looked at Miller.

"Sometimes...do you ever feel like they could be a couple again?"

"When did O and Raven date?" 

Monty raised an unimpressed eyebrow and Miller grinned before shrugging.

"Yeah, of course. It's different, we've seen it build up since God knows when; same as O. Maybe we're still in that mindset of expecting it to happen." 

"I don't know," Monty replied. "Some days I think it's not going to happen again, and other times I'm sure it will."

Shrugging, Miller rubbed his chin. "I guess I'm the same. Though when two people who are so passionate care for each other for so long, it's almost inevitable, right?"

Monty downright stared at him then, a small smile forming on his lips. Narrowing his eyebrows, Miller shoved him lightly. 

"What?" 

Monty shook his head. "Nothing, that was just...not something I expected you to say. You don't really strike me as the romantic type."

"I can be romantic," Miller protested. Monty just laughed. He raised his eyebrows.

Monty took a deep breath and bumped Miller's shoulders. "It's just...you're not that type of boyfriend, you know? Like, don't get me wrong - plenty of people would love to date you, I'm sure - but you're not very sentimental or romantic. From what I've seen, anyways."

"And how would you know? From Murphy?" Miller scoffed. Monty shrugged, but seemed adamant. Folding his arms across his chest, Miller sighed. "Well then, I guess I'll just have to show you what a great boyfriend I am."

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

"I can pretend to be your boyfriend while we're at the beach, since you seem to have so many preconceptions about my romantic abilities."

Laughing again, Monty rolled his eyes. 

"Alright," he said quietly, sounding sceptical. "I'm looking forward to it."

Miller smiled at him again and the two of them looked at each other for a moment, before Octavia snored loudly and they both started chuckling. 

\--

Clarke woke everyone up as they pulled into the entrance of the beach house, rain pelting against the roof of the car. She tried to grin back at them all excitedly.

"So, the weather forecast was a bit off for today but at least we'll mainly be unpacking and getting you all used to the place, right?"

No one replied. 

They all made a dash for their luggage in the boot, bar Monty who went on ahead to get the door as Miller insisted that he'd get his bag. Bellamy looked at his friend questioningly but said nothing. 

Seeing as the majority of the group had slept for a large part of the journey, they were all lethargic and eager to stretch out their legs in the house. What they weren't expecting was the sand on the ground in lieu of a floor. 

"Clarke, this is ...normal, right?" Raven asked, toeing it cautiously. Clarke followed her gaze and then nodded. 

"Yeah, Dad thought it was a great idea at the time. It's still kind of fun, sometimes, but mostly just a nuisance." 

They all went upstairs to unpack and then came down for a late dinner an hour later, prepared by Monty. After that was finished, they were at a loss for what to do.

"We could just...talk for a while?" Bellamy suggested.

Octavia stared at him. "What, like we don't do that enough already?"

He folded his arms and leaned back in his seat. The only sound for a few minutes was the rain hammering against the roof.

"Alright," Clarke held up her hands. She looked like she was feeling the pressure of entertaining everyone because it was her beach house. "I'm going to spin in a circle and whoever I point at has to pick something for us to do." 

Everyone accepted this and surrounded Clarke. She spun around quickly before her pointed finger landed on Monty.

"Uh..." he looked around at the others for inspiration, before spotting a pack of cards and grinning. "Strip poker?"

Clarke's face lit up and Octavia burst out laughing. 

"I love it."

Bellamy huffed out a breath. "Monty, I thought I could trust you."

Raven snorted. "Oh, please. He was the worst of us in high school. We were constantly getting you out of trouble, right Green?"

Saying nothing, Monty winked coyly and started shuffling the deck while everyone took their places around him; bar Clarke who headed for the kitchen. 

"Margaritas?" Bellamy called after her. She grinned back. 

"Do you need to ask?"

\--

An hour and two more rounds of drinks later left the group in various states of undress. Clarke was without only her shoes (proving herself to be far more skilled than she'd let on), Bellamy had lost his shirt and Raven, Octavia and Monty were all without their trousers. They were all aware of Clarke's unexpected knack for this game (a sharp contrast to her less than desirable skills in any other card game she'd ever played) but none of them chose to comment on it. 

Miller was faring the worst out of everyone, dressed in only his socks and boxers. 

"These guys are my last line of defense," Miller sighed, wiggling his toes at the group. 

"We'll see how long that lasts," Clarke muttered, looking at her cards with one eyebrow raised. Frowning, Monty shook the empty jug in the centre of the table.

"We're out of mix." 

He made to slide his chair back but Miller stood up and grabbed the glass jug from Monty's hand before he could. 

"Let me."

He held Monty's gaze for a second before turning to the kitchen and Octavia watched as Monty's eyes fell to Miller's arms for a split-second. She elbowed him and he laughed, colour high in his cheeks. Her phone vibrated on the table in front of her, then vibrated another three times in quick succession. Immediately knowing who it was, Octavia found herself smiling before she even looked at the phone.

 **From: my oh maya**  
hi!!  
hope you're having fun at the beach and that the rain isn't putting too much of a dampener on your trip  
are you all drunk yet  
btw i got tickets for years  & years next thursday !!!  
what do you think?  
we don't have to go if you're busy but i have no one else to ask so  
don't be busy  
i'll stop annoying you now  
i miss you!! bye!!!!!!

Tapping off a quick reply, Octavia confirmed that they were well on their way to getting drunk, that's she'd love to go to the concert and that she missed her too. 

"Maya?" Clarke asked, smirking proudly. Not giving her the satisfaction of a reply, Octavia went back to her cards. 

"Speaking of dates, how'd yours go the other day Monty?" Raven asked him. He rolled his eyes.

"It was a bust. The guy talked about himself the whole time we were there. I don't get it. He seemed nice in the shop."

"Don't they all," Clarke tutted, shaking her head. Raven winked at her and she grinned back.

"Alright, we're back in business," Miller announced, placing the jug on the table and refilling his and Monty's glasses. "Blake? Round four?"

"What happened to us getting up tomorrow for an early morning swim and surf?" he retorted, but held out his cup all the same. 

"The weather happened. Shut up and drink."

\--

The next morning had to be spent indoors as well, seeing as the weather hadn't improved any and none of them were feeling brave enough to go outside. Only Octavia made a quick run out to the van to search for Raven's book, arriving back into the house soaked but with it tucked under her arm, much to Raven's delight.

"You're my hero," she sighed, already flicking to a page in it and wandering over to the couch. Grimacing, Octavia headed straight for the shower. 

Miller volunteered to help Monty prepare lunch and Bellamy watched as the two of them laughed about something together before turning his attention to Raven. Not taking her eyes off her book, she said with a tone of disinterest, "Did you want something?"

He suppressed a smirk. "I'm bored." 

"That's a shame."

He frowned. "Come on. Tell me about your book or something."

At this, Raven laughed and actually looked at him. "Oh, Bell. You really must be bored seeing as you're normally the one who loves entertaining everyone with the sound of your own voice." 

"That's true." He paused. "I like the sound of your voice too, though."

She rolled her eyes but put down her book a few seconds later. Looking triumphant, Bellamy ducked when Raven tried to smack him with a cushion.

"What do you want to do then?" Raven asked him. He shrugged. 

"What is there to do?"

"You know, I painted Octavia's nails earlier..." Raven trailed off, eyebrows raised suggestively. 

Bellamy let out a short laugh. "Ha. No."

"Fine. I'm going to dig around and see what movies Clarke has hidden here that we can watch tonight. Feel free to join me."

Bellamy frowned but dutifully followed her to kneel beside the cupboard underneath the TV. 

It was only after they'd finished eating that Monty realised the constant sound of rain against the roof had ceased to be.

"Thank God," Clarke muttered as they all headed out to the beach. "The cabin fever was starting to set in. No offence."

"None taken!" Octavia yelled as she ran past, swimsuit on and ready for a dip in the water despite Clarke's insistence that she'd surely catch pneumonia. There was no deterring her and Bellamy soon followed after removing his and Miller's surfboards from the top of the car. 

Raven, Monty and Clarke settled for watching them as they walked along the shore. The friendly competition between Bellamy and Miller was entertaining to watch and Octavia's harsh criticism of her brother's technique wasn't helping his frustration. 

Clarke drifted back a little from Monty and tugged Raven with her. They fell into step beside each other and and Monty pretended not to notice. 

"I'm glad we came here, even if the weather hasn't been great," Clarke started slowly. Raven nodded in agreement. 

"Yeah, me too."

Kicking at the sand as she walked, Clarke looked up at Raven, blue eyes brighter somehow against the sea behind her. "Especially after everything with Finn... I'm glad nothing's changed."

Raven had known this conversation would come up again eventually, but at least Clarke didn't seem to still feel bad about it. None of it had ever been her fault. 

"Nothing would have changed. Even if you weren't one of my best friends - it was him. It was always his fault."

Shaking her head, Clarke looked up at the sand stretching out before them. "I can't believe I was such a poor judge of character."

"He could be convincing, trust me."

A comfortable silence settled between them for another few minutes, broken only by the waves breaking and Bellamy shouting something incoherent to Octavia as he fell into the water. Clarke bumped Raven with her shoulder.

"Well, if I knew you were his girlfriend he definitely wouldn't have been the one I was interested in, if it's any comfort."

Raven laughed, though she was fully aware that Clarke wasn't joking. "Thanks, Clarke."

Monty rejoined them not too long after they'd stopped talking about anything Finn-related (Raven refrained from commenting on his impeccable timing) and he let out a long groan as he watched Octavia sprint quickly to her phone from the shore, presumably to text Maya.

"I miss being in a relationship. I can't even remember the last time I was on a date that I enjoyed."

Clarke hummed in agreement. "It's been a while for me, too. Though I do get hit on by all the older male patients in the hospital regularly so who am I to complain?"

She said the last bit with a fake smile that indicated that she wasn't afraid to tell them exactly where to stick their advances. One of these days Raven was going to have to tag along to work with Clarke; she felt like it would be an interesting experience.

Both Bellamy and Miller glided into view, looking too cocky to stay on their boards for much longer. Miller waved at the group, though it seemed to be more directed to Monty than anyone, before promptly losing his balance and toppling over. Bellamy soon followed; a result of laughing at his friend.

"Speaking of dating...you and Miller have been getting pretty friendly recently," Clarke said, not a question but not something he could exactly ignore, either. Shooting a quick glance her way before turning to Monty, Raven furrowed her eyebrows.

"Yeah, what's been going on? Did we miss something?"

Monty shook his head. "No it's -- It's just a joke. He's pretending to be my boyfriend because of something I said. It's nothing serious."

"Well, for a joke you seemed to be having a lot of fun last night." Clarke flicked her hair out of her face. "Plus, you used to like him, right?"

"Oh, come on." Monty threw his hands in the air. "That was high school. It was a stupid crush. Can I appreciate that he's a good-looking guy? Sure. But we're friends. Always have been, always will be."

Shoulders drooping, Clarke let out a deflated sound. "You're no fun."

"And you have no shame."

"Fair enough."

\--

The days after that passed in a blur thanks to the improving weather conditions. It meant that they were free to walk to the village nearby or spend time at the beach instead of cooped up in the house. Generally, the groups remained the same from the first day but Bellamy and Miller did manage to cajole Clarke and Monty into going for a quick swim by half dragging them to the shore themselves. 

Evenings were spent arguing over films and it generally boiled down to Bellamy and Octavia disagreeing with one another for the sake of it. Miller had no idea how they managed to decide on anything in their own apartment. The one night Octavia convinced her friends to watch the only horror movie at their disposal found them all huddled under a blanket on the couch together. The film was followed by a round of cards and drinks before they collapsed in bed. 

The last night felt different. There was no movie and the card game was soon abandoned in favour of just sitting around talking. Clarke had just finished telling them all about the time her and Wells had "ran away" to the beach house at the age of twelve when Miller stood up and stretched his arms above his head. 

"Anyone want to go for a walk?" Miller asked. "Seeing as it's our last night and all." 

Octavia gave him an incredulous look. "It's dark."

"Well done, Octavia," Bellamy said, clapping his hands together. "It's called nighttime." 

She glared back at him. 

"Yeah, I will," Monty announced, pushing himself up from where he was lying on Octavia's shoulder and ignoring the look Clarke gave him. 

It wasn't really cold outside, but Monty's thin top forced a shiver through his body. Without saying anything, Miller handed him his jacket. To anyone else it would have seemed that this was another part of the boyfriend act but in reality, Miller just gave his clothes to his friends whenever they needed them. 

They chatted for a while about nothing in particular - Miller told Monty about how his therapy was going and Monty told him about how he was adjusting to his new job. The quiet around them would have been unsettling if not for the steady breaking of the waves against the shore and the easy conversation between them.

The clouds had cleared up enough during the day for the moon to shine freely. Monty was in the middle of a story about a student that came in for work experience with him when Miller suddenly spun around to face him and put a hand on his hip. Their faces were centimetres apart.

"See, if I was your boyfriend I'd kiss you now. Because I can be romantic when I want to be."

Monty opened his mouth to say something but he didn't seem to be able to manage a reply. Miller had been grinning as he spoke (even his tone had been mocking; Monty willed himself to stop just standing there awkwardly) but as soon as he felt Monty tense up under his hand, he stepped back and looked apologetic.

"Woah, sorry. That was too much, right?"

He sounded hesitant and Monty shook his head too forcibly and tried for a joking smile. "No, it's fine. You just caught me off guard - which was kind of the point right? I take back what I said before."

Miller looked like he wanted to say something else, but Monty nodded his head to the house before he could. He didn't want to have to think about it for any longer than was necessary.

"We should probably head back."

Miller nodded in agreement and Monty made sure to neatly sidestep any awkwardness that the moment had caused on their walk home.

\--

"So, I called her up at the end of class and I told her that I'd given it some thought but I couldn't make any exceptions. Then she starts crying in front of me."

"Oh God," Raven giggled, "I'm sure you handled that very well."

Bellamy was continuing the story of the student that was in love to him, only after a lot of persuasion from all three girls.

"Well, she started telling me that she'd made the whole thing up and that she was worried she was going to have to drop the class because everything was getting too much for her. She's working a part-time job and her mom's been sick recently -- I don't know how she finds time to even come to class. So anyways, I told her not to worry about it and that I'd get one of my older students to tutor her. Fingers crossed it all works out."

"That was really good of you, Bell," Clarke said, nodding her approval. "I know some professors who wouldn't give a shit and fail her anyways." 

"I know what it's like to be in that situation. I worked through university too; it's not easy."

They were interrupted by the return of Monty and Miller and their immediate proposal of another round of drinks. The alcohol must have worked faster than it had been before because somehow they all ended up talking about break-ups.

"Okay, here's a question," Octavia said, a mischievous glint in her eye. "If each of you had to sleep with one of your exes again, which one would you choose?" 

Clarke said a name that no-one knew, and Monty begrudgingly answered with Jackson. 

"Not that I would in reality. Just in theory," he was quick to add. 

"Murphy," Miller answered, expression unreadable. He let them stare at him in silence for another few minutes before cracking a grin. "I'm kidding, Christ. Drew, I suppose." 

Octavia refused to answer on the basis that the only person she wanted to sleep with at any given time was Maya, making the others roll their eyes but smile. That left Raven and Bellamy. 

"So?" Clarke prompted. Everyone knew that this was dangerous territory and Miller glanced at Monty, then to the cards on the table, ready to divert the topic of conversation. 

"Don't answer if you don't want to," Octavia said coolly, looking at her fingernails. Both Bellamy and Raven were quiet and Miller reached out to grab the cards and start shuffling, but Octavia wasn't finished. "I thought we were past this awkwardness though. It's been years since you last hooked up --"

Bellamy jaw twitched almost imperceptibly and Raven bit her lip. Octavia stopped mid-sentence and looked at them with wide eyes. Raven spoke first. 

"Not that it's anyone's business, but it's been a little more recent than that. End of conversation." 

Bellamy grimaced. "I'm going outside for some air." He walked out and Miller promptly followed. 

The remaining few shared out whatever was left of the margarita mix and Clarke put on some music in what was probably an attempt to defuse the situation. While her and Octavia danced around to the upbeat pop music, Monty snuggled closer to Raven until he was lying with his head on her lap. 

"You okay?"

Raven frowned. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

Monty swallowed. "It just seemed like it was a raw topic."

Raven shook her head, carding her fingers through Monty's hair as she did. "It's not. We're good. We talked about it after, it's all fine."

"If you say so."

Raven smirked at him and they sat without saying anything for another few minutes. Clarke and Octavia gave up trying to get them to budge after a couple of attempts. 

"Do you think you'll ever get back together?" Monty asked quietly, once the others were out of earshot. "Don't answer if you don't want to." 

Raven shrugged, but let out a tired sigh. "Yeah, I think so. I can't see us not, really. Even though it wasn't the right time, it felt right. Those kind of feelings don't really just disappear."

"Mm. Well, I'm happy for you - that you feel like that. I've always pictured you too ending up together."

Raven stopped herself from saying "me too." 

\-- 

Bellamy moved over on the swing seat so both he and Miller could fit. Looking over at his friend, he bumped him lightly with his shoulder. 

"Hey. You okay?"

Miller shook himself out of whatever had caused the contemplative look on his face and nodded.

"Yeah -- I think that's my line, though."

Bellamy coughed out a laugh. "You know I'm fine. I just didn't tell you because --"

"I know, I get it. You guys are good though, right?"

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. "You'd know if we weren't."

Miller conceded and tilted his head. "Fair enough."

Drawing patterns on the seat, Bellamy avoided eye contact. "Though I don't think -- You all probably think this is the start of us getting back together or something. But I don't think it is."

Miller didn't say anything, letting Bellamy finish on his own.

"I just feel like -- It was like we were holding onto this idea of us in high school, and maybe we still are sometimes. But we've changed and I think Raven has realised it too. I can't say if we'll ever hook up again in the future but I just can't see a relationship between us getting rekindled. Raven is -- I'm pretty sure we're on the same page."

When he was sure Bellamy was done talking, he reached out and squeezed his hand. "That's okay. None of us expect anything of you."

"Yeah, I know." 

They stayed like that until the sun started to peek over the horizon and the music from inside cut off, indicating that the others had fallen asleep. Bellamy half carried a barely awake Miller in to join his friends and let himself fall asleep on the couch with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello. so the season's started........ yay. hopefully this cheered some of you up. as for ch5, there'll be lots of Long Awaited [side-eye emoji] stuff rolling in so stay tuned. thank you everyone who has commented/left kudos/read so far i hope you're still enjoying this. 
> 
> the amazing [julia](http://steadfastclara.tumblr.com) has created three(!!) playlists for this fic so far! the general one you can find [here](http://8tracks.com/woolf-plath/i-ll-be-there-for-you), the ravenbell one [here](http://8tracks.com/woolf-plath/it-was-always-going-to-be-you), and the miller one [here](http://8tracks.com/woolf-plath/every-story-needs-a-ghost). 
> 
> also jic if you feel generous maybe reblog the tumblr post for this fic [here](http://millerbellamy.tumblr.com/post/138819736284/where-the-lines-overlap-chapter-4)! 
> 
> -vilma


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **disclaimer:** really trying to go for that M rating lol. okay the structure of the chapter is slightly different i think while reading it'll make sense but i'll say jic when a whole scene is in _italics_ it happened before so it's a flashback to sth that happened earlier than the rest of the part.  
>  also if you feel like it, you should definitely consider liveblogging/letting us know how you feel about this chapter. feel free to tag us in posts on tumblr @millerbellamy and/or @natharmiller or use the tag 'wtlo lb'. we'll defo be reblogging all the lbs/reactions we can find! or ofc leave a comment here.
> 
>  
> 
> hi all!!! thanks for returning, we really appreciate. if we thought last chapter was tough, this one was the biggest challenge we've ever encountered tbh. there was a point in the middle of it where we were genuinely considering deleting everything we'd written for it and starting from scratch. it was not pretty. but we got through and the end result is....well. a lot happens in this chapter and there's definitely going to be some satisfaction for readers i think, at various points throughout. as we've said, we love when people lb our fic to us ((like please don't apologise for being extra about it???? we are the most extra people about this fic ever it's embarrassing)) so ya know...if that's something ya wanna do....you know where to find us...  
> anyways!! enjoy!!!  
> \- aisling

"Hey, do you guys have any milk?"

Later that day, Miller would regret asking that question at all. He'd regret asking it because somehow the answer and resulting debate snowballed into something that was, in all honesty, far too strenuous an activity for a Saturday morning. Unfortunately, no amount of forewarning could have made him rethink his request. 

"Nope," Clarke answered breezily. She was sitting on the floor in Monty and Raven's, sketching something in a notepad. Monty was flicking through a book and raised an eyebrow at his friend. Miller frowned at her and stepped into the apartment. 

"What? Have you already used it up or...?"

"No, I just know, but check if you want. They've always run out by a Friday night and Raven doesn't buy more until she's on her way home from an evening shift on Saturday."

"Oh." Miller paused. "I never really noticed."

"I'm sure you have," Clarke replied, not looking up from her drawing. "You get to know this stuff after living across the hall from someone for a few years." 

Miller looked to Monty. "Do you know what's in _our_ fridge?" 

Resting his book on his chest, Monty chewed his lip as he thought. Finally, he shrugged. 

"I'd have a fair idea, yeah. I know you guys pretty well."

Miller didn't know why, but that comment made him stand a little straighter and say, "We know you guys well too. Possibly better, I'd say." 

Clarke stopped sketching to look at him. A slow smile spread across her face. 

"Yeah, I agree."

Just at that moment, Raven stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. 

"Hey, what's up?" she grinned at the rest of them. Monty pushed himself up to face her properly. 

"Miller and Clarke reckon they know us better than we know them."

There was a moment where Raven just looked blankly back at him, but her expression soon became one of confusion. "No - that's definitely not right. I can guarantee that Monty and I know you guys better." 

Monty grinned mischievously. "I'm willing to bet on it." 

"Oh yeah?" Clarke glanced at Miller who was looking at them both challengingly. "How much?" 

"The others' laundry shifts," Raven announced. "For three months." 

"Deal," Clarke said, without a moment's hesitation. She stretched out her hand and Raven crossed the room to shake it. 

"So, what do we measure this with then?" Monty asked, looking between the others. 

"I think it's a who we need, not a what." Clarke murmured, texting someone furiously. Her phone vibrated seconds later. "And he's on his way now."

"Bell?"

"Yup."

Raven headed for her bedroom. "I'm going to get changed before we start. If you want to cheat and ask Monty anything while I'm gone, go ahead. You'll need all the help you can get."

"Such pride," Miller said, folding his arms. "And you know what that comes before."

"Yeah," Monty laughed as he crossed the room to the kitchen, stopping briefly in front of Miller to reply. "It comes before kicking your asses."

\--

"Why can't I play?"

Octavia was looking seriously put out at not being involved and Clarke put an arm around her. 

"It's more of a compliment, than anything," she said comfortingly. "You know all of us way too well. It wouldn't be fair." 

She didn't mention that it would leave them short players on one team because Octavia looked a little happier at the thought that her knowledge was the thing that prevented her from playing. Bellamy was sitting on the floor of the kitchen, surrounded by coloured flashcards and pieces of card. Asking him to be the judicator had created a monster. 

"Bell, are you nearly ready?" Miller called over to him. They'd all been told to stay on the sofa until Bellamy was ready or face the wrath of Octavia. Apart from calling over his sister every once a while to talk questions in hushed tones, he hadn't spoken a word the the others in over an hour. Finally, he looked up. 

"Yeah, I'm ready. Places, people." 

Miller scooted over beside Clarke and Monty and Raven took their seats beside them while Octavia stood up to the left of where Bellamy was setting up the board of questions. 

They were split up into difficulty and Bellamy explained they'd have to pick a random one from easy, medium and hard each round. After repeating this three times the winner would be decided - a tie would result in a lightning round. 

"Sound okay?" Bellamy asked, shuffling the pile of flashcards in his hands, a line of concentration crinkling his brow. 

"Crystal clear," Raven answered. 

"How about we start off with a quick warm-up round?" Bellamy looked at Miller and Clarke. "What's Monty's full name?"

Miller pointed at Monty and grinned. "Montgomery Green."

Monty stared at the ceiling. "This is off to a great start." 

"Okay, round one. You want to flip a coin to see who goes first?" 

Monty and Raven won the coin toss and chose to go with a medium question to start off. 

"What is Clarke's biggest fear?"

Monty and Raven looked at each other, while Clarke whispered something to Miller and laughed. Tapping her foot, Octavia rolled her eyes. 

"This is too easy," Octavia muttered, heading for the fridge. Raven turned to Monty and said something, and he nodded in agreement. 

"Spiders," Raven announced. 

Holding up a hand, Monty quickly added, "And the crushing weight of failure."

Bellamy clapped. "One point to Monty and Raven." 

Clarke groaned. "Thanks for the reminder." 

"Next up is Clarke and Miller. Difficulty?"

"Easy, I guess," Miller shrugged. 

"That won't save you guys from defeat, but you do you," Raven commented, flicking a piece of fluff from her trousers. 

"We have a strategy," Clarke replied coolly. "Question, Bellamy." 

\--

"So after round two of questions, it's five four to Clarke and Miller. Will they retain the lead with their secret team tactics? Or will Monty and Raven's cool confidence prove well-placed?" 

Bellamy gave his most winning smile at the end. The group stared back at him blankly and he scowled. 

"Could you all at least act excited? Fine. Round three. From now on, the difficulty will be randomly selected. Monty and Raven, you're up."

"Come on, Mon," Raven whispered. "We got this. Easy." 

"What age was Miller when he had his first kiss?"

"Uh..." Raven glanced at Monty before shrugging. "Thirteen?" 

"No, eighteen." He turned to Miller. "Sorry, bud."

Raven cursed while Miller grimaced and Clarke patted his back. Monty kept his gaze firmly on the board in front of him. 

"Alright, Clarke and Miller - what's Monty's favourite pastime?" 

Clarke made a disgruntled noise. "Oh, come on. That's way too broad. It could be anything."

"We're looking for something specific," Bellamy said sagely. Clarke snorted.

"Yeah I get that. I'm just saying it's a stupid question."

Bellamy's face turned murderous. "Don't blame the questions, Clarke."

Sighing, Clarke ran a hand through her hair. Beside her, Miller was looking pensive. Finally, Clarke opened her mouth to answer.

"Well, since he's working in a florist, I'm going to say flower --"

"No!" Miller shot up, interrupting Clarke mid-sentence. "Scrapbooking! It's scrapbooking!"

"Scrapbooking?" Clarke's voice was incredulous. 

"Scrapbooking is correct," Bellamy nodded. 

"Was that a guess?" Clarke asked Miller, grinning wildly. Miller didn't make eye contact with Monty and shrugged. 

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

"Raven and Monty, what was Miller's most expensive Christmas gift this year and who was it to?"

Now it was Monty's turn to look mystified. He turned to Raven. "Any ideas?"

"I have a hunch."

"Go with it," Monty nodded. "I have nothing."

Raven licked her lips. "A new pen for Barbara, delivered to her new family on the 26th."

Everyone was quiet and Bellamy put down the card. 

"That _is_ correct. Nice attention to detail." 

"Good hunch," Monty whispered. 

"Okay, Clarke and Miller - who was Raven's first crush?"

Octavia, who had been quietly eating the leftovers from last night's lasagna at the kitchen table, suddenly burst out laughing. 

"Good one, Bell." 

Bellamy winked. "Thanks O." 

The fact that Raven was smiling too made Clarke think that he couldn't have been talking about himself. It was all too casual - or was it?

"What do you think?" she asked Miller quietly. He shook his head. 

"It's gotta be Bell, right? Like, you didn't see them in high school. I can't remember a time when they weren't flirting. I mean, I wasn't there when they were kids but the first day I arrived Bellamy dragged me to the science labs when he was giving me the tour. Guess who happened to be there and spent half an hour talking to him while I stood awkwardly at his side?"

"Alright." Clarke frowned. "I don't know if it's right, though."

"Do we have a better guess?"

"We're going with Bellamy," Clarke said. 

Octavia, who had all of a sudden appeared by Bellamy's side, tutted. "You guys are so predictable."

"I'm afraid that's incorrect." Bellamy looked at Raven. "The answer is..."

"This guy right here," Raven grinned, slinging an arm around Monty's shoulder and hugging him tightly. Looking mildly embarrassed, Monty laughed and shrugged her off him. 

"Heartbreaker since the age of ten, huh Green?" Clarke smirked. 

Monty raised his hands in defense. "I tried to let her down easy. The world wouldn't have been ready for a couple like us."

"I'm pretty sure there are a few other minor reasons why it wouldn't have worked out, but thanks anyways," Raven laughed. 

Bellamy looked at the scoreboard, then turned to the group with a smile on his face.

"If my calculations are correct - which they are - Miller and Clarke are still one point ahead and this is Monty and Raven's last question. Meaning, if you guys don't get this, you lose."

The smile was suddenly wiped from both their faces, replaced by a fierce determination. Sitting forward in their seats, they stared at Bellamy intensely. Clarke squeezed Miller's leg in reassurance. 

"Monty, Raven - what did the manager at Clarke's first job mistakenly put on her name badge?" 

The two of them looked at each other and it was apparent that neither of them knew the answer. Raven gripped his arms and pulled Monty towards her. 

"Let's think about this," she said in a low voice. "I remember her talking about her first job before. It was at a restaurant."

"She was with Wells, right? I remember her saying they got the job at the same time."

Raven paused. "Would they have mixed up their names?"

Monty made a face. "It's definitely plausible." 

"Will we just...?"

"Yeah." 

"Okay." Raven turned to Bellamy. "We're going to go with Wells Jaha."

"That is...incorrect."

Clarke and Miller whooped and hugged each other like they'd won something far more important than a quiz with their friends. Bellamy went over to shake hands with the losing team but Raven was having none of it. 

"What was the answer, then?"

Bellamy failed to suppress a grin. "Klak Griffbin, according to the lady herself."

"Mr Klak Griffbin, actually," Clarke piped in, winking at them as she did so. "Ring Wells if you don't believe me."

Immediately Raven took out her phone and started dialling. Clarke frowned. 

"You think I'm lying?" 

"Not really. I just want to talk to Wells."

\--

"So?"

Clarke looked at Raven expectantly as she walked back into the room, sliding her phone back into her pocket. 

"It's the truth. He said he'd send pictures later. He also said hi to everyone."

"Needless to say, I didn't last long at that job," Clarke grinned. "Or at the three after that."

"I thought you guys were loaded," Octavia frowned. "Why did you get a part-time job?"

Clarke shook her head. "Let's just say I was looking for something - anything - to get me out of the house." Clarke stood up and brushed off her legs. "Well, I guess we've established what we all already knew. Thanks for the quiz, Bellamy. Maybe if you weren't a professor, you'd be a good presenter."

The last bit was obviously a joke, but Bellamy looked chuffed and smiled widely. "Any time."

"Not to boast, but I knew the answer to every single one of those questions. Like Miller's first kiss? That was just embarrassing, you two." Octavia's disappointed gaze landed on Monty and Raven. 

"Let's move on from that one, please," Miller muttered under his breath. 

"So, Octavia you reckon you could take us all on? Four against one?" Clarke raised an eyebrow. 

Octavia huffed out a laugh. "Easy. You scared?"

"Not even slightly."

Raven looked between them and sighed. "I'll call in sick to work. Bellamy, prepare the questions."

"Will do. But uh, first - I've been meaning to tell you all something. Now that everyone's together, it seems like a good time."

"You're quitting your job to become the new host of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. We all support you in your decision," Raven said solemnly. Bellamy tried for a smile, but it was tight and strained. 

"No, actually... I proposed to Roma last night and she said yes. We're getting married next month."

The room became silent and there was a sharp intake of breath. Only Octavia was unsurprised; her feelings hidden as she watched for everyone else's reactions. Bellamy cleared his throat. 

"I know it's a bit sudden but...it feels right." Miller didn't miss the way his gaze flickered to Raven for a second before he continued. "This is what I want."

Miller was the first to stand up. 

"Well, I guess a congratulations is in order." He hugged Bellamy tightly, trying to ignore his shock so he could be happy for his friend.

And he _was_ happy for him. Roma was a good person and she made Bellamy happy. There was nothing else he could want. 

Monty and Clarke jumped up too and gathered him into a group hug. Bellamy wrapped his arms around them and let his head rest on Monty's.

"Congrats, Bell."

"Yeah. Congrats. You're a lucky guy - I can't believe Roma said yes."

Clarke's comment made Bellamy's smile a little less forced and by the time Raven came to hug him, the tension had completely left his body. 

Raven stood up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. He held her close for a second longer than the others before they separated and everyone started cheering. 

"Clarke, you have alcohol right?" Octavia said. "I've been sitting on this all day. I need alcohol."

"Of course. I'll go grab some now."

"Grab it all!" Octavia called after her. 

"So, come on," Miller smirked, looking at Bellamy meaningfully. "Tell us what happened." 

"Well, I arrived at her apartment at around seven..."

  


* * *

  


It all started five months earlier. Wells was visiting so Bellamy was over at Clarke and Miller's.

Clarke had been on the phone for the past 25 minutes. Her friend Roma was moving into the city, and they were planning on meeting that day. It turned out that her moving guys had bailed on her and she had a truck full of stuff outside her building.

"Don't worry. We're going to come help you, okay? Wells and I are coming at least."

"Drag anyone you can with you. I'm paying for the beer", Roma sighed.

Clarke chuckled. "We'll be there soon."

"We going now?" Wells grabbed his jacket.

"Yup. We have a job to do", Clarke pulled on her own. "And guess what, Bell?"

Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her. "What?"

"You're coming too."

He whined. "It's my day off."

"You wouldn't leave a girl stranded with a full moving truck, would you?" Clarke batted her lashes at him.

"Your face has no impact on me, but fine I'll come."

Clarke flashed a victorious smile. Wells patted his shoulder.

As they were walking the last few blocks from the subway, Bellamy got into step with Wells. "So who is this friend we've never met before?"

"Her name is Roma. We went to high school together. She's been living in London for the past how many years now", Wells explained. "Her family moved there after graduation."

"I saw her last maybe a year and a half ago. She was around for a few days", Clarke said. "Didn't you see her once already?"

"Well, she's been in the country for over two weeks now. So yeah."

Clarke grimaced. "I've been shitty at staying in touch."

"What's new", Bellamy huffed, and she glanced back to glare at him.

"I'm a busy woman, Bellamy. Your life's lack of excitement and spontaneity is not my fault."

Bellamy laughed. "Brutal."

Clarke threw a wink at him over her shoulder. Wells shook his head at the two of them.

They could see the truck as they turned the next corner. Two women were trying to wrestle a dining table down from the back. Roma gave up on trying to crush her friend with the table as she spotted them.

"Hey Griffin, we could use those guns of yours!"

She flexed for her, ignoring Bellamy's scoff.

Roma jumped down and walked up to them. "Hey, Wells!" They hugged before Roma turned to her. "You too, maybe."

Clarke rolled her eyes but dragged her in for a hug. "Good to see you too, Roma."

Only after she let go did she properly notice Roma's friend. The woman had long brown hair that was tied up messily and legs that just kept going. Clarke turned up her most charming smile.

"Hi, I'm Clarke", she held out a hand to her.

"Lexa."

Clarke glanced at Roma for her to make better acquaintances out of them, but she was too busy meeting Bellamy. Wells just gave her an amused look and made a gesture to tone it down. She obviously ignored him.

"So how were you recruited into helping?"

Lexa smirked. "I came for the drinks, stayed for the fun."

"Right", Clarke raised a brow at the table. "Should we show them how it's done?"

"What I've been trying to do all along", Lexa climbed onto the back with surprising ease.  
Clarke swallowed gravely.

\--

"I have to tell you something", Wells sat next to her on the couch after they'd finished pushing it against the wall.

"Or you could let me live", Clarke grinned widely at him.

"You know I can't."

"You could try."

Wells sighed. "I'm the sense and credibility in this friendship. I have to stay true to it."

Clarke breathed out loudly through her nose. "Fine. Good news first."

"Lexa is a lesbian."

"Nice", Clarke nodded. "And?"

"She's in a committed relationship with another woman", Wells said. "Who is not you."

She made a face. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

"How'd you know? You're a horrible person."

Clarke made a vague gesture with her hand. "It's the thought that counts... Whatever."

Wells took a sip of his beer before handing it over. "Not used to being held back, huh?"

"You know I live on one night stands."

"When was the last time you actually dated someone?"

She burst into laughter. "Good one. You're the only one I need, Wellsie."

Wells just rolled his eyes. "How you work is beyond me."

"Better that way. You're too good to be tainted with the knowledge."

"Good point."

"So you think I should be cool?"

"I know you can't stop flirting", Wells gave her a pointed look. She didn't bother to deny it. "But everyone gets their heart broken sometime."

Clarke huffed. "Right. Because that's what'll happen when I already know she's taken. And since I have such a tendency to fall in love."

"I'm just saying. You had a look."

"Oh jesus. I know everyone thinks you're some kind of higher being, but I've seen you, blackout drunk, cry over a cute bartender on a bathroom floor. I just have to question your choices sometimes."

Wells simply shrugged. "We've all done it. And he _was_ cute."

"He was", she agreed. "But if I promise I'm chill, will you drop it?"

"Sure", he took his beer back. "But if this somehow does become an 'I told you so' situation, you have to tell me."

"Deal."

\--

"Hey, you want another one?"

Clarke looked up from her phone. Lexa waved a beer at her. "No, thanks."

"Suit yourself", she opened hers and took a swig. "I'm starting to think I need to drink a beer per box."

"My theory is that Roma's only carrying the ones with, like, pillows in them and leaving the books and shoes for us."

Lexa laughed, looking over at their friend. "No doubt. No one can be that flirty while doing physical labor."

Clarke followed her gaze to Bellamy who had a weirdly dopey look on his face as he talked to Roma. Wells had fallen asleep on the couch, but no one seemed to mind. "Do you think they're hitting it off?"

"Absolutely. She's all over that. Though it doesn't seem to be much work by the looks of him. Lucky them."

"I can't say I've seen him flirt that much. Maybe this is it then", Clarke shook her head.

Lexa raised a brow at her. "I thought you lived with him?"

"No, I live with his best friend. We have a system."

"Right, right", Lexa played with her bottle cap, making it spin on the countertop. "This might be weird but can I ask you a favor?"

"Why not."

"Just say if it's weird we don't really know each other --"

"I'm pretty easy to get acquainted with."

Lexa smiled. "Right, okay. See, I'm working on a book. And my ideas aren't always especially... conventional."

"Sounds scary."

"You have no idea. So I'd like to have real medical facts in there but it's... a little gory in my head."

"Google wasn't your friend?"

Lexa made a face. "Not much. I need a little more variable information. It needs to be a little freaky."

"Alright. What do you need me to do?"

"You could give me your number so when I hit a dead end I can ask you."

"Straightforward. Sounds like a plan", she held out her hand for her phone. Lexa handed it over happily, and she tapped in her number. Things were working out all twisted. "There you go."

"You might be a lifesaver", Lexa grinned. "I already have, like, 17 questions. I hope you know what you've gotten yourself into."

"Yeah, me too", Clarke muttered to herself.

\--

"If you fail to call me - again - I'm coming after you. You hear me?" Roma gave her a stern look after they'd hugged goodbye.

"I swear on Wells' life."

"Hey!" Wells shot her a sleepy glare.

"I'll text you when I'm back to work", Lexa told her. Clarke just nodded with a smile.

As they got out of the building, Wells linked their arms together.

"Told you."

"Shut up. I'm helping her with a work thing."

"Sure, sure."

"What?" Bellamy asked, finally paying attention to them.

"Clarke's going to fall in love with Lexa", Wells said matter-of-factly.

"Wells is too full of himself", Clarke interjected.

"Where's this all coming from?"

"She got her number."

Bellamy's face got all weird, and Clarke narrowed her eyes.

"Something says I wasn't the only one."

"Maybe."

"Christ", Clarke sighed. "Did you get Roma's number or not?"

"I did", Bellamy kept his eyes on the ground, only glancing at her quickly.

"I'm not judging you. Have you seen the girl? Just treat her right."

Wells snorted while Bellamy looked offended.

"When have I ever not?"

"You could have secrets!"

Bellamy pouted. "I don't."

"Good. Take her dancing. She likes that."

"Noted", Bellamy said, but a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Clarke turned to bat her lashes dramatically at Wells, who butted their heads together gently. She'd just have to tease Bellamy once he was gone.

  


* * *

  


Wrestling the remote from Miller's hand, Bellamy switched off the television. 

"Enough. I'm not watching any more reality television. My head's going to explode."

"It was one episode," Miller countered. "Relax." 

"My brain cells are dying."

"You're so dramatic."

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Bellamy sighed. "I feel like I should be doing something wedding-related right now. There's so much to do and what? A few weeks to go?"

"Oh yeah?" Miller grinned. "Don't you have some experience in this department?"

"Not in such a small time frame. And Anya seriously took over the planning aspect, probably to take her focus off of other stuff. "

"What do you have done?" Miller inquired, scrolling through his phone. "I picked up my suit yesterday, by the way."

He held up his phone, presenting Bellamy with a picture of himself in said suit for inspection.

"You look great. Who helped you choose?"

Caught out, Miller grinned. "Maya and O. Your sister was petitioning for me to wear something a little more...out-there, but thankfully Maya convinced her that this was the better option."

"You're lucky she was there. Anyways, the only thing we have done that feels solid is the invites since nearly everything else is happening on a different continent. Did I tell you that Wells was the first to reply? He snapped me a picture of him hugging his laptop."

"He's such a great guy."

"I _know_. But yeah, Roma has been amazing. Everything feels under control when I'm with her. And she's got the whole planning team in London."

"I still can't believe you're getting married there. We have to squeeze in some sightseeing."

"It was important to her. I probably won't have time and I was there for a conference last year anyways, but drag Raven around with you. She's never been either."

"Will do. And by the way, it'll all work out fine. If worst comes to worst, Monty can do catering, I'll perform the wedding, Octavia can book the gym for the venue and Clarke can be entertainment at the reception."

"Sounds unforgettable."

The door opened and Clarke walked in, wearing a summery dress and her leather jacket. Tights protected her legs from the harsh winter weather. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and smiled brightly at the two boys. 

"Hey guys."

"Hi Clarke," Bellamy replied. "You're looking very pretty this morning."

She snorted. "What's new?"

Bellamy grinned. "Hot date?"

"Oh, no." Clarke started rifling through the mail, trying to sound disinterested. "Just met up with Lexa for coffee to talk about her medicine thing -- I told you about that, right? Nothing major." 

She had, in fact, told them about it. Several times. Miller gave Bellamy a look that said he didn't believe a word of it. Unfortunately, Clarke caught him and fired a flier at his head. 

"Don't say anything."

"I said enough this morning." Miller picked up the fallen flier and rolled it into a cylinder before banging it against his hand in a staccato rhythm. Bellamy leaned forward in his seat.

"So, you like this Lexa girl, then?"

Pausing for a second, Clarke shrugged halfheartedly. "She's definitely someone I'd consider asking out if she didn't have a girlfriend. And we had fun today."

Miller raised an eyebrow and Clarke flipped him off. 

"But," she continued, "she does have a girlfriend so I'll just have to get over it. Which reminds me..."

Clarke went to kneel beside Bellamy's chair. He stopped swivelling back and forth to frown at her. Even Miller seemed confused.

"I have to tell you something." 

"Okay."

She paused for a second and grimaced. "So, my mom got hit by a car two days ago." She held up a hand as Bellamy let out a strangled noise and Miller inhaled sharply. "She's fine. Her leg and a few ribs are broken but nothing irreparable. Some old guy without his glasses driving slow. She had her lawyer on the phone an hour after she was checked in talking about suing. I told her she should use the money for a home nurse but I don't think we'll get to court fast enough."

Realisation dawned on Miller's face. "That's why you were sorting clothes this morning. You're..."

"Yeah. I'm going to go look after her." Clarke ran a hand through her hair and she looked genuinely remorseful. "She's on her own so I need to. I haven't seen her in ages and... I just felt so guilty when I heard. Like, what if we weren't so lucky? She'll be discharged later this week and I'm going to meet her. I'm so sorry, Bell. I can't make the wedding - not with her like this."

Leaning down, Bellamy enveloped her in a hug. "Family comes first. That, I get."

"Wow, Clarke." Miller shook his head, but he was smiling sadly. "Now who's going to get hammered with me the night before the wedding? I thought we had a deal."

Clarke shrugged, pulling back from Bellamy. "I'm sure you'll find someone. Plus, this is probably good in terms of the whole Lexa thing. If I'm not seeing her as much the crush should just die off."

Miller thought of the phrase stating that distance did the exact opposite of what Clarke thought it did but kept his mouth shut. 

She stood up and there was the smallest quiver from her bottom lip. Turning her back to them, she faced the counter and folded her arms over her chest. Miller looked at Bellamy.

"Hey, don't worry about it." Miller stood up and rested a hand on her back. "I'll Facetime you the whole time we're there. Every second."

"Thanks, Miller," Clarke said, voice thick with emotion. She turned to Bell. "I'm going to ring Roma; just to explain everything. Then I'm going to head to the hospital for a visit."

"She'll understand," Bellamy replied quickly. "Don't worry."

"I know."

Clarke went into her room and closed the door behind her. 

"Will she be...?" Bellamy worried his lip and glanced at his friend. 

"I'll talk to her later."

"Okay." Sighing, Bellamy looked at his watch. "Right, I have a meeting with a florist in a few."

Miller raised his eyebrows. "Monty?"

"Obviously."

"You're not using him, are you?"

Bellamy shook his head. "No, but because we only have a few days after we arrive in London we're going to look at the flowers here and see what ones we like. We'll pre-order them over there so it's one less job to do."

Grabbing his jacket, Miller stood up. "I'll come too. I don't trust your choices. And we can pick up something for Abby."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. "Right."

  


* * *

  


_  
"Why won't you trust that I'll do it on my way back? It's just milk. I'll remember."_

_Octavia sounded distracted through the line, and he guessed he didn't want to know why. "You didn't last time."_

_"It was one time", Bellamy huffed, climbing up the last of the stairs. "I'm not staying the night."_

_"That's what you said last time", Octavia sing-songed._

_He could hear Maya's voice in the background, way too close. "I'm hanging up now, O."_

_"If I don't show up, I'm still at Maya's."_

_"You don't say", he muttered, having already ended the call._

_The door swung open almost immediately after he'd knocked. Roma grinned at him, grabbing the front of his shirt to pull him inside._

_"Hi", she said merely an inch away from his lips._

_"Hey", he cupped her cheek, bringing their lips together briefly. "Sorry I'm late."_

_"You can still make it up to me", she hummed, smoothing down the collar of his shirt._

_The apartment looked livable nowadays. The first time he was over (since they met) was after their second date, and there were still boxes in the corners of each room._

_"You want a drink?" Roma tilted her glass of wine at him._

_"No, I'm good."_

_Roma raised a brow. "You're just going to drink mine, aren't you?"_

_He didn't deny it. Roma laughed, grabbing the bottle before leading him to the couch. She sat down facing him, leaning her elbow against the back._

_Bellamy pushed her hair behind her ear. The smile she sent his way had him lean in to kiss her again. "How was your day?"_

_"Boring. I got a call from my sister Trina from London. She's been waiting for her boyfriend to propose to her for like six months. Wedding stuff is all she talks about anymore."_

_"Do you, um, not like that stuff?"_

_Roma scoffed. "Are you kidding me? I love it."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah! I thought of becoming a wedding planner when I was a kid. Well, that lasted for about three weeks but still. I don't know. I love the idea of marriage, I guess. The commitment and symbolism. With my sister it's just that... Well, she's five years younger than me. I thought I'd deserve to go first."_

_He laughed, and she slapped his thigh._

_"Don't laugh at me! My mom and grandma were one of those people who ingrained the spinster-fear into the hearts of all girls in a 20-mile radius."_

_"Okay."_

_She stuck out her tongue at him. "So what about you? Do weddings make you sweat?"_

_Bellamy shook his head. "Can't say they do. I almost had one, once."_

_"Ooh. Tell me more", Roma shuffled closer. "If you want to, of course."_

_"Long story short, she's a lesbian, we didn't get married. We're still friends, though."_

_"Ah. I was expecting some horror story. Like that she rode off into the sunset with your best friend or something, but I guess in this case that would've been a strange outcome."_

_"Yeah, it doesn't quite work", he chuckled._

_"How's she doing nowadays?"_

_"Well I walked her down the aisle a few years ago. She and her wife are doing great."_

_"That's so sweet. And good for her."_

_"Yeah, she's really happy now."_

_Roma took a sip of her wine before handing it over to him. "Speaking of happy. What are _we_ doing for our date tomorrow?"_

_"This is not a date?"_

_"Nope. This is a 'you love me so much you just can't stay away..." she made a face at her own choice of words. "Uh. Not that I mean you _love me_ love me --"_

_"I think I'm starting to."_

_Her eyes widened. "You -- Really?"_

_He nodded._

_"Wow. I thought you’d think I’m weird if I said it this early, but I... think I kind of love you too", Roma said, a bright smile tugging at the corners of her mouth._

_He grinned, going willingly as she pulled him in. She giggled against his lips when he took the glass from her to set it on the table without breaking the kiss._

_Octavia didn't talk to him for half a day the day after since she had to drink her coffee without milk.  
_

\--

"Hey, guys!” Bellamy dropped his bag in Octavia's lap.

She barely looked up at him, too busy showing something on her phone to Maya, seated under her.

"Hey", Monty smiled at him from the couch, accepting the cup of coffee Raven handed over to him as she came to sit down.

Clarke grabbed the scarf he dropped on the seat and wrapped it around Miller's neck. "What's up?"

Bellamy shrugged off his coat. "I was at Roma's. Have you all gotten your clothes sorted --"

A chorus of snores followed as his friends pretended to fall asleep where they sat. He stared at them with his hands on his hips until one of them cracked. Octavia peeked at him, unable to stop herself from grinning.

"Right. Well take care of it yourselves then", Bellamy huffed.

"Sorry, Bell. Go on", Monty tried to hold a neutral expression unlike the others.

"I was just saying have you sorted out your wardrobes. There's not that much time if something needs --"

Again, Monty's head fell on Raven's shoulder, Octavia slumped against Maya, and Clarke and Miller let their heads roll back. Bellamy threw up his hands as everyone started laughing.

“Miller, come on. You have to be on my side now. You’re the best man.”

Miller grimaced, untangling the scarf and chucking it at Clarke’s face. “I think that falls on you for picking me.”

“Wait, you picked Miller already?” Octavia frowned. “Did you even consider anyone else?”

“Like you?” Miller raised a brow at her.

“Maybe...”

Bellamy let out a long-suffering sigh. “O, if you two were getting married, would you ask me to be yours?”

“Of course not. I’d make Monty and Raven battle each other to death for it”, Octavia stated.

Maya stifled a laugh against her shoulder. Raven just rolled her eyes.

“You liar. We’ve had a pact since we were like 12.”

Clarke turned to her, suddenly interested. “Okay, who’s whose?”

“I'm O's, O's Monty’s, Monty’s mine.”

“Based on what?” Miller snorted.

“None of your damn business”, Raven poked him in the side. “No pressure there, My. But I really want my turn.”

Now it was Octavia’s turn to roll her eyes, but Maya simply grinned. “Noted.”

“Okay”, Octavia waved them off. “Bell, what’s your excuse?”

“Miller’s my best friend”, he shrugged.

Octavia made a disgruntled noise. “I guess.”

Miller flashed her a grin. “I almost did it once already so... I’d say I’m the most qualified anyway.”

“He’s got a point”, Monty nodded.

“I guess I’ll just have to wait until Wells ties the knot”, Clarke pouted. Her head snapped up and she glared at each of them one by one. "And don't say unless it's to me."

Miller pretended to zip up his lips.

"I think we've accepted he's moved on", Bellamy said.

Clarke's expression said she'd take what she could get. "Alright, friends. Since I'm not needed for Bellamy's wardrobe rant, I need to be going. Hell's calling me back and I still need to visit work before I go."

"You're not coming home at all?" Raven frowned.

"Hell is my home now - again."

"Clarke, she's your mom", Octavia chastised.

"Tell me about it", Clarke sighed wistfully as she pushed herself up. "Farewell."

"Bye, sweetie", Raven held her hand for a moment.

"Just don't forget me while you're gone."

"We could never", Bellamy promised.

Clarke pressed a kiss to the top of Miller's head before exciting the coffee shop, dragging her feet. They all watched her go in silence.

Monty was the first to speak up. "She's going to lose it."

"Totally", Octavia shook her head.

\--

The door opening startled him from focusing on the notebook page before him. Monty smiled at him as he walked in.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

Miller looked down at the page and back at him again. "I'm _trying_ to be a best man to my best friend."

"What's the problem?" Monty came to lean on the counter opposite him. "I'm good at this stuff."

He sighed, running a hand over his face. "When it was Anya, I knew her too. I could write all kinds of emotional crap and have it sound credible. But now it's like? You seem to have fallen madly in love. Good for you. I shouldn't have agreed to this."

"You're being too hard on yourself. And what doesn't change is how this is for Bellamy's happiness. I don't think the length of their relationship means much at this point. I mean Bell and Anya dated for years and it didn't work out."

"That's not what I mean..."

Monty gave him an annoyingly knowing look. "It is a little. But I know you mean well. And it's not our place to judge. So. What do you have?"

Miller folded up the page. "I think it's better to start from scratch."

"You're not even going to let me look?"

"No?"

Monty narrowed his eyes at him. "I came to your aid and this is how you repay me?"

Miller bit back a grin. "I didn't ask."

Monty rolled his eyes with a smile before leaning closer, elbows on the counter. "Alright. So what are you thinking?"

He still didn't let him read it. They worked for about 20 minutes. He'd mention an idea and Monty would just start talking about it, throwing ideas for word choices, full sentences even. He wrote them all down.

He'd maybe gotten Monty to agree he wasn't the least romantic person, but he wasn't on _this_ level. Monty had been walking around the room and now he settled back to lean against the counter.

"You think you can manage?"

"No doubt. Thank you."

"Happy to help", Monty smiled, looking down.

Miller watched his face, slightly more shamelessly than he usually would. The pull in his chest that he felt around his friend was still there as it had yet to fade away even slightly, accepted or not. Sometimes he thought he'd be fine even if it never did.

"Can I ask you something?"

Monty turned to him. "Yeah?"

"Your pact with O and Raven. There's a reason, right?"

"Yeah", Monty huffed out a short laugh. "There is."

Miller stayed quiet, seeing if he'd elaborate. Monty met his eyes and opened his mouth, but ended up just looking down again.

"I guess I thought then that... Well. Raven wanted it the most. We all knew O would be the first one to go. I also knew that I'd probably be the best at the job because I'm the most organized and stuff... while O most likely won't excel at that."

"Makes sense, I guess", Miller nodded.

"Also", Monty said almost breathlessly, like his mouth had decided to keep going without his brain's permission. "I think I thought I wouldn't maybe... get married."

Miller covered his hand with his own. He knew the missing "get to" just as well. Monty squeezed his fingers right back, scrunching up his face.

"Anyway. Good luck with writing your speech. I'll go make some dinner, okay?"

"Yeah", Miller cleared his throat. Neither had let go yet. He didn't want to be the first one.

Monty glanced at their hands, cheeks still pink from his confession. A small furrow tugged down his brows before he untangled their fingers. He gave Miller a smile. "Come over soon, yeah?"

"Yeah."

  


* * *

  


They had all woken up at three am to make sure there was no possible way they could be delayed for the flight; leaving at half five. Clarke had left for her mother's the night before, after half a dozen more tearful hugs and apologies and making everyone promise to be in contact with her every step of the way. Even Maya swore to Facetime her a few times throughout the holiday.

They had arranged to meet Anya and Echo at the airport, but they found themselves bumping into Wells first. All seven of them stood outside the airport - Roma wrapped up in Bellamy's coat with him, Monty sharing his headphones with Raven while Octavia, Maya and Miller talked about London. They were in the middle of deciding whether to visit The London Dungeons or Madame Tussauds when Maya frowned at something behind Octavia's head.

"Hey isn't that..."

Octavia whipped around. A familiar figure in the distance caused her to let out a scream of excitement. "Wells! Hey, Wells! Over here!"

His face lit up as he registered who it was that was calling his name. She sprinted over to him and all but jumped on him, closely followed by Raven and Bellamy. Off to one side, a smaller girl was holding two heavy-looking bags of luggage.

"Hey, guys. This is my girlfriend, Fox."

"Hi Fox." Octavia smiled at her warmly. She nodded back cheerily.

"You, uh --," Bellamy looked at the large bags of luggage she had to hold while Wells was in the middle of greeting Monty and Miller. "You want me to get one of those for you?"

She didn't look to be in any discomfort whatsoever and glanced down at the bags Bellamy was carrying. "I'm good, thanks. How about you?"

Bellamy grinned and slapped Wells on the back. "I love her."

"Hey," Roma elbowed his side playfully, appearing to the left of Miller. "Watch it. Hey, Wells."

"Roma!" Wells grinned, enthusiasm unwavering, "How are you feeling? You look great, even if it is four in the morning."

She shrugged and Bellamy smiled fondly at her. 

"I try, but you're one to talk. Were you speaking to Clarke?"

Grimacing, Wells looked at Fox and she pressed her lips together. "She rang me a few hours ago. She was adamant that she was just going to drop off her mom at some estranged aunt's house for the week so she could come here instead. I knew she'd regret it so I convinced her to calm down but, yeah. I feel bad for her."

"We do too," Bellamy sighed. "But we promised to keep in contact."

"Yeah, apparently she has contacts in London to hunt us down if we don't," Octavia muttered, playing with a piece of Maya's hair. 

Snorting, Wells looked at Roma with one eyebrow raised. "Oh, she does. I wouldn't take that threat so lightly."

They walked inside, the excitement fading a little and the fatigue returning. They checked in and got through security, still no sign of Anya or Echo. 

Meanwhile, Wells and Maya were engrossed in conversation about a documentary they'd both watched on Netflix the other day. Octavia would be annoyed if Fox wasn't so much fun to talk to and they found themselves discussing the best places to go hiking in the area.

"I'll show you sometime. Hey, all four of us should go - like a double date." Fox elbowed Wells, who groaned in reply.

"Yeah, that's a no. Last time we tried to exercise together, you nearly hospitalised me."

Fox rolled her eyes. "And I apologised several times for it."

Octavia smiled at Maya before catching her hand and squeezing it. She was looking forward to introducing the rest of her family to her, knowing they'd all adore her as much as she did. 

"O!"

A body collided into hers and they had their arms wrapped around her waist before she realised it was Anya. Laughing, Octavia returned her hug and buried her face in her hair. 

Pulling back, Anya brushed a piece of hair out of Octavia's face and pinched her cheek. "You're so cute."

"Shut up. Hi, Echo!"

Appearing from behind Anya, Echo smiled brightly. "Hey, Octavia." She turned her attention to Maya, who had been greeting Anya with a quick hug also. "You're Maya, right?"

"I am," she smiled, stretching out a hand. "It's good to meet you." 

"You too!" Echo folded her arms. "Anya's told me you teach kindergarten?" 

"Yeah, it's hectic but it keeps you on your toes. Which grade do you teach?"

The two of them fell into step beside each other, which was just as well because once everyone noticed Anya had arrived they were fawning over her for at least twenty minutes. There was an especially dramatic hug between Wells and Anya (that Bellamy just _had_ to get a picture of) which was then followed by Anya's introduction to Roma. 

"Well, I'm looking forward to seeing Bellamy say his vows a lot more than I was the last time," Anya smiled. Grinning, Roma reached out to tap a wooden bench.

"Touch wood that all goes well, but I am too. Excited to see Bellamy say his vows, that is - I can't really relate to the other part."

Eventually, Bellamy told them that if they didn't start moving they weren't going to make it in time, which was met by a chorus of groans. Holding up his hands, Bellamy tried to shout over them.

"Don't shoot the messenger!"

Wells nodded and looked up at the screen above their head. "Yeah, let's get in the queue at least."

Everyone seemed much more willing to listen when Wells was speaking, but Bellamy choose to ignore it and wrapped an arm around Roma instead. Up ahead of them, they watched their friends floating towards the departure lounge in clumps - Raven and Monty were basically leaning on each other for support, still half-asleep; Miller, Wells and Anya were laughing unabashedly about something while Echo, Fox, Maya and Octavia chatted. Bellamy popped a kiss on Roma's forehead.

"How are you feeling?"

She grinned. "I can't wait. It all still feels like a dream."

"I know." Bellamy turned to watch the planes taking off and landing out the window. "I know."

  


* * *

  


_  
Octavia snapped awake from a dream with a gasp, sitting up abruptly on the couch. Bellamy frowned at her from the kitchen._

_"You okay?" he asked quietly._

_"Yeah. I had a dream someone was throwing forks at me."_

_"That's... weird."_

_"Obviously it's weird", she yawned, tying up her sleep-mussed hair._

_Her feet were under the blanket that was thrown over Raven, who had her head in Monty's lap. Monty was asleep against Miller's shoulder, and Miller was slumped against the side of the couch._

_Octavia got up, careful not to stir them. "Wow, that movie was like a horse tranquilizer."_

_Bellamy snorted a laugh. "Clearly."_

_He was sitting at the table with his day planner open in front of him. Octavia watched him for a moment before stretching her arms over her head._

_"Come to the balcony with me for a sec? I need to wake up."_

_"What do you need me for?"_

_"I was being polite. It wasn't a question. Come on."_

_Bellamy grumbled something inaudible but got up anyway. He followed her out of the window and onto the balcony, sitting in one of the chairs while she leaned against the railing._

_"Are you doing okay? You look... stressed."_

_Bellamy met her eyes. She knew he wouldn't lie, but as her big brother he was sometimes still in the habit of not wanting to bother her with things._

_"I am. Stressed. But also doing okay." She kept staring at him until he sighed. "Does everyone else think this is a bad idea?"_

_"Of course not."_

_"O... Obviously you've talked about it. Just tell me."_

_"Bell, of course it was a surprise. But you don't have to worry about us. We'll support you no matter what."_

_Bellamy shook his head. "What did they say?"_

_"Seriously, Bell. We're happy for you."_

_"I've just... I've been so busy. I don't want to wake up one day and hear you all think I'm making a mistake."_

_Octavia sat down in the chair next to his. "Do you think you're making a mistake?"_

_"Of course not. But I know it's a short time. We want to get married. I'm not getting any younger."_

_She figured he wouldn't appreciate her pointing out he sounded like her during her miniature crisis a few years back. "You've known each other as long as Clarke and Lexa, and she hasn't even gotten to first base --"_

_"Lexa has a girlfriend, though."_

_"Oh right. That's a bad comparison then. I wonder when we'll meet the girlfriend so I can stop talking about her like she's dead or something", Octavia shook the thought away. "Anyway. It's a short time, but what does it matter if you get married now or in a year. You fit together."_

_"That's what I've been saying."_

_"To whom?"_

_Bellamy made a vague gesture. "Everyone... Myself."_

_"We get that it makes sense, okay? You've always wanted to get married and start a family. Always. We all know that."_

_"Even Miller?"_

_"Especially Miller", Octavia rolled her eyes. "You know what he's like. He worries about everything just in case. But he loves you. And we all love Roma. We are 100% behind your happiness."_

_He reached for her hand and she took it. "Thanks, O. I know I'm just... nervous."_

_"Yeah. I'd be awfully worried if you weren't."_

_Bellamy smiled. "You're sure everyone's cool?"_

_"Yes."_

_He bit his lip. "Raven too?"_

_"Even your charm fades away at some point, buddy."_

_"Right", Bellamy huffed. "It's just weird talking to her about it... Because of her own wedding and stuff."_

_"I think that's pretty natural."_

_"Yeah. True."_

_"You're doing what makes you happy, Bell. You'll be just fine."_

_He squeezed her hand. "Stop being so wise."_

_She grinned. "Someone's got to do it around here."  
_

\--

Octavia stepped into the lobby, taking a deep breath. They'd arrived at the hotel, settled in, and suddenly everyone had disappeared. Bellamy was nowhere to be seen, and they were meant to be meeting their parents anytime now.

She couldn't blame him if he'd gone into hiding, though; they hadn’t met Roma yet. She was sure their mom would have something to say. Hopefully something good.

“Hey, babe”, Anya appeared at her side, startling her out of her thoughts.

“Hi. Have you seen Bell and Roma?”

“Maybe they’ve eloped”, Anya suggested.

“Don’t give them any ideas”, Octavia grinned, hugging her to her side. “Where’s the wife?”

“Last time I saw her, she was busy talking to Maya. Educators”, Anya shook her head fondly. “What a family we make, huh?”

“We’ll all have smart kids.”

“Octavia!”

She turned around to see Aurora waving at them. “We need to keep her busy until Bell shows up”, she muttered to Anya through her teeth as she smiled.

Anya just pinched her side.

“Hey, mom”, Octavia let go of Anya as she stepped into her arms. “How was the flight?”

“Exhausting. I didn’t catch a wink of sleep. Your father, on the other hand, slept right through the entire thing”, Aurora rolled her eyes. “Anya, darling. How are you?”

As they hugged, Octavia looked around desperately for her brother. Still no sign of him.

"So who is this woman your brother is about to marry who he didn't think we should meet at all before getting the invitation?"

"Inside voices, mom. Remember?"

"I think it was a sensible question", Aurora glanced at Anya who shrugged one shoulder.

Octavia couldn't completely disagree. Leaving the introduction this late was daring. But knowing his brother, she trusted he knew what he was doing. And he really loved Roma. If planning a quick wedding on a different continent didn't break them, they should be fine, she figured.

"Roma's a sweet girl, Aurora", Anya said. "You'll love her."

Aurora visibly relaxed at that. She let out a sigh. "My son always had good taste."

"Sure did", Anya grinned.

Octavia motioned to Anya to keep it up. “I’ll go see where dad is.” Outside the hotel she sent a message to Bellamy, saying he’d be dead if he wasn’t in there when she returned.

She found Marcus from the yard. He was eyeing the hotel thoughtfully when she reached him. “Hey! You didn’t make it inside yet.”

He pointed vaguely at the building. "I was just looking at the architecture --"

"Great! You know who'd love to talk to you about that? Bellamy. Let's go in, yeah?"

"Sure", he looped his arm around hers. "How are you doing, sweetheart?"

"Little stressed, if I'm honest. Just a little."

"And it's not even your wedding."

"Tell me about it!"

Thanks to her threat or whatever it was that got movement into her brother, both Bellamy and Roma were coming down the stairs as they walked in. Anya was still with Aurora, looking like she wanted to bounce. She shared another hug with Aurora before making her escape. She threw a wink at Octavia and disappeared around the corner.

"Bellamy!"

He made a face at her over their mother's shoulder as he was caught in a tight hug. "Hey, mom. How are you?"

Aurora let him go but cupped his face between her hands. "Much better now."

"This is Roma. Roma - my mom, Aurora."

Roma didn't get a word out as she was being hugged as well. Bellamy's face was one of pure relief.

"Lovely to finally meet you."

"You too! I've been looking forward to this", Roma smiled sweetly.

Octavia gave her dad a gentle push forward as he'd gotten lost in thought while inspecting the interior design of the hotel. She thought she'd done a rather good job as the sister of the groom for one day.

She pulled Bellamy to the side for a moment as Aurora started another childhood story about them. Based on Roma's expression, she was more than happy to hear it all.

"All good?"

Bellamy wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I know. Sometimes I really worry how you'll be when you move out."

Bellamy gave her a sheepish look. "You know?"

"Well, I guessed mostly. Roma confirmed it earlier. You're apartment hunting. It makes sense. You're getting married after all."

"Yeah", Bellamy glanced at his fiancée. "You're going to be fine on your own?"

"Last time I checked, I was living alone before your ass needed saving", she huffed.

"You've always been a step ahead, haven't you?"

"From you? For sure", she grinned, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Oh, I think that's a diaper story. You should go interfere."

Bellamy left a kiss on the top of her head before rushing back over to Roma who was barely holding back her laughter. Octavia decided it was time to slip away. She needed a nap. Or a bath. Or a nap in a bath.

**To my oh maya:**  
hey. come watch over me so i don't drown in the bath

**From my oh maya:**  
sounds sexy

**From my oh maya:**  
be right there

  


* * *

  


Clarke picked up just seconds after Raven called, a bright smile on her face as soon as she appeared onscreen.

"Hey! I was ringing you earlier. Haven't heard from anyone in a while."

Lounging on the hotel bed, Raven smirked and tilted her head to one side. "We were just talking to you last night."

Clarke's eyes grew wide and pleading. "Oh, come on. I'm dying here."

In a dressing gown with her hair tied in a messy bun, Clarke appeared to have been in the middle of doing her makeup when Raven had called. She was in what was once her bedroom and Raven could see a poster of The Spice Girls in one corner of the room. There seemed to be a pile of books on every available surface also - something that was similar to Bellamy and Octavia's living space. 

"What did you do today?"

Raven listed off the places that her and the others had visited, and Clarke let out a small when she mentioned The National Gallery.

"Not for long, though," Raven assured her. "Echo wanted to see some painting and the rest of us wandered around for a while before we headed to the souvenir shop."

"Of course you guys wouldn't even appreciate it. What else happened?"

"Nothing really. Bellamy and Roma have been super busy with wedding stuff and the rest of us are just trying not to get in their way. They've managed to avert any potential disasters by themselves up until now so we're just leaving them to it."

Clarke stopped curling her eyelashes and looked back from the vanity mirror (that was adorned with fairy lights) to Raven. "How are you feeling about everything? You're okay?"

"Of course. I'm really happy for Bellamy."

Clarke raised a patronising eyebrow. "That's not what I asked."

Sighing, Raven ran a hand through her hair that was, for once, not tied up and tried to think of an answer that conveyed her emotions. "I -- I don't know."

She didn't know, really. Of course, she was glad that Bellamy had found someone that made him as happy as Roma did. And there had to be something really special between them that prompted the marriage and everything, even if it did seem a bit fast. Sometimes, she was worried that Bellamy might have been feeling the same but she'd shut those thoughts down as soon as they arose because - well. She would admit to worrying about being biased in noticing things like this; seeing as the two of them used to date, she was probably just paranoid about the whole thing. Her conflicted feelings would settle down after the wedding. 

"I guess I'm alright," Raven finally finished, while Clarke watched her through the camera steadily. "I think I'm just feeling a little...weird because it's been so quick, you know?"

"We all feel like that," Clarke nodded, grimacing. She leaned back into the mirror as she started to apply mascara. "It's all so surreal."

"Are you going somewhere? I feel like I'm interrupting."

Clarke shrugged. "I need to pick up some stuff from the apartment. I'm driving there and then I'm meeting up with a friend for dinner. I need all the time away from this hell-house that I can get." At this, she sent a furtive glance towards the direction of the door and the rest of the house where her mother was undoubtedly somewhere.

Raven laughed, then frowned. "All your friends are here." 

"Hm? Oh, no -- I..."

"It's Lexa, isn't it?"

Clarke didn't reply but sucked in her bottom lip, giving Raven any confirmation she needed.

"So, time apart didn't really improve the whole situation?"

Clarke smiled tersely. "Not in the slightest. It's the worst. I don't know how to deal with all this repressed energy. Normally, my crushes are pretty fleeting - like when I had a crush on you. It was like, what? Two weeks at most?"

"Sounds about right. Although you didn't really give me a time frame. You just kissed me and we moved on from it."

Laughing, Clarke held out her hands. "See? _This_ isn't generally my style. I don't have the time or the energy."

"Well, you know what I think you should do?" Raven asked, eyes travelling back to Clarke's wall.

"What?" Clarke replied, looking skeptical. 

"You should tell her what you want, what you really, really want..."

"I hate you." Clarke glared at Raven as she burst into a fit of giggles. 

"Never letting you live this down. No way. Does Miller know? Because he will." Raven checked her watch. "Shit, I better go. I'm meeting Monty and Miller for food. Have fun on your not-date."

"I won't, but thanks. I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye!"

The call disconnected and Raven estimated that she'd have about two more hours before Clarke would ring again.

  


* * *

  


"Come on!" Raven dragged both Miller and Monty by the hand with her when they could see the Buckingham Palace.

They could hear Miller grumble something about modern day monarchy being a sham while Monty just laughed. Octavia took Maya's hand and swung them between their bodies. Maya looked up to smile at her before Raven's voice demanded their attention again. She was trying to make Miller smile for her picture and he wasn't having it.

"One picture! You have a beautiful face. Come on."

Monty poked him in the stomach as Octavia and Maya got into frame too. With a roll of his eyes, Miller wrapped an arm around his waist and the other over Maya's shoulders. Raven snapped pictures of them happily.

Octavia took Maya's hand again as they kept walking, now in front of the two bickering and Monty still laughing at them.

"Isn't the bridge thing further away? Should we just go eat now?" Maya asked, looking up from her phone when she didn't answer. "What?"

"Nothing", Octavia shook her head with a smile. "You look pretty."

Maya squeezed her fingers. "Thank you. Now, do you want to eat yet?"

"Sure if you can make them agree on a place", Octavia huffed.

They stopped to wait for their friends to catch up. Monty now had Raven's phone in his hands while Miller and Raven argued about where they should go next.

"Hey, guys. How about food? Any suggestions?" Maya asked.

Both Miller and Raven lightened up, but with another glance at each other they seemed ready to fight over that too.

"How about Monty decides where", Maya said quickly.

At Monty's victorious grin neither could disagree.

"You're so gifted", Octavia pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

"I'm a kindergarten teacher", Maya chuckled. "Toddlers put up a better fight than Miller ever could."

Miller looked like he'd argue, but ended up shrugging instead. It was probably true.

Raven sighed. "Okay, Mon. What are we eating?"

"Let's go find a place", he linked their arms.

They dragged Miller with them, and Octavia and Maya followed more leisurely. Maya was still looking at the trees and buildings around them, but Octavia kept glancing at her. It was a chilly day so the only ink she could see on her skin was on her neck when the wind threw back her hair. There weren't many places she felt as happy in as when she was with her.

"You're staring", Maya said.

"I know."

Maya smiled, finally looking at her. "What's up?"

Octavia took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

Maya clasped her chest dramatically. "Virginal conception?"

"They tried, but turns out - prepare yourself - I'm not what they call a virgin. So who knows what kind of a bastard child we're having now."

Maya shook her head slowly. "Antichrist it is."

Octavia giggled, pressing a kiss on the back of her hand. "I did actually want to ask you something."

"Little too late now, isn't it?"

She knocked her elbow against hers. "For real now."

"Okay. Shoot."

"I was talking to Bellamy yesterday. About, you know, how he's looking for a place with Roma. And it made me think. I was thinking maybe we could live together. You and I."

Maya didn't even look surprised, only giving her a bright smile. "I'd love that."

"Really?"

"Of course", she pulled them to a stop. "I love you. And also you've already brought like half of your stuff in over time so clearly we're talking my apartment, right?"

Octavia grinned. "Yeah."

Maya stepped into her space, still giving her the gentlest kind of smile that made Octavia's chest fill with warmth no matter how many times she saw it, and pressed their lips together. Octavia brought a hand to her cheek, Maya's skin heated under her touch.

Maya bumped her nose with her own as she pulled away. "Let's go make that baby a food baby."

"That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me."

  


* * *

  


Monty buttoned his shirt the rest of the way up before looking at himself in the mirror. He still had thirty minutes before he had to be downstairs for the rehearsal dinner, but he figured it was best to be ready early in case of a disaster.

Not that he was expecting a disaster... But it was safe to reserve some time for the possibility of one.

His phone had been quiet ever since he finished a call with Clarke. Pocketing it quickly, he stepped out of his and Raven's room. She'd disappeared with Wells and Fox earlier, and Monty assumed she'd need the room for herself for a rushed getting ready any second now.

He knocked on Octavia and Maya's door. There was no answer. Only when he was about to leave the door cracked open. Octavia blinked at him, wearing only a towel and her hair a mess.

"Hey! What's up?"

"Just making sure you're ready on time."

"Yeah, uh", Octavia glanced behind herself. "Maya and I are moving in together. We're, uh, celebrating."

Monty held up a hand. "Congrats, I don't need to know more. Have fun. Don't be late."

"You sound like Bellamy."

"You know I'm the second in command when he's busy."

"Right. It sounds to me like you could use some _celebrating_ yourself", Octavia wiggled her brows.

"I'm leaving now", Monty pushed the door back shut, muffling her laughter.

Nothing like getting advice from someone in a relationship when you're alone yourself. Monty shook his head at himself. He didn't feel lonely most of the time so that wasn't the problem. But there had been a feeling in his gut for a while; the kind of feeling you get when you've forgotten to do something important and then it hits you. Except that he didn't know what he'd forgotten.

It had been eating him up ever since their trip to Clarke's beach house the previous year. He hadn't really thought of it too much beyond making sure there was no weirdness between him and Miller after their... whatever it was. But it had really hit him about two months ago, when he was out and happened to spot Jackson. He was at a store with some man and they were laughing together, Jackson's arm around his waist.

It wasn't Jackson that he was missing. Breaking up with him had been the right thing for him at the time. So none of that really explained the feeling he still had.

Miller opened his door almost as soon as he'd finished knocking like he was standing right behind it. If Monty had to guess, he'd say he was pacing around the room as he was holding what must've been his speech.

"Hey. Everything okay?" Monty asked.

"Yeah", Miller said meekly, stepping aside to let him in.

"Are you still worrying about the speech? I've told you it'll be fine."

"Well, I have a degree in worrying so..."

"Okay", Monty sat down at the end of the unused bed. Bellamy would be sleeping there the next night with Miller. "How can I help?"

Miller sat next to him with a sigh. "I don't know."

Monty leaned against his side. "Do you want to read it to me?"

Miller pouted at him. "You just want to hear it."

"How dare you question my help."

"Fine. But I'm not reading it for you."

"Why not? I'm giving points on presentation as well."

Miller cracked a smile. "You're so just going to make fun of me."

"I would never", Monty said seriously.

Miller gave him a weak glare, but relented in the same breath. "Okay, okay", he handed over the sheet of paper that had been folded multiple times, time and time again.

Monty smiled encouragingly before starting to read. Miller stood up and continued pacing.

He didn't look up while reading, though he wanted to. Miller had really listened to him when he'd tried to help him out. It was well timed and funny while still managing to be touching.

"You're going to make Bell cry", he said first, shaking Miller out of his thoughts.

"What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't?" Miller grinned.

"It's really good. You have nothing to worry about. It's just right."

Miller's smile turned more careful. "Yeah?"

"It's perfect", he promised, standing up and handing it over.

Miller took a hold of it and with it his hand. Monty glanced down at their hands and back at Miller, suddenly more flustered than he would've liked to admit. He’d been getting like that, just all of a sudden, more recently. It was infuriating.

"Thank you."

"No problem. You'll be great", he smiled, patting Miller's arm. Or - he was meant to, but somehow his hand remained on Miller's skin, against his bicep. It was like he was on the beach again, the memory of Miller's hand warm on his waist clear, and for a second his mind was chanting at him to just lean in.

Miller let him go, and Monty immediately dropped his hand. "I need to get dressed for the dinner. Do you want to wait around?"

Monty cleared his throat. "I should go see how Raven's doing. She wasn't in yet when I left so..."

"Okay, yeah. See you in a minute?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He left the room quickly before Miller could get on with changing.

As he walked back to his room, Monty tried to calm himself down. They might've been in London, but things were no different than before. The romance in the air was nothing but the wedding messing with their heads.

When he was a teenager, his crush on Miller was just... a nuisance. He’d blush and stumble over his words at the worst times. Miller was always out of his league. But by the time Bellamy and Miller went off to college, he felt like he was getting over it. He gained confidence; what was scrawny became wiry; he felt comfortable being himself. And whenever Miller came home with Bellamy, he was able to be himself around him. He refused to call it flirting, but sometimes it felt like it.

It wasn’t until they lived across the hall from each other that it all came back. They hadn’t _really_ been friends before, but they ended up spending a lot more time together. And when Monty lied in bed at night, unable to sleep, he’d find himself thinking about Miller. He’d think about his smile, how he didn’t mind Monty lying on top of him, how he looked in the dress shirts he’d needed to start wearing for his fancy office job. He knew he was screwed.

But as he dealt with it, lived with it, it was fine. He and Miller became really close friends. There was nothing he’d do to risk that. He loved Miller. There was no saying it was just physical, that they didn’t know each other well enough. Monty knew it was love.

Raven was struggling to zip up her dress when he stepped inside. "Thank god, Monty. This fucking dress is evil."

"Worth it, though?"

"Obviously", Raven dropped a kiss on his cheek once he'd pulled up the zipper. "Where were you?"

"Miller's room. I mean -- I was checking on everyone. Octavia and Maya were... keeping busy."

"Ah, young love", Raven sighed. "Remember what that felt like?"

Monty made a noncommittal noise and fell on his bed. Raven came to sit by his side.

"What's up?"

"Nothing really."

"You look positively gloomy."

"I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"Love."

Raven narrowed her eyes at him. "Alright... What about it?"

"I saw Jackson a few months ago."

"Oh, Mon. You're not still in love with him, are you?"

"No, no! I'm really not. It was just... I mean. He was with someone. And they looked really happy. And I think he was wearing a ring."

"So you felt sorry for yourself?"

"Well, of course. But it's not just that. I broke up with him because I didn't feel like I was ready to do the things in life he really wanted already. And now he's happy anyway. Like, he found happiness anyway. Not that I thought I was the only person for him but... I haven't found anyone else yet. I'm not happier or equally as happy in that department as I was with him."

Raven looked thoughtful for a moment before leveling him with a look. "Sounds a lot like self pity to me."

"I know", Monty whined.

"Okay. Listen up", Raven took his hand. "You'll get your chance. And you'll grab it when it appears. You will get all the things in life you want because you deserve them."

"How will I know to go for it?"

"How will you, Monty Green, the most resourceful and emotionally stable person I know, know how to go for what you really want? We just can't know."

He rolled his eyes with a smile. "Right. You might have too much faith in me."

"I have exactly the right amount of faith in you, pumpkin", Raven squeezed his hand. "Now, let's go rehearse eating dinner!"

\--

He'd possibly overestimated the possibility of a disaster. The rehearsal dinner went on without a glitch. Monty didn't exactly have an important part so he was zoning out for the most of it. He could see Raven playing Angry Birds on her phone under the table. Wells was biting down a laugh every time she muttered a curse in Spanish.

Miller was by Bellamy's side then. He'd obviously have his speech the next night, after the actual wedding. So for now it was okay for Monty to focus more on the way his shoulders looked in his fitted shirt than what was being said. His eyes moved up to Miller's face and they shared a smile.

Octavia and Maya were holding hands under the table. By then everyone in the room knew they'd be moving in together. Bellamy had blamed his sister for trying to steal their thunder. Roma didn't take it quite as seriously.

They moved onto having drinks at the bar once the rehearsal came to an end. Monty sat with Raven, still, watching the people around them. Miller had excused himself almost immediately, escaping upstairs to his room. Raven seemed to be deep in thought, her eyes unfocused. Monty didn't really feel like drinking so he handed his drink over to Raven who downed it rather happily.

She hadn't really wanted to talk to him about it all so he assumed she was handling things well. He knew how she felt about Bellamy before, but it was unclear whether that had passed or not. Not that people could really help their feelings, but for Raven's sake he hoped they had.

It was nearing on midnight, but everyone was still there. He and Raven had talked to Clarke earlier, passing the phone around so she could talk to everyone - even Aurora who she chatted with for quite a while.

Monty was feeling like there was an itch under his skin that he just couldn't scratch. Raven had already asked him once why he seemed so fidgety, but he didn't know what to say.

There had to be a reason he hadn't moved on. He'd broken up with Jackson two years ago. But even after getting over it, his dates had been subpar at best. Monty had always known what he wanted. And he tended to go for the things he wanted, just like Raven said. He rarely liked to leave things on chance if there was an opportunity for him to have a say in them.

He didn’t think of the chance of Miller loving him back often. He dreamt of it. It was a persistent fantasy in his mind. But he didn’t want to let himself think of real life, to read too much into things. And yet... Maybe they just had chemistry. Miller listened to him, respected him, supported him. He just... Monty felt good around him. But maybe he was biased for believing it could be out of romantic interest for the both of them.

"Monty, do you want another one?"

He blinked at Echo for a moment, and she repeated the question.

"Ah, no thanks. I think I'll go get some fresh air."

Echo frowned. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. It's probably still the jet lag."

"Alright. Go get some sleep if you feel like it, too. The real party isn't until tomorrow after all."

He gave her a smile. "Yeah, thanks."

She touched his shoulder gently before turning to the bartender.

The moon was out, lighting up the dark sky as he stepped outside. Monty took a few deep breaths. He could almost hear the waves hitting the shore and his and Miller's footsteps on the sand. His hands were shaking lightly when he dragged them over his face.

Monty was an optimist. He always had been. But he also liked being honest to others and to himself. And now it wasn't just his friends seeming so happy, having found someone to love. While there was a regular amount of jealousy to it, it made him think of his own happiness, too.

After this many years, he knew his feelings for Miller were steady. But a part of it could've been the unresolved thing of it all. At this point he had to believe telling the truth would unfurl things.

Though, perhaps it was selfish to put it all on Miller. Him not telling had always been based on knowing Miller didn't return his feelings. Most of the time he didn't want to let himself think of the fact that he'd started thinking maybe he did.

It was just a feeling. Sometimes. But when he tried to track it by finding patterns in Miller's behavior like his own, it just didn't work out. Miller didn't really _sneak_ anything. Monty was used to stealing glances and lingering touches on his own part. But Miller watched him steadily, held onto him always the same. Monty hated how teen-like his own ways were, but it was a very old habit.

At the beach house, it felt unreal. He and Miller never even really joked about dating each other. When someone else brought it up, Monty just couldn't act natural. But when they were standing on the beach, Miller's hand resting on his hip, it didn't feel like playing. If Miller had kissed him there and then, it would've made perfect sense.

He barely registered the thought before he'd turned on his heels and gone back inside. Instead of returning to the bar, he headed for the stairs.

_Fuck it_ , he'd thought. _Fuck it._

\--

The smile Miller gave him when he opened the door was surprised but pleased. He stepped aside again, without a word, to let him in. Monty’s plan of simply walking in and confessing his feelings before preparing for the inevitable fell apart before it even came to be.

"Hey. You realize large social gatherings are exhausting, too?"

Monty shook his head. Miller's brows furrowed and he stepped closer to him.

"Everything okay?"

Monty nodded, but Miller's look didn't change. "I just wanted to talk for a sec."

"Okay, yeah? Sure", Miller sat down at the end of his bed, and Monty took a seat next to him. "What is it?"

"I want to tell you something. It's a pretty big deal. To me at least."

"Sounds serious."

"It's not. Necessarily. I just", Monty ran a hand through his hair. "I want you to know why I'm telling you this."

"Alright?"

Monty looked at him for a moment, searching for the right words. "I want to tell you because -- I'm not going to pretend this is one of those our friendship will be ruined -kind of situations. Because it's not. And I know that because we're _that_ close. And I trust you. But I also don't want you to think I'm expecting you to react in a certain way."

"I'm a little scared now, to be honest", Miller frowned.

He put his hand over Miller's. Miller glanced at it, swallowing gravely.

"We've been friends for a long time now. But I've been thinking lately. About what we did at the beach house. Do you remember that?"

Miller grimaced. "Yeah."

"I don't mean it the way you think I do", Monty squeezed his hand. "I'm just trying to explain somehow. Because I have this thought in my head that maybe you thought what I did, too."

Monty stared at him in the eye. He was breathing calmly, taking a moment to notice the heat of his skin under his fingers. Miller stared right back. At first look he seemed confused, but the longer Monty peered at him, the more he could actually see.

Miller had looked at him in a certain way for years. It wasn't like the way Monty looked at him when he didn't notice. It remained the same. He looked at Monty like there was nothing else he'd rather see.

"Miller?"

"Yeah?"

He turned to sit facing him more before reaching for his other hand and carefully bringing it to his waist, the other following without prompting. Monty lifted his own hands to his shoulders. They weren't shaking anymore as they moved up to Miller's neck.

They stayed like that for a moment, eyes never leaving each other's. Monty could feel Miller's pulse beating under his fingertips. He stroked over the skin gently.

"Monty?"

"Yeah?"

Miller's voice was low, but he didn't look away when he breathed out: "Just kiss me."

He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips. Miller's fingers were digging into his hips as he leaned in. He brushed his lips against Miller's, and Monty could feel him freeze. He pulled back to see his eyes shut tightly. Before he could speak up, Miller was looking at him again, an unsteady breath leaving his throat.

He leaned forward now, and Monty wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him in. He wasn't sure if he was breathing when Miller's lips pressed against his, more and more confidently as he kept kissing back, tugging him closer.

He was still dazed. He'd taken a chance that could've ended completely differently. But Miller's fingers were tangled in the fabric of his shirt to keep him close and their lips connected with growing desperation. There was _something_ there.

He could feel Miller pull back suddenly, and opened his eyes to meet his. The look Miller gave him was one of disappointment and uncertainty, and it made Monty's stomach drop.

"Are you drunk?" Miller asked as steadily as he could despite being breathless.

Monty let out a sigh of relief. He knew where Miller's mind went first, always; he couldn't help it. But it wasn't unfixable. It wasn't Miller telling him this was a bad idea. "I'm not", he cupped Miller's jaw, stroking his thumb over his skin. "Not at all."

The corners of Miller's lips twitched upwards, breaking into a smile that made Monty's breath get caught in his throat. He didn't move, letting Miller inch closer again. The way he kissed him was but a gentle press of their lips, but Monty wanted him to never stop.

He caught Miller's lower lip between his teeth, enjoying the full-body shiver that went through him. His hands moved with more intention over Monty's sides.

His plan hadn't been to kiss Miller. But now that he'd started, he didn't think he wanted stop. And still, he needed to know they were on the same page, that Miller _knew_.

"I want you." His hands settled on Miller's chest, still and steady. He needed him to know.

Miller smiled, just smiled at his lap, before looking up. "Yeah?"

Monty watched his face, moving to slowly unbutton his own shirt, and he'd never been more sure.

  


* * *

  


Bellamy wasn't entirely sure what he was doing or where he was going. He had kissed Roma goodnight and he'd laughed when she'd said 'until tomorrow', and then he'd meant to go back to the bar for one last drink with Miller or Wells or Anya. Instead, his feet had carried him to the lobby, past reception and through the glass doors to the street outside. There, he hadn't stopped moving and he found himself walking through the city at three o'clock in the morning - nine hours before he was due to get married.

He knew that wedding jitters were normal. The weeks leading up to his and Anya's wedding had been scary but exciting all at once. Everything had happened so fast during the past few months that the adrenaline in his veins was almost something he expected every time he thought about the wedding. Now, though, he was worried that it had been coming from somewhere other than a place of anticipation. 

Moving fast had seemed right. It had felt right, too. Or at least, it had until an hour ago, when suddenly the tie around his neck felt like it was making it harder for him to breathe. Telling himself that it was just the alcohol and the reality of what was taking place tomorrow hitting him all at once, Bellamy walked a little faster.

It started drizzling at about quarter to four and Bellamy reached up to touch his hair. He stood still and breathed, feeling the moisture on his skin and watching the air in front of him turn to steam. For a minute, everything - not just the night, but the past two months of his life - felt like a dream, or something that he'd heard about but wasn't actually a part of. There was a heavy feeling in his stomach as he continued down the road.

Eventually he made it back to the hotel. He entered the lobby and he didn't where to go next - Miller hadn't called him yet to make sure he was okay (seeing as he was supposed to be staying with him that night) so his friend had probably thought he was still partying with the others; or maybe that he was with Roma. Bellamy was just about to head upstairs so he could talk this whole thing out with Miller because maybe reconsidering would be best for everyone, when he heard someone calling his name.

Turning around, he found Raven scrutinising him with her arms folded over her chest, head tilted to one side. Heels were hooked on the fingers of her left hand. 

"Why are you -- Were you outside?"

She moved to stand beside him, reaching out to feel his now damp shirt and tie. He clenched his jaw and nodded to the elevator. Without question, Raven followed.

As soon as the doors closed, she stared at him again.

"Where have you been, Bellamy? I thought you had gone to bed long ago. Me and Wells just finished up there."

He shrugged halfheartedly. "Walking around London."

Raven spluttered. "Is that a joke?"

"No. I needed to clear my head."

" _Bellamy_." Raven's expression was concerned. "You need sleep. And just for future reference, wandering around an unknown city with a fair amount of alcohol in your system at this time of night, on your own, is generally not the best of ideas."

"Do you think I'm making the wrong decision?"

This caught Raven off-guard and she stood there with her mouth open. Bellamy didn't really know why he'd asked it because he'd already convinced himself that when the time came, he'd be fine - the same way he'd been fine up until tonight.

"I -- what decision do you mean?"

He raised an eyebrow and she sighed. Neither of them had ever tried to beat around the bush with each other because it wasn't in their natures.

"Bell...talk to me."

He puffed out a breath and leaned against one of the elevator walls. The upbeat music playing in the background did nothing to dilute the tension he was feeling. "I just -- It's so fast. And I've thought that it was a good thing because it's felt right so far but now...I'm worried that it's _too_ fast."

Raven squeezed her eyes close and rubbed her forehead. 

"I'm sorry, is my pre-wedding crisis stressful for _you_?" Bellamy deadpanned. Raven smacked his arm in response.

"I was trying to think. It's the night before - well, morning at this stage - I mean, it's expected of you to be nervous. Even couples who aren't in a situation like this panic. I know people who've been in a committed relationship for six years that freak out more than this before their weddings. Everyone's going to find different reasons not to go through with it, no matter how long they've been with someone. It's felt right so far, hasn't it?"

Bellamy nodded and Raven swallowed before continuing.

"Well, there you go. She makes you happy and I know you're doing the same with her. So."

Raven seemed unsure of how to finish her pep talk (or whatever this was) and looked at Bellamy for an indication that something she'd said had clicked with him. His heart felt lighter than before and he tried to push aside any other doubts. She was right. She had to be right.

"Yeah. I guess it's just cold feet or whatever."

Raven laughed then as the elevator doors dinged and they stepped out onto the third floor, although it sounded a little brittle. "Oh, you can't talk about cold feet until you've climbed out of a toilet window twenty minutes before you were expected to walk down the aisle."

"Fair enough. I suppose you're the expert in that department."

"I am, hence why you should trust my advice. Now, go get some sleep."

Smiling, Bellamy gave her a quick hug. "I don't think I'll be able to at this stage. I may as well just go get some breakfast or something. I'd probably be getting up at this time regardless."

"Perks of being the groom. I'm going to hit the hay for a few hours. See you soon."

"See you. And thanks."

Raven nodded before turning on her heel and walking down the corridor in her bare feet. Bellamy watched her retreating figure until the door of her room closed after her. He took a moment to breathe, then headed downstairs for food.

  


* * *

  


_  
Miller barely registered he was still holding onto Monty's hand when he rolled over. Only when Monty tapped his shoulder, removing his grip gently, did he meet his eyes. Monty leaned down to press a kiss to the side of his mouth before getting off the bed._

_He zoned in again when Monty dropped back on the bed with a sigh. They lied side by side in silence for a moment. Miller was still trying to catch his breath, his mind pleasantly numb._

_"So..." Monty cleared his throat._

_Miller turned to look at him._

_"That's something we've never done before."_

_Miller made an agreeing noise._

_"You okay?"_

_He huffed out a laugh. "It wasn't that bad."_

_"No! It wasn't. It was just... intense."_

_"Mhm."_

_"And quick."_

_Now when he cracked a smile, Monty couldn't hold in his laughter either. He wriggled closer and hid his face in his neck. Miller wrapped an arm around him, stroking down his side mindlessly._

_"So... You're okay?" Monty asked again._

_"Yeah, I'm fine."_

_"I know you don't like surprises."_

_"I liked this one."_

_Monty pulled back to grin at him. "Yeah?"_

_Miller kissed him to shut him up. Because he could, and it made his head spin. Monty hummed against his lips, coaxing him to deepen the kiss. He fell into it too easily with Monty's fingers dancing over his ribs. The way his teeth grazed his lip still made him twitch._

_"You know what?"_

_"What?" he whispered into Monty's mouth, unable to make himself pull away._

_"I think I can do better."_

_"Do what better?"_

_Monty bit down a grin, glancing down at him. "You."_

_Miller turned his eyes at the ceiling in exasperation. Monty was failing majestically to keep a straight face. He caught Monty's lips in another kiss, fingers splayed on his chest as he pushed him to his back, rolling them over._

_The way Monty looked up at him made his heart stutter in his chest. Monty's grin faded into a look he couldn't quite read, something more private. He looked like he was about to say something, but instead chose to drag him down to bring their lips together._

_"We should talk, too", Miller mouthed across his jaw, straddling his thigh._

_"Yeah, absolutely", Monty grasped feebly at his back._

_"Yeah, in a minute."_

_"I'll need a little longer than that."_

_He rolled his eyes fondly. "You just can't help yourself, can you?"_

_Monty traced his fingers down the side of his face. "No, I can't."  
_

-

Sunlight was streaming in through the curtains when Miller woke up. Being the bad morning person that he was, he tried to go back to sleep right away, but the soft snuffle somewhere near his ear had his eyes snapping open.

Monty was lying on his stomach with his cheek resting on the pillow, facing him. His fingers were loosely curled around Miller's bicep, skin warm, real, against his. He had to fight down the thickness in his throat that suddenly hit him.

All of the previous night had felt like a dream. They were in London. For Bellamy's _wedding_. And this? This had happened.

He'd left the party at the bar almost immediately. He knew the others wouldn't mind; it wasn't unusual of him and the next night was when he'd be needed, anyway. Only a few hours later Monty had showed up at his door all of a sudden.

When he brought up the beach, Miller had been worried. The beach was... something that definitely made things shift between them. He hadn't know how, before. Actually, he still wasn't sure.

It wasn't that Monty treated him differently. Miller just worried he'd gone too far. The lack of impulse control he'd showcased that night had been unparalleled. At least he didn't kiss Monty then. It wasn't like him at all. But he'd never been able to feel uncomfortable around Monty. It didn't work that way.

When Monty was talking about wanting to tell him something, Miller's mind was doing damage control. There was no context to Monty's words; it must've been bad. When they'd kissed, he was able to taste the alcohol on Monty's lips. It raised an alarm in his head.

On Monty's lips, that he'd kissed. If someone had told him the previous morning that he'd be kissing Monty Green before the day ended, he would've probably felt sick. Thinking about kissing Monty was still very much in the no-zone. Under no circumstances was he meant to think about that.

But when Monty was staying quiet, arranging them in a position much too similar to the one they were in on the beach for it to be a coincidence, he could feel himself crack. He had told Monty to kiss him. He'd said the words. And Monty had smiled.

In the time he considered having been in love with Monty, the smiles had been the most dangerous. Monty was a happy person, and there was only so much Miller could take. When a smile was directed _at him_ , he'd already lost.

Monty was... radiant. He was a life force - one that Miller knew wasn't for him. He'd never expected anything, knowing just being his friend was something so valuable. Monty was never _meant_ to want him back. It wasn't an option.

When Monty smiled at him before they kissed for the first time, he was gone.

Even if it turned out to be nothing but a one night stand and the "I want you" was merely physical, things wouldn't be the same. He took the risk without a second thought when he told Monty to kiss him. He knew there was a chance Monty was just lonely, that he just wanted to get laid.

It was what his mind told him. He wasn't surprised. But Monty had told him he trusted him. Monty had spoken like he was expecting to get rejected. But he'd bravely wanted to know if Miller had felt the same way on that beach.

He would've never done that. Frankly, he would've never let himself truly think there was a chance Monty loved him back. But this was Monty; he was fearless. And he was grateful he was.

When Monty kissed him, he realized there was no way he could've prepared for it. It wasn't about what they were doing. It was about the fact that it was Monty. Monty, who kept smiling at him, who wanted to reassure him, who _wanted_ him. And Miller wanted him, too.

They fumbled their way through it. It wasn't that surprising since they'd never touched each other like that, but they figured it out. And Monty seemed to be there with him, too busy trying to feel _everything_ instead of making it last.

The second time around, Monty was making jokes at first. But there was no joke in how he held him, with his front to Miller's back, lips on his neck. He'd mutter curses and mindless praises to his ear, breath hot on his skin.

He was too scared to think it felt like all he wanted. But when he fell asleep next to Monty and woke up to him still there, it felt a lot like what he'd once dared to dream.

When he lost himself in it, it all worked. He didn't have to think. Around Monty, things just worked. The main fear in falling for your friend was always losing them as a friend. But this didn't feel like that. Beyond his paranoia, Miller didn't feel like he was losing Monty.

There was a sharp intake of breath and Monty's eyelids fluttered. Miller lied still, watching his reaction.

Monty opened his eyes, clearly disoriented for a while before finding focus. His eyes moved over Miller's chest and then up to his face, meeting his. A smile tugged at his mouth, widening uncontrollably. Miller knew he was smiling back before even registering it.

He'd been in love with Monty for several years. He'd felt things he'd never felt for anyone else. He'd pushed it all aside for just as long. Whatever happened in the next few minutes or in the next hour, he was going to be happy about this moment.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"You sleep well?"

"Yeah."

Monty's fingers flexed on his arm and he only seemed to notice he was still holding on. "Good."

Miller moved his arm carefully so he could reach Monty's side, stroking the backs of his fingers over his skin. "We didn't talk."

"Yeah", Monty grinned. "I'd take credit but it was a team effort." He hid a yawn into his pillow. "But we can, still."

"We should."

"Yeah."

Neither of them said a word for a moment. Miller knew what he needed to ask. He needed to know why and how and when. But all he could say was: "This isn't it, right? It's not... done?"

Monty's eyes softened. "No. I don't think it is."

Miller rolled on his side. Monty got his hand out of the way, taking a hold of his instead. He brought Miller's hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to each knuckle. His heart was beating painfully hard in his chest.

A banging on the door made both of them jump. His mind was reeling before he remembered.

"Fuck, it's Bell", he hissed.

Monty's eyes went wide. The door was already clicking open when they shared a look of agreement. Bellamy had enough on his plate for this morning.

When Bellamy stepped in, Miller was sitting on the bed, covers messily around him. Bellamy gave him a curious look.

"Hey!"

Bellamy raised a brow at him. "Did you not notice I didn't come in all night?

"Sorry. I just woke up."

"Right. Well, I need to shower. It was raining outside."

"Wait, what?"

"Long story. I need to stand in the shower for about fifteen minutes to defrost and then we'll talk", Bellamy stopped by the bathroom door. "You know why?"

Miller just stared at him.

"Because it's my wedding day", Bellamy said, eyes wide.

He smiled softly at his friend. "Go shower." As soon as the door closed behind him, Miller dragged the covers down, revealing a still alarmed Monty.

Monty rolled out of bed, pulling on his clothes at maximum speed. Miller only got on a pair of boxers in the time he was fully dressed, clad in Miller's shirt with his own in his hand.

"We'll talk later", Monty caught his arm. "Properly. I promise."

He just nodded. Monty left a quick kiss on his lips before he was gone. Miller dropped down on his bed. He needed to focus on Bellamy now. It was his day.

  


* * *

  


Breakfast the morning of was electric. Octavia didn't see Bellamy when her and Maya arrived at the table, but she assumed he was upstairs psyching himself out. Miller was gone too, so she felt a little better at the thought of the two of them together.

She had just sat down with a bowl of cereal when Wells handed a phone over to her. "Say hi to Clarke."

"Hey!"

Clarke looked like she was trying very hard to keep it together and bit her lip. "Hi, O. Hey Maya!"

Maya pressed up against Octavia to be seen onscreen and smiled widely before returning to her toast.

"You greeting everyone?"

"Yeah. Anya passed me down. How's Bellamy? I haven't seen him yet."

Octavia frowned. "Guess that makes two of us. I think he's with Miller, so I'm sure he's fine."

Clarke was sitting in the living room of what Octavia assumed was her childhood house. Hair in two braids and wearing an old flannel shirt, she didn't look like she had anything else planned for the day - hardly surprising, considering she couldn't be here herself.

"Ah." Clarke sighed. "Still can't believe I'm not there."

"I know," Octavia grimaced. "How's your mom?"

Clarke's expression became even more downcast. "Oh, she's actually recovering pretty quickly. Not quick enough for my liking, though."

Snorting, Octavia shook her head. "Clarke."

"You have no idea, O. I keep walking around this shitty town just to get out of the house. She's -- You know what? Let's not talk about her."

"Alright. Who's doing the honours during the wedding?"

Looking thoughtful, Clarke ran a thumb over her lip. "I think Monty said he'd FaceTime me throughout."

"Ah." As soon as Clarke said his name, Octavia noticed him rushing into the breakfast area, trying to flatten his unkempt hair with his hand. "Well, I guess I'll see you then."  
"See you!"

Octavia passed the phone back to Wells before waving Monty over. It took him a second to process it and he looked distracted even as he walked over.

"Hey, Monty. You okay?"

Turning around, Maya took in Monty's frazzled appearance and gave Octavia a look.

"I'm -- I'm good. More than good."

Smiling encouragingly, Maya nodded. "We're all excited for Bellamy and Roma."

"Hm? Oh, yes." Monty stretched his arms over his head. "I hope everything runs smoothly."

"It will." Octavia grinned at Monty's obvious stare towards the table of food. "Go get something to eat. We'll see you later."

Smiling gratefully, Monty took off. Maya glanced at her watch and made a face.

"It's ten already. Should we go get ready?"

"Sure. Though I think we have more than enough time."

Maya grinned. "Exactly."

She leaned in for a quick kiss before pulling back her seat and heading for the stairs. Octavia promptly followed.

\--

Miller tugged at the tie around his neck. He was already looking forward to getting out of the suit at the reception. It reminded him too much of meetings at work with management.

Glancing one last time in the mirror, he took a deep breath. Everything from the last few days had been so overwhelming; for him, at least. He didn't know how Bellamy was handling it so well.

Then again, Bellamy hadn't slept with one of his closest friends (one that he'd been pining over for years) the night before, so.

Glancing at his watch, Miller decided to call a cab and head over to the chapel early. He didn't want to hang around the hotel for another hour and a half, and he reckoned that the others from their group would already be there already, anyways.

He made it there in good time, seeing as it was only a ten minute journey there. His offer to share a cab had been turned down by Anya and Echo because they weren't finished getting ready yet and he didn't have enough energy to look for anyone else.

The church was beautiful. Miller wasn't really one for architecture but he could appreciate the beautiful arches and spires stretching up into the sky. Even the day had turned out well, something they had been convinced by Roma wouldn't happen.

He'd caught Bellamy for a quick conversation that morning, but he hadn't been able to stay long for obvious reasons. Some more of his relatives were only arriving today to cut down on accommodation costs, and trying to make sure they all found the hotel and church seemed stressful. Bellamy had seemed distracted and he'd only been able to manage a quick smile when Miller told him he looked good. He'd chalked it up to stress but he honestly felt a little bad that he hadn't offered to do more. In his defense, he wasn't exactly as focused as he could be, through no fault of his own.

Raven was the first familiar face he noticed as he walked into the church. She was talking to a woman he didn't recognise but made a hasty goodbye and grabbed Miller as he passed.

"Morning," he said as she hooked her arm into his. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," Raven grinned, turning to look at him. "You don't scrub up too badly yourself."

"Have you been talking to Bell?"

Raven paused, nodding to someone she knew as they walked down the aisle. She dragged him into a pew and bowed her head to talk to him. "He was a little...stressed last night."

Miller frowned. He hadn't stayed at the bar for long but Bellamy had seemed fine from what he saw. "How so?"

Grimacing, Raven glanced up to the altar. Clumps of people were standing around the church, some sitting and some standing. Miller had thought he was early, but he obviously wasn't the only one who had that idea.

"He was freaking out a bit. I don't think he got any sleep. I tried to calm him down and I think it worked it's just -- It'll be okay, right?"

Miller hesitated before responding. "It has to be. I don't think he would have went through with it if he was worried about something."

Raven bit her lip. "I guess so, it's just --"

She was cut off by her phone ringing and shot Miller an apologetic look before answering.  
"I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Miller nodded and Raven left to answer the call. Worry knotted in Miller's gut and he took out his phone to text Bellamy. There was still time before the wedding to talk things out if he needed, to figure out what was up.

He sent off the text and sat back in the seat. Looking up, he let his eyes search the various groups of people until he spotted Monty over beside a bunch of flowers, rearranging them while no-one was looking. Miller couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Monty in a suit - probably Anya and Echo's wedding - and he spent another few moments appreciating how it fit him before walking over.

"Hey," he said, alerting Monty to his presence. Monty grinned and any negative feelings Miller had been experiencing evaporated because he knew the smile stretched beyond a friendly greeting.

"Hi." Monty was still fiddling with the flowers absentmindedly, but his eyes were on Miller. "You look great."

Miller wanted to tell Monty that he'd never seen anything as brilliant as him in his whole life, but settled for, "So do you."

A flush rose in Monty's cheeks and he moved a little closer. "Are you tired?"

Miller shrugged. "Yeah, but good tired."

Monty nodded and Miller felt courage spike in his chest. Maybe a replay of last night could happen sooner than he'd hoped. "We could...leave the reception for a while later. On our own."

There was a recklessness in him that he'd never felt before. It was exhilarating.

"Yeah." Monty nodded furiously. "We said we needed to talk about what happened."

Miller tried to hide his disappointment but Monty mistook it for worry and reached out to squeeze his hand quickly. "Not in a bad way, though. Just so we can..."

Monty trailed off and Miller squeezed his hand back. "I know." 

They stood there for another few moments, staring shamelessly at each other, until Monty's gaze caught on something beside Miller's head. "Oh, Bellamy's here. Do you want to...?"

"Yeah." Miller withdrew his hand from Monty's slowly, regretting losing the warmth as soon as it was gone. "I'll see you later."

Walking away, he felt Monty's eyes on his back and grinned.

\--

Bellamy felt someone tapping his shoulder and he swiveled around, body tense. Miller looked at him strangely.

"Hey, man. How's things going? You need me to do anything?"

Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think. He wasn't sure that anything more could really be done at this stage; all the intense planning had worked, even if it was only within a month or so.

"No, I think -- I think we're good."

Miller raised an eyebrow. "Are _you_ good? Because you look pretty stressed."

Bellamy shook his head. Sure, the sick feeling in his gut from last night hadn't diminished and the effects of Raven's motivational talk had worn off soon after he'd heard it, but he was fine. This was normal.

"Yeah, yeah." Bellamy tried for an exasperated smile. "Just a lot going on. But it'll be worth it soon."

Miller didn't say anything for a few seconds, just looked at his friend with the discerning eyes that Bellamy knew so well. He felt like Miller could see straight through him.

"Bell, let's go talk for a while. Raven said you didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night and I'm worried about you. We can just --"

"This must be Mr. Blake! What a pleasure it is to meet you. I'm Roma's aunt."

A gaggle of family member were suddenly surrounding him and whatever Miller had been saying was drowned out by their introductions. Plastering a smile on his face, Bellamy nodded and greeted them all cordially. He managed to shoot Miller a reassuring look before he was sucked into the crowd, but Miller's furrowed eyebrows said he wasn't convinced.

\--

Octavia was fairly certain her and Maya were some of the last people to make it to the church, judging by the sharp look her mother sent her. She just winked back and took her place in the pew beside them.

"Well girls, aren't you both a sight to behold?" Marcus grinned, clapping his hands together. "It's fantastic, isn't it? The venue, the flowers -- Aurora, I would be in my right mind to renew our vows here someday too."

Aurora smiled thinly. "Yes, sweetheart. Someday."

Glancing at her watch, Octavia felt a little guilty when she realised just how tight they had cut it. The ceremony was due to begin in less than ten minutes and everyone was in their places. Miller was talking to Trina up on the altar, but his eyes kept drifting to the crowd. She waved at him and he raised his hand in mock salute. Bellamy was in deep conversation with the priest, nodding at whatever he was saying.

Monty, Raven and the others were seated behind her and she turned to see them. Wells and Fox were looking through the photos on their camera, seemingly trying to decide who should be the one to film the wedding itself, while Monty was trying to position the phone in a way that Clarke could see everyone. Raven was laughing at something Anya was telling her and Echo rolled her eyes at their antics, muttering something about how this was a church they were in, in case they'd forgotten.

A flower girl passed - one of Roma's younger cousins - and handed a rose to Echo as she did so, smiling pleasantly. Echo beamed back and fingered the petals delicately.

"Your proficiency with kids seems to be transatlantic, Echo," Monty laughed. "O could have done with your help when she was having her baby moment a few years back. Maybe she would have reconsidered -- you make it look so easy."

Maya raised her eyebrows. "Baby moment?"

Octavia gave her girlfriend an 'I'll tell you later' look and glared at Monty.

Anya chuckled softly. "I remember that. Poor Bell didn't take it well."

Echo smiled. "Kids aren't easy, but they're worth it. In fact, now is probably a good time to mention that Anya and I have been talking about adopting for quite a while now. Hopefully we can get the process started in the next few months."

"That's great, guys!" Maya exclaimed, almost bouncing in her seat with excitement. Octavia smiled and brushed her hair away from her face fondly. Only Maya could be so genuinely happy for someone so soon after meeting them.

"You'll be great parents. That kid is really going to be something else," Raven nodded, and Monty hummed in agreement. Clarke offered her congratulations through the phone and before Octavia could say anything else, the familiar music started playing, indicating the beginning of the ceremony.

Apprehension squeezed her stomach all of a sudden and she didn't know why. She let out a long, slow exhale and turned to watch Roma walk up the aisle. She looked beautiful - her hair fell in soft curls around her face and the dress was stunning; so much so that Octavia wondered how she'd found it in such a short time-span. On the altar, Bellamy was smiling widely, hands clasped in front of him. Miller's eyes weren't watching Roma like everyone else, Octavia noticed. He was staring at Bellamy like his life depended on it.

"Monty! Focus the camera, would you?"

Octavia heard Clarke's muffled voice from behind her and Raven snorted while Maya shook with silent laughter. When Octavia looked back up, Roma and Bellamy were standing facing each other.

_This is it._

The priest started talking, going through the standard spiel while everyone listened politely. Monty had taken to rotating his phone around in a circle so that Clarke could see everyone in the crowd. Octavia was pretty sure that she even heard Abby's voice piping in once or twice.

"Now, repeat after me. I, Roma..."

Roma was radiating happiness as she said, "I, Roma..."

Bellamy's face looked a little more serious than it had before, but Octavia knew that he was nervous. Why wouldn't he be? This would be one of the most memorable days in his life. Octavia didn't know what state she would be in when it came to her own wedding.

"Take thee Bellamy..."

"Take thee Bellamy..."

Maya took Octavia's hand and stroked her thumb over it. There was no reason to be worried. Even Miller looked to have relaxed a bit and was smiling lopsidedly at the proceedings before him.

"To be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death does us part."

Roma repeated the priest's words and Octavia definitely heard a few people sniffling around her. Octavia was just waiting for the moment Miller started crying when Bellamy said his vows.

The priest turned to her brother and started the same way.

"Repeat after me. I, Bellamy..."

He took a deep breath. "I, Bellamy..."

Fear clenched in her stomach again and this time she found she couldn't dispel it. She reminded herself that it would be over soon, that she was just overreacting. Everyone else was watching him with a smile on their face - it was obvious her worries were unfounded. They had to be.

"Take thee Roma..."

This time, there was another short pause before Bellamy said, "Take thee Roma."

"To be my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death does us part."

Bellamy opened his mouth and closed it again. He looked confused, as if he was only just now realising where he was and what he was doing. Octavia's free hand started shaking. She shot a look at Miller - wide-eyed and pleading - and he looked back helplessly. He coughed quietly and Octavia would have bet anything that he was trying to prompt his friend.

Roma's face transformed from one of joy to bemusement to panic. She looked to Trina, who shrugged back, while Bellamy stood there, still trying to get something out.

"I --," he tried, but choked on the words. Aurora bristled beside her.

There had initially been tittering from some of the women in the audience - finding his hesitation a sign of nerves more than anything. As the silence continued, though, the congregation became deathly quiet.

"Are you alright?" the priest asked, quietly enough that only the first few rows could hear. "Shall I say it again?"

Bellamy opened his mouth to speak but Roma responded before he could. "Don't bother."

Before anyone could process what was happening, she stormed off the altar and down the aisle to the exit.

It was quiet for a second before the place exploded. People started talking - quietly, at first, but the volume slowly increased - and Clarke could be heard frantically asking what was happening as Monty had let the phone fall to his lap in shock. Before Octavia could run to Bellamy, he was sprinting after Roma, leaving Miller staring after him.

Octavia looked at her mother (who was looking more than a little ill) before biting her lip and stepping past Octavia to go to Miller.

Out of everyone, Miller was the most distressed apart from the actual bride and groom themselves. He was standing frozen, eyes still locked on the door Bellamy and Roma had left through.

"What the hell are we going to do?" Octavia said, snapping Miller out of his gaze. He shook his head.

"I don't know. Maybe I should go after them..."

"No," Octavia said firmly. "Give them a little longer. Then we'll send out the search party."

"We can't just keep everyone here." Miller looked at the increasingly raucous congregation. Raven and Monty were crouched over his phone, alternating between speaking to Clarke and glancing at the doors as if the bride and groom would suddenly reappear. Maya looked like she was trying to calm down Aurora and Wells was doing the same with the people in the pew behind them. Octavia thought that she should send the two of them around to try and do some damage control before Roma's family sent out a manhunt for Bellamy.

"Well, what can we do? Send them to the reception?" Octavia asked incredulously. Miller was about to fire off a retort when Octavia's phone started ringing.

Seeing it was Bell, she answered it immediately. Miller looked at her with an expression of desperation.

"Bell? Bell, what's going on?"

His voice crackled over the line. He didn't sound upset or even angry - just tired; resigned. "It's off. The wedding's off."

She shook her head at Miller and his face flooded with something akin to disappointment. Octavia didn't know how to feel and she didn't realise that Bellamy had hung up until the dialling tone sounded in her ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued.......  
> welp!!!! i hope you're all doing well. shoutout to one of my anons who gave us klak griffbin quite long ago. it's lived on. also thank you to julia who cried which was all i wanted as a reaction to my millermonty scenes. and no worries ch6 will jump right on this tbc so just wait, good people. we'll return again and no chapter can kick our asses like this one did.... tho that's what we said about the previous one  
> \- vilma


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **disclaimer:** to address a few things; there will be no dead lesbians or cheating. you're all good. the 'wtlo lb' is in use again! feel free to liveblog we'll be reblogging stuff again.
> 
> hi guys!! thanks for coming back again (i think there’s a significant amount who have come since our last post so...welcome) after a pretty emotional chapter last time. this one was way easier to write and there’s a lot of really happy stuff that happens along with the return of a few familiar faces so we hope you love it. i can’t believe this is the second last one of these i’ll be writing - we have so much love and respect to everyone who’s been here from the start (peyton and julia....you guys are stars) as well as everyone who came along the way. i’ll leave the real sappiness till next time but you’re the best and our inboxes are always open for random yelling. also just as a reminder in light of recent show events: monty is gay and harper’s a lesbian. alright good? good.  
> \- aisling

"Tell. Me. Everything."

Miller yawned against the back of his hand before looking around to see if anyone else was talking. No one stood up, so with a sigh he cleared his throat. "Clarke, we're jet-lagged to death."

"I don't care. You've been asleep all day. Bellamy's not home. Tell me what the hell happened", Clarke insisted, handing over cups of coffee.

Their flight had landed early that morning and after getting home they'd all ended up asleep on Monty's bed while Clarke paced around the house. Raven had curled up against his side with her head on his chest. Monty slept on her other side, the frown that had been constant on his face since the ceremony finally smoothing out with exhaustion. Octavia had fallen asleep where she'd slumped down as soon as they got in, at the foot of Monty's bed with her legs hanging over the edge.

"I have no idea what happened", Monty shook his head. "Or didn't happen."

"They just walked out? Never came back?"

"Of course they came back out later", Octavia said, staring into her cup. "But it was -- It doesn't even feel real. We went to the reception since there was all the food that was paid for and we just stood around all day."

"I think I can finally relate to Miller in social situations", Raven muttered.

Miller huffed and she flashed him a smile.

"Are they... you know, still together?"

Octavia bit her lip. "I think so. I mean we didn't get much out of them. They just came out to say they're sorry and left again. I don't think they know themselves."

They fell into their own thoughts for a moment. Miller glanced at Monty who was staring out the window. They hadn't gotten to talk yet. Too much was going on and the others would've noticed their absence. At this point he didn't really need much. He just wanted to make sure Monty knew he wanted to keep it up, whatever they were.

"Is Bell coming home?" Clarke asked quietly.

"He has to", Octavia looked to Miller. "Right?"

"Of course he'll come home."

"They just need time", Monty nodded.

"I guess it could be worse", Clarke pulled out a tiny bottle of whiskey from god knows where and poured it into her coffee. At their questioning looks she just shrugged. "He could've said the wrong name or something."

"Who'd do something that awful", Raven said.

Clarke shrugged again, taking a sip.

"So... how's your mother, Clarke?" Octavia asked.

"She's bored and wants attention. Hence the drinking."

"Do you have to go back, still?"

"For a little while longer. Then I'm getting out. And never going back. Maybe torching the place as I go."

"Then your mom would come live with you", Monty pointed out.

"Good point. Arson's out, then. Any other suggestions?"

"Do you have more whiskey?" Raven raised a brow.

Clarke pulled out another bottle from her cleavage. Monty let his head fall back while Octavia burst into hysterical giggles.

"I guess it's a party", Raven grinned.

\--

The apartment was quiet when Bellamy stepped inside. It wasn't that late but it was possible Octavia was already asleep or at Maya's. He left his bags by the door and went to look for his sister.

The apartment was empty. Bellamy grabbed his keys again with a sigh and headed out.

He stopped behind Monty and Raven's door. They wouldn't let him off easy and he didn't expect them to, either. It was what happened when you screwed up as well as he had.

-

_  
"I'm sorry."_

_He'd said it time and time again since the wedding. But Roma didn't need his apologies. He shouldn't be having to give them in the first place._

_"I know you are", she said calmly._

_She'd stayed so calm. It was equally impressive as it was unnerving._

_He moved just an inch closer to her on the couch. They were in the room that they'd booked for after the wedding. The wedding didn't happen, but the money was already spent._

_"I don't know what else to say."_

_When he went after Roma, following her to a room at the back of the church, he knew what else he could say. He could've said "let's go back, let's finish this the right way". But he didn't._

_"Let's talk."_

_They hadn't really talked. Roma asked him if he was sure it wasn't happening. He'd only been able to nod. Roma asked him if he still loved her. He answered yes._

_They didn't get further. The rest of the day was a blur. Bellamy could barely remember a thing._

_"You're sure?"_

_It had been two days since the wedding. They'd been living quietly, writing apologies, not really talking. Bellamy knew when Roma did want to talk, it'd be final._

_"Yeah", Roma gave him a sad smile. "Let's talk."_

_All he could think of was "I'm sorry"._

_"Are you unhappy, Bellamy?"_

_He stared at the floor as he searched for an answer. "You didn't make me unhappy. I did that myself."_

_"Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"I don't know."_

_He could see Roma's serenity cracking from the way her lips twitched. It would've been easier if she just yelled at him._

_"We didn't have to get married, Bell. You didn't have to propose to me. Was this some kind of a self-destructive trip?"_

_"I wanted to marry you. You wanted to marry me. It made sense", he said._

_"If you wanted to marry me, how are we here now?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"You can tell me Bellamy. I just want to know what you're thinking."_

_He took a deep breath and turned to her just to realize he couldn't say it to her face, turning back to the floor and taking another breath. "You loved me. I loved you. It should've been perfect."_

_Roma's voice softened. "We were focused on being happy."_

_Bellamy looked up. "We were. I don't think there's anything wrong with that."_

_"There's not", Roma smiled softly, moving closer to him. "But it didn't work out."_

_"I know", he sighed. "But it could've. It should've."_

_"I know. So help me understand what happened."_

_"You once told me... how you grew up to be scared of ending up alone."_

_"Yeah?"_

_Bellamy twisted his hands in his lap. "I -- I didn't... exactly. But I am. I don't know why. I shouldn't be. But I am."_

_Roma's mouth opened and closed. She frowned, reaching out to cover his hand with her own. Before she could say anything, he shook his head._

_"It wasn't just Anya. I thought I'd be happy with Raven. I was always there to make sure Octavia didn't feel like anyone would leave her. But she can't remember her dad. She always had Marcus. I didn't have mine and I saw hers leave too. I -- It shaped me."_

_Roma squeezed his fingers. Bellamy gave her a tired smile._

_"I guess we didn't really know each other that well after all."_

_"I'm not blaming you, Bell. We both got caught up... chasing a dream. I was hoping this was the miracle to erase all my fears, too. I wish we could've been honest about it to each other."_

_"A little too late now, huh", he chuckled humorlessly._

_"Yeah, it is", she said after a beat._

_Bellamy swallowed roughly before meeting her eyes. "I guess I knew it. I don't know how I let it go on for this long. I never intended to hurt you like I did. I was convinced... most of the time. But I guess I was doing exactly what Anya did with me; ignoring all the warning signs."_

_Roma's eyes were starting to water, and there was a thick feeling in Bellamy's throat._

_"I'm really sorry. I messed it all up."_

_"I forgive you", Roma sniffled. "We made the right call."_

_Bellamy wiped at his eyes. "It's over now, then?"_

_"Yeah", she took a shaky breath. "It's been just... too much."_

_He pulled her to his chest and she wrapped her arms around him. He'd known it was coming, but facing the consequences of what he did wasn't something he'd looked forward to._

_"We both need to make better choices", Roma spoke softly, still hidden under his chin. "We're... both a little fucked up, but now we know. Things can still work out. Just not with us together."_

_"I hope so."_

_Roma pulled away, drying her eyes before reaching out to wipe away the tear tracks from his cheeks. "I do still love you. And it'll hurt. But we could still be friends."_

_"A fresh start?"_

_Roma held out her hand. "Hi. I'm Roma and I have a lot of issues with commitment."_

_He took it, shaking it lightly. "I'm Bellamy. I'm a control freak with abandonment issues."_

_"Nice to meet you, Bellamy."_

_"You, too."  
_

-

"Bell! You're home!"

Octavia jumped over the back of the couch and wrapped him up in a tight hug. Monty got to him next, getting his arms around his waist. Clarke and Raven got in between them somehow. They all squeezed him almost painfully tight.

Bellamy looked up to see Miller watching them. The others let go simultaneously and took a step back.

"Hey."

"You had us all worried."

"You always worry."

Miller huffed. "I don't."

Bellamy held onto his shoulders when he got his arms around him. Miller stroked his back gently, and he focused on breathing steadily.

Octavia's arms appeared on him again, and the rest followed, bringing them all to a tight huddle around him.

"I'm sorry", he choked out.

"It's okay", Miller whispered. "You're okay."

"You'll have to explain us the whole thing at some point, though."

A second of silence was followed by everyone groaning in unison at Clarke, who yelped when Octavia reached around Raven to smack her arm. As they all let go and headed back for the couch, only Octavia was still holding onto him.

"Where is she?" she asked quietly.

"With her parents for a little longer", he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Okay."

"That's it?"

Octavia gave him a comforting smile. "We can leave the third degree for tomorrow."

"Thanks."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "No problem."

  


* * *

  


Knowing exactly what - or, more aptly, who - was waiting for him after work, Miller decided to leave a little earlier than usual. Since London, he and Monty had all but learned off both of their roommates’ work schedules after one too many close calls and they knew that both Clarke and Raven were working tonight. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up and when Miller entered the apartment, he was confused to see that it was empty.

"Miller?"

The bathroom door was open and Monty called his name hesitantly, as if he was a little worried it was someone else. Grinning, Miller shrugged off his jacket and draped it over the couch. He walked into the bathroom to see Monty sitting in the bathtub, surrounded by bubbles and practically beaming.

Miller didn't think he'd ever come home from work to anything as perfect as this.

_Home._ Miller shook his head. Sure, it was his apartment, but recently he'd started to think of the word a little differently. Monty was -- he stopped himself. It wasn't the time to start thinking like that. Especially not with the other man staring at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised.

"So, are you just going to stand there watching me all evening, or do I need to spout some line about how good your clothes would look on the floor? Because I didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

"What? Cheesy pick-up lines or voyeurism?"

"Both."

"It's tempting," Miller said, lips curving upwards as he turned to close the door behind him. "But I think I'll join you and make this a mutually beneficial experience."

"Nerd." Monty watched him undress and reached up to grab his shoulder and pull him down for a kiss before he could get into the bath with him. Monty's hand skirted down his bare shoulder and Miller shivered.

Miller couldn't say he was used to the kisses yet. He wasn't even used to the secret smiles Monty sent him across the room when they were with the rest of the group, or the way he'd find a way to keep some sort of physical contact with him around everyone else. Every time felt like the first tentative brush of lips; every kiss brought him back to the first time he'd let himself hope that Monty might actually feel the same. He knew that the effect of the whole thing wasn't exactly inconspicuous - the other day, Clarke had commented on how he'd been in such a better mood as of late. He'd have been embarrassed by it if he wasn't so happy, which was kind of the point.

"How was work?" Monty asked him when they finally pulled apart, Miller sliding into the bath so that he was sitting opposite him. Taking the glass of wine Monty offered him, Miller closed his eyes and let his head rest against the wall behind him, groaning in contentment.

"What's work?" he asked, tone lazy. Monty laughed and Miller opened one eye to watch him. He was allowed to look now. He was.

"Alright, funny guy," Monty said, smile still tugging at his lips. "How was your day, then?"

Miller leaned forward, setting the wine glass down beside him. Monty followed almost instinctively, tilting his head up to Miller's, faces only a few centimetres apart.

"It was boring." He kissed Monty softly, just because he could. "Tell me about yours."

While Monty talked about nothing in particular - the florist's, something funny that Raven had said, a text he'd got from Wells - Miller moved down Monty's jaw to his neck, pressing his lips against all the sensitive spots he'd discovered over the past few weeks. Learning each other's bodies was Miller's new favourite thing, but learning was too weak a word - he wanted to memorise every part of Monty's body.

Monty finally pulled away and said, breathily, "How long do we have?"

Miller groaned. "Do we have to think about it?"

Giving him a look, Monty replied, "Well, unless you feel like telling everyone."

They'd decided that keeping this thing between them a secret was in the best interests of everyone right now. It was so soon after the wedding and Miller wasn't sure the group would recover from another shock like it so soon. The sneaking around had its benefits, too. They were able to do what they wanted without everyone breathing down their necks and there was a certain thrill that came with it. Capturing kisses when they passed each other in the hall or holding hands under the table was something between them alone. 

Miller sighed and reached over to check his phone. "We have at least another three hours."

Monty took a sip of his wine, looking contemplative. "Do you want to do something later? Go to a movie, maybe?"

Miller thought for a second. Monty was probably thinking that they should maybe do more couple-like things, since they hadn't really done a whole lot since London, except - well. 

"No," Miller said. He didn't feel like leaving the apartment. It was their own private world, for one evening. "Let's watch a movie or something here."

"Or something, huh?" Monty smirked.

Miller rolled his eyes but couldn't stop the grin from forming. 

"How's Bellamy doing?"

Miller shrugged. "He's good. Definitely a lot better than he was before the wedding. I think he's accepting that things are going to happen as they happen from now on."

"Well, you know who they say good things come to." Monty winked and Miller shook his head, even though the saying had never been more resonating to him than it was right now.

"God, you're so --"

"Miller? Clarke? You guys here?"

Octavia's voice reached the bathroom and the two of them looked at each other in fear. Her footsteps drew closer and before Miller could say anything, Monty held his breath and went under with a splash. 

The door opened and Octavia's expression became joyful when she saw him. "Ah, sorry! But hey, I knew Clarke would wear you down eventually. Baths are great. I've even got Bellamy onto them."

"Great. Why are you here again?" Miller ground out, acutely aware of the time passing with Monty underwater.

"Well, Bell's not around so I came over. Maya's meeting me here because I thought someone would be around, but obviously not. Anyways, I'm going to order some fast food - you want anything?"

"No." Miller glanced at the water, worried that Monty was falling unconscious beneath its surface. "Please leave."

"Sorry! Didn't mean to interrupt Miller-time."

As soon as the door closed behind her, Monty popped up, gasping for air. Miller reached out and cupped his chin in his hand, brushing his dripping hair away from his face with the other one. 

"You okay?"

Monty nodded but his cheeks were still flushed. "What did she want?"

"She's ordering a takeaway and wanted to know if I felt like anything."

Monty paused, looking thoughtful. He bit his lip. "I haven't eaten yet."

Miller nearly started laughing, before realising Octavia was still outside. "Monty, you're not --"

"Some fries and popcorn chicken. _Please_."

They stared at eachother for another few moments before Miller let out a breath of laughter and shouted, "O! Come back."

Monty was just underwater again when Octavia walked back in. "Yes?"

"Actually, could I get some fries and popcorn chicken, please? And, uh, a Coke."

Octavia shrugged. "Sure. I'll leave it out for you."

"Thanks."

When she left again, Monty resurfaced and turned around so that his back was pressed against Miller's front. Miller clasped their hands together and rested them on his knees.

"If teenage Monty could see me right now..." Monty sighed wistfully. Miller snorted.

"Would he be happy?"

Monty turned to look up at Miller, something inscrutable in his eyes. "You have no idea."

Miller didn't know what to say to that, so he just kissed Monty again. It wasn't something that was going to get old any time soon, anyways.

  


* * *

  


Clarke had just finished her makeup when her phone buzzed with a text from Monty.

**from: the green bean**  
raven's forcing me to make lunch, if you're hungry. 

With one last check in the mirror, Clarke nodded to herself in approval and headed over to the others' apartment. She hadn't eaten yet and she knew for a fact that anything Monty whipped up would taste a thousand times better than the Snickers she'd grab from her secret stash the minute before she had to leave.

When Clarke entered the apartment, she found Miller and Octavia sitting at the table already, eyes trained on whatever Monty was bent over. Raven sat on the counter-top beside him and patted Clarke's head as she passed, en route to the chair beside Miller.

"You look very nice."

"Thank you," Clarke smiled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear before turning her gaze on Octavia and Miller. "You guys were already here, right? Because that was way too fast to be humanely possible."

"Monty's cooking has been known to inspire the Barry Allen inside of me, it must be said," Octavia mused. "But yes, we were here."

"What time are you meeting Lexa at?" Miller asked, flicking through the newspaper in front of him. Raven cocked an eyebrow at her that she determinedly ignored.

"Half an hour, I think. She's coming to pick me up here with her girlfriend. There's this art exhibition she wanted to take me to see."

"Have you met her girlfriend before?" Monty asked from where he was still stirring something from the oven - possibly soup, or maybe pasta. Clarke didn't know and didn't care; she was eating whatever was put in front of her.

"Yeah. Costia. She's...really lovely." She genuinely was. Clarke made sure her feelings for Lexa - that she had been trying even harder to keep at bay ever since she'd met Costia - didn't affect the way she treated the woman's girlfriend. Clarke Griffin was a lot of things, but hating another woman over something like this wasn't something she could do.

"Still crushing hard?" Octavia said sympathetically, placing a hand over Clarke's. She shrugged.

"Still holding out hope that it'll fade away any day now."

"Just a word of advice, seeing her all the time isn't going to help with that." Octavia furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait, what happened last week? I thought you and Raven were going out together to a club to try and get over the whole Lexa thing for a night. I never heard how it went."

At this, Clarke clapped her hands together loudly and looked to Raven. "Hm, yes. What _did_ happen, Raven?"

Raven looked bashful, an uncommon expression on her and one that Clarke relished. The night had been going well, until Clarke realised that Raven had kept offering to go buy the drinks because she wanted to talk to the pretty bartender there. After she had finished her shift, Raven's attention had quickly shifted from making sure Clarke was having a good time to getting the bartender's phone number. After one creep too many had tried it on with her, Clarke had decided the night was a bust and left on her own.

She wasn't mad at Raven in the slightest. She was glad that at least one of them had had some luck that night. 

"I -- uh. Well, I met someone. Clarke wasn't as fortunate."

Monty smirked. "Ah, so that's where Gina came from. She was cute."

Raven grinned and looked at the floor. "Yeah, she is. We're meeting up today again, actually."

Clarke was happy Raven was going on dates. She was sure that the whole wedding thing had to have been weird for her too, even if she hid it well. Everyone was recovering from the disaster that had been London - Bellamy, especially. 

"Where does she work?" Octavia asked. "Me and Maya might go snoop around some night this week if we're bored."

"Just sounds like an excuse to check out this Gina person."

"Stop picking on me. I'm not the only one who's seeing someone new."

At the end she threw Monty a grin, who was too focuses on whatever he was brewing up to notice. Octavia raised her eyebrows and sat forward in her chair. 

"Monty? You're seeing someone?"

Monty froze before laughing nervously. He turned around and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm, uh -- well..."

Raven grinned at him, throwing out a hand to smack his shoulder. "He let it slip to me the other night after a few glasses of wine. From what I heard, he sounds great, What was it you said, Monty? Best sex you've ever had?"

Octavia looked offended at not being told but was still smiling with amusement. Cup of coffee held up to his mouth, Miller's expression was hidden but Clarke was fairly sure he smiling, too. 

"Well, we're going to need an introduction sometime soon," Octavia said primly. Monty made a noncommittal groan and went back to his cooking. 

"Everyone's all loved up right now," Clarke sighed. "You and Maya, Raven and bartender, Monty and mystery guy, Lexa and Costia..."

She looked at her watch. Lexa would be arriving soon. She wanted to see her, but it wasn't exactly fun watching her and Costia all over eachother. 

She was moping. She knew that she was moping. 

"I guess it's just me and you Miller," she said finally. "Oh, and Bellamy." 

Miller hummed in reply and Clarke was reminded of something she'd been meaning to tell him. 

"Oh, actually! I met this guy that I hadn't seen in a while the other day and we got to talking about dating and he said he hadn't been out with anyone since he and his boyfriend broke up a few months ago. He's really cute; I was thinking I could set you two up on a blind date if you'd be up for it." 

Miller's face had been apprehensive since Clarke had started talking but at the end he was looking positively horrified. This wasn't the first time she's tackled the idea of a blind-date, but he'd never agreed (not for a lack of trying, on her part). Clarke knew that Miller hadn't been out on a date in a few months, too. 

"Clarke, I don't think..."

"Oh, come on. You haven't had a date in ages. Give him a chance. He's great, I swear it."

"Yeah, Miller," Raven chimed in. "You should go out and have some fun." 

Miller bit his lip. "What's the guy's name?"

"Mbege."

Miller spluttered. "John Mbege? Bellamy's drinking buddy Mbege? Clarke, I can't go on a blind-date with someone I know." 

Octavia flicked a crumb at him. "Miller, you're obviously just using any excuse to --"

She was interrupted by Bellamy arriving into the apartment, smiling at something on his phone as he closed the door behind him. Raven craned her neck to try and catch a glimpse of what he was looking at but he moved too fast, heading straight for Octavia and presenting the phone to her.

"You showed Maya the photo albums?"

Octavia burst out laughing. "I knew she wouldn't be able to resist snapping you a picture of them. They're so funny."

"That's fair."

Once Bellamy had slid his phone back into his pocket, he glanced up at the rest of the group. "Hey, guys. I didn't miss the food?"

"Just on time," Monty interjected. He dished out the soup bowl by bowl to murmurs of gratitude and praise before he was left with only himself. Before he sat down, he turned to Clarke and frowned. "Do you think Lexa and Costia will want some?"

Monty was so kind. It was just naturally ingrained in him. Clarke smiled at him. "I'm not sure, but if you keep some for them I'd say they'll eat it, anyways."

"Cool." He took his seat beside Miller.

\--

Everyone had just finished eating and when Clarke informed the rest of them that Lexa and Costia had arrived. Octavia noted that Clarke didn't look particularly anxious, her fingers drumming against the table acting as the only sign of her impatience. It was possible she was worried one of the others that would say something incriminating, but in their friend group Clarke had been the only one of them to ever do something like that so Octavia reckoned she'd be fine.

There was a knock on the door and seeing as Monty was up, he answered it and smiled jovially at the two girls standing outside. "Lexa, Costia - It's great to finally meet you. I'm Monty. Come on in."

The two girls offered their thanks and walked in, hands linked together. 

"Hey, everyone," the girl that Octavia thought to be Costia said, giving them all a small wave. 

Beside her, Lexa nodded at the group. "Hello. It's nice to meet you all. I've heard a lot from Clarke."

"All good stuff," Clarke chirped, and Lexa smirked. 

Each of them introduced themselves and there was a spark of recognition in both Lexa and Costia’s eyes every time and when it came to Bellamy, Costia’s gaze flickered back to Lexa for a millisecond. Bellamy noticed the look that passed between them and huffed out a laugh.

"I'm assuming you're thinking something along the lines of, ' _that's the one who fucked up his wedding and broke my friend’s heart; what an ass_.' Well, you'd be correct but in my defense, I was out roaming the streets of London until six am the night before."

"That's...not what I was thinking. I know what it's like when you suddenly realise you're trapped in something you don't want to do. I quit my job of three years two days before I was due to be promoted to a managerial position."

"Impressive," Bellamy nodded thoughtfully. Miller was watching her carefully, one eyebrow raised discerningly. "That takes guts."

"Yeah, well. It worked out for the best anyways. Just, your timing could have been better, probably."

"Yeah. Probably," Octavia chimed in sarcastically. Bellamy shrugged.

"It was a shame you couldn't go, Clarke," Costia said, eyebrows furrowed. "How's your mom?"

"Oh, you know," Clarke replied. "She's... alive."

"Don't feel too bad for her," Lexa added drily. "She has another wedding to go to soon."

"Who's?"

Clarke sent Lexa a death glare while the rest of them waited for her answer in bemusement. Finally, Clarke sighed. "Wells. He and Fox are having a small thing in Paris later this year. It's only family and close friends."

"Paris?" Bellamy spluttered. "Paris? Seriously?"

"Damn Clarke." Monty shook his head. "Could have been you."

"I wish it was me," Raven muttered and Octavia elbowed her side.

"I hope they like the blender I got them." Clarke smiled sweetly. 

"Well, I must say, this has put a dampener on the morning," Miller said somberly. "I'm going to ring Wells and congratulate him."

"Why do you get to go first?" Octavia interjected. Miller shot her a fierce glare.

"Because I said it first. Scram, kiddo."

Clarke caught Lexa's eye and nodded towards the door. Third-wheeling with her and Costia was probably still better than listening to her friends bicker about Wells.

  


* * *

  


Octavia and Maya moved in together in the spring. Although Octavia had stayed longer than she was supposed to for her brother, it was Bellamy who was pushing her out the door when it was time.

They all helped with the move; making up for Octavia's lack of packing skills with team effort. Maya's apartment wasn't that far away so it all worked out quite well besides a few pillow fights that broke out.

Once they were done, Octavia beamed at them from the center of the living room. "I feel so grown up."

"You're an old lady, my friend", Monty pinched her cheek.

"I am!"

"Have none of us really lived with their significant other before?" Clarke frowned.

"I did", Raven reminded from where she was standing with Maya, her arm wrapped around her waist.

"I lived with Anya", Bellamy said.

Clarke waved them off. "I didn't get to see you move so it doesn't count."

Bellamy threw a pillow at her, but Miller grabbed it before Clarke could retaliate.

"What now?"

"Now you all leave us to our domestic bliss."

Monty gave her a hug with a roll of his eyes. "Congrats, O. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Good luck", Raven wished Maya as she left a kiss on her cheek.

"I think I can handle it", she grinned.

Bellamy was the last one standing by the door. Maya gave him a hug before disappearing into the bathroom to give them some privacy.

"You're going to be okay now?" he asked, voice low.

"I could ask you the same thing", she wrapped her arms around him.

Bellamy leaned his cheek on the top of her head. "Yeah."

They stood like that for a moment, unmoving. She would miss living with him. For a while at least.

"You're going to need a roommate", Octavia grinned as they pulled away.

Bellamy grimaced. "Maybe."

"We'll find you someone. No worries."

\--

It only took a week and one phone call. Raven picked up absentmindedly without really looking at the screen.

"Hey."

"Raven! Hey!"

She stopped in her tracks, making Monty give her an odd look. "Harper?"

"Are you telling me you don't have my number anymore?"

"Shut up, I wasn't paying attention. How are you?"

"I'm great. And I feel like a horrible friend who hasn't called you in weeks but now is because she needs to ask for a favor."

"At least you're honest about it", Raven chuckled. "What's up?"

"It's not actually for me. But I'm the one who stayed in NYC for a while so here I am. My partner - I've mentioned them before - is coming to work there. It's this building project they're supervising and it’s still in its early stages so the timeline is a little unclear. So what I'm asking is some housing advice. ASAP."

"You're kidding."

"I know. I'm horrible. But you love me. Please help a girl out; I said I could do this", Harper whined.

"That's not what I mean. I literally have an apartment. To offer. I mean not an empty one. But Bellamy's."

Harper's voice rose at least by an octave. "What?"

She had to hold the phone away from her ear. "Yeah. Octavia's living with her girlfriend nowadays. Bellamy's looking for someone to, well, help pay the rent."

"Raven Reyes, you are an angel sent from above and always there to save my ass."

"That is what I'm here for."

"Can you text me Bellamy's number?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think I can call him right away?"

"Sure. He'll be thrilled. He's interviewed a few people so far, but he's being so nitpicky it was never going to work."

"To the rescue, then. I'll call him right now."

"You know my services aren't free, right?"

"Anything you want."

"You'd better come see me. There's no excuses now. Only opportunities."

"You got me there. I'll call you back in a minute."

"Okay."

Monty raised a brow at her as she dropped her phone on the couch. "What just happened?"

"I saved the day", Raven grinned. "What's new?"

"Harper's coming?"

"To visit. Her partner is going to live at Bellamy's."

"How'd that happen?"

"Don't know. But I'm taking the credit."

Monty just nodded, turning back to his book.

\--

Raven had just finished work and gotten cleaned up when a familiar figure stepped in through the garage door. She dropped what she was holding and rushed over to Harper who only noticed her then, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Oh my god. I missed you", Harper kissed the side of her head, squeezing her even tighter.

"I missed you too."

"I think you've gotten even more beautiful - if possible", she mused as she let go, tugging on a strand of her hair. "How do you do it?"

"Shut up. You look gorgeous."

"I did get prettied up just for you."

"Of course you did", Raven chuckled. "If you wait two seconds, I'll be ready to go."

"Take all the seconds you need."

She grabbed her things from the back hurriedly before returning to Harper, only to find her talking to Sinclair.

"Reyes, you didn't go and replace Gina already, did you?" he called out as she approached.

"No, this is the one I left _for_ her", she said matter-of-factly, ignoring Harper's offended gasp.

"Lies! I'm only the former love of her life who left a hole in her heart that cannot be filled."

"Yeah, that too", Raven huffed out a laugh, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "We're heading out now. See you on Sunday."

"Alright. Nice meeting you, Harper."

"You too!" Harper waved after him.

"You really can make friends anywhere", Raven shook her head, leading her out of the garage.

"It is a gift", Harper sighed dramatically. "And a curse. Mostly a gift, though. So... Who is Gina?"

\--

As they stepped into Bellamy's apartment, it was already full. Everyone was sitting in the living room except for Bellamy who was in the kitchen. After multiple hugs and meeting Maya and Gina, Harper introduced Raven to Monroe, who had already gotten there before them.

"It's so nice to finally meet you! I swear Harper's been talking about you for two years straight."

"I could say the same", Monroe chuckled. "And yet somehow we've never met."

They both turned to Harper, who raised her hands defensively. "I'm a lazy traveler! Let me be. You're meeting now. And you can enjoy each other's company for months while I'll be all alone in D.C."

Raven narrowed her eyes at her. "You literally moved here with me when we were dating."

"I was young! And... young. I've finally reached the domestic cat lady aesthetic I always dreamed of. Let me live my dreams, Raven."

"Oh, you have a cat? Do you have pictures?"

"We have two. I took plenty before we left", Monroe dug out their phone. "I knew I'd miss them."

Harper saw an escape route and took it, slipping away into the kitchen. Bellamy and Gina were chatting while setting out food, but stopped as they noticed her.

"Hey!" Bellamy came to give her a hug. "You're finally here."

"That I am", she smiled brightly. "I did not miss New York as much as I missed you guys."

"Where'd you leave Monroe?"

"They're showing Raven pics of our cats."

"Oh, I'd better go make sure she doesn't get any ideas", Gina shook her head fondly, grabbing a few of the plates they'd filled and swiftly exiting the kitchen.

"She seems like such a sweetheart." Harper leaned on the counter next to Bellamy. "Aww, you baked."

Bellamy grinned, elbowing her side. "I aim to impress."

"Not to be _that guy_ , but you already had almost an hour with Monroe before we got in so... What do you think?"

"They're great. I'm remembering the pronouns like you both told me. We've already agreed on a museum date. We're going to be just fine. You don't have to worry", he promised.

"I'm not worried", Harper huffed, but made a face at Bellamy's raised brows. "I just wanted you to get along as well as we do. I don't know why I was worried. You took me in like it was nothing. Maybe I'm more worried about myself. I hate living alone."

Bellamy rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. "At least you have the cats."

Harper laughed. "True. So how are you doing?"

"I'm assuming you've heard about everything?"

"More or less. You're okay?"

"Yeah. It was messy but... things are working out."

"I'm glad. Now, do we serve all this food or can I eat it all myself?"

\--

"Hey, babe."

Raven and Harper sat on the couch on either side of Clarke. She'd been oddly quiet for most of the night and they'd decided to go investigate.

"Hey."

"You look glum, sugarplum", Harper reached out to brush her hair behind her ear.

Clarke gave her a smile. "Just tired."

"That's not your tired face", Raven pointed out. "I know your tired face. What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Is this a Lexa thing?"

"What's a Lexa thing?" Harper asked.

"Clarke has a crush. And she's taken."

"Ouch", Harper patted her knee. "But sharing will make you feel better. We're one supportive sapphic circle right here."

"It's not a big deal", Clarke insisted. "It's just... unusual."

"Right, you're not the dating type."

"I'm really not."

"So what is it now?"

Clarke sighed. "Costia, her girlfriend, is moving away. Like, properly. To the other side of the country. Some job opportunity she couldn't miss. And Lexa doesn't want to leave."

"Oh, they're breaking up?"

"No, no, they're still going to be together. It's not that I even want them to break up. I don't want to be a rebound either. It's just that... She's going to be more lonely and want company. And I feel like such a bad friend. Because I actually like her so much. It feels like I'm lying to her."

"It's not your fault. You're not doing anything wrong by being her friend", Raven stroked her arm.

Harper nodded adamantly. "Sometimes it's better not to say anything. Her knowing wouldn't change things because she's with someone else. It's okay."

"And if it feels like too much, maybe step back a little. You need to also do right by yourself."

Clarke pouted. "Being all righteous and shit is exhausting."

"Welcome to being a good person, my friend", Raven smiled encouragingly. "You're going to hate it."

\--

Harper dropped on the couch next to Monroe. Everyone had just left and Bellamy was walking them out. She leaned her head on their shoulder and tangled their hands together.

"What do you think?"

"I like all of them. I think I have, like, four dates for the next week."

"Bellamy said you're going to a museum."

"Oh yeah. Five. Octavia's going to show me her gym. Monty, Miller and Raven are apparently taking us out tomorrow. Lots going on."

"Good."

They were quiet for a moment. Harper's eyes were threatening to slip shut.

"So Raven and Bellamy dated?" Monroe asked suddenly.

Harper huffed out a laugh. "They did. After me and her went out. But that was years ago. They're all really tight but just as friends. There's no weird relationship drama."

"Right."

"Why do you say it like that?"

"Well, I assume you mean they're not dating each other. But Miller and Monty are definitely hooking up."

" _What?_ " she sat up straight, startling them. "No, they're not."

"I saw them making out in the hallway before I got in."

" _No._ "

"I turned the corner and they were kissing by the door."

" _Way._ "

"I didn't want that to be my first time meeting them so I backtracked and made more noise. They were gone when I got back."

Harper stared at them with her mouth hanging open. "No one knows."

"Doesn't seem so", Monroe agreed.

"You can't tell anyone."

"I know."

Harper grinned widely. "Man, do I miss the drama over here."

"You just said there's no weird drama."

"I should've known better."

  


* * *

  


It was a good day. Monty was on his way home from work. He knew Miller hadn't gone in that day so he'd be there when he got back. The thought still made him giddy.

He got off the train and started walking, when someone appeared by his side, falling into step with him. "Hey, Monty. Long time no see, huh?"

Monty recognized the voice and grudgingly too a few more steps before looking up. "Hey... Murphy. How are you?"

He didn't have to say anything else as the man launched into talking. Monty focused on the pavement as his lazy voice drawled on. He assumed Murphy was talking about himself, but really it could've been anything. The amount of swear words he managed to use in a conversation was usually the same no matter the topic.

The coffee shop was just a few minutes away. He'd actually entertained Murphy for a moment when they discussed the future of Star Wars before realizing he might not want to see another film again if he kept listening. So he was focused on reaching the coffee shop, now.

The mention of Miller's name caught his attention when he could already see the sign. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I haven't heard from Miller in a long time. I was wondering when he'd be calling me again", Murphy said matter-of-factly. "He always does."

"It's been like... almost three years."

They were now across the road from the coffee shop, but Monty stopped there, waiting for his answer. Murphy just shrugged.

"He hasn't really settled down so far, has he? Or what? You think he's over me?" Murphy snorted.

Monty smiled, shaking his head at the ground. "I think he might be."

"Okay", Murphy chuckled. "We'll see."

Monty nodded. "I guess we will. Bye, Murphy."

He turned on his heels and crossed the street. Instead of popping inside to see if anyone was there, he headed straight to their building. Walking up the stairs, he tried to shake off the thought of Murphy from his head. It was still a good day; he didn't need that.

They'd all had their relationship fails. Murphy was just a recurring one. He'd been out of their lives for several years now - and in the future Monty would be more aware of his surroundings at the train station.

Still, he was curious. He didn't know why they were ever together. And over the course of multiple years, on and off.

Raven was out with Octavia so the apartment was empty. Monty went to wash his hands before stepping into his bedroom for a change of clothes. What he didn't expect to find was Miller, fast asleep on his bed.

He'd had an anxiety attack the previous night so he'd stayed home. After his diagnosis, Monty had looked things up so he knew what he was talking about. It only happened every few months and not always even then. And even then, he was a lot more forgiving to himself. Monty was incredibly proud of him.

After getting changed, he sat on the edge of the bed. Miller's eyes fluttered open. He reached out a hand lazily. Monty lied down, letting him curl up against his back, arms tightly around him.

"Hey", Miller said, voice raspy from sleep. He pressed a kiss on Monty's shoulder.

"Hi. How'd you get on my bed?"

"I got up to shower at some point. Figured I'd come here so I'd know when you get home", he stopped to yawn. "You smell like dirt."

"I always smell like dirt." There was a special kind of warmth filling his chest at the thought of Miller feeling so comfortable in his room, his space. "I saw Murphy today."

He could feel Miller's body tense up.

"Why is he the way that he is?"

Miller huffed out a laugh, all tension bleeding out. "I don't know."

He'd ask another time. It wasn't that important now.

\--

It had been nearly a week since they'd last had a night to themselves. They'd patiently waited until Raven left on her date with Gina, but then Bellamy showed up in need of company before he had to go meet up with Roma.

"So what are your plans for tonight?" Bellamy asked, leaning on the counter and flipping his phone around in his hands.

"We're going to watch a movie", Monty shrugged, eyes on the tabletop. He could feel Miller jiggling his foot under the table and he fought to keep his face expressionless. "Maybe turn in early."

Miller covered his eyes with his hand. Monty couldn't help laughing, which made Miller let out a chuckle too.

Bellamy watched them with raised brows. "You're both weird."

Miller's phone rang and after glancing at it he pushed himself up from his chair. "I got to take this. Just a minute."

Bellamy took his seat as he exited the apartment. Monty glanced at him, but he was still looking where Miller had disappeared.

"He's been in a good mood lately."

Monty just made an agreeing noise.

"And not just because of you now but generally."

Monty blinked at him. "What do you mean because of me?"

Bellamy gave him a knowing look. "I'm his number one, but you know you're a strong second."

Monty let out the breath he was holding. "You think we all have favorites?"

"It's natural."

"How am I second, though? Wouldn't that be Clarke?"

"No, I think you beat Clarke. He's always had a soft spot for you", Bellamy said nonchalantly.

"Huh?"

"Like remember secret Santa the other year? Terrible idea that was - but he spent like two weeks trying to find whatever that album was that you wanted."

Monty could feel his cheeks heat up. He cleared his throat, biting down a smile. "Yeah... we're good friends."

"Don't feel too bad", Bellamy patted his shoulder. "We have a pact that he can't like anyone more than me."

"That's not fair!"

"What's not fair?" Miller shut the door behind himself as he came back in.

"Bellamy."

Miller scoffed. "Right."

"I think I'll be heading out now", Bellamy grabbed his coat. "Enjoy your movie. I'll call you tomorrow, Miller."

"Not too early", he whined.

"Not too early", Bellamy mimicked his tone, patting his cheek as he passed. "Bye, Mon."

"Bye!"

As the door clicked shut, Miller walked to him and leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek. Monty rested their foreheads together.

“I can’t believe you’ve promised Bellamy to never like anyone more than him.”

Miller nodded solemnly. “It was a blood oath. Sorry.”

Monty leaned back to make a face at him. Miller laughed and pecked his lips before straightening up to go put on the movie.

\--

Twenty minutes into the movie, Monty turned down the volume and shifted in his seat so he could face Miller. He knew in the next ten minutes he'd have Miller’s lips on his neck and the easy access of his sweatpants in full use, so he needed to talk now.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you date Murphy?”

Miller frowned. “What do you mean?”

“How did that... happen?”

Miller huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you jealous?”

“I used to be”, Monty said, meeting his eyes, unwavering.

Miller stared at him with his mouth moving but nothing coming out. He uncrossed his arms, scratched the back of his head, still without a word.

"I'm --"

"That was", Miller interrupted him before he could say more, "years ago."

"It was." Monty bit his lip. He hadn't thought of what it sounded like. Miller knew he'd had a crush on him as a teenager, but this was maybe just... weird.

Miller smiled, almost nervously. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure", he nodded.

"I thought you -- Um, that at the beach house you... You know. Realized you like me."

Monty looked down, shaking his head lightly. "No, I... I've liked you since I was a kid, remember? I wasn't kidding."

Miller's smile dropped, and Monty frowned. He was staring at Monty again, face a mix of disbelief and awe.

"When", Miller cleared his throat, "when did you -- _You've_ liked me --" He took a shaky breath. "Wow."

"Yeah..."

"You never told me", Miller couldn't fight the grin that took over and nearly stopped Monty's heart in his chest.

"It wasn't something I was especially proud of. You were always out of my league. I wouldn't have known how to get around it." Monty reached for his hand and he took it immediately. "And when we actually became friends... I would've never risked losing that. You have to know it was never --"

Miller cut him off by tugging him forward, sucking in a sharp breath as their lips connected. The kiss was bruising and yet over almost as soon as it began, still leaving both of them panting.

"I love you."

Now it was Monty's turn to stare. He ran his fingers down the side of Miller's face gently, trying to find his voice so he could say:

"I love you, too."

Miller pulled him in, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Monty buried his face in his neck and closed his eyes. With his arms around Miller, he pinched the side of his wrist.

It was real.

When Miller eventually let go of him, he knew he was mirroring the awestruck look on his face.

"I was with him because I was feeling bad. Or lonely", Miller said suddenly. He didn't let Monty interrupt him. "He's a distraction. But also... sometimes I couldn't help getting jealous when you were with someone. So I tried to forget. That's all it was. Because it was always you."

"Miller", he swallowed down the thickness of his throat.

"You should know, too. I wanted you to be happy. That's it."

"It's done. I am. Come here", he climbed into Miller's lap. Miller laughed into his mouth, and he kissed the sound off his lips as they fell back on the couch.

\--

Monty traced lazy patterns on Miller's bare chest, sighing contently. Miller stroked his hair, and he knew if he lifted his head he'd see him smiling.

"Should I start calling you Nathan now?"

Miller's body shook under him as he laughed. "If you want to."

"What about Nate?"

"No. Only my dad calls me that."

"Noted", he said through a yawn. "Nathan it is. I'll practice."

"Everyone will notice."

"I'll practice when we're alone", Monty turned to smirk up at him.

"This is who I've decided to love", Miller shook his head slowly.

"Oh, so that's how it's going to be from now on?"

Miller brushed the hair off his forehead carefully. "I sure hope so."

  


* * *

  


A loud noise from across the hall alarmed them all at once. Monty nearly dropped the pan he was holding, while Octavia actually had to reach for her phone from the floor where it slipped from her hands. With a shared look they got out to the hall to find Clarke and Miller's door still slightly ajar.

"Clarke?" Miller called.

"Yeah, it's me. We're not getting robbed. Come in."

"I didn't think we were getting robbed..." Miller muttered as he pushed the door open. Monty took the pan back inside.

"Hi, guys!" Lexa waved at them, nearly knocking over the lamp she'd clearly already managed to break.

"What's going on?" Raven asked, looking a little too smug for Clarke's liking.

She got up from the floor where she was cleaning up the broken glass. "Lexa's drunk."

"I am drunk", Lexa grinned. She swayed dangerously, and Monty came to grab a hold of her, escorting her to the couch.

"What about your mom, Clarke? You were going to visit."

"She knows what I look like", Clarke shrugged, shuffling past them to dump the broken pieces in the trash. "I was going, but then this piece of work appeared in front of me as I was leaving the building. No idea how she actually got all the way here."

"I needed to talk to you", Lexa said. She was petting Monty's hair, and he looked highly alarmed.

"I have a phone."

"I lost mine."

"You came all the way here, drunk and without a phone?" Clarke chastised. "You're out of your mind."

Lexa's lower lip started wobbling. Clarke waved for Monty to move and took his place next to her while he retreated gratefully back to the kitchen.

She'd seen Lexa drunk once before and she didn't seem like a sad drunk. They'd been at one of the many gallery openings she'd dragged Lexa to. She remembered the day especially well because Lexa was wearing leather pants, and Clarke was made to change her previously negative stance on them. They'd gotten inappropriately tipsy on free champagne. While Clarke was a smart drinker, the headache she got the next day was worth completely losing herself in Lexa's infectious laughter.

"What is it?" Clarke asked softly.

"I had to hide it. But then I forgot where I put it."

"Okay... Why did you have to hide it?"

Lexa leaned closer, mumbling something in her ear.

"Hey guys, can you speak up? It’s hard to hear you when you lower your voices", Octavia called.

They all froze as Clarke directed an especially harsh glare at them. Bellamy grabbed the back of Octavia's shirt and started pulling her out of the apartment, muttering about what a class act his sister was.

"We'll go find some... Aspirin from... somewhere else", Raven held the door open for Miller and Monty and shut it as they left.

"What's going on, Lexa?"

Lexa propped her feet on the edge of the couch, hugging her legs to her chest. "We're done."

"Who?"

"Me and Costia", Lexa quickly wiped off the tears that escaped down her cheeks. "We broke up."

"I'm so sorry." Clarke took her hand and squeezed it.

"It's okay", Lexa sniffled, pushing her hair behind her ears. "I mean it's not. But I saw it coming."

"What do you mean?"

"When she told me about the job, she'd already taken it. I was so shocked then I didn't think about it too much. And she asked me to go with her but I think she knew I couldn't just drop everything", Lexa let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sobering up. I need a drink."

"I think you're good", Clarke kept her from trying to get up.

" _Clarke_ ", she whined.

"I'll get you water. Then you'll tell me what happened today. And then we'll reconsider. Alright?"

"Fine", Lexa pouted, resting her chin on her knees. "You were supposed to be the fun one", she muttered as Clarke walked to the kitchen.

She shot an unimpressed look at the woman while grabbing a bottle from the fridge. "I can take it back so be careful."

"I said nothing."

Clarke watched in silence as she drained half the bottle before capping it again.

"Happy now?"

"What happened today, Lexa?" Clarke asked, completely serious again. "I thought things were going well."

"I thought so too. Except I didn't really think because I hadn't thought about it. Not after the first few weeks when we were extra careful to not let it fall apart. But she called me today and we both realized neither of us had anything to say; we were just calling out of habit."

"So you ended it?"

"Yeah, we -- We agreed we'd meet up again when she comes back next if things have changed. And if they haven't, we'll just keep going separately."

"So it's like a break?" Clarke cringed at her own tone. She wasn't actually asking for her own benefit.

"No, we --" Lexa cleared her throat. "We're broken up. I guess it's just hard to feel like it's settled since I didn't see her."

Clarke got up suddenly, getting on her knees next to the couch and reaching under to pull out a half empty bottle of vodka. She set it on the couch between them as she sat back down.

Lexa laughed. "You are the fun one." She reached for Clarke's shoulder and tugged her closer so she could wrap her arms around her neck.

Clarke hugged her back tightly, letting her eyes slip shut for a moment. She was being a good friend.

When Lexa let go, she took back the bottle after all. "How about we go across the hall. I think they're making dinner."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It'd be good for you to be around friends."

"You are my friend."

"I know. But it'd be a good distraction. And healthier."

Lexa shrugged. "Okay. But we're revisiting _that_ later."

Clarke set the bottle on the coffee table meaningfully before offering her a hand. Lexa let her lead her out of the apartment.

"You're a good friend, Clarke", she mumbled.

Clarke fought the burn of guilt in her chest and managed a weak smile. "Tell that to your hangover tomorrow."

  


* * *

  


Raven attempted to fix her hair into something that looked somewhat presentable as she unlocked the apartment and walked in. She'd stayed over at Gina's the night before and was counting on hopping in the shower before Monty woke up but tried to appear a little less rumpled anyways, on the off chance he'd actually woken up a few hours early on his day off. Instead, when she walked in she was met with the sight of Miller at their kitchen table, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and eating a bowl of cereal. 

"Uh... Miller?" 

His gaze snapped to hers, surprised and questioning. It quickly morphed into a smile and he chuckled softly, if a little tersely. 

"Oh, hey. I just came over because we ran out of Lucky Charms. Why -- I thought Monty said you were going to be at Gina's all day?" 

Raven _had_ been planning to spend all day at Gina's, but she'd got a desperate call from her manager at work offering double time if she came in a few hours early and she wasn't able to say no. Miller had fixed his eyes back onto his breakfast and Raven folded her arms. 

"Yeah, I was going to but work called. Bit of a disaster with a big client's car, apparently, so they need the best."

"Makes sense," Miller snorted, standing up to put his bowl in the sink but still looking a little rigid. Raven frowned.

"Are you okay?"

Skirting past her, Miller smiled. "Sure. Just would prefer to talk to you when I actually have clothes on."

Raven watched him exit the apartment. Her mind was ticking but she didn't know why. Something was off. Her thoughts immediately jumped to Murphy, but she drove him from her mind. Miller would have told them.

Monty appeared in the doorway of his room, mouth forming an 'o' when he spotted Raven. 

"Morning... Weren't you -?"

"Yeah." She grabbed an apple from the counter. Living with Monty had its perks, like relatively healthy food lying around when you needed it. "Work called. I just met Miller on his way out. He was acting kind of weird."

"Hm? Oh." Monty tugged at the hem of the over-sized shirt he was wearing. "Yeah, he came round last night. Clarke had some guy over and he thought it best just to free up the apartment. Thin walls and... well. Clarke." 

Raven started to laugh before cutting off abruptly because - that's not what Miller had said. Not at all. If her brain was ticking before, now it was whirring. It didn't make sense why they'd lie, unless; unless --

"No."

Monty was already busy preparing breakfast - bacon and eggs, by the looks of it - and didn't even glance up. Things started clicking into place - Miller's shock, Monty's surprise (and almost disappointment), Miller sitting in his boxers...

"Raven, just go down to the coffeehouse if you don't feel like this. I'm not making you something else." 

"You're..." Raven stopped. She was aware that Monty had turned to look at her but she didn't care. It was so much to process. Not in the way that she thought it could never happen because sometimes it was easy to imagine; Monty and Miller shifting from friends to more wouldn't take much. It would be as easy as -- Raven cringed. She didn't want to think about who she had been about to compare them with. 

It was just... a shock. If she was right. Maybe she was wrong. She didn't know which she wanted more. Her friends' happiness, with whatever option that lay. 

"You and Miller," she finally got out. Monty watched her blankly. He had a good poker face, but he didn't lie often. "You're... How long?" 

There was quiet for a second, but then Monty bit his lip and Raven breathed a sigh of relief. For some reason, Raven found herself running over to hug him. He wrapped his arms around her too, if a little awkwardly. 

"Why are we hugging?"

"Feels right, I guess." 

Monty giggled into her shoulder and she pulled back. Pushing him down into a chair, she said, "I'm making some coffee and then we're talking." 

Monty explained what had happened - the beach house, seeing Jackson, London - and Raven sat quietly through it all, sometimes shaking her head in awe. Monty looked almost relieved to be telling someone; he was practically gushing. It was adorable. 

Finally, he sat back in his seat and folded his arms. "So, yeah." 

Raven chortled. "Christ. But it's definitely serious? More than just sex?"

Monty looked down. "Yeah. I mean - it's hard to go on actual dates because we can't go somewhere one of you would see us. We went to an aquarium the week after London. I think that was our first. But it's more than just sex. You know how I used to feel for Miller. That never really went away." 

Raven thought about how young Monty looked in that moment. His eyes were bright and he looked like he was drowning in the oversized shirt (which was probably Miller's, on closer inspection). She wished that Clarke was there to draw him. 

"An aquarium? You dorks." Monty was grinning. "What did you guys do there? Hold hands and stare at the jellyfish?"

Monty laughed but the colour was high in his cheeks and Raven grinned. 

"You're happy?"

She didn't really need to ask because even she'd noticed a change in him since London. Monty was always a happy person but there was an extra jump in his step recently and it all made sense now. He nodded. 

"Yeah, I -- It just feels right. I don't think I've ever been as happy, and I know that everyone thinks that when they're in a new relationship but it's different this time. Stop laughing at me! I hate you." 

Raven pressed her lips together and hugged Monty again, stroking his hair affectionately. "I'm so happy for you. And I get why you didn't tell anyone. I'll keep it quiet for as long as you want." 

Monty sighed. "Not telling you was killing me. But I don't want to ruin this and I'm afraid it's going to be a bit... overwhelming. So much has been happening recently." 

"I know," Raven smiled. "But everyone's going to be so happy for you. Especially Bellamy. He might cry."

Monty laughed and Raven held him for a few seconds longer. 

\-- 

"I need to tell you something." 

Lexa raised an eyebrow but didn't reply, waiting for Clarke to say whatever she was going to say. There had been something bugging her since they'd arrived at the gallery. Clarke was always so calm surrounded by art - seeing her like this, fidgety and agitated, was out of place.

"I -- just listen to the whole story before you make assumptions okay?"

"I'm a writer. Creating endings is sort of my thing."

Clarke gave her a look and she smiled placidly back, waiting for her to continue. 

Clarke crossed her legs, then uncrossed them and drummed her fingers against the seat rapidly before crossing her legs again. Finally, she managed, "Monty and Miller are sleeping together."

Lexa paused for a second. This... wasn't what she had been expecting. "Oh."

Looking at her with a bemused expression, Clarke nodded at Lexa, encouraging her to say something else. She shrugged. "I mean... are you sure?"

" _Well_." This was the right question to ask. Clarke straightened in her seat, pushing her hair out of her eyes while Lexa hid a smile. "I was in our apartment trying to do some cleaning to take my mind off stuff. I know. But anyways, I went into Miller's room to leave in this book of his I found, and I saw a pair of boxers in the corner that definitely weren't his."

"Clarke..." Lexa used her most chastising tone possible. She knew it would get on Clarke's nerves and she watched as the blonde gritted her teeth. "You can't just snoop around your roommate's room when you feel like it."

"I wasn't!" Clarke exclaimed, and then, quieter, "I swear. Lexa, come on. It was an accident."

"How do you know they weren't Miller's?"

Clarke snorted. "I've lived with him for years and he's never worn a pair of briefs that have some kind of brand on them, and Miller never wears commercial crap like that. I mean, never. Plus, they were a size too small." 

"Alright," Lexa conceded. "Weird, but go on."

"So, I brought them to Monty and Raven's because I thought he'd be there but he wasn't. Monty was though, and he asked me why I had _his_ boxers."

"Hm."

"Yeah. So, I just made up some excuse and left. I asked Miller about it later and he came clean. He said they've been together since London but have been keeping it a secret because of... circumstances. Whatever that means."

"Don't tell me you were mad at him." Lexa knew Miller pretty well from their various encounters whilst she waited for Clarke to finish getting ready when she came to pick her up. He was a good guy and although she knew Clarke loved him, she had a tendency to be a little brash.

"No! He was..." Clarke stopped, the corner of her lips turning upwards. "I couldn't be. Like, I thought he'd been acting a little weird recently. Always smiling at his phone and stuff. And like... even in a relationship, that's not really Miller, you know? He's a private guy. But when he was talking about Monty, he was beaming. He started telling me about how they were planning to go for a weekend away together after he comes back from this business trip he has to go on and I kind of wanted to cry."

"But... this is all good? You had me worried when you texted me. I thought something bad had happened."

"No. I just needed to tell someone." Clarke flashed her a winning smile and Lexa bumped her shoulder.

"You're the worst." She wasn't, at all. Her whole life, Lexa had been pretty choosy of who she let into her life and it generally took a while for anyone to get past being anything more than acquaintances with her. She'd grown close to the other woman in such a short space of time and she was thankful for it. Clarke was so different from her in some aspects and so similar in others, but it worked.

"Sorry. It was just a lot. And Miller made me promise to stay quiet but since you're out of the friends group, I figured you don't count."

Lexa chuckled. "He made you promise. Wow. Remind me never to tell you any secret of mine, ever."

Clarke leaned in close and winked. "Too late, Lex. Let's go look at the art."

Grabbing her hand, Clarke pulled her up and out of her seat and they fell into stride with one another, making their way around the gallery for what was probably the fifth time already this year. Lexa's thoughts drifted back to Monty and Miller. It was odd - they were friends for so long, pursuing a relationship after all this time seemed so random. And yet, they were happy. It made sense for them.

She didn't know whether they'd been in love the whole time, or if it was just a recent thing. She wondered did it matter. Watching Clarke staring at a painting with her head cocked to the side in thought, she shook her head and quickened her pace to join her.

\-- 

Octavia jogged beside her brother, both of them running in silent concentration. They used to do this a lot - go out for runs together - but ever since she moved in with Maya, she'd been exercising solo as her girlfriend much preferred staying in bed and joining Octavia for the post-run shower than actually getting up to run. 

But Bellamy had asked her the other day and she couldn't refuse him. Since the wedding, he'd been almost a new person, but not in the way she was after her and Lincoln broke up. It was like in the lead up to the wedding, he couldn't stop moving, and now he was still again. It fit him better, she thought. Her brother had always been a grounding presence in her life.

They'd drove to a park a few miles out from where Bellamy lived and on their way back, Bellamy pulled into a carpark and nodded towards a supermarket in front of them. "I need to pick up a few things."

"You stink of sweat."

"I'll be two minutes, alright?"

"I'll come. I hate this car and I'm not spending any unnecessary time in it."

Bellamy patted the hood of his car fondly when he was outside, shaking his head. "Why does my sister have a personal vendetta against you, Augie?"

"The fact that you named it after Emperor Augustus, for one," Octavia called as she headed towards the store's entrance. 

They trawled through the aisles for much longer than Bellamy had promised, which was in large due to the fact that the shop had one of those stands that held an assortment of teleshopping items; distracting her brother for a solid twenty minutes. She stood in front of the cereal and decided to text Maya to ask if they needed anything - she knew they didn't but she loved having this domesticity; being able to text Maya about stuff like this whenever she felt like it because they _lived_ together now - when she heard a familiar voice from the other side of the stand.

"You used to like it. Mac and cheese all but sustained you when we were teenagers."

It was Miller. Octavia rounded the corner to join her brother - still entranced by the teleshopping stuff because, "look Octavia, this is exactly what I need in my life" - and to see who he was talking to, though she had a fairly good idea. She heard Monty replying before he came into view - "That was before I learned to cook, give me a break" - because... well.

Monty's pushing the trolley but Miller's directly behind him, body pressed against his and hands covering his on the bar of it. It can't be a comfortable (or rational) way to navigate a trolley but they don't seem to have a problem with it. Monty's smiling and Miller's staring at him and -- _oh_.

"Bell," she hissed. "Bellamy. Bro. _Bell_."

Finally drawing his gaze away from the mop head he was inspecting, he turned to look at Octavia but his gaze snagged on Monty and Miller en route and somehow they'd gone from to standing impossibly close to Miller kissing Monty's neck and Monty laughing and wriggling away from him - in a way that made it seem like he was completely comfortable with Miller kissing his neck, and anywhere else for that matter. 

For what it was worth, Octavia thought the most entertaining thing to watch in the shop at that moment was Bellamy's face as he processed what was happening. He went slack-jawed, eyes blinking rapidly before widening and squinting and twitching and Octavia snapped her fingers in front of him to pull him back to reality.

Her brother jerked but he didn't look away from Monty and Miller, now holding hands and talking in voices too low to pick up. Just in time, she caught Bellamy opening his mouth to say something and all but launched herself at him, clapping a hand over his face. 

"Don't. There's obviously a reason they haven't told us yet. You're not doing this now."

He exhaled through his nose and nodded rigidly, staring pointedly at Octavia's hand until she loosened her grip. The two of them stood there staring for another few moments before Bellamy turned his head away. It felt like they were intruding on something specifically not for them to see, and Octavia followed suit. 

"Why do you think -- Why haven't they told us?" Bellamy asked quietly, and Octavia shrugged. She knew her brother was probably taking this to heart, but there were a million and one reasons not to tell them. If it was easier having a relationship without the rest of them knowing for now - so be it.

"Who knows," she said instead, drifting towards another aisle. "But they will eventually. So give them time."

Bellamy hummed in reply but Octavia didn't miss the small smile on his face as he ducked his head away. She couldn't imagine how Bellamy was feeling for Miller right now, but she knew happiness when she saw it and it was hard to miss in Monty and Miller.

A text from Maya beeped in her pocket and suddenly everything felt too good to be real. She grinned at Bellamy but he was already beaming back.

\--

Miller's business trip came much quicker than he wanted it to and it was hard to settle the unease in his stomach. He always got like this before flying somewhere on his own - it wasn't a new thing, and eventually it would settle down - but it never got any easier. This time seemed worse, even though he knew Monty would be waiting for him when he came back. 

They hadn't gotten to spend time together properly in a few days. It had made sense at first, but Miller was getting sick of sneaking around - Clarke and Raven already knew and they just hadn't gotten round to telling the Blakes or anyone else in their extended friend group. 

They'd all came to see him off in the airport as they always did when he had a trip, more to calm his anxiety than anything else. He hugged each of them tightly and Bellamy whispered in his ear, "You'll be back before you know it." 

_It's only three days_ , he told himself. _You'll be fine._

Raven handed him a book she'd read that she thought he might like. "For the flight over," she winked. 

Finally, he came to Monty and it was of little comfort that Monty was looking as downhearted as he felt. Maybe it was him worrying about Miller, or maybe it was the thought of not seeing him in person for the three days that was the source of his distress. 

Miller was suddenly aware that the two of them were just staring at each other and hastily pulled Monty into a hug. 

"I'll Skype you later, but text me when you land," Monty whispered in his ear. Thinking that this was the last physical contact he'd have with Monty for three days was almost painful, and if he let himself look at Monty's lips when he pulled away, well - who could blame him? 

"I'll see you all later then," Miller mumbled, still looking at Monty. There was a sigh beside him and a heavy hand clapped on his shoulder. 

"Just go ahead and kiss him. We know, Miller," Bellamy said, his teacher voice shining through. 

"I --" Miller stammered, then stopped. He didn't know if he should apologise. It didn't seem like any of them expected him to. They were all staring at the two of them hopefully and he shook his head.

"I can't believe this," he laughed, and then Monty was kissing him softly and everything felt right. He heard a sniff to his right that he was almost certain came from Bellamy - Raven was going to have to deal with him later, probably. 

Monty pulled back and pressed one more kiss on his cheek. "Lucky you, getting to escape the questioning that's going to follow. I wish I was coming with you."

"I do too," Miller murmured. "Next time."

The woman over the intercom called the departure time of his flight and he nodded at the group one more time before heading over to security. Both Clarke and Raven were whispering to each other and Monty was sandwiched between the Blakes as they headed to the car, nodding his head at whatever Octavia was asking. 

This time when Miller boarded the plane, there was a smile on his face and the image of his friends in his mind.

  


* * *

  


Raven could see the door of the apartment as she climbed up the last of the stairs. She'd had the longest day at work and she needed a drink and a six-hour shower. She was so close.

A crash from the other side of the hall startled her, one hand already on the door handle. Raven contemplated for a short moment if she was good enough of a friend to go check what it was, and sadly she was.

"Clarke?" she called as she cracked the door open. "You okay?"

The answer she got was unclear to say the least. She pushed the door open and was met with a pool of glass shards on the floor. Clarke was leaning against the other side of the bar and she waved lazily at Raven as she entered carefully.

"This is becoming a rather familiar sight in this apartment."

"But now I'm drunk", Clarke slurred.

Raven went to grab their vacuum cleaner and swiftly got rid of the glass after picking the largest pieces up. When she was done, she leaned against the counter opposite her friend, leveling her with a serious look. "What's going on, Clarke?"

"Nothing", Clarke waved her off. "I'm just drunk."

"You don't drink to get drunk. You always say so yourself. You drink to take the edge off. You only end up drunk when you're upset and unfocused."

"There are better things to worry about", Clarke raised the nearly empty bottle of vodka she'd been holding out of Raven's sight. Raven snatched it from her with a shake of her head. Clarke simply narrowed her eyes at her. "What's going on in your life?"

"Nothing that makes me want to drown my sorrows", Raven said patiently. "Talk to me, Clarke. This is a lot like the incident with Lexa months ago. Anything coincidentally happening there?"

Clarke scoffed, turning to walk away from her. She nearly tripped over her own feet and had to grab the counter for support. At the miserable look she sent at Raven, she came to help her.

It must've been something bad if Clarke was this down. Raven didn't think she'd seen her wasted like this - or she didn't remember for shared reasons. The world didn't get Clarke down easily, and she didn't like this development.

She sat Clarke down on the couch before going to grab a glass of water for her. Clarke's head lolled back as she stared at the ceiling. Raven sat next to her carefully, holding out the glass for her.

"I can't lift my head", Clarke mumbled. "It weighs a ton."

With a sigh, Raven helped her sit up properly. "Please talk to me, babe. I'm worried about you."

Clarke had finished the water and set the glass on the coffee table. What Raven didn't expect was her bursting into tears. She wrapped her arms around her quickly, holding her close as sobs racked through her body.

It was another first. In the six years she'd known Clarke, Raven had learned that she only cried "at weddings, funerals and on the anniversary of her dad's death". She was completely unprepared for this.

Raven watched in silence, eyes wide, when Clarke pulled back and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She cleared her throat. "Sorry about that."

Raven blinked at her. "You're... done?"

"Yeah, yeah", Clarke nodded, leaning back again.

Raven moved slowly as she picked up her glass and went to refill it. Clarke's eyes were still slightly unfocused but otherwise she seemed fine.

"You want to talk about it?"

Clarke let out a heavy sigh. "I guess."

"Well?"

"Lexa left."

"Left? Where?"

"She left here. Me."

"I'm going to need a little backstory here."

Clarke made a displeased face. "When she and Costia broke up, they agreed to see each other when she came back."

"And did she come back?"

"She was planning it. But Lexa wasn't sure if she'd go see her."

"Okay. And?"

"We were just hanging out but then we had a moment --"

"A... moment?"

"A _moment_ ", Clarke nodded solemnly. "A romantically charged, eyes meeting, faces close, time stopping _moment_."

Raven raised her brows. "Wow."

"I think I'm in love with her", Clarke said at the ceiling.

"Yeah, sounds a lot like it."

"But she left. She leaned back, looking all weird. And she got up and said she needed to go. And she said she thought she should go see Costia. When she came back", Clarke turned to her. Raven had never seen her look as defeated. "She doesn't love me back."

"I'm sorry. I know this is new for you. But your first love is happening pretty traditionally. You get over it eventually."

"Monty didn't. Or Miller."

"Okay, I think we need to make a communal rule that we don't count Miller and Monty when we discuss romance because they're fucking ridiculous."

Clarke huffed out a laugh. "Agreed."

"You're going to be okay, though. I don't know what will happen with Lexa, but it won't hurt forever. I can promise you that."

"Okay", Clarke smiled tiredly. "I think I need to go throw up and then go sleep."

"Need me to hold your hair back?"

"I think my dignity wouldn't enjoy that as much as I would."

"I'll wait here", Raven promised.

"Find my phone, would you?"

She called it as Clarke disappeared in the bathroom. The phone was behind the toaster. Raven wasn't going to ask.

When Clarke returned, her face was clean and she was wearing her bathrobe. "Thank you", she said, and Raven knew it meant more than locating her phone.

Raven pressed a kiss to her temple. "Let's get you to bed."

Clarke got in and let Raven tuck her in. She cradled her phone against her chest. "I want to call Wells. Do you think he'd mind?"

"Well", Raven checked her watch, "since it's only 9.15, I think you're fine."

"Okay."

"Sleep tight", Raven brushed the hair off her forehead.

Clarke grabbed her hand. "I love you. You know that, right?"

"I do. And I love you too. Text me if you need something."

"All I need is sleep. And Wells."

Raven just smiled fondly at her. Clarke smacked a kiss on her hand before letting go. She turned off the light, leaving Clarke in the glow of her phone as she dialed Wells.

Across the hall she found Bellamy sitting alone in the kitchen. He looked up as she got in, flashing her a smile.

"Hey there. What are you doing here?"

"Didn't feel like being alone. Monroe's home for the weekend. Miller and Monty are on a date. O's having a night in with the missus. Clarke's with Lexa. I thought I'd come see what you're up to."

"Well... you found me. And Clarke's in bed. She's heartbroken." Raven took a seat next to him. 

"Oh. What happened?"

"It appears Lexa's going back to Costia. She took off after they had a _moment_."

"Ah. A _moment_ ", Bellamy nodded thoughtfully. "She going to be okay?"

"It's Clarke. What can't she conquer."

"True", Bellamy huffed.

"How are you holding up?" Raven asked as she got up to grab the closest box of cereal to snack on.

Bellamy shrugged. "I'm alright. Things are back to normal, I guess."

"How's Roma?"

"She's good. We're good. Surprisingly so. It says more about her than me. We're actually friends now."

"That's good. For both of you."

Bellamy reached for the cereal, and she let him. "Yeah. Weirdly... screwing up a wedding was surprisingly healthy for me."

Raven laughed. "You think?"

"I do", Bellamy chuckled, nudging her knee with his own. "I had to do some soul searching; really think about stuff. I feel more... grounded now."

She rested her hand on his arm. "I'm glad, Bell. I really want you to be happy."

"I'm getting there", he smiled softly.

They sat in silence for a moment. Raven's phone buzzing shook them out of it.

"It's Gina."

"Tell her I say hi."

"Hey, babe", Raven said into the phone. She told Gina to hold on for a second, and turned to Bellamy. "You should order a pizza for us. It's movie night now."

Bellamy grinned, digging out his phone.

\--

_  
"Here you go", Clarke handed Lexa a bottle of water from the fridge. "For your troubles."_

_"My troubles? You mean carrying you on my back through Central Park?" Lexa huffed._

_"Yes, that's exactly what I mean", Clarke smiled sweetly at her, pulling off her - Miller's - beanie._

_"The things I do for you", Lexa shook her head. They fell on the couch at the same time. "If I fall asleep it's on you."_

_"Noted", Clarke stole the bottle from her hand to take a sip before placing it back. "You were saying?"_

_"Right. He wouldn't stop staring at me. And granted, I looked cute as hell, but like, only for the ladies, dude. And having that thought, I realized I'm going to be alone forever."_

_"Yeah, right", Clarke rolled her eyes. "You're just not back in the game yet."_

_"No, I remembered I'm terrible at flirting! I don't know how I tricked Costia into dating me, but my skills are definitely lacking. I'll spend the rest of my life with random men hitting on me while I gaze longingly at the women I'd like to make a move on."_

_"You do realize who you're talking to here?"_

_"Yes, I know you can pull any time, anywhere", Lexa snorted._

_"No but yeah but. I mean, I can definitely teach you a trick or two."_

_"I think it's more about character. I'll just have to look for the ones that have an eye out for the clumsy, blushing type of girls."_

_Clarke suppressed the screaming in her head. "There is -- That's not how I'd characterize you."_

_"Well I know you. I don't have to stutter through an introduction with you. If I was hitting on you I'd just put on my game face."_

_Clarke raised her brows. "Your game face?"_

_Lexa made a ridiculous face at her before bursting into laughter. Clarke had to remind herself to laugh along instead of just staring helplessly._

_"Yeah, I'd be sold."_

_"What are your best tricks then?"_

_Clarke pointed down at her chest. Lexa laughed again._

_"I'm serious."_

_"I specialize in a lot of arm touching and lip biting. But a good ol' lean has never failed me with these girls", Clarke patted her chest proudly. "But you seem like more of a hair twirling and giggling type."_

_"Because of my young face?"_

_"Yes, because of your young face", Clarke chuckled. "Nah, just kidding. Not that that won't work but... the lip bite is a classic."_

_Lexa bit her lip thoughtfully, and Clarke regretted every decision in her life that had led her to this moment. Lexa twirled a strand of hair around her finger, leaning slightly closer._

_"This seems a little too easy."_

_"Yeah", Clarke swallowed gravely. "But keeping it simple makes it more natural. If they're into you, you'll know." _Or not.__

_"I don't feel too natural biting my lip all the time. If I think about it, it's weird. See, when you do it, it looks casual and sexy."_

_Clarke released her lip from between her teeth, hurriedly dragging her gaze back to Lexa's eyes. "Well... it doesn't look like it. For you."_

_"You're just saying that to make me feel better."_

_"I'm not. Trust me."_

_"I do."_

_They were a lot closer to each other than originally, bodies turned towards one another. Lexa looked up to meet her eyes. Clarke didn't know it was a _moment_ until it was over._

_Lexa's eyes moved down to her lips, and Clarke swore her heart was going to stop. Before she could say anything or _do_ anything, Lexa leaned back. She shook her head and stood up suddenly._

_"I should -- I'm going to go."_

_"Lexa..." Clarke got up too._

_"No, Clarke, I -- I think I'll go see Costia. When she comes to visit", Lexa grabbed her coat. She wasn't looking at Clarke anymore._

_"Oh." The weight that settled on Clarke's chest was nothing like she'd ever felt._

_"I'm -- I'm sorry. I'll... text you."_

_Lexa was out the door without another word. Clarke stood in the middle of the apartment, unsure of how to react._

_She sat down slowly, on the floor instead of the couch. Her body felt numb all over. Clarke pulled her knees to her chest before reaching under the couch for the bottle she knew she'd stashed back.  
_

  


* * *

  


"Where are you going?"

Octavia heard Maya's voice, sleepy and rough, only a moment before she felt her hand wrapping around Octavia's waist and dragging her back down to the bed. Octavia complied easily, turning around so she was facing her girlfriend properly. 

"I was going to make breakfast," Octavia whispered back. Maya made a disagreeing noise and snuggled closer. 

"Stay," Maya replied, like a petulant child. "It's Sunday."

"Okay." Octavia pressed a kiss to Maya's forehead. Her girlfriend was always a little grumpy in the mornings - a fact none of the rest of the group could ever believe, due to her upbeat attitude the rest of the time - and if Octavia was being honest, she loved seeing this part of her. She loved seeing every part of Maya: when she was sick; when she was crying over a Disney movie; when she was reading an article and furrowing her eyebrows just so; everything. 

Pushing back the covers a tad, Octavia let her fingers drift over one of Maya's tattoos. They all had stories and Octavia had heard each of them multiple times. Octavia herself didn't have any yet, but she wouldn't mind changing that. 

Stroking a rose on Maya's shoulder, she was suddenly reminded of a promise Maya had made her not long after they'd started dating. 

"Maya," Octavia whispered, knowing she was awake but keeping her eyes closed for as long as she possibly could. "Maya."

Stirring, Maya blearily blinked at Octavia for a few seconds before regaining focus and raising her eyebrows. in a way that suggested _this better be good_. "What?"

"Do you remember when we started dating? And we went out to the bar beside your old apartment and got drunk?"

Maya thought for a moment before realization dawned on her face. "Oh! The one with the terrible music?"

"Yeah. It was awful." Octavia grinned. "But we had fun."

"We did. I definitely fell in love with you that night," Maya mused thoughtfully. 

"I'm sure my breathtaking karaoke had something to do with it."

"Oh, definitely."

Maya grinned, then poked her shoulder. "I'm serious, you know. It did. You're always so energetic. I think it rubs off on me."

"Oh, definitely. I'm not forgetting that table dancing until the day I leave this sweet earth." 

"Well, you shouldn't. It was one of my finest moments."

Octavia leaned forward and kissed Maya's nose before sitting upright and crossing her legs, letting her hand stroke Maya's hair softly. "Do you remember what you said? You said that if I proved deserving, you'd get a tattoo related to me someday."

Maya sat up and tilted her head to one side. "I'm pretty sure that was after the fifth round of shots but regardless, I'm a woman of my word."

"When do I become deserving, then?" Octavia asked. "And when is someday?"

"Patience, young Skywalker."

Octavia refrained from taking the pillow to her left and smacking Maya with it, but only just barely. "Don't Yoda me."

"I don't know," Maya shrugged, picking absentmindedly at a piece of loose thread on the sheets that they'd picked together. "You are deserving. Who knows when, though? Maybe on our first wedding anniversary or something. Jazz it up a little."

Octavia stilled and looked at Maya, who hadn't seemed to notice what she'd said - either that or she didn't find the concept alarming in the slightest. Octavia didn't either, but the way Maya said it so casually made her feel like it was a possibility that wasn't too far away. It was something she'd thought about, of course, but seeing it in the near future suddenly became very easy.

"Our wedding?" Octavia replied finally, tone light and playful. "I must have missed the memo. When's that happening, again?"

Maya looked up quickly, panic crossing her expression. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean..."

They'd talked about it before, in the earlier stages of their relationship when it was just getting serious. It was something they both wanted, but at that time it was such an an abstract thought - it didn't have to be something they were actually considering at that moment - but right now felt different. It felt... right.

"No, no. I'm -- I'm thinking about it too. Seeing it isn't a stretch."

Now Octavia had Maya's full attention. Octavia loved when she was like this; intense and thoughtful and observant all at once. Slowly, she held Octavia's hand and brought it to her own chest. Her heart was beating fast and Octavia made herself stay in her place and continue the conversation instead of tackling Maya down right then and there. "It's not."

"We could just do it, you know," Octavia said quickly, snapping her mouth shut as soon as the words were out. This was a typical Octavia move - act now; think later. Sometimes, acting on her instincts failed her, but this time felt like a victory. Maya's breath caught for a second, and then she laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. Octavia's heart soared.

"We could. We -- we should." 

"Is this... real?" Octavia asked tentatively. She wanted it more than anything, but only if Maya did too.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Maya surged forward and they kissed, slow and sweet. Wrapped up in each other, they fell back on the bed so that Maya was straddling Octavia's hips, smiling over her. Octavia wanted to remember this moment forever. All of her emotions were battling one another for precedence, but the one coming out on top was wonder. 

After Lincoln, she'd been sure she'd never meet anyone that could make her feel like he did - for a long time, she was sure she'd spend her life waiting for him (or a weaker version of him) to return to her. Maya was different from him in many ways, but Octavia had never been happier than when they were together. It made sense. 

"We're engaged?" Octavia knew how the disbelief bled into her voice but Maya could convince her of anything. 

"We are." Maya bit her lip. "We're engaged."

"This is..." Octavia sighed. "I have to tell Bell. He'll cry."

"That can wait." Maya leaned down, kissing from Octavia's mouth to her jaw. "There are more pressing matters to be attended to first." 

"Like?"

"Me."

  


* * *

  


 

Clarke hugged her cardigan around her chest. The evening was cool, but she thought the fresh air and exercise would do her good after the mountain of food she ate at the restaurant. Everyone else was heading out for drinks after; bar Monty and Miller who were planning to return to Monty's instead. They'd offered to share a cab, but the walk was only twenty minutes and she was wearing flats. She'd be fine.

When Octavia and Maya had broken the news, Bellamy had cried (which was unsurprising), but Raven had joined him (which _was_ surprising). Unlike with Roma, the news didn't leave them all completely blindsided and it was immediately agreed (after everyone had finished with their congratulations and hugging) that they should go out for dinner, despite Bellamy's complaints that they hadn't gone to celebrate either time he'd announced his engagement.

Clarke was ecstatic for them, and the fact that she'd set them up made her even happier. She knew the situation hadn't been perfect, and it was a selfish thing to claim credit for, but she didn't care. Seeing them there together; laughing and sharing secret smiles when they thought no-one was watching, filled her with a warm sense of accomplishment. Inadvertently or not, she'd done something good.

Out of habit more than anything, Clarke checked her phone as she drew closer to the apartment building. There were no notifications; not that she was expecting anything, but she sometimes wondered if Lexa was thinking about her. They'd only exchanged a few brief messages since Lexa had left - Clarke tried to keep it breezy, making sure she was okay and that they were cool - but Lexa's replies were short and distant. It was typical of Lexa (she wasn't really an emoji person, per se) but it still felt like Lexa wanted to put some space between them.

Clarke understood why and it made sense, but it didn't mean that it hurt any less.

As she was unlocking the door, she heard the unmistakable sound of Miller's laughter through the door. She smiled and shook her head.

"You'd have thought the honeymoon stage would have worn off by now, and yet," she muttered to herself, but with no bitterness to her tone. That was Abby, not Clarke.

As soon as she got inside, she stripped off and changed into her pyjamas before getting Netflix up on the laptop and settling into her bed with a pint of ice cream. If she was feeling like a little bit of self-indulgence, it wasn't like there was anyone there to see her anyways.

Or at least, that's what she thought.

When the doorbell rang the first time, she ignored it. Clarke was comfortable and there were no missed calls on her phone so it couldn't be an emergency or anything really important. Monty and Miller were across the hall, anyways - there was no reason why whoever it was couldn't annoy them instead.

The second time was followed by the third and fourth in rapid succession and after sighing with as much agony as she could muster, she threw off the covers and went to answer the door.

Clarke grumbled en route, swearing that if it was Monty or Miller looking for alcohol she was slamming the door in their face. Well, not really, but the thought comforted her a little.

She took a step back when she finally opened the door, blinking as if she was seeing an apparition. Medical professionals were trained to take everything that happened in their stride; to remain calm in all situations, but there were some things med school didn't teach you - one of which stood outside her door at that very moment, looking tired and out of breath but undeniably beautiful all the same.

"Lexa?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! back in the day when we posted chapter one, i said to aisling, hey we should finish every chapter with a cliffhanger. i bet you love me a lot. we are nearing the end! but we're not thinking about that yet. we hope you're still pumped and with us and we appreciate you reading and we hope that we've cheered you up with canon being the way that it is!
> 
> on my blog @natharmiller i'm gonna be posting aesthetics for this story. the first one, for the group, is up now you can find it [here](http://natharmiller.tumblr.com/tagged/fau) and there's individual character ones and ship ones coming up. i'll be posting them during this time before the next chapter. if you miss them, i'll post a link in the next ch if you wanna check them all out at once. 
> 
> \- vilma


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **disclaimer:** some baby/pregnancy related talk ahead. in case you won't read our sappy ramblings thank you so much for reading whether you only started now that we're finished or have been here since last september. thank you.  
>  the 'wtlo lb' tag is ofc on once again so feel free to join us!
> 
>  
> 
> yikes!!! this is really it!! it's actually mad looking back at how this all started, a few simple messages that grew into a story like this and brought us so much positivity. it's cliché as hell but it really wouldn't have become what it did without everyone's support. seeing your likes and reblogs and comments and kudo's was the best feeling and it's going to be awful not having that for the next few months. special thanks to marina and julia for making gorgeous aesthetics and playlists/art for the fic but seriously, you're all the best and i'm so grateful. also i couldn't do this without praising vilma bc she was literally the best person to write this with and brought so much talent to the fic (and motivation to me). thanks for everything, everyone  
> \- aisling

" _Lexa?_ "

She smiled sheepishly. "Hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" 

"Yeah, yeah", Clarke stepped back. Lexa walked past her into the apartment. Clarke shut the door, turning around to face her. 

Her mind was reeling. She wasn't prepared to see Lexa. The three-week radio silence wasn't working in her benefit either. When they still spent all that time together, she'd been able to get used to being around her. Now it was new all over again and having Lexa's eyes on her was making the hairs at the back of her neck stand up. 

"What's going on?"

Lexa opened her mouth and closed it. She rubbed her hands over her thighs and took a deep breath. Clarke didn't have time to react as she surged forward. Lexa's lips were on hers as her back slammed against the door. Clarke winced but her hands were already in Lexa's hair, tugging her to a better angle. 

Lexa held onto her hips tightly, pressing her against the door with her weight. Clarke didn't mean to whine, but that was all she could describe the noise she let out as. 

It snapped her out of it. 

She stopped kissing Lexa and pulled away. Lexa leaned back slowly to smile sheepishly at her again. Clarke pursed her lips; there was a lot she needed to say. Lexa wrinkled her nose at her. It was enough for her to agree talking could wait a little longer.

She was only human after all. 

Clarke dragged her back into a kiss. Lexa's arms wrapped around her waist, lips moving on hers more gently. She sighed, pulling away again, and Lexa chased her lips just for a second before she opened her eyes. 

"Whoa", Clarke breathed out, resting their foreheads together. 

"Yeah", Lexa smiled softly. 

She didn't want to ruin the moment where she had everything she'd wanted for over a year. But she wasn't going to take it for granted when she knew what was at stake. "What the hell happened?"

-

_  
Her hands were shaking. Lexa knew she was being ridiculous - she'd gone to see her girlfriend hundreds of times. The fact that now it was a hotel made it no different._

_The fact that Costia wasn't her girlfriend anymore kind of did._

_It had been months since they'd last seen each other. After they agreed it just wasn't working anymore, they hadn't really talked either. Now Costia was visiting from L.A., and Lexa was walking into the hotel she was staying in._

_What happened with Clarke was -- She'd always known Clarke was beautiful. They got along really well. Lexa didn't need to think about anything more complicated when she and Costia were together. But when they weren't, it didn't take long for her to realize what she felt for Clarke wasn't exactly what she'd call friendly._

_When she left Clarke's place after being hit hard with the realization that she wanted nothing but to kiss her friend, Lexa went home. She was freaking out. She didn't know what to think._

_She called Costia a few days later. She'd planned to fly over soon. They set a date._

_Costia waved at her from across the lobby. Lexa felt a twinge of sadness in her chest. She'd missed her. They'd ended a bit casually but they'd gone through a lot together._

_"Hey, gorgeous!" Costia grinned, standing up to give her a tight hug._

_"Hey", Lexa squeezed her back. She heard Costia laugh next to her ear when she tried to blow her curls away from her face. "You finally let the curls out. Looks beautiful."_

_Costia pulled on a strand. "Thank you. Was a better choice for now. You've got to learn once you hit yourself in the eye with your braids one too many times. Should we walk?"_

_They left the hotel and started down the street. Costia had always liked to keep moving. Now that she was telling about her schedule and dance practice, she was expressing wildly with her hands. It was like she was always dancing._

_"I'm so glad you're happy."_

_"It's my dream. And I'm finally living it", Costia shook her head lightly. "It's unbelievable."_

_Lexa laughed at the wide grin on her face. "I can tell."_

_"I do miss you. I don't want to sound like --"_

_"It's okay, C. I know. But I could chase my dream here. You couldn't."_

_"How _is_ your book going?"_

_"It's not finished yet", Lexa said, scrunching her nose when Costia said it in chorus with her. "Shut up. It's not far off. I've just been stuck lately."_

_"Because..?"_

_Lexa sighed. "It's Clarke. I --"_

_"Did you kiss her?"_

_"No! I -- I wanted to. But it felt like I was cheating on you."_

_Costia pulled her to a stop and cupped her face between her hands. "Lex. I broke up with you. Not because I don't love you - because I always will - but because I knew what I had to do to get the exact life I wanted. And a part of that was letting you go. Because I couldn't give you everything and it wasn't fair. When my moment in the sun ends, I'll have to recalibrate my life. But for now I'm exactly where I want to be. And you should have that too."_

_"I guess I'll always think of the what ifs with you."_

_She made a surprised noise when Costia pressed her lips against hers. When she pulled back, Lexa just blinked at her._

_"Did that feel like a what if?" Costia asked. "Besides me being a great kisser."_

_Lexa's lips curled downward. "No."_

_"We're not getting any younger, Lex. Go chase your happiness. Don't leave it hanging on me. I faced my fears and moved across the country. You can get over the what ifs. If you want to."_

_"You're so fucking inspirational", Lexa laughed wetly._

_Costia caught the tear trying to escape down her cheek. "Come here." They hugged again. "Give yourself a chance to move on. Kiss the girl. See what happens. If she's not the right one, it's not the end of the world. Think about it."  
_

-

"And I did."

"You did", Clarke nodded. They were sitting on the couch again. Lexa was slightly breathless after telling her everything that had happened. 

"I like you, Clarke. I really do. And I want to give us a chance", Lexa said, a pleading look in her eyes. "If you'll still have me."

Instead of answering, Clarke leaned forward and kissed her. Lexa smiled against her lips and she couldn't help giggling out loud. 

"You like me back."

Lexa snorted. "I do." 

Clarke pressed a kiss on her cheek. 

"So what now?"

"Oh, do you want to go out or? I was just going to eat ice cream until I got sick, but it's probably melted..."

"I was thinking something", Lexa glanced at her bedroom. 

"Is that so?" 

"Or do you want me to play hard to get a little more?" 

Clarke laughed, taking her hand and pulling her up.

  


* * *

  


Miller probably should have known there was a problem with his job when the only enjoyable parts of the working day were Monty's visits and home time. He knew most people didn't love their jobs or anything - he was just part of a friend group where that rule didn't seem to apply. He didn't hate it or anything. There were plenty of good things going in his life and he was happy. 

Something niggled at that back of his mind though, and it sounded a lot like Bellamy telling him he deserved more than waiting for six o'clock to come, or for the weekend to start. It was easily ignored, though; he'd been subject to plenty of Bellamy's history rants and he was an expert at tuning them out.

Miller glanced down at his watch and sighed when he saw the minute hand had barely moved. He always did this when it came to lunch time; he couldn't help it. The thought of Monty's arrival distracted him from his work (which wasn't exactly a hard thing to do, anyways) and Monty was his boyfriend now, so he could be as distracted as he wanted.

When he walked in Miller didn't even try to pretend he had been trying to work and just grinned up at him. His manager was probably giving him a dirty look from somewhere in the office but Monty was walking over with a bunch of flowers in his hand and he couldn't make himself care. 

"Hi." Monty pressed a kiss to Miller's mouth before sitting up on his desk. 

"Hey."

Miller watched as Monty replaced the flowers in the vase on Miller's desk with new ones, giving the older ones a last forlorn look before throwing them in the bin. He turned back to Miller and placed a hand on his cheek.

"How's your day?"

"Better, now you're here," Miller sighed. Monty gave him a look, mouth quirking upwards.

"You always say that."

"I can't picture a day it won't be true." 

Monty frowned, but said nothing. Miller didn't know what he'd said that made Monty worry, but in typical Miller fashion he tried to move past it as quickly as possible. 

"Anya rang me earlier. She was telling me about the adoption agency they're going with."

"Oh yeah? That's great."

"Mm. Echo's already wondering whether it would be better or worse to send their kid to her own school. Meanwhile, Anya's researching every aspect of motherhood she can think of. It's cute." 

Monty grinned. "They're going to be great parents. How long do they think they'll be waiting?"

Miller shrugged. "Anya wasn't positive yet, but they’re waiting for good news soon."

"Gives them time to prepare, I guess. Though they're going to be great. That kid is going to be spoiled, though."

"You think?"

Monty shook his head. "Oh, I mean from us. I can't wait to be Uncle Monty."

Miller laughed. "You're such a nerd."

"You're the bigger loser. You're a nerd _and_ you're in love with a nerd. Double whammy."

"I could say the same about you. Good thing you didn't make a career change to a defense lawyer."

Monty laughed and kicked Miller's leg. "How about you? You'd be a great attorney."

Miller gave his boyfriend an odd look. "I'm sorry, have we met?"

Monty thumbed pensively at his lip. It didn't do much for Miller's self-control but he sat still. The conversation felt different, all of a sudden.

"Would you consider a career change? To anything?"

This definitely was not something he'd been expecting. Sure, Monty knew he didn't love his job or anything, but he survived. 

Miller used to measure happiness in every area of his life. It used to be - romance: abysmal; work: undesirable; friends: above par; family; no comment. He always figured the happiness he got from his friends made up for everything else. He thought it was enough. 

But now, since he was with Monty, he realised there was so much more. There was no reason he couldn't be happier again with a different job. Finding one, though, and having the bravery to switch - that was the real question. 

"Maybe. I don't know what, though."

Encouraged by Miller's neutral response, Monty scrunched his face up in thought. "How about a counsellor or something? You're a good listener."

Miller gave Monty a look. "Yeah, well. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to reply. And I don't think I'd like dealing with everyone else's problems for a living."

"Alright." Monty was unrelenting. "How about sports? Or fitness?"

That made Miller think. Exercise had always been something to focus on, even when he wasn't feeling great. He looked forward to going to the gym whenever he got a chance and it made him feel good. It was an option that was looking better by the second. 

"That's not a bad idea."

Monty beamed and Miller felt a surge of pride knowing he'd put it there.

"I mean, if you were working outside it would be the end of hot office sex but I'm willing to make the sacrifice."

A passing co-worker smiled in at them and Miller kicked Monty, trying not to laugh. 

"We have literally never had sex here." 

"True." Monty gave Miller a serious look. "We should really change that, like, pronto."

"For purely selfless reasons, right?"

"Of course." 

Monty unwrapped the sandwiches he'd picked up on the way over and handed Miller his. It was a familiar routine that had started when they were still hiding their relationship - sometimes lunch was the only time alone they got together. Thinking of how Miller was now going home to Monty, would go to sleep next to him; it still felt like he was living a dream. 

"I better go." Monty looked at his watch. "There's a shipment coming in this evening. I'll bring some home if there's any not fit to be sold."

"Okay," Miller felt a pang of disappointment. Only four hours left until home time. He could do it. "I'll see you later."

Monty kissed him for longer than he had the first time, before pulling away and heading for the exit. Miller watched his retreating figure until it was no longer visible. 

\--

The flowers on his desk were yellow. They'd been there for two days and were almost starting to wilt, but Miller was only really looking at them now. They were bright and cheerful and reminded him of Monty, somehow. 

His manager had just stopped off at his desk with another project to complete. He'd said that he was doing good - better than good. That Miller was a valuable employee, 'manager material'. Was this what he wanted?

The money was great, and he'd never had to worry about rent or bills. It wasn't that bad. He was able to get through the day. 

Miller looked at the flowers again. Monty hadn't hated being a pharmacist, either, but it wasn't what he wanted. Miller was starting to understand how easily he'd left it behind, once he realised what he actually wanted. 

When Monty was asleep the night before, tucked into Miller's side, he'd opened up the laptop and researched jobs in the fitness industry. Some stuff he could rule out straight away, but he liked the idea of working with people. Training a large group of people wouldn't work for him, but one-on-one sounded like something he'd be interested in. Better yet, it sounded like something he'd be good at. 

One of the flowers lost a petal. Miller picked it up from the desk and stroked his thumb over it a few times, thinking. Finally, he stood up and called Monty. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mon. Just a quick one. I'll come to the florist's today instead. I'll pick up food on the way."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. There's just something I have to do first." 

Miller took the flowers with him when he left the office. They were the only real thing of sentimental value he had there, anyways.

  


* * *

  


Miller knocked before quickly popping his head in the door. It was weird, not having him around as much as he used to be, but it was to be expected. Clarke wondered how many times Miller had been sitting in their apartment, wishing he was over at Monty and Raven's instead. She hoped it hadn't happened too often.

"Mon is dragging me to the movies so I thought I'd ask if you wanted to come."

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm waiting for a call from Wells. Another time?" 

"Yeah, cool. Tell Wells I said hi."

"Will do."

As soon as the door closed, her phone started ringing and a Facetime call appeared on her screen. She answered immediately and beamed when Wells' face came up in front of her. 

"Wellington. At last."

"I'm literally going to hang up if you start calling me that again. It wasn't funny in first grade, it sure as hell ain't funny now."

"Okay, okay." Clarke took in the rest of Wells' room and grinned when his and Fox's puppy hopped into view. "Hey, Theo."

Theo barked. Wells nodded at him contemplatively and hummed, before turning back to Clarke.

"He says hi."

Clarke snorted. "Speaking of, does papa dearest know he's your new dog's namesake yet?"

"Yeah, he actually took it as a compliment, so. I'm slightly worried."

The dog bounded out of Wells' lap and he looked sadly after it, only turning back at the sound of Clarke's voice.

"As you should be. How's wedding prep going? I bought my outfit the other day."

Wells perked up immediately. "Ah, it's great! I can almost see why Bellamy wanted to do it so much. We're having fun because we still have a while to wait. There's no immediate pressure, you know?"

"Yeah, though Maya and Octavia seem to be holding it together pretty well. Combine Maya's levelheadedness and Octavia's determination and you've got a winning team. Their wedding planner is fantastic too. It's all go over here." 

Wells laughed, "I don't doubt it. So, any other news?"

Clarke frowned. "I don't think anything too major has happened? Let me think."

For once, there didn't seem to be too much drama going down in their friend group. Maybe it was the beginning of maturity, ten years later than she'd thought it would come. Clarke didn't know how to feel about it.

"Oh! Well, Raven and Gina broke up."

"Gina the cute bartender? Why?" Wells sounded as heartbroken as Clarke had felt when she'd found out. They'd all loved Gina, and Raven had really clicked with her. 

"Gina's mom got sick so she had to move home for a while to look after her. Neither of them wanted to do the long-distance thing so they ended on good terms."

"Ah, well. I hope Raven's okay."

"She's fine. Actually, I think she might be moving in here soon!" Clarke bounced up and down in her seat. She hadn't lived with another girl since college and the fact that it was Raven made it even better. 

Wells nodded. "Because of Miller and Monty?"

"No, Raven and I are dating. Surprise."

"I'm not surprised. I've learnt to expect anything from you."

Clarke smirked. "Fair enough. But yeah. Miller mentioned it the other day. It's going to be the end of an era but it has to be done. Miller basically spends all his time over there, anyways, and I've walked in on them making out too many times for my liking."

"And you? How's Lexa?"

"She's..." Clarke bit her lip and tried not to smile. She'd been worried that she'd built up a relationship with her too much - that her wanting it for so long would ruin it - but it surpassed every expectation she could have had. "It's going great. Miller and I were talking about it the other day; how there were all these romantic feelings we were trying to suppress before and now we don't have to. It's so great. I really, really like her."

"I've gathered that."

"She's my phone background."

Wells sighed fondly. "You never change, Clarke Griffin."

"I don't," Clarke confirmed. "But this time feels different." 

Wells gave her one of his brightest smiles. "I think it does too. You deserve this."

Clarke paused for a moment. "I don't know if I do, but I'm going to enjoy it anyways."

"That's my girl."

Clarke glanced at her watch. "I better get ready for work. I'll text you later?"

Wells gave her a thumbs up. "Sure. Go save some lives."

"I'll try my best, for you."

Wells snorted. "I'm pretty sure you have a conscience, as much as you doubt it."

Clarke shook her head. "Wells, you've always been the only conscience I have."

  


* * *

  


Monty was good at many things, but subtlety wasn't one of them. For the first time since she's known him, he'd picked her up from work and taken her to lunch as a "birthday treat", before dragging her around the shops for no apparent reason other than to find a shirt for the wedding. It wasn't something that had to be done immediately - they still had a while to go before Octavia and Maya's big day - but Raven knew there was an ulterior motive so she played along. His phone had buzzed with a text while they were still in the store and he'd immediately decided to stop searching and head home. 

When they arrived in front of the apartment there was some muffled chattering from behind the door, then a loud shushing followed by what Raven thought was Octavia saying, "This is the weakest attempt at a surprise party I've ever seen."

Raven looked at Monty, who snorted and shrugged. "Just - act surprised for Clarke's sake, okay?"

"Alright." 

Raven counted to five outside the door, giving them a moment to gather themselves. Despite the day that was in it, she'd got roped into working for a few hours in the morning so this was the first time she'd be seeing them all. Monty had texted Clarke that they were on their way back to her and Clarke's apartment - home, ever since Miller had moved into Monty's. 

When she opened the door, twenty or so people jumped up and shouted "surprise!" or something to that effect, Maya narrowly missed taking out her eye with a wayward party popper and Octavia opened a bottle of champagne with a bang.

When the noise finally died down, Raven smiled appreciatively. "Very impressive. Thanks, guys."

"Happy 30th birthday," Clarke grinned, pressing a kiss to Raven's cheek. "We tried to go with a space theme. Monty and Octavia's idea."

On second inspection, looking this time at the room rather than the people, Raven felt her mouth drop open,. Makeshift planets hanging from the ceiling. Rocket ships plastered across the walls, some more obviously designed by a trained hand (like Clarke's) than others. Glitter splayed across various darker surfaces, like the sofa and table, to give off the appearance of stars. Moon shaped cookies and alien cupcakes. Atlas by Sleeping at Last played in the background.

When Raven was younger, she'd dreamed of being an astronaut. She'd obsessed over books about space in the library for hours, she'd learned off constellations to recite to Octavia and Monty and even Bellamy, if he let her. She'd dream about what she'd discover on each planet and she'd calculate how long it would take her to visit each. She always tried to make her journey in space last as long as possible, to stay off Earth for as long as she could. Sometimes, she dreamed of bringing Monty and Octavia (and Bellamy, if he wanted) with her. Sometimes, she dreamed of going on her own. Always, she dreamed of going without her mother. It was easier that way.

Eventually, she'd let go of the thought of going to space. Maybe it was when Finn came along, or maybe it was before. Raven wasn't sure when she'd stopped hoping for something special. 

"We never got to throw you a space-themed party when you were younger. I hope this makes up for it," Monty whispered in her ear. Octavia gave her a secret smile from across the room and Raven hastily brushed away the tears threatening to overflow.

Maybe she'd stopped hoping for something special a long time ago, but somehow she'd found it along the way regardless.

"Okay, seriously though." Clarke turned to where Bellamy was sitting beside the stereo, nodding his head out of time to the music. "Put on the actual party music. I've had enough of this instrumental crap."

"I'm quite enjoying it," Bellamy countered.

"Me too, babe," Lexa said, appearing beside Clarke and resting her head on her shoulder. "It's quite... romantic."

"Hmm." Clarke looked down at Lexa in consideration, faltering when her gaze caught on her lips. "You make a very persuasive argument."

"You're just too easy to convince."

"Maybe that's it."

"Alright, no." Raven motioned with her hand at Bellamy. "None of this. I don't want everyone's loved up status bar mine being heightened by this music, so."

Bellamy nodded, relenting. "Agreed. The only one making convincing arguments around here is you, Reyes."

Raven grinned brightly and the music cut off for a moment as Bellamy flicked through the options. A song with a heavy bass started playing, though not as half as loud as they would have played it when they were teenagers. 

She was ushered into the room and met with warm greetings from everyone close to her - Wells was there with Fox, Monroe with Harper on the phone and even Sinclair called in for a quick visit to wish her happy birthday, since he had been off this morning and was persuaded by Bellamy to stop by. 

"How's it feel to join the old people's club?" Miller asked, elbowing her lightly as they both made a pit-stop at the drinks table. Clarke was there too, but she was too busy talking to a girl called Niylah that Raven used to work with to pay attention to them. Clarke's place at the drinks table wasn't more of a pit stop as a permanent position. 

"Scary, but good. I like where I am, you know?"

"Yeah." Miller nodded, and Raven watched the way his eyes found Monty across the room. "I know."

"Ten years ago..." Raven trailed off. It was hard to think about that time in her life. She hadn't been happy but she tried so hard to pretend she was. Now, it was so natural that she could barely remember what not having that felt like. "I never thought I'd be here. I thought I'd be in the exact same place, married to Finn, jobless and surrounded by rich people who barely remembered my name." 

Miller winced at Raven's admission, but it was true. For her twentieth birthday, Finn had taken her to his parent's penthouse in the city and thrown a party. It was all his friends, people she barely knew giving her presents that cost more than she would have made in a month (before Finn encouraged her to quit). She'd gotten a happy birthday text from Octavia and Monty, but they were barely talking, now. Raven had felt so helpless - she couldn't have Finn and the stability he brought without losing her friends. 

"Well, ten years ago I was probably seeing Murphy, going into a job that I hated and accepting the fact that I was probably in love with someone who would never think of me as anything other than a friend, so. I think both our lives have changed for the better."

Raven smiled into her cup. "I think they have." 

The night of her twentieth had been awful and she'd ended the night sitting on the edge of the bathtub, rubbing Finn's back as he puked into the toilet. Everything that could have been different this time, was. 

Bellamy cajoled her into dancing (after a round of shots with Monty and Wells) and it was good, because he knew Raven's limits with her brace and didn't push them. Clarke gave her a bracelet that had a charm on it to represent each of them; a wrench, a paintbrush, a book, a flower, a sneaker and a boxing glove. Everyone sang happy birthday and cut the cake that Monty had made, with help from Clarke in the icing, and the couples in the room promised not to feed each other cake - one none of them kept. She felt at home, but it wasn't an unfamiliar feeling. 

People slowly started to leave and eventually it was only the six of them and Lexa and Maya left to clean up. Lexa commanded them all with the ease of a military commander and they got the job done in record time. 

"Is she like that in the bedroom?" Raven asked Clarke on the quiet, while Lexa was getting ready to leave. Clarke shook her head in disbelief.

"I've never seen this side of her before. It's kind of a turn-on, not going to lie."

"Kind of?" Raven drawled skeptically.

"Alright, I'm a mess. We're staying over at hers because I want you to get a good night's sleep."

Raven squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't need to think about that right now, or ever. "Enough said. Just leave."

"That's the plan." Lexa appeared beside her and tugged her towards the door. "Let's go."

Clarke turned back and mouthed, "I'm going to die." Raven giggled and waved them out.

It was only her and Bellamy left so they decided to tackle the dishes before he went too. 

"Did you have a good night?" Bellamy turned to her from where he was drying the dripping plates. 

"I mean, my point of reference was my twentieth birthday where I had to listen to Finn singing 'I Want It That Way' so, yeah. I had a great night."

"That's -- Oh!" Bellamy put down the towel and reached into his back pocket. "I almost forgot." 

He held out a black box and smiled down at her, a little embarrassed. "Happy birthday, Raven."

Raven stared up at him, and the room seemed a lot smaller all of a sudden. "Thank you, Bellamy." 

A pendant lay inside, with a silver chain and a multi-coloured stone that almost looked like a galaxy. Raven bit her lip to stop herself from gasping - it looked quite old and definitely not inexpensive. Bellamy coughed awkwardly. 

"I, um. I know Finn got you that Raven necklace so I wanted to get you something that represented a new start, or whatever. I just -- I saw this and I thought of you. But if you don't like it --"

"No, I love it." Raven clasped it to her chest. "Really, Bell. Thank you."

"Don't worry about it." He shrugged it off but Raven knew this meant a lot. Out of their whole group, Bellamy was probably the worst at getting people presents - it must have taken him a while to find something like this. 

"Will you put it on me?"

Bellamy raised his eyebrows but nodded and took the necklace from her. She turned around, unclasping her abuela’s necklace and setting it aside carefully before pulling her hair to the side. She felt his fingers graze her neck and suppressed a shiver. 

The attraction had never really left. Raven always wondered if it ever would, with their history. There were always moments where Raven thought they were on the edge of something else - full of possibility and the notion that one step into the unknown would bring them somewhere else. She didn't think it had really faded for Bellamy, either. Their friendship came first, always, but innocent flirting and charged moments like these niggled in Raven's mind. 

Bellamy guided her to turn back around and his face did something indecipherable before turning into a smile again. "It looks beautiful on you."

Raven grinned. "I don't know how it stands up to the t-shirt Miller got me, but still a good effort." 

Miller had bought her a t-shirt that said 'I'm a mechanic; let's assume I'm never wrong' on the front of it, but Raven's voice had been too thick with emotion for Bellamy to take her seriously. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, eyes soft, before straightening up.

"I should probably leave soon. You must be tired." 

Raven felt a twang of disappointment and it made her feel strange. Did she want this?

"Or..." Raven swallowed. "Or you could not."

Bellamy looked startled for a moment, before licking his lips and furrowing his eyebrows. "I...Raven..."

"No, Bell - listen. This isn't a rebound and it doesn't have to be the start of anything. I know where I stand but if you're not on the same page then... It's just an option."

"An option?" Bellamy repeated, but he stepped closer and let his hand rest on Raven's shoulder. There was a smirk playing across his lips. It made sense, really; two adults that were friends and physically attracted to each other, hooking up. Raven didn't think this easy communication would be possible with anyone but Bellamy. 

"An option." Raven brought her hand up to his chest, their mouths now just centimetres apart. "Just like walking out that door is also an option." 

"I like the first one better," Bellamy whispered, before closing the distance between them. 

The familiarity that Raven felt when they kissed was both comforting and exhilarating. Clothes were soon shed and they made their way to the bedroom, Raven laughing as Bellamy struggled out of his jeans. When he joined her on the bed, he was grinning too, and he took his time reaching her lips again - pressing kisses to her neck, her jaw, her nose. 

"Let's make your thirtieth better than your twentieth in one more way." 

Raven snorted. "Your vendetta against Finn never died, did it?"

Bellamy grinned against her shoulder. "Fuck no."

Raven arched her back as Bellamy moved his mouth down her stomach, just about gasping out, "Happy birthday to me."

  


* * *

  


Bellamy tried not to smile at the pavement as he walked home. It was a total walk of shame but he felt none of such. He'd be singing an upbeat dance number about the sun shining and birds singing, had his life been a musical. 

Whether it was the years he'd gained on his life or his newfound attitude, this time he was left with no nagging thoughts. He and Raven were friends above all else, but they'd probably never stop having chemistry between them. It's how they'd always worked. And if this brought up any old feelings... possibly Raven could have them too. 

She'd said it wasn't a rebound hookup. He had no reason to not trust her. Raven had a habit of recovering from relationships in her own, rather compact way. She wasn't a wallower like he was. 

"You look chipper", Monroe said as a greeting as he got home. They were eating cereal in front of the TV in their pyjamas. "Looks like I missed the real party."

Bellamy laughed, dropping on the couch next to them. "The party was definitely over." 

"So who is the lucky one you got lucky with?" 

He wasn't sure he should tell. Monroe didn't know all the details of their past, but maybe that was what made them the only person he could tell without starting anything. "Raven." 

"Oh? I didn't know you were a thing?" 

"We're not... We used to be, like you know. We've only slept together once after we broke up and that didn't lead to anything." 

"So you can just do that without any strings attached?" 

"Not really. There's always strings and we both know that. But our relationship always seems to come back to bordering on... something else."

Monroe nodded thoughtfully. "So do you want it to go somewhere else?" 

"I don't know. It's just so natural when we're together. I always had hope that we'd connect again. When we dated it was... messy. We didn't talk when we should've and there was still a lot of stuff in our lives that was unresolved." 

"Yeah, you totally want it", Monroe grinned. "Looks like she's your dream girl." 

Bellamy sighed. "You're not the first one to say that." 

"Love's rough, buddy. What are you going to do?" 

"Nothing. It all just happened. This might just be my post-sex brain talking."

"What did Raven think? Or did you run?" 

"She was the one who brought it on the table. And this morning we were talking like we always do. There was no awkwardness. It was just me and her." 

"Well... good luck with that. I'm rooting for you, roomie." 

"Thanks", Bellamy chuckled. "Your support keeps me going." 

"We complete each other." 

"I'll crumble when you leave." Bellamy got up and stretched his arms over his head. "I'm going to take a shower." 

"I have to go to work for a few hours later. If I've disappeared, that's where I'm at", Monroe said without taking their eyes off the cartoons on the screen. 

"Alright." 

\--

He rushed across the apartment when there was a knock on the door. It woke him up as he'd fallen asleep after his shower and Monroe had left while he was out. 

Behind the door he found Anya smiling brightly at him. In her arms was a small child with dark hair and brown eyes. 

"Hi", she said softly. "Can we come in?" 

"Gosh, of course. Come in!" 

"Can you bring the strollers in? I love that your elevator works." Anya moved in past him. 

Bellamy got the strollers in through the door and shut it gently. "I could've come over too." 

"We wanted to get out and give mommy a little time to sleep", Anya pressed kisses to her daughter's feathery hair. "So we came to see uncle Bellamy."

"Hi, Mel." Bellamy touched her tiny fist, which opened and took a hold of his finger. He turned to look at Anya. "I can't believe you have a kid." 

"Me neither. I have a baby", Anya grinned. 

The adoption had come through barely a week ago, and Anya and Echo had been able to bring their 11-month-old home. Anya had promised to visit everyone once they were settled. Echo had sent him close to a hundred pictures of the baby over their first few days at home. 

"She's so beautiful." Bellamy tugged her in a one-armed hug. "I'm so happy for you guys." 

"Thank you, Bell." Anya untangled her hair from Mel's fingers. "Echo's a natural. I don't know what I'd do without her. I swear I wasn't pregnant but this whole thing has got me so hormonal. I love it." 

"I can't even imagine. Is she sleeping?" 

"Yeah, she's pretty good at that. We aren't as much. We're constantly checking on her. Well... me mostly. But Echo stays up with me. I might be the luckiest person in the entire world." 

They sat down and Anya held Mel up as she bounced herself on the cushion. "May I?" Bellamy asked, holding out his hands. Anya nodded, and he took a hold of her, bringing her to stand in his lap. "Hello there. How are you doing, little one?"

Mel just blew a spit bubble at him. Anya had already dug out her phone to snap pictures of them. 

"I texted O and Miller they should come over, by the way. I'm too lazy to go to them." 

"That's okay", Bellamy said, still in his baby voice. "O might keep her, though." 

"She can babysit whenever she wants. That goes for you too." Anya stretched out on the couch. "We'll suck at being strict parents, but we figured if all her aunts and uncles are worse, we'll appear stricter."

"Solid plan", Bellamy cooed. "I'll never be able to turn off this baby voice, am I?" 

"Never", Anya said in hers. 

A key turned in the lock and they could hear Octavia's voice through the door. Soon she was inside with Maya and Miller in tow. 

"Hi, An! Oh my god!" Octavia squealed. "She's gorgeous!" She rushed to give a quick hug to Anya before landing next to Bellamy and making grabby hands at the baby. "Bell, baby, Bell." He had to hand her over. 

Bellamy also gave up his seat for Maya, who squeezed his shoulder. Anya had actually gotten up to trap Miller in a hug. 

"My, let's make a baby." Octavia hugged Mel to her chest as she turned to her fiancée. "I'm serious."

"I don't mind if we try", Maya smirked. 

"My", Octavia whined. 

"I know. How about we get this wedding situation handled first." 

"She'll hold you up to that", Bellamy snorted. 

"I will." Octavia smiled sweetly. 

"How's the wedding planning going?" Anya asked. 

Maya shrugged. "It's great. I thought it'd be much worse." 

"Indra is a miracle worker", Anya chuckled. "I swear nothing at our wedding would've worked without her." 

"You saved our asses by getting her as our planner too." 

Miller crouched in front of O to look at Mel. "Is baby fever contagious?" 

"Very", Octavia nodded adamantly. "Want to try?" 

"Sure." Miller lifted Mel up. It got quiet so he looked to the rest of them. 

Anya was snapping pictures again while Bellamy, Octavia and Maya smiled widely at him. Miller raised a brow. 

"This is the cutest thing I've ever seen", Bellamy whispered. 

"Send one to Monty", Octavia told Anya. 

Miller rolled his eyes at them. "They're all weirdoes", he shook his head to Mel, who watched him with wide eyes. "You'll know when you're older."

  


* * *

  


"I mean, you don't have to come if you're busy. I know there's lots to do."

"Nonsense," Indra replied, waving a hand in front of Maya's face, as if she were casting a spell to dismiss all her worries. She did remind Octavia of a fairy godmother, now that she thought about it. "The dresses are the most important part. If I have them in my mind when I'm looking at flowers or colour schemes with you, I'll know what works much better. Ah, there it is!"

Indra quickened her pace once she caught sight of the shop they'd been heading to and after sending an amused look to Maya, Octavia jogged to catch up to her. It was only the first shop of the day but Octavia was feeling hopeful. Indra knew the owner and she'd mentioned that this was where her wife, Callie, had bought her own wedding dress. The way she talked about it gave Octavia a good feeling, though she was fairly certain Maya was going to look stunning in anything she wore. 

"This guy..." Indra said softly as they walked in. "He's a little intense, but don't be scared off. There's a great collection here." 

Maya glanced at Octavia dubiously but nodded. Octavia reached for her fiancée's hand (fiancée, fiancée, fiancée - Octavia really liked that word) and they pushed the large wooden doors open together. 

The first thing that hit Octavia was the sheet brightness of everything. The natural light lit up all the white dresses and it took a moment of squinting before Octavia could see properly. A man with shoulder length brown hair wearing a tailored blue suit came into focus as he walked briskly towards them.

"Indra. So good to see you."

He leaned down to kiss her hand and Indra made a face of mild disgust before regaining her composure and nodding back at him. 

"You too, Roan. How's your mother?"

A dark expression overcame the man's features but he quickly shook it off and ignored the question, giving Indra a look that said _later_. Turning to Octavia and Maya, he surveyed them for a second, as if they were sculptures in a museum, before turning back to Indra. 

"These are the two girls you called about, yes?"

"They are. Maya and Octavia." Indra pointed each of them out to him and he shook their hands firmly. Octavia tried to contain her sigh of relief when he didn't go to kiss them like he had Indra.

"Are you looking for anything specific?"

"Um..." Maya blushed and looked around her. "I'm not really sure, to be honest. I liked the idea of some lace, so..."

"Well, that's a start." Roan looked to Octavia. "And you?"

She smiled brightly back. "No idea."

"Alright, well." Indra looked to the two women beside her. "Let's browse for a while and regroup in an hour to see what we've got."

They all wandered around for a while and Octavia ended up pulling out a few simple ones she liked. It was funny - she always thought she'd want a massive, Disney-style dress, but she didn't feel drawn to any now. A lot of what she'd envisioned for the day when she was younger had changed but she was pretty sure it was for the better.

Maya suddenly appeared beside her, talking in a low voice. "A lot of this stuff is very..."

"Pricey? I think Indra is getting us a discount." She glanced over at the wedding planner, who was nodding patiently at something Roan was gesticulating wildly about. 

"I was going to say extravagant," Maya said, running her hand over a wayward feather as she passed. "But that too."

"Hey, each to their own," Octavia said, though her voice sounded slightly doubtful even to her own ears. "We'll find something."

Maya stopped and tugged at the dresses in Octavia's arms, scrutinising them. "These are all gorgeous. You're going to look beautiful."

Octavia felt herself blushing. "Shut up."

Maya pinched her cheek, grinning, before taking her hand and tugging her after her. 

"Nothing's really catching my eye yet. I..."

Maya trailed off and Octavia waited for her to continue. She wasn't going to push her, but she had an idea what this was about. 

"I think my dad wants me to wear my mom's dress. I don't know if -- if that's what she would have wanted. I don't know anything she'd want." Maya laughed drily. She'd died when Maya was only young, and her memory of her was fading. 

Octavia squeezed Maya's hand. She knew thoughts of her mother had started cropping up more often ever since they'd gotten engaged, but she hadn't actually broached the topic until now. 

"She would have wanted you to be happy, My. Whether that's in her dress or not."

"I am happy," Maya said quietly. "You know that."

"Yeah," Octavia grinned. "I do."

"Save something for the actual wedding day, yeah?" Maya said, tutting, but Octavia felt her lips curve into a smile against her own mouth when she kissed her. 

"Come on," Octavia said, pulling back and shaking her head at Maya's pout. "Let's keep going. There has to be something you like." 

"I wish I did out a scrapbook or something, for ideas. It would make this whole process a lot easier." Maya puffed out a breath. "I hate shopping usually, and this is worse because there's the added pressure that our grandkids are still going to be looking at pictures of us in eighty years, you know?"

"Grandkids? Christ, let's at least sort out the wedding cake before we start talking about grandkids," Octavia laughed. 

"I'm a worrier, okay?" Maya frowned at a lace dress in a way that would look like she hated it to anyone else, but to Octavia meant it had caught her fiancée's eye. "Get used to it." 

"You've been doing great so far." Octavia watched her pick up the dress and sling it over her arm without ceremony. "And anyways, this is what I signed up for. One of us needs to worry about stuff."

"And what's your job?"

Octavia smirked. "Massages?"

Maya nodded approvingly. "I quite like the sound of that."

"Yeah." Octavia brushed a piece of hair back from Maya's face. "Me too."

  


* * *

  


_  
"Shots, shots, shots!" Bellamy yelled as he passed a group of people. "Shots, shots, shots", he grinned at Miller as he set down the glasses. "Drink up, buddy. No more frowning."_

_"Bell, I'm not in the mood for this."_

_"Exactly. Drink." Bellamy threw back a shot. "Take it."_

_Miller had just finished an awful assignment the day before and he was struggling with his thoughts. Clearly this was a great idea._

_"Hey! There you go", Bellamy clapped his back enthusiastically. "Have another one!"_

_He did. It was surprising Bellamy was the bad influence in their friendship._

_"Babe, I'm going to check another party next door." Anya took a sip of his beer as she leaned over his shoulder._

_"Alright, we'll be here."_

_"Bye, Miller! Feel better."_

_"Bye, An." He waved after her before shooting a glare at his best friend. "You told her?"_

_"I tell her everything. Like I tell you everything."_

_"You don't tell me Anya's business", Miller raised his brows._

_"We both love you and want to help. Drink."_

_He took another shot. "So how exactly are you helping me today?"_

_"We're de-stressing. Then we'll find you someone hunky to make out with."_

_"You know hunky's never been my taste."_

_"Exactly!" Bellamy slammed his fist against the table, startling a poor passerby. "You're trying new things. Because the old isn't working."_

_"That's like saying I'm not working", Miller grumbled, accepting another shot._

_"I said I love you", Bellamy petted his cheek._

_"I think you need to not", Miller took the beer out of his hand and chugged down the rest of it. "Okay, I'm definitely drunk... as soon as this sets. What now?"_

_"Now for the making out --"_

_Miller groaned before he could finish._

_"Fine", Bellamy huffed. "We could also talk about your feelings and what's bothering you."_

_"God, no."_

_"Miller, please", he whined. "Share with me. I'm your best friend."_

_"And sometimes I regret it." His head was slowly getting fuzzier. He might not have to regret this night too much._

_"No, you don't. You love me. Tell me what's wrong."_

_"No."_

_"Please."_

_"No."_

_"You make my life so hard."_

_"Bell, I swear it's not a big deal. It'll pass."_

_"So there is a deal! I knew it." Bellamy leaned closer, taking his hand. "At least be vague so I can guess."_

_Miller looked around the party. It wasn't like anyone cared what they were talking about. "I just... kind of maybe like this guy and it's not happening."_

_"I thought you liked Monty", Bellamy said lightly._

_"I don't _like_ Monty, Bell. I just said I think he's hot now. That's it. I don't _like_ him."_

_"Alright, I get the message. I'll pretend I believe you for now. So what's the problem with this _guy_?"_

_The problem was Monty. He did like him. Just a little bit, but sometimes a little more. When they went home Miller hoped he'd be there too. Every time after seeing him he kept thinking about him for a while. It wasn't like they were friends or anything. But Monty was great._

_"I'll get over it. I promise. It's just a little weird for now."_

_"Will you at least tell me if it doesn't?"_

_"I promise."_

_Bellamy let go of his hand. "Okay. Fine. Should we dance?"_

_"Since when do we dance?"_

_"Since I got you drunk?" Bellamy flashed him a hopeful smile._

_"With my tolerance, we're not there yet."_

_"Ugh." Bellamy checked his phone quickly. "Are you still seeing Murphy?"_

_He grimaced. "Not really."_

_"Then it's hookup time."_

_"What?"_

_Bellamy sighed heavily. "I will find you someone nice."_

_"I really don't need you to play matchmaker with me."_

_"Not even a little?"_

_"Don't flutter those lashes at me. I don't need to get laid right now."_

_"Now those are words I didn't think I'd need to hear in this frat house. You're letting down all the bros, Miller."_

_"I don't mind", he scoffed._

_Bellamy leaned his elbows on the table. "So what should we do? We've drank their booze now. Wanna get out of here and go stargazing? I could finally teach you those constellations --"_

_"There he is", Miller scrubbed a hand over his eyes. "Let's go home and fall asleep in front of the TV."_

_"We're seniors, Miller, not senior citizens."_

_"You can call Anya, too."_

_"Okay", Bellamy grinned, getting up and grabbing his coat. "But I'm showing you at least two constellations on the way there."_

_"Deal."_

_It wasn't unusual for them to visit random parties and leave just as abruptly. They were welcome everywhere. Bellamy was friends with half the school, and they knew Miller because Bellamy probably talked more about him than he talked about Anya. Anya appreciated the privacy._

_They were standing in the middle of a path near the center of the campus as Bellamy pointed out stars to him. Miller hadn't really listened to him on the way there, his brain too fuzzy to keep up while Bellamy couldn't contain the nerd even whilst heavily inebriated. There wouldn't be a quiz later so he didn't mind._

_He'd been thinking about it all. Bellamy and Anya had always functioned more as friends rather than partners. Monty could've easily been his friend. He could feel the same way for anyone. People got crushes on their friends all the time._

_Bellamy was his best friend but he'd always thought he was cute. As a kid he'd gotten butterflies in his stomach when he knew the boy would be waiting for him by his locker when he went to school. It passed but it still happened._

_"Bell?"_

_Bellamy turned to look at him, swaying lightly on his feet from looking down from the sky so quickly. "Yeah?"_

_He wasn't exactly thinking when he cupped Bellamy's cheek and kissed him. Bellamy sucked in a surprised breath through his nose but relaxed against him, resting a hand on his hip._

_There wasn't a thrill like he'd expected, not like when he saw Monty. It was more of a strangely familiar feeling kissing Bellamy. They hadn't done it past a quick peck once or twice over the years. But this was a comforting feeling, the scent of Bellamy's soap and cheap beer strong and his lips soft but chapped against his._

_"Well. I didn't see that one coming", Bellamy said as he pulled away._

_Miller just shrugged. He wouldn't have minded another try, but he reminded himself he was quite drunk._

_"Please don't tell me this is why you invited me over."_

_Miller stepped away from Bellamy hurriedly at the sound of Anya's voice. He dared to look at her only to find her grinning._

_"Because I'm not impressed just yet."_

_"I'm so sorry, An! I wasn't thinking. I'm drunk -- We're drunk and I just... did that."_

_"It's okay, Miller. If some kissing lifts your spirits, have at it. No one died."_

_He shook his head. "No. I'm really sorry."_

_"It's okay", Bellamy kissed his cheek. "Come on. Let's go."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"You don't have to apologize. I'm not mad. You'd make a cute couple", Anya patted his shoulder._

_"I've always said that", Bellamy nodded._

_Miller groaned, letting Bellamy wrap an arm around his shoulders, the other around Anya as they started towards their dorms.  
_

\--

"What about this?"

Monty spun around, now in dark gray dress pants and a white button up shirt. He raised a brow at Miller, who managed to trail his eyes back to his face. 

"You look hot."

"You said that about the last two things I tried on", Monty sighed and dropped on the couch next to him. 

"I find you hot in everything. There's just no way around it", Miller shrugged. "Just wear this."

"Fine. You've flattered me into submission", Monty reached over to kiss him. "I need to go, anyway."

"O's coworkers can wait a little longer", Miller grinned against his lips. 

"But O can't", Monty sighed and pulled away grudgingly. He disappeared into the bathroom, away from his grabby hands. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Bell should be here soon. We're watching a game."

"Sounds more fun than I'll have. All of O's friends are muscular and attractive in a threatening way. Maya sure did pick the wrong week to catch something from her kiddos. And Raven's too damn sneaky to get stuck with this."

"Hey! I'll be one of those muscular and threateningly attractive people soon - hopefully."

Octavia had come to his rescue and introduced him to a year-long program that would allow him to work as a personal trainer. It had felt like something he could just try out at first and a year wasn't too long of a commitment. He'd ended up really enjoying it, only a month in. Even the nutrition stuff, that made Bellamy lose focus half the time he talked about it nowadays, felt really interesting to him. It all actually got him excited. 

"You already are." Monty walked up to him and straddled his thighs. "So next time I'm sending you with O. Enjoy your last night of freedom from the gym people." 

He couldn't complain with his hands running over Monty's back and his lips on his neck. A knock on the door startled them. Monty hopped off of him with an impish grin. 

"Have fun with Bell. Love you."

He watched over the back of the couch as Monty opened the door for the Blakes. Bellamy patted him on the shoulder as they passed. Monty sent a final wave at Miller while Octavia yelled her goodbyes. 

Bellamy took a seat next to him, shooting him an amused look when he turned to him. 

"What?"

"I'm just enjoying your goofy love face."

"It's not goofy!" 

"You're absolutely love struck, man", Bellamy grinned. 

He smiled back. "Yeah." 

Bellamy shook his head fondly and turned on the TV. 

\--

"How was your date last week, by the way? You haven't mentioned it." It was halftime and they were sitting on the balcony, a few beers in. "What was his name? Jones?"

Bellamy blushed, and Miller was immediately more interested. 

"I didn't know what to tell you... Because it wasn't like a date I'd usually have."

Miller narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"It was slightly less of a date and more of a one night stand", Bellamy grimaced. 

"Why are you making that face? I'm not judging you."

"I know", Bellamy sighed. "I guess I judged myself. He was a bit younger than me and we had a great time just talking before we hooked up but... I've never wanted a one night stand. I like to date people - and get engaged but never married."

"Is this another age thing?"

"Maybe?" Bellamy bit his lip. 

Miller reached over to squeeze his arm. "There's nothing wrong with having a one night stand. You're single. It's not just for people in their 20s."

"You're right. I wanted to try it out. It wasn't my thing but it was fun."

"There you go."

"Casual sex just isn't my thing. I mean the last time with --" Bellamy snapped his mouth shut. 

"Oh, come on. You're not leaving me hanging like this."

"No. Nothing."

Miller wasn't going to let it go. The look on Bellamy's face was like one of a deer in headlights. There was no reason for him to not tell him who it was...

He gasped. "You slept with Raven." 

Bellamy covered his face with his hands. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I swear on my life it's the only thing I've never told you about."

Miller stared at him. "Never... You've slept with her more than once since that one hookup?"

Bellamy peeked at him through his fingers. "Maybe."

"Oh my god."

"It's not a big deal! There's no confusion like the previous time."

"Fine. When did it start now?"

Bellamy let his hands drop. "After her party."

"Oh, Bell." 

"What?" 

"You never stopped loving her, did you?" 

"I --" he stammered. "You -- So what if I didn't? That's not why I slept with her."

"But it's a reason why you don't mind sleeping with her. Right?"

"Miller. There's no dramatics. I swear. We had a moment. Like for old times. So maybe I really... really wanted her to stay forever. But that's not the point."

"Oh my god. You want to be with her!" 

Bellamy shushed him like anyone could hear them. "Miller", he hissed. "That's not what I'm saying." 

"It's totally what you're saying! Oh my god! You love Raven!" 

"I was _never_ like this with you and Monty", Bellamy crossed his arms broodingly. 

"Um, you were worse in the beginning."

"Okay, I was. But still! Cut me some slack. This is way more inconvenient."

"Bell, just tell her."

"I've been told not to listen to your advice by multiple people", Bellamy said quickly. "Sorry."

"This is actually good advice! From someone who told the love of their life to kiss them in a completely unreal situation."

Bellamy made a pained face. "Don't use your beautiful romance against me. You know I'm too soft for that."

"I'm counting on it. Tell. Her. How you feel. You listened to me last time, six years ago. This could be your second chance... Third? Fourth?"

"Okay, okay! I get it. I'll try to tell Raven that I'm... in love with her... again."

"That's the spirit", Miller gave him a pleased smile. "I believe in you."

They sat in silence for a while, the noise of the city taking over. He seemed to have made Bellamy really think about it. Miller was glad. But it wasn't at the top of his mind. 

"I'm going to propose to Monty." 

Bellamy turned to him, eyes brimming with tears in a matter of seconds. 

"Okay, let's do this", Miller chuckled. He stood up and Bellamy caught him in a hug immediately. 

"I'm so happy for you", Bellamy said softly to his neck. "You can't even imagine."

"I know." And he did. He'd never doubt Bellamy's love for him. 

"And I'm so proud of you. For everything. You fought for your happiness and you deserve every bit of it."

"Goddammit, Bell", Miller laughed, blinking back tears. "I love you."

"I love you, too", Bellamy gave him one more squeeze before letting go, wiping his eyes. "Now tell me everything. Do you have the ring? Where are you going to do it? Do you need help planning? I'm really good at it."

"I have a ring. I haven't decided where yet. But I have an idea. I'll keep you updated."

Bellamy looked like he might hug him again so Miller took a seat, making Bellamy follow his lead. 

"Are you going to tell everyone?"

"It'll probably happen. I'll try to hold onto it for a little longer."

"Good luck with that", Bellamy huffed. 

"As long as Monty doesn't find out too early."

"He has no idea?"

Miller smiled at his lap. "He has _some_ idea. Just not when."

"I need to fix up my speech", Bellamy said thoughtfully. 

"A best man's duty. Wait - fix it?"

Bellamy gave him a bright smile. "I've had a draft saved since we all found out." 

"Of course."

  


* * *

  


Raven didn't bother knocking, preferring (as the whole group did) to just barge into Octavia and Maya's apartment unannounced. The only one of them who did was Bellamy, and he had his own reasons for it. It was rare for any of them to lock the apartments when someone was home, though recently Miller had started preaching that they should start getting into the habit of it, since not all of them lived right beside each other and probably wouldn't in the future. Bellamy agreed with him, but they were overruled seeing as they were the two oldest of the group. 

"You're late," Monty said, eyeing her as she closed the door. He was sitting at the coffee table, pictures of flowers and food spread out in front of him haphazardly. Octavia was in the kitchen making coffee, her hair held up in a messy bun and dressed as if she'd just come from the gym.

"Hey, Raven! Finally, we can start."

"Yeah, sorry guys. I got caught up and time sort of...escaped me." She gratefully took the coffee from Octavia and sipped the scalding liquid.

She didn't offer an explanation for her tardiness and they didn't push, thankfully. She didn't think _hey O, by the way, your brother and I are screwing again - now are we going with roses or lilies?_ would go down too well. 

She couldn't even explain it to herself, really. Not in the way that it was too complicated, or that she didn't understand what they were doing - she just found it hard to explain how easy it felt in context of her and Bellamy's relationship. It should have been messy for anyone else - engaging in a friends with benefits arrangement, years after the end of a relationship - but it wasn't like that with them. They'd always been different, but this proved it more than anything; how they could have sex and then talk in bed for as long as they had, as normal as going to the cinema together. It was fun, and it made sense.

"Okay, so seeing as Raven's the maid of honour, she should probably look at this, or something." Monty made a careless gesture at the images in front of him. Octavia distributed a light kick to his shin as she passed. 

"Don't sound so bitter. You're going to be hers, and I'm going to be yours. We have a pact." It sounded like they'd already gone through this before Raven had arrived.

"I know that," Monty grumbled. "It's just this wedding is _now_."

"And let's confront the elephant in the room. I'm the only one here who's single." Raven tried to sound sad about it, but she wasn't really, which probably had a lot to do with Bellamy and less to do with the fact that two people she loved were in happy, stable relationships.

Monty rubbed her leg. "You don't need a partner to be happy."

"You don't need a partner to be happy? Easy for you to say, you and Miller are head over fucking heels," Raven griped. Octavia snorted from where she was sitting.

"Yeah, and look how long that took to happen. I remember a similar conversation to this one taking place about fourteen years ago, right? Only back then, I didn't know I liked girls, Monty was in unrequited love with Miller and Raven had a thing with Bellamy."

"I think I can safely say these are good changes," Monty said, stretching his hands behind his head and laying back on them with a content look on his face.

"Agreed," Octavia said, turning off the television and staring at the pictures on the table. 

"So," Raven started, ready to change the topic before she blurted out something she regretted, "Flowers?"

"We're thinking peonies from Monty's obviously --," Octavia said, pointing out the picture as Raven _aahed_ in admiration and Monty nodded knowingly, "and Maya and I are talking to a catering company later about the reception."

"So, we're here to discuss...?" Raven folded her arms. 

"I need help with the invitations. The emails are all gone out, but Maya thought it would be a good idea to send a physical one to the older generation and they should be gone out by now. We have them printed and everything, it's just --"

"The actual sending." Monty poked his cheek out with his tongue. "I left work early for this."

Octavia gave them a wary smile as she dug out a pile of envelopes from her bag. "I'll bring home tasters as a reward."

"Will we even be able to taste anything after this?" Raven asked skeptically.

"We can use damp sponges, Raven. We're adults."

"Right."

\--

Impressively, they were finished after an hour of wiping the sticky edge of the envelope, sealing them and writing the addresses out. It would have taken them less, but Raven and Monty kept questioning who the people they were sending them to were and why they were incapable of using a computer. When they sealed the final envelope, Raven ran a hand over her forehead.

"I can't believe you're getting married, O. I really can't."

"Yeah." Monty nodded in agreement. "But it's everything, you know? Sometimes I can't believe we all still have jobs, we all live near each other and that we're all still friends. I always think I'm going to wake up in my house with my parents, Miller-less and still sure I was spending the rest of my life as a chemist."

Raven huffed out a breath. "Imagine if it wasn't like this, though. Imagine I never freaked out and left the wedding."

They were quiet for a moment. It was a light-hearted enough suggestion, but the repercussions of it were pretty serious. Raven wondered if she'd have stayed in an unhappy marriage, spending her days at home with the maid and splitting time between taking objects apart and putting them together again. It was a real possibility, seeing how much she thought she needed Finn to survive at that stage. She could imagine seeing Octavia, or Monty in the street; waving at them but getting pulled away by Finn to look at something neither of them really needed to buy.

"Well, imagine Clarke never fucked up and I never met Maya. It's -- it's so weird to think of myself with anyone but her," Octavia said, her words slow and considerate. It was strange to picture Octavia marrying someone else, though Raven as definitely biased. Her and Maya just...fit. "I'm glad, for once, that Clarke can be an awful person sometimes."

Octavia thought for a moment. "Maybe don't tell her I said that."

"Since we're all doing it," Monty said softly, "I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't kissed Miller in London. Like, I don't think he would have made the move. It had just been so long - he told me. And I -- I don't know. It just kind of gripped me that night, you know? If I hadn't --"

Monty cut off, looking contemplative and slightly worried. Raven could empathise - thinking about life being any other way than it was now was hard to process; when it came down to it, Raven didn't know how much of her leaving came down to preconceived planning, and how much was due to her acting on a gut decision. She thought it was probably the same with Monty. Sometimes, it just came down to one moment - a second of action, changing everything. On the way to the coffeeshop, Raven had thought of getting off the train and running back, saying she'd just forgotten something at her apartment that she needed urgently. Finn wouldn't have cared - save face now, get an explanation later. They would have gotten married. Raven shuddered.

"Hey," Monty's voice was gentle as he rested a hand on her arm. "You're not there. You're with us. I'm in a committed relationship with Miller, you're the most talented mechanic in the garage you work at and Octavia has a wedding dress in the closet."

"Excuse the pun." 

Octavia shook her head. "We did okay, I think."

Monty and Raven nodded exuberantly. 

"Yeah," Monty said, squeezing Raven's hand. "We did."

Octavia glanced at her watch. "Shit, I gotta pick Maya up from work. Her car's in getting fixed, but you already know that."

"They have the best mechanic on the job." Raven winked, and any remaining emotional tension dissipated. Octavia's keys jangled as she scooped them up from the counter and she pet both Monty and Raven's hair as she passed.

"I'll be back in ten minutes. Stay put because Maya wants to talk about the DJ or band or whatever for the reception. Did you know I met Murphy in town the other day and he offered to play for us? Some kind of dystopian, grungy stuff, in his own words. Perfect for weddings, but I had to pass. Oh -- " she stopped to look at Monty. "I also happened to mention that you and Miller were really serious about each other. And when I say mention, I mean talk about how madly in love you two are for a solid ten minutes. Is that okay?"

"Fuck, yes," Monty breathed out happily. "I just wish I'd been there to see his reaction."

"Almost felt bad for him," Octavia sang as she walked out the door. "Almost."

They turned on the television and Raven lay her head on Monty's lap, propping her brace up on the sofa to take the pressure off her leg. He absentmindedly stroked her hair as they tried, and failed, to concentrate on the dated comedy playing before them. During the ads, Monty pressed mute.

"So."

She turned so she was lying flat on her back, looking up at him. "So?"

Monty tilted his head to the side. "Raven, I've lived with you for years."

She frowned. "I'm not following."

Monty sighed, a smile tugging at his lips. "What were you doing before you came here? I guess you don't have to tell me, but I know it's something and I'd prefer to have the specifics."

"I'm --" Raven gaped. "I wasn't doing anything. What were _you_ doing?"

Monty made an amused sound. "I was with Miller."

"Thought you said you had to leave work early."

Monty laughed, embarrassed. Pink coloured his cheeks and Raven reached up to pinch one. "I did. But I left even earlier so I could have lunch with him. Anyways, stop deflecting."

Raven weighed the pros and cons of telling him. One major pro she hadn't considered was that Monty had hidden a secret relationship for a few months. Not that this was a relationship - they were two friends having sex, was all - but it was on the same spectrum, at the very least.

But she didn't feel right saying it; not without Bellamy knowing. And as much as she trusted Monty, she knew he was going to find it almost impossible to keep it from Miller. 

"It was nothing. Nothing you need to know, anyways."

Monty looked at her for a moment, then shrugged. "Okay. But people will find out eventually, so you should probably plan for that. I know from experience."

"Don't worry about me."

Monty let out an amused laugh and shook his head. "Things really haven't changed."

Raven shrugged. "I guess not. It's good, though."

"Yeah." Monty bit his lip. "It's really, really good."

  


* * *

  


When Octavia had warned her that she could get very competitive when her brother was involved, Maya hadn't taken her as seriously as she probably should have. She was wholly unprepared for Octavia's pure fury over Monopoly during game night, and her persistent claims that Bellamy was cheating because he was the banker. It was somehow terrifying, hilarious and cute all at once.

"I hope this isn't going to be a regular thing," she murmured, her hand moving up and down her fianceé's back soothingly. Octavia shot her a look while Clarke laughed heartily and widened her eyes dramatically.

"Oh, I'm just sad you weren't around for the time we played football on the 4th of July. That was a day to remember, for all the wrong reasons." She looked at Lexa. "I was great, though. I seriously kicked ass."

"Of course you did, babe," Lexa murmured in reply, too busy shuffling through her growing pile of hotels to listen properly to what Clarke was saying.

Game night had been Bellamy's idea, and even though it had initially started off with just himself and Octavia, the whole gang plus any significant others (meaning Lexa and Maya) were invited too. Things got heated a lot quicker than Maya had anticipated and they were now taking a break to allow everyone a few minutes to cool down. All apart from Bellamy and Raven were coupled up but Maya didn't think the two of them minded - they sat beside each other on the rug and were laughing together as they looked through Raven's buying options for the rest of the game. It looked pretty bleak from where Maya was sitting, but Raven didn't seem to care.

"I nearly have him," Octavia said, examining the board. "I have three hotels here, here and here, so if Bellamy even lands in this vicinity somehow there'll be a major payout."

"Nah, O -- you have to think more strategically. You can't just hope he's going to end up here." Miller moved closer and pointed at Bellamy's playing piece, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Monty sent Maya a look over his boyfriend's shoulder and she grinned before rising from the sofa and making her way into the kitchen for a glass of water.

Someone followed her in and she turned to find Lexa pouring Doritos into a bowl. Although Clarke's girlfriend could come across as a little standoffish, she was genuine and Maya found that once she had gotten to know her she was much easier to get along with. 

"Oh, Lexa! Hey. Stuff got pretty intense in there, right? That wasn't just me who thought it?"

Lexa nodded sagely. "It did. I feel like the rest of the group is used to it at this stage. The worst thing is neither Blake is actually winning."

Maya laughed. "Maybe don't remind them. The situation is already on the verge of tipping over into something worse."

"You're not wrong." Lexa stopped and rearranged the chips while she thought. "I don't feel left out, though. They've all known each other for so long - it should feel strange. And I've never been the best at making friends, anyways. This group is so different."

Maya nodded emphatically. "I get it. It makes sense, in a way. They adopted Clarke into their group because she was Miller's roommate, and Raven left and came back. Dynamics have shifted a lot."

The ghost of a smile crossed Lexa's face. "That's true. It's funny how they all have such an interwoven past. Once you know Bellamy and Raven used to date, it's easier to pick up on stuff between them - " Maya interjected with, "Yeah, definitely" - "...but at the same time, it's strange for me to think of Miller and Monty as anything but totally in love. I can't believe they were friends for so long."

"Mmm." Maya tried to think back on before London, back before she found out they were together. "I mean... Octavia had mentioned that a little part of her thought Monty still harboured some of his crush from high school, but I guess I never really thought about it. They had a different friendship than the others, but so did each of them, so it wasn't that strange. Sorry, I'm not making much sense."

"No." Lexa nodded, eyes serious. "You are. Each friendship is so specific to the two people involved. It would be weird if it wasn't kind of heartwarming."

Maya snorted. "Right. That's applicable for a lot of stuff with this group, I think."

Lexa popped a chip into her mouth and shrugged. "I don't know if we can still distance ourselves from it. We're a part of this now, really."

"I guess." Maya paused for a moment. "Not exactly a bad thing, though."

"It's not," Lexa agreed solemnly. "Though I don't think we'll ever be as dependent as they all are on one another. They don't even realise it. I think... I think you and O getting married, and Monty and Miller living together - it's going to hit them harder than they think. I don't mean everything's going to be different at once, but it's going to be a change."

She thought about this for a few seconds. Lexa was right, but Maya knew there wasn't anything that could distance the group too much from one another. Even with kids and mortgages, she didn't see their bonds lessening. To be a part of that - it made her feel important, somehow.

"Maybe. But I think they'll be okay." 

Lexa looked up and smiled and Maya felt an unexpected spark of joy - making someone who was normally so cool and controlled happy was a good feeling. 

At that moment, Octavia shouted in for the two of them to hurry up because, as she put it, "there's no time for breaks like this when Bellamy's ass is just waiting to get kicked."

"Weird, but heartwarming." Maya nodded again. "Sounds about right."

Lexa grinned. "I think so. Good talk, by the way. We should do this again sometime; as the two outsiders, we need to have each other's backs."

Maya grinned as they walked back to where the others were sitting. Bellamy was quoting some kind of Machiavelli military strategy and comparing it to his gameplay in Monopoly; Raven and Clarke were pouring out more wine and Monty and Miller were in a world of their own, as usual.

"I like the sound of that."

  


* * *

  


Miller closed the trunk of Bellamy's car after dropping off his bag and walked back to the apartment. He was taking Monty away for the weekend to Clarke's beach house. Now that they lived together, going away wasn't exactly necessary for some alone time, but it was a special occasion. 

Bellamy and Raven were on the couch, arguing over the remote. Miller wondered if he'd started paying more attention to their interactions after the confirmation of Bellamy's feelings. Being as content as he was now, it was hard not to want to meddle to make his friends just as happy. 

Monty stepped out of their bedroom and shut the door. He smiled at Miller from across the room before turning to the duo on the couch. "Alright, we're heading out. I left a lasagna for you and Clarke in the fridge, Raven, in case Bellamy doesn't feed you." 

"No parties, right? No friends over?" Raven grinned. 

"You have your own places", Monty pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Play nice with each other. Tell O and Clarke we love them. See you on Sunday."

Miller held the door open for him. Before he followed Monty out, Bellamy turned to look at him over the back of the couch. He mouthed 'good luck' to him. Miller shook his head. He glanced at Raven and raised a brow. It had Bellamy turning back around quickly. 

"Bye, Raven."

"Bye, sweetie!" Raven waved without even looking at him. 

He caught up to Monty in the last flight of stairs. Monty took his hand with a smile. 

"So... what are our plans for this mysterious weekend?" 

"Obviously my plan is to finally talk you into letting me train you." 

"We both know it'd never work. You're the muscles in this relationship, and you know I very much enjoy that. My concentration can only handle so much", Monty squeezed his bicep. "Besides... I get my workout just fine when you get home all sweaty and somehow still energized."

Miller stopped to kiss the smug grin off his face. 

\--

Miller woke up, his face buried in Monty's shirt. Monty stroked his hair, balancing a glass of wine on his shoulder. 

"You're drinking on me?" he grumbled. 

"You're sleeping on me", Monty pinched his cheek. 

"You outdid yourself with dinner. I needed to sleep it off." He didn't bother to get up, too comfortable with his head in Monty's lap. "What time is it?" 

"After nine."

"Want to go outside?"

"You want to watch the sunset?" Monty grinned. "On the beach?"

"Of course", Miller reached up to brush his hair off his forehead. "I'm romancing you."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Monty dropped a kiss on his cheek. 

Miller pushed himself up and went to grab a bottle of water while Monty watched him over the back of the couch. He smiled to himself. 

Taking a seat next to Monty again, he kissed his wine-stained lips briefly. He could've done it right there, in a moment of stillness and peace, with Monty nuzzling his cheek and humming a tune under his breath. But he was going to make it worth the wait. 

There'd been a hundred times he wanted to blurt out the words. Every time Monty reached for his hand, when he laughed at something he said, when he kissed Miller's knees weak. Ever since the conversation they had almost three months ago, he'd said it in his head a thousand times. 

He knew Monty wanted to get married. Miller had never been as passionate about the thought, but after Octavia and Maya's news he'd realized he wanted to be the one to ask the question. 

The look on Monty's face when he told him that, was something he'd never forget. They'd talked about it how they always did, directly and without discomfort, and Monty had joked it was merely a matter of who got there first. His confession had rendered Monty speechless and he'd simply nodded, tugging him in a hug. 

"Give me a sec and we'll go, alright?" 

Monty pulled away grudgingly. Their eyes met and he froze, a flush rising to his cheeks. The reminder that they both thought they were the lucky one out of the two was never unwanted. 

\--

They didn't really talk as they walked across the beach. The sun was setting slowly in the horizon and it was quiet besides a few seagulls and waves hitting the shore. 

"Hey, Mon?" 

"Yeah?"

He stepped into his space and cupped his cheek, kissing him softly. Monty took a shaky breath as he pulled away, holding onto his hands tightly. 

"Is it bad that I already want to cry?" 

Miller just shook his head. He got down on one knee on the sand. To his surprise Monty got on his knees as well, shaking his head. 

"Sorry, I can't stand for this."

He laughed, giving Monty's hands a squeeze. "I spent a long time trying to think of what to say. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do, to try not to ask this from you every day we spend together. I spent years and years wanting to tell you how much I love you. So when I finally got to be with you, I knew I'd never let you go."

Monty nodded rapidly, blinking back tears. 

"I've never been happier than when I'm with you. I never had to change; I could just be. You're the brave one out of us and I'll never stop being grateful for that. But I wanted to do this so I could show you... I might not be the most romantic but all of the romance that I have is just for you." He let go of Monty's hands to take out the simple gold band from his pocket. "Monty Green. Will you marry me?" 

"I will. Yes. Yes", Monty whispered. 

Miller put the ring on his finger. Both of their hands were shaking. 

"I love you so much." Monty looked up from the ring to him. "So much."

Miller wiped the tears off his cheeks with his thumbs. "I love you too." 

The kiss Monty gave him lasted only for seconds because he couldn't stop smiling. Miller wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. 

"This is so cheesy. I love it", Monty whispered to the skin of his neck. 

"I know."

"Thank you."

  


* * *

  


_  
"You can't seriously want to study right now", Octavia groaned. "Look at the weather! It's so nice out. Come on, guys."_

_Raven craned her neck to see out the window. "I'm with O. I'll race you to the park."_

_"Come on. Don't force me to be the mom friend", Monty groaned._

_He was naturally the mom friend. Raven knew he couldn't fight the urge to try to have them be smart about it. She also knew in ten minutes he'd crack and they'd be out the door. Monty was brilliant but he rarely used his powers for good. He was only studying to motivate them, anyway._

_"You're going to ace this test, Mon. Chill", Octavia tightened her ponytail. "We deserve some fun in the sun."_

_"You're both terrible", Monty lifted his book so he couldn't see them._

_Raven glanced at Octavia and together they turned to stare at him. He held on for almost thirty seconds before snapping the book shut with a sigh. The girls high-fived as subtly as they could._

_The day was one of the best yet that year and the park was full. They wandered around for a while before settling on a sunny patch of grass. Monty laid his head on Raven's stomach, yawning loudly._

_"So we came out here to lie around instead?"_

_"Anything's better than books", Octavia patted his knee._

_"Except ants."_

_Raven made a displeased noise and flicked him on the forehead._

_"I want to do something fun", Octavia pouted._

_"And I want to be six inches taller. We don't always get what we want", Monty threw an arm over his eyes._

_A football landed a few feet away from them. They all stared at it for a moment before Octavia grinned widely._

_"Go on", Raven huffed._

_Octavia jumped up and grabbed the ball. She rushed over to the group of guys it belonged to. They didn't seem too impressed with the 13-year-old in front of them, but Octavia was never one to stand down._

_"Five bucks on Octavia's team", Raven said._

_"I'm not betting against O", Monty mumbled. "Keep your money."_

_"You're no fun."_

_"I'm okay with it."_

_Raven sighed and patted the side of his head, signaling for him to let her get up. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on top of her knees._

_"What's with the mood swing?" Monty asked._

_"You know how O had her first kiss?"_

_"It's the only thing we've been hearing about for weeks so... yes."_

_Raven smacked his arm. "You'd be just the same."_

_"Fine. You were saying?"_

_"I just kind of want mine already. And not at movie night. Or some party when we finally start going in some like Bell does." Raven pulled blades of grass off the ground and piled them on top of Monty's shoe. "I'll be sixty before anyone will kiss me."_

_"I haven't had my first kiss yet either. Are you just in a rush because you're jealous of O?"_

_"Of course I'm jealous. But I also want it over with. But in a cute way." Raven glanced at him. "What about you?"_

_Monty shrugged. "I've accepted I'll end up going down at spin the bottle at some point. Small chance that it'll be with a boy. I'll have the real deal in like... high school."_

_"I'm sure you'll get a cute boy kiss. Who wouldn't wanna kiss your face", Raven pinched his cheek._

_They both winced when Octavia took down a guy twice her size. She got up like it was nothing._

_"I'm a little scared of her sometimes", Monty hummed._

_"I think that's how nature would've wanted it", Raven agreed._

_"So", Monty pushed at her shoulder, "who do you want to smooch with?"_

_Raven grimaced. "Don't say smooch. You sound like your mom."_

_Monty just waited._

_"I don't know! Someone nice. And not by chance. I just want it done."_

_"You should write romance novels, Raven."_

_"Shut up. I'm being practical."_

_"We're both the victims of that." Monty leaned on her shoulder._

_\--_

_"I need to tell Bell to start training with me. I could totally make the football team in high school."_

_"O, you could make it into any team", Monty noted._

_"Decisions, decisions", Octavia sighed happily. They stopped in front of her house. "I'll see you in the morning. Bye!"_

_They waved her off. It was late enough that the sun wasn't scorching down on them anymore. The sky was a swirl of orange and pink clouds._

_Raven linked their pinkies as they kept walking. Their sneakers tapped against the pavement in an even rhythm._

_"I could kiss you", Monty said suddenly._

_"Huh?"_

_"Unless that'd bring back your secret crush on me", Monty held back a grin._

_"Jerk", Raven punched him in the arm. "I was ten. When will you forget about it?"_

_"Never. So. What do you say?"_

_"Why'd you kiss me?"_

_"Then we'd both have it done. Easy."_

_Raven thought about it. "You would still have your first boy kiss. And I can still have my first girl kiss. But we'd be prepared."_

_"You're going to kiss girls?"_

_"For sure", Raven nodded. "It's a pretty good idea."_

_Monty stopped walking. Raven waited, just a little nervous._

_"Are you chickening out?"_

_"No", Monty huffed. "This is just a lot weirder than I thought."_

_"You're weird."_

_Monty leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. When he pulled away a few seconds later, Raven opened her eyes wide._

_"Cool."_

_"Totally", Monty agreed. "We shouldn't tell O, right?"_

_"Secret first kiss?" Raven held out her pinky._

_"Secret first kiss." Monty hooked his with hers and they kept walking._

_"Kissing is really overrated", Raven said after a moment._

_"I feel lied to", Monty shook his head lightly.  
_

\--

It had been a long year. Filled with mostly good things, fortunately, but a long one nonetheless. 

Raven had no reason to be stressed, but creating an environment of constant distraction was a way for her to keep going. She'd managed to enjoy her job still, through all these years. Her profession wasn't the most stable one and she was actually the longest standing employee at Sinclair's. It was why she'd gotten a lot more responsibility past her position as a mechanic when Sinclair had decided to expand the business to two shops. 

The change was fun - she wasn't complaining. But since Gina left her life had been mainly focused on work. 

When they were together, Raven had let herself get comfortable. It was just a little bit everyone else's fault. Bellamy's experiences should've been what she looked at as forewarning. But the happiness the rest of her friends had managed to find - even if slightly later in life, despite original hopes and expectations - was what let her settle. She'd started loving Gina, but when suddenly she had to decide if she was leaving, Raven knew she wasn't going to ask her to stay. 

She'd hoped Gina was the one. The fact that she still thought there could be a _one_ was something she often dreaded about herself. But the idea of a person finally feeling like someone she could spend her life with never stopped attracting her. Gina could've been that for her, but her future was suddenly flipped and it was no longer certain Raven was a part of it. 

It was just easier to let go. 

How she'd ended up sleeping with Bellamy, she knew exactly why. How it continued past the one time after her party was a better question. 

They'd only dated for such a short time, they almost fought for longer than they were ever together. Because of the short duration of their relationship, starting a routine of sex somehow changed very little in their lives. They'd been friends since childhood. After such a long time of going back and forth with their feelings, a physical relationship was almost a relief compared to the drama there had been. 

Raven had no idea if Bellamy was seeing other people. She hadn't been with anyone else while they had been hooking up, but that meant nothing. She was simply busy. And their arrangement kept her satisfied just fine. It combined the solution to everything from wanting company, to craving intimacy, to simply needing a stress relief. 

There was no strain on their friendship. When they'd both caught their breaths, Bellamy would ask her if she'd finished the book he lend her. Or he'd fall asleep in her bed and she'd wake him up in the morning as she was leaving for work so he wouldn't miss his lecture. It worked. 

The casualness of it allowed her to stay focused on keeping herself busy. Having a sex buddy didn't take a whole lot of time and energy, she'd noticed. Bellamy was so easy to be around. She couldn't help gravitating towards him. It could all be blamed on the rest of their friends being busy with their flourishing love lives. 

\--

"So..." Bellamy said. "It's just you and me then, huh?" 

"I think we need more friends", Raven looked around the empty apartment. She still missed living with Monty occasionally, but the only thing that had really changed was where she showered and slept. They still all tended to gather at Monty and Miller's. It was their home base. 

"Possibly. What do you want to do? Monty and Miller are being romantic and soon engaged. Clarke is at Lexa's - shockingly. O and Maya are probably planning seating charts or whatnot. Monroe's too cool for us. We just have to make this work, Raven. We have three apartments and nothing to do." 

Raven turned to look at him. Bellamy stared back expectantly. She reached out a hand slowly and pulled on one of his curls. His look turned incredulous. 

"Let's get fancy and go to a cheap restaurant so we look like we ditched a much fancier place because we're not snobs like them, but in reality we just wanted waffles for dinner." 

Bellamy stayed quiet for a moment longer. "You're a very strange woman." 

"Are you in or not?" she raised a brow. "'Cause I'm craving waffles." 

"I'm in. Get your glam on, Reyes." 

Raven got up from the couch. "Is it weird if I wear the dress I had on at your wedding?" 

Bellamy gave her the most _done_ look she'd ever seen. She rushed out of the apartment in a fit of giggles before he started chucking pillows at her. 

\--

It wasn't the best day to begin with. She was feeling moody and off, and then she had to go and pass out at work. 

Sinclair looked like he got a few more gray hairs when he sat by her on the couch in his office. Raven swore to him she was fine, but he'd entered mentor mode and there was no stopping him. 

"Raven, as much as I appreciate you and your work ethic, I can't have you dying on me." 

"I'm not dying", she said helpfully. 

"Raven", he tried again, more in his fatherly advice voice, "you look terrible. You have to take a break. Rest. Eat. The work will be here when you come back." 

"I'm not leaving", she insisted. 

"I will fire you."

"You won't."

Sinclair pressed his lips together. "Fine, I won't. But I'm suspending you right now. For a week. No work for a week." 

"A week? Sinclair, you can't --"

He held up a hand. "You're probably the main reason this business has kept running for the past six years. There will be work for you, always." 

Raven sighed heavily. She _was_ tired. Her body hadn't really been enjoying her work hours or eating habits for several months now. "Can I at least work from home?" 

"Should I just send the cars to your apartment?" Sinclair raised a brow. He knew he'd won. 

"Funny." Raven sat up carefully. "Let me do something." 

"If you stay out for four days - four entire days without a single peep out of you - you can come back to work." 

"Three." 

"Don't test me, Raven."

"Fine", she huffed. 

They sat in silence for a while. Raven had drank a juice box after waking up and she was feeling slightly better. She'd simply lost track of time. There was probably more coffee running in her veins than blood. A break was probably exactly what she needed - not that she'd admit it. 

"I'm proud of you, kiddo. You know that, right?" 

She looked at Sinclair. He gave her a one-sided smile. 

"Yeah. I know." 

"Good, good." He nodded, getting up and dusting himself off. "Go home and rest. I'll see you on Monday." 

"Okay." 

He turned to leave, but Raven called for him before he got out the door. 

"Hey, Sinclair. Thank you." 

\--

It was late. She wasn't proud of it. But as she sat in the dark, her phone clutched in one hand and a tissue in the other, she knew she needed it. 

Monty walked through the door in the light of his phone, and she could feel fresh tears run down her cheeks. He didn't say a word, just sitting next to her on the couch and wrapping his arms around her. She sobbed quietly against his chest until she couldn't anymore. 

She didn't apologize, and Monty didn't need one anyway. He kept stroking her back, and she didn't let go. 

"What's going on?" Monty asked finally. 

"I'm just really tired. Sinclair suspended me. I was being a bit of a mess", she mumbled. 

"You've been working too hard, haven't you?"

"A little bit."

"I'm sorry I haven't been around as much. I guess I've let myself get lost in the relationship. Me and O both. But we're still here for you." 

"I don't blame you. And I'm happy for you. I just wanted to feel like I had everything under control", Raven sighed. "I passed out at work. Sinclair told me to go home and I can't go back until Monday. Also... I'm sleeping with Bellamy." 

Monty's hand stilled on her back. "We really need to talk more." 

"We haven't told anyone."

"So Miller knows", they said in unison. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What? Sleeping with Bellamy?" 

Monty scoffed. "Work." 

"I don't know. I just need some sleep." 

"You know I'm going to mother the hell out of you now, right?" 

Raven smiled. "I think I need it." 

"Let's get you to bed." 

Monty got in with her and she didn't complain. She needed to regroup and catch up on sleep. Monty was a calm sleeper; he was a good bedmate to have just for company. 

And she was so getting pancakes for breakfast. 

\-- 

As she sat on the bathroom floor, there was only one thought in her head. She regretted the pancakes now. 

Clarke was working a night shift, and Miller and Monty had gone home to see Miller's dad. She was alone in the apartment once again. But now she could've really used the company. 

She'd thrown up about an hour after Monty kissed her on the forehead and Miller gave her a look that said 'remember me if I never return'. Having already fainted within the past few days, a stomach flu of some sort had been on her mind already. But after a few full nights of sleep, her brain had returned to full function. And it was counting. 

This was the second period she'd missed. It had to be. She hadn't even noticed, but now it was glaring. She'd been moody and unwell. Now she was throwing up. 

Raven buried her head in her hands. The pregnancy tests she'd bought less than an hour ago were staring at her from the counter. She hadn't taken them yet. She couldn't do it. 

She liked kids but she hadn't seriously considered making any. Now it was even more obvious how little she'd given it thought. This was her first scare. She'd always been careful - the one lesson her mother had gotten through to her with. 

It was hard to think it could be real. There was no way she was pregnant. She refused to be pregnant. And yet she couldn't make herself take the tests. 

In the hypothetical situation that there was a fertilized egg inside her, it was her and Bellamy's... fertilized egg. It took two to tango. And there was no way in hell she was doing this alone. 

"Hey! What's up?" 

Raven clutched the phone tightly. "I need you to come over." 

"What is it?" 

She would've smiled if she wasn't focusing on not crying. Bellamy would help her stay calm. 

"It's a minor emergency."

"Raven. That's not a thing." 

"Okay. Then it's an emergency. Just come here, okay? Please." 

"Already on my way." 

She got up with a sigh and went for the fridge. She had some water to drink. 

\-- 

Bellamy looked like he was expecting to find three charred corpses as he stepped into the apartment. Raven was sitting at the table, and he took a seat carefully. 

"Who died?" 

"No one. Sorry for scaring you. I just... need you here." 

Bellamy was still confused. Looking at him, Raven regretted calling him. But not enough to stay quiet. 

"I might be pregnant." 

Bellamy's jaw dropped. "Wow." 

"Yeah", she grimaced. 

"Are you late? Did you take a test?" 

Firm and practical - exactly what she needed. "Not yet. I -- I couldn't." 

Bellamy's eyes softened. "You called me first." 

"It can only be yours - hypothetically." 

"Hypothetically?"

She nodded. "It seems like a good way of looking at this right now." 

"Alright." Bellamy thought for a moment. "You already have the tests, yeah?"

"In the bathroom." 

He took her hand. "We'll do it when you're ready." 

They sat in silence for a few seconds. Raven shook her head. 

"Let's do it. I can't wait any longer." She pushed herself up. "I'll go... pee." 

She shut the door to the bathroom behind her. After a moment of staring at herself in the mirror, she grabbed the first test. 

Bellamy sat next to her on the floor after she let him in. They had three minutes. 

"You only did one?"

"I feel like that's how you're supposed to do it", she shrugged. 

"I wouldn't know." 

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Talk about something." 

"About what?"

"Just babble. For once I'm giving you a free go."

"I can't think of anything."

"There's a first", Raven huffed. Bellamy elbowed her side. "Just tell me something."

"Roma's got a girlfriend. She's happy. They're moving to New Zealand."

"Wow."

"Tell me about it." 

"Are you more happy or jealous of her?" 

"90% happy. I did leave her hanging at the altar. I don't get to be jealous." 

Raven took his hand. "I hate how noble you are." 

"How long has it been?" 

She checked her phone. "Two minutes." 

He stayed quiet as the numbers went down to just a few seconds left. "You haven't slept with anyone else?" 

The timer went off. Raven turned to look at him. She didn't even consider lying. 

"Check the test." 

"You don't want to?" 

"You do it."

Bellamy picked up the stick and held it up while Raven covered her eyes. "I don't know what the thing is."

Raven opened her eyes. It was negative. She let out a breath and Bellamy followed suit. 

"That was the cheapest test." She got up again and took a gulp of water. "Next." 

"Do I need to go outside?" 

"Just don't stare at me." 

In a minute they were back on the floor with the timer set. 

"You haven't slept with anyone else?" 

"No", Raven said. 

"How's Gina?" 

"She got a job back home. She's not coming back if that's what you're asking."

"It's not." 

She didn't say anything. 

"Would it be weird if it was?" 

"No." 

Bellamy played with her fingers. Her tailbone was hurting from sitting on the floor, but she wasn't going to move. It was part of the ritual now. 

"Have you slept with anyone else?" Raven asked. It was only fair. 

"I had a one night stand", Bellamy admitted. 

Raven burst into laughter. "I'm proud of you." 

Ten seconds on the clock. 

"Yeah... I realized it wasn't for me." 

She held up the test. Negative again. 

"Are we doing the last one?" 

Raven met his eyes. He was quite the sight, sitting on her bathroom floor, strong limbs folded to make more room for her. 

"Might as well." 

The last countdown started. Raven rubbed some lotion on her hands after washing them so many times. She took Bellamy's hands and scrubbed the excess on his skin. 

"I guess I did get too stressed. Or I'm sick. Or I got sick because of stress." 

"You've been working a lot." 

"I think I've been kind of avoiding."

"Avoiding what?" 

"You." 

Bellamy looked up from his hands. "Me?" 

"Yeah. You. Work's been the easiest distraction since it's easy to feel accomplished there. Our thing - it's been working. But I felt it shouldn't change. If I kept busy, it had to stay casual." 

"Do you want it to be casual?" 

Raven took a breath. "I think. I wouldn't want a hypothetical situation with anyone else." 

"That's not an answer." 

She brushed his curls off his forehead. "I don't want it to be casual." 

The timer went off for the last time. The test was negative. 

"Definitely not pregnant then." 

"This is the desired result, right?" He leaned on her shoulder now. 

Raven nodded. "I'm relieved." 

"Good." 

"I stopped feeling scared when you got here. I knew we could handle whatever happened together." She picked on the hole in the knee of his jeans. "I always knew our relationship was weird, but today's been something else." 

"I wouldn't change a thing", Bellamy said simply. 

"Good." 

She let her eyes slip shut. They'd been through a lot of things together. Their friendship had survived years of ups and downs, and only grew stronger. 

"Bell?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Did you notice we're kind of dating again?" 

"A little bit."

"When?" 

"When you'd come over and we'd just talk all night. Sex has never been an issue for us. But we've been more honest with each other than ever before now." 

"Why haven't you told me you're in love with me then?" 

Bellamy lifted his head slowly. "You know?" 

"I know you pretty well. But what's helped is that I've noticed that I'm falling in love with you, too", she explained carefully. "The thing is that... I'm not afraid of this anymore - of us. We promised to help each other grow and we have. I think we might finally be... the right people for each other." 

"Only took us twenty years, huh?" Bellamy choked out a laugh. 

Raven touched his cheek. "I think it was worth it." 

"Me too", Bellamy smiled, pressing a kiss to her palm. 

She leaned forward and caught his lips in a brief kiss, just the press of their lips together. 

Over the years she'd overcome more than most people would ever have to. She'd had to learn a lot of things the hard way, she'd made a career for herself, she was still walking. The kiss gave her a glimpse of what she could have now. She was ready to feel content and enjoy the stability she'd reached. She'd earned it. 

"Want to get off this floor?" Bellamy asked softly. 

"Yeah. I'm ready."

  


* * *

  


Monty's hand covered Miller's where it rested on the gearstick, squeezing gently.

"We can still turn back, you know. You don't have to do this. You won't be letting anyone down."

 _Except for myself_ , Miller thought, which he immediately banished from his mind. He wanted to do this. It was about time, really.

"It's okay." Miller let out a breath. "It's okay, if -- if you're here."

"You know I am, Nathan," Monty said, quickly raising Miller's hand to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss to Miller's knuckles. 

Monty had been the one to bring up the idea of possibly visiting Miller's father for the day, but he had mentioned it so casually that Miller had seen surprise cross his face when he'd asked his fiancé if next Saturday would suit. His father hadn't said a whole lot on the phone, other than the usual questions about work and his well being, but he hadn't sounded displeased when Miller had mentioned coming up to visit with Monty the following week.

David had never been very talkative or emotive throughout Miller's life. This was a positive thing when Miller came out to his father, but not so much the rest of the time. Thinking back on it, Miller realised that a lot of his anxiety probably stemmed from the quiet house he was always going home to and the short, irritated talk David would engage him in only when necessary. As a child, he'd been constantly on edge - maybe it was unavoidable, living with someone who couldn't separate his son from his own wife's death. Miller didn't blame him, really, but he didn't want things to stay so distant for the rest of his life.

"You know what I was thinking the other day?" Monty said, turning down the radio to be heard. Miller made a questioning noise in reply, too busy making sure he'd chosen the right turn to listen properly. "What if we got married in London? Like, where we first hooked up. That would be cute."

Miller snorted and gave Monty a disbelieving look. "First of all, money. Second of all, Bellamy would freak. He still has the occasional flashback to what happened there. It's not pretty. Thirdly, we'd have to explain to everyone that we didn't actually become a couple there, we just had sex and then woke up the next morning _hoping_ we were a couple. You wanna tell your mom that?"

"We could lie," Monty said, a sulky tone to his voice.

"And finally," Miller continued, "money."

"You said that."

"You seem to think we have the finances to get married in London. And why London, anyways? Roma's family lived there. We don't have any connections."

Monty sighed like he'd just been told off. "Alright, never mind then. I was just trying to be romantic."

Miller turned back up the radio, laughing. Not two minutes later, Monty abruptly knocked it off and turned to face Miller from the passenger seat.

"Speaking of weddings," Monty said slowly, "Does... does your dad know we're engaged?"

"Uh." Monty let out an exhale of surprise and Miller shrugged apologetically. "Not in...such words."

"Does he know in any words?"

"Not exactly."

" _Nathan_."

"Look, you don't know him." This wasn't technically true. Monty did know him, in the way that all of Miller's friends bar Clarke knew him - even though Miller had practically spent the entirety of his teenage years at the Blakes', there were still times when it had been impossible to avoid introducing David to the rest of them. Miller distinctly remembered Bellamy always leaving an encounter with him looking vaguely scared that he'd somehow done something to offend him. He hadn't -- that was just how he was. "It'll be easier to just spit it out to his face. He's not going to have a bad reaction or anything, he's just...not going to have much of a reaction at all. Unless he surprises me. Which hasn't happened yet, but you know. There's a first time for everything."

"Right." Monty sounded less confident than he had a few minutes ago, but squeezed Miller's hand again all the same. "Well, at least I'll be here."

"That's the only thing pushing me forward, Mon."

\--

They were going to the house first, and then heading out for dinner. Miller didn't know which he was more nervous for, or if he was actually nervous at all for either. It had been a while since he'd seen his dad - Christmas, probably - and the fact that this was the first time he was meeting 'Miller's boyfriend Monty' instead of 'Childhood friend Monty' added to the pressure he felt to make everything go well.

Miller knocked once on the door before walking in, tugging Monty behind him. Out of the corner of his eye, Miller saw Monty wiping his free hand on his thigh and it gave him an unexpected jolt of happiness to know that he was anxious to make a good impression. He'd been the same when he'd met Monty's parents, but it was different because Monty's sister had been home with her kids and the atmosphere was more relaxed. Meeting David on his own was pretty intense, but it wasn't like Miller had any other options.

He met them in the hallway leading to the sitting room, standing ominously (and, as only Miller would notice, a little awkwardly) in front of the doorway.

Monty let out an "Oh!" of surprise and then David was reaching out a hand for him to shake and he was untangling his own from Miller's.

"Monty, isn't it?" There were more lines around David's eyes than there were last time - or, at least, Miller thought there were. Last time he'd seen him had been a blur and he'd spent more time at Monty's house and the Blakes' than he had here. He hadn't felt ready, then, to introduce Monty to his father. He was becoming steadily more unsure that he was ready now.

"Ah, yes! It's good to see you again, Mr Miller." 

David turned to Miller and grimaced, squeezing his shoulder tightly for a second. "Hello, Nate. You're looking very well. The new job is a good fit for you."

"I think it's a bit more than the new job, but thanks." Miller smiled as best he could, trying to absorb some of Monty's careless energy.

The three of them were silent for a moment. Miller and David were both well used to this, and only that Monty was there they could have gone another hour with only a few words of conversation. But Monty was there, and after a few seconds he decided there was too much quiet. Clapping his hands together endearingly, he said, "Well, it's been a while. I think the last time I saw you must have been Nathan's graduation."

Miller loved him a lot in that moment - bright and tireless.

"Please, call me David. And yes, I believe it has been - how are your parents?"

"Oh, they're fine. They're actually visiting my sister in Rome, right now. They always say her and my brother basically function as vacation ports for them now." Monty didn't have the best relationship with his parents, either, but he was able to conceal it a lot better than Miller was. He knew they hadn't been too happy with him after he'd quit to work in the florist, but Monty had said, "They already have two brilliant children - it doesn't matter what I do." Miller had told Monty he was brilliant too, because the thought of him thinking otherwise physically hurt.

"She's in law, isn't she?"

"Yeah," Monty replied, following David as he turned to walk into the sitting room. "She's actually en route to becoming the top lawyer in her firm."

"Your parents must be so proud."

"Mm." Maybe not as good as concealing it as he thought. "Oh, I never congratulated you on becoming Chief of Police. It's a fantastic achievement."

David nodded. "Thank you, Monty. It was a proud day for me, and for Nate here too. Years of hard work finally paying off. Not too long until retirement, now." 

Miller thought back on years of finding ways to entertain himself in a lonely house, years of moving around without a single friend in the world as a kid. 

_Glad it paid off, Dad._

Then he pushed these thoughts from his mind, because this wasn't why he was here. He wasn't going to be bitter.

The conversation had shifted onto Monty's job in the meantime and he was enthusiastically talking about how he'd been put in charge of arranging flowers for Octavia and Maya's wedding, while David listened politely. When Monty finished talking, he turned to Miller.

"And how's the course going, Nate?"

"It's good." He felt Monty looking at him and sighed, before continuing. "We've moved onto actually working in gyms with people, which is better because you get to see the results. I was working with a lady the other day who wanted me to look at her diet plan, so I'm figuring that out right now. I like it."

"Good to hear. Has the income disparity been hard to adjust to?"

Miller gritted his teeth. He'd had a conversation with Clarke one time, about parents, and she'd said her mom always said stuff like this purposefully. A memory of her saying, "There's always a hidden meaning, you know?" flashed into his mind, and he was pretty sure she was holding a bottle of vodka when she said it. Alcohol had definitely been involved.

David was the opposite. When he said stuff like this, he was honestly just asking. He didn't realise why Miller mightn't be too happy with such a question, so there was no point fighting it.

"Not really. We're managing just fine." Miller took a deep breath and reached for Monty's hand without thinking. "Actually we've been trying to save some money, recently."

David raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Because... I proposed. A few weeks ago, at this stage."

David took this in, nodding slowly and looking at his feet. He stood and Miller stood with him.

"Congratulations, Nate. I'm truly happy for you." Then David paused, breathing heavily. It must have been a family thing. "Your mother would be too. She'd be so proud. I'm sorry she's not here - she would have been better at this. She would have cried."

"It's okay," Miller smiled, feeling something prickle at his eyes. "We have Bellamy for that."

David pulled him in for a hug. It didn't make up for everything, and his arms squeezed a little too tightly around Miller's shoulders, but it was more than he'd expected. It was nice.

Pulling away, David glanced at his watch. Miller thought he saw a bit of glassiness in his eyes, too. "We better get going. The reservation is for four. I can drive, if you want."

"It's alright," Monty said quickly, rising also. "We'll take our car so we can leave from there. I have some stuff left to do when I get home so it's probably easiest for everyone."

David was unperturbed. "No problem. You remember where it is?"

"Of course." Miller had spent many nights as a kid eating at Ton DC. Home-cooked meals hadn't really fit into the equation until he was able to learn how to himself.

"See you there, then."

As soon as they got into the car and watched David's Jeep drive away, Monty surged over the gearstick to kiss Miller. A small noise of surprise escaped his lips before he was able to kiss Monty back, hands moving up to thread through his hair.

When Monty pulled back, he rested his forehead against Miller's and nudged his nose with his own. 

Miller grinned. "What was that for?" 

"Just." Monty stroked a thumb over his jaw, clean-shaven for today. "I'm proud of you."

"I'm hearing that a lot today. It's kind of embarrassing."

"No, but I am. You did so good. I know it wasn't perfect, but you did it. I love you so much."

Miller swallowed. "I love you too, Mon."

He sat back in his seat, looking at his house in the rearview mirror. It had never really felt like home to him - how could it, when he'd lived in countless houses beforehand. He wasn't sure why this one had ended up sticking. 

The Blakes' felt more like home than here - though that was more to do with Bellamy than the actual house. Now that he thought about it, he definitely felt more of a connection to Clarke and Raven's place than here. His and Monty's apartment - it was the safest he'd ever felt. 

"What are you thinking about?" Monty said softly. Miller shrugged. 

"Just that... I want to get a house one day that's a home too."

Monty cocked an eyebrow. "I hope I'm part of this thought process."

Miller flicked his upper arm. "Obviously. I hope -- I hope when we have kids, that they'll have somewhere they look forward to coming back to."

"They will." Monty rested his head on Miller's shoulder. "I know they will." 

For so long, the future had seemed so scary. Not even the distant future, when people would start asking why Miller hadn't found someone yet or when he was moving up in a job he hated. Sometimes, every day had felt terrifying because he was sure this was it for the rest of his life. He couldn't expect Bellamy to be with him forever, and he couldn't go back here. Miller wasn't sure where he'd end up - the absolute worst days featured Murphy - but most of the time, he was fairly confident it would be on his own. 

Monty's head was a steady pressure on his shoulder and Miller thought if he could have this for the rest of his life; Monty, kind and trusting and someone that believed in him - Miller thought if he could have that, he'd do alright. Sometimes it was hard to remember that he did have that: the promise of a lifetime together. A promise would have been enough, but Monty showed it every day too, in small things like leaving out a book he thought he'd like or sending him a picture of flowers while he was at work, and in big things too, like this. He was always there and Miller didn't know what he'd done to deserve him, but he wasn't about to question it. 

"Are you ready?" Monty asked, and Miller was sure this time.

"Yeah. Let's go." 

If Monty was with him, Miller didn't care where he went.

  


* * *

  


The sound of the alarm blared through the nice dream she was having and woke her up for good. Raven groaned and rolled on her back, landing half over Bellamy's chest.

"Ow."

"What time is it?" she asked as she resettled against his side.

"Six thirty."

"God, why?"

"My sister's getting married today. You're the maid of honor. We have work to do." Bellamy pressed a kiss on her forehead but made no other attempt to move.

"Did you really just wake me up so we could lie together in bed?"

"Maybe." Bellamy grinned at the ceiling.

"You're terrible."

"I own up to it."

"I guess", she huffed. "I think there's no one at my apartment now. Clarke's basically living with Lexa. I'm always here. We're probably losing money like this."

"Are you... inviting yourself to move in with me?"

"Monroe moved out almost a month ago. You haven't done anything to find a new roommate."

"But who would live opposite Miller and Monty? We'd all be so separated."

Raven shot him a fondly exasperated look. "We're all over thirty. I think we can handle living apart."

"It's just weird. Like an end of an era. I mean who knows how long Miller and Monty will live there. They might start making babies soon. Then we've all moved out."

"We could always move to my apartment..."

Bellamy scoffed. "As if. I love this place."

"Thought so", Raven chuckled. "I know what I need to do today. What do you have?"

"I'm picking up some people. I'm glad a lot of my family couldn't make it to my wedding. I'd love that smalltalk."

Raven burst into laughter, burying her face in his chest. His body shook under her as he laughed with her.

"So many weddings are happening now. We'll never get over the jokes."

Bellamy hummed in agreement. "I might have to start telling your story again as a cover."

"Fantastic idea."

"I thought so too."

They’d been going steady - knowingly - for almost two months. Not that much had changed... just that they’d told everyone else. Octavia hadn’t believed them at first, but Miller vouched for them. She’d just shaken her head, throwing out her arms. “It was always meant to happen”, she said.

Raven laced their fingers together over his stomach. "When do you have to leave?"

"Not in a while."

"Good." She leaned up to kiss him. "Let's save some water."

"I want coffee first."

"Fine."

Bellamy got up and walked around the bed. Raven sat on the edge and watched him. He grabbed her brace, kneeling in front of her. She couldn't feel it when he pressed his lips right below her knee, but it made her smile.

"Can you give me a lift to O's?" she asked as they walked to the kitchen.

"Of course. Are you getting ready there?"

"Yeah. O has a stylist coming over. I'll try to squeeze myself in somewhere so I can get my hair done."

"Good morning!" Harper lifted her coffee cup at them. "You're just in time."

"Why are you up so early?" Raven wrapped her arms around her, resting her chin on her shoulder while Bellamy poured coffee for them.

"I'm up with the sun nowadays", Harper yawned. "Just kidding. I couldn't fall back to sleep so I got up. Monroe's still snoozing. That bedroom is still very homey to them."

"The beds are amazing, right? After I slept in Bellamy's for the first time, I asked for one just like it for my birthday."

"I'll definitely need the model."

Bellamy set the coffee in front of her, already focused on the newspaper he'd stolen from Harper.

"I can't believe O's getting married", Harper sighed. "It's been so long since we first met."

"Yeah, everything's changed now. It's an end of an era." Raven grinned at Bellamy, who rolled his eyes without even looking at her.

"How are you two lovebirds doing?"

"We're great. Though we haven't managed to agree on what our anniversary will be now."

Bellamy scoffed loudly. Raven ignored him.

"We might have to take a vote."

\--

"Knock knock."

Octavia looked up from the mirror to see Lincoln closing the door behind himself. "Hey!" She jumped up and rushed over to hug him.

"How's it going, bride?"

"Better now." Octavia squeezed him tightly once more before letting him go. "Where's Emori?"

"Talking to Monty. Why are we at Clarke's apartment?"

"We decided to be a little traditional and spent the night in different places. I figured the place was empty so I came here. Maya's at home."

Lincoln pulled a chair to her side as she returned to her seat by the mirror.

"This is Tar." Octavia pointed to the woman who had gone back to curling her hair. "She's saving me from my hair today."

"Hi." She nodded in reply. "Are you nervous yet?" Lincoln kicked Octavia's ankle gently.

"A little. Just about how it'll all go. But Indra's kept us calm for the most of it so I'll just trust her today too." Octavia looked at him in the mirror. "Getting married, though - that I'm pretty okay with."

Lincoln chuckled. "It's not that bad."

"Did you get my email on that hiking trip next summer? You have to come with me. Maya laughed in my face when I suggested it."

"I did. Already marked in my calendar."

Octavia grinned. "You never let me down."

"What friends are for. Spouses are allowed to laugh in your face for the rest of your lives."

"Yeah", she smiled at her lap, "I look forward to it."

"Hi! I'm here." Raven burst in through the door, Bellamy in tow.

"Lincoln, hi!" Bellamy clasped a hand on his shoulder. "Good to see you."

"You too." He accepted Raven's hug. "I hear you two are bunking again."

Raven rolled her eyes at Octavia, who pretended not to see. "For now. Where's your better half?"

"Across the hall, showing off."

"Hey, now", Emori walked in through the still open door, a hand over the large bump of her stomach, "what's not to show off."

Octavia jumped up again to get to her first. "Oh my goodness, hi! How's my godson doing?"

"Making my ankles swell and pressing on my bladder but otherwise great", Emori chuckled. "He's pretty pumped to come meet everyone."

"Just a few weeks left", Lincoln smiled proudly.

\--

“Hello, hello!”

Miller held the door open for Anya, Echo and Mel as they came in.

“Hey, handsome.” Anya kissed his cheek while Echo carried Mel to the couch where Monty was sitting.

“Hi.”

“How’s O doing? Must be a hassle.”

“She’s across the hall, actually. I haven’t had the courage to go over and see for myself.”

“Weddings are a bit of a mess”, Anya chuckled. “Are you boys going to be okay while we’re gone?”

“We’ll be fine”, Monty assured her, Mel happily in his lap.

“She knows”, Echo said pointedly and raised her brows at her wife.

Anya smiled sheepishly. “I know. But we’ll try to be quick either way.”

“Take your time. We’ll only be ten minutes and we’re ready. You do your thing.”

“Some alone time is nice. Remember what that’s like, An?” Echo grinned.

“Oh shush you”, she rolled her eyes. “Let’s go then.”

Echo kissed her daughter’s cheek before getting up. “See you in a few hours.”

As the door shut behind them, Miller took a seat next to Monty. Monty smiled at him, leaning his cheek on the child’s head.

Miller shook his head. “You look like you’re getting a hit of baby fever already.”

Monty hit his arm with Mel’s hand. “I think you’re safe. I just like kids.”

“I know you do. It's just so much responsibility. When I still had Barbara, I was always worrying about her... and she lives in a cage.” Miller shuffled closer to him, his arm on the back of the couch behind him. “Kids just make me feel old.”

“We’re a little old. We’re going to be an old married couple soon.”

“See, that’s something I’m looking forward to.” He left kisses on his jaw.

“Baby”, Monty reminded.

“That’s also what kids do.” Miller pushed himself up with a sigh. “I’m going to check everything’s ready for later.”

“Okay.” Monty turned Mel around in his lap. “Are you not letting your mommies have any alone time, huh? That’s a pretty good trick.”

Miller listened to him babble to the baby from the bedroom as he made sure he knew where his tie was and where he left his dress shoes.

“Uncle Nathan’s known your other mommy for a long time. We’re going to be at all of your birthdays and graduations and stuff. You’ll have a lot of people to choose from when you get too old to find your parents cool. You might end up picking aunty O, but you should know I have pictures of her emo phase. She’s not as cool as she seems.”

“Mon! You can’t tell that to a baby!”

“I’m only telling the truth! As I was saying, at least consider us, okay? Let’s shake on it.”

Miller glanced out the doorway to see him shaking Mel’s tiny hand. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You know O’s doing the exact same thing. But she has Lincoln’s baby, too. It’s not fair.”

“Sometimes I wonder what I’m marrying into.”

“Hey! You love me. No take-backs. I won’t give you back the ring.”

“Fine.”

Monty grinned at him. Miller just went back to setting out his clothes.

“Are you going to make me dance today?”

“Obviously. At least twice.”

“Great.”

“I promise to do it after you’ve had at least one drink.”

“Deal.”

\--

Clarke took Lexa's hand as they walked up the stairs of the church. Lexa gave her a gentle smile, her cheeks rosy from the cold wind. Maybe it was the love in the air, but she was feeling especially sappy about her girlfriend that day. 

They hadn't been to an event like this together yet. She was just excited at the thought of getting to dance with Lexa and introduce her to everyone as her girlfriend. 

She really had gone soft. 

"Clarke!" Wells waved at them from the other side of the hall. He hugged them both as they reached them. "Good to see you, Lexa." 

"You too."

Clarke hugged Fox as well. "I love that everyone's getting married now and we get to see each other all at once." 

"Who's up next? Are we next?" Fox turned to Wells. 

"Do we count since we're nearly eloping?" 

"Barely", Clarke huffed. "Is everyone here already? I didn't go home before we came here." 

"We saw Bellamy earlier. Raven's probably with O, still. I think Harper and Monroe went in a little ago." 

"I don't know why I feel so jittery. I guess since I wasn't at Bellamy and Roma's almost wedding, none of my closest friends have gotten married yet."

"Really?" Lexa raised a brow. "None?"

"I think we're all late bloomers."

"When we were kids everyone assumed Clarke and I would be married by 25. Never knew why", Wells said. 

"Oh right! Our dads were terrible", Clarke chuckled. "Well, now everyone's getting it over with so I guess better late than never." 

"Always the optimist." Lexa bumped their shoulders together. "Should we go sit?" 

Clarke took her hand again. "Sure." 

\--

"Hey, O. Mom's here." Bellamy knocked on the door before stepping in. "Wow." 

Octavia smiled brightly, spinning around in her dress. "Right?" 

Bellamy came to hug her. "You look beautiful, O." 

"Thank you, Bell." 

He held onto her forearms as he pulled away. "I can't believe my baby sister is getting married." 

"Your baby sister's been wanting to get married for as long as she's known what a wedding is so... about damn time." 

"As long as you're happy."

Octavia's face softened. "Happier than I've ever been."

"Good." 

"Knock knock!" Aurora walked in with Marcus on her heels. "Oh my goodness, sweetheart! You look so beautiful!" 

"Thank you, mom." 

"My baby's getting married." Aurora held her face between her hands. 

"Can we maybe not keep using the word baby? I'm 30."

"You'll always be our baby." Aurora hugged her to her chest carefully. "And now we're letting you go."

"Oh god, mom." She stuck out her tongue at Bellamy, who was stifling his laughter behind their mother's back. 

Marcus stepped forward as they let go and took her hands in his. "You look lovely, honey."

Octavia sniffled. "Dad..." 

They hugged tightly. Aurora handed Bellamy a tissue and wrapped her arm around his waist. 

"Sometimes I marvel at how great you two became, being my kids."

"We're alright." Bellamy leaned his head on top of hers. 

"Okay, enough weeping for now." Aurora dried her eyes. "Is there a chance I could meet this wedding planner of yours, Octavia?" 

"Indra should get back anytime now. She's just meeting her wife at the doors." 

"And where is my sweet Anya? I can't believe I haven't gotten to see her baby yet."

"Don't worry. You'll get to. Everyone's here; let's just make it to the reception first." 

"Hey", Raven said from the doorway. "We're getting ready to start. Indra's coming just in a second." 

"Let's go take our seats, mom." 

Aurora touched Octavia's face gently. "My beautiful girl. I'll see you soon." 

"Mom, don't make me cry again."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Aurora pulled Raven into a hug still in the doorway. Raven smiled at Bellamy over her shoulder. 

"You have tissues ready?" she asked him when Aurora left the room and he stepped in front of her. 

Bellamy patted his breast pocket. "Obviously." He leaned in to kiss her, just briefly. 

"Go on", she chuckled as he lingered there, his hands still on her hips. 

"Don't trip on your way down."

"Jackass." She punched his shoulder. 

Bellamy went after his mother, and Raven got to checking Octavia's hair was still pinned down all around. 

"It's nice seeing you so happy again."

Raven wrapped her arms around her from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder. "This is such a happily ever after moment, isn't it?" 

"Maybe soulmates are real after all." Octavia grinned. 

"Don't push it." Raven pinched her side, letting her go as she giggled. 

\-- 

"Ready to get married?" Indra patted her back lightly as she finished checking the the laces of her corset were tucked in. 

"I'm ready." She nodded. 

Indra took her hand. "Good luck." 

Octavia squeezed it. "Thank you for everything. Again." 

Indra just smiled. As she left, it was just her and her dad. 

Marcus cleared his throat. "I know I'm not your real father... but I've always loved you two like my own. I've got to see you grow into this fearless person that you are and I'm most proud of you." 

"Dad, you're making me cry. I can't cry _now_." Octavia fanned her face with her hand. Still, she leaned on his side. "Thank you." 

Marcus kissed the side of her head. 

The sound of everyone standing up had her startling. The music started playing and she hooked her arm through his. 

The walk to the altar was a blur, but as she let go of her dad and settled to wait for her soon to be wife to arrive, she took it all in. Her parents and Bellamy were at the front row with Raven. Miller and Monty were right behind them, and she could tell they were holding hands. Clarke and Lexa were next to them with Anya's family. Lincoln winked at her as she caught his eye. They were all smiling brightly at her, some through tears, and she thought she'd actually reached the happiest day of her life. 

Everyone turned to the back, and Octavia was suddenly breathless. She'd wanted to walk down the aisle first just to see this. Maya walked in, arm in arm with her dad. She was smiling almost nervously until she looked up at her. 

Finally she was there in front of her. When she took Maya's hand, it was shaking. Maya reached up to wipe a tear off her cheek. 

"I can't wait to marry you", Octavia whispered. 

Maya giggled softly. "Let's do it."

  


* * *

  


"Did you guys know Jasper got fired?"

"O, he did not get fired. He just went back to Canada", Monty said patiently without looking up from his magazine. 

Octavia dropped on the free chair next to him with a scoff. "Well... he should've. I've seen him sneeze into a muffin more than once."

Clarke shuddered and set down the muffin she was just about to take a bite of. Octavia shot her an apologetic grin. 

"So what did you get Bell?" 

"I already gave him his present", Raven smirked, earning a high five from Clarke. 

"Gross, but noted." Octavia nodded. "Are you having a party for him?" 

"It's just us so won't be much of a party", Miller huffed. "Just how he likes it." 

"Your first party with the team." Clarke poked at Lexa. "It's an experience." 

"How's it different from game night?" 

"It's not", Monty said, still without looking up. "Actually - maybe safer." 

Miller leaned on his shoulder to see what he was so engrossed in. He stayed there despite seemingly not finding it interesting himself. "Did you get him anything O?" 

"I promised to get him something from Greece. So you can all relax; I've already beat you in this game." Octavia leaned back with her hands behind her head. 

"You played the nerd card. Ruthless", Miller shook his head. 

Monty patted his cheek absentmindedly. Miller leaned into the touch with a soft smile. 

"Okay, shush, he's here", Clarke nodded towards the door. 

Bellamy walked into the coffee shop with Maya, their casual conversation ending as they spotted them. He sat on the armrest by Raven, who rested her hand on his thigh. 

Maya gave her wife a kiss. "Hey there, Mrs Blake." 

"Why hello, Mrs Vie." 

"I think I'm glad you're going so far for your honeymoon." 

Octavia stuck his tongue out at Miller as Maya took a seat in her lap. "I'll make sure to comment on everything you do once you two get married." 

"Yeah, I plan on being exactly like that." Monty finally looked up. "I'm going to be a bridezilla, too." 

"I'd just like to say I'm really glad I was the first out of the six of us to get married", Octavia said. 

Maya rolled her eyes as the others laughed. 

"Bell and I really tried to beat you to it", Raven chuckled. "But you're the winner." 

"Might just be best for all of us." 

"Oh. I've got to go." Lexa pushed herself up. "Have a great honeymoon, you guys. I'll see the rest of you tonight." She pressed a sweet kiss on Clarke's lips before making her exit in a chorus of byes. 

A silence fell over them. The goofy look Clarke got around her girlfriend had yet to vanish. Octavia had her arms around Maya's waist as she rested against her chest. Monty met Raven's eyes over Miller's head still on his shoulder. 

"Sometimes I wonder if it's always going to be the seven of us", he said. 

Maya smiled to herself at that before glancing over at Clarke. "Hopefully eight." 

Clarke nodded, still heart-eyed. 

"I think so." Bellamy looked around at each of them. "We've gone on for this long." 

Octavia scoffed. "What kind of sappy shit is this? No one's dying." 

"Who is moving to your apartment, though?" Monty asked Clarke. 

Bellamy answered for her: "I talked to Mbege the other day and he's looking for a new place. He's applying for it at least. With some great recommendations." 

"The Mbege who Clarke wanted to set up with my fiancé?" Monty raised his brows, sitting up a little straighter. "Great." 

Miller huffed out a laugh and pressed a kiss to his neck. Monty touched their foreheads together with a smile. 

"Alright fellas, my wife and I need to be going now." 

Everyone got up simultaneously to each hug the both of them in turn. 

Raven held on to her friend tightly, and Octavia's grip on her wasn't easy, either. "Be good out there, O. I'm going to miss you." 

"Just gather strength for when I come back and you'll have to hear me tell stories about this trip until we have our first kid." 

Raven laughed, and Octavia gave her one last squeeze before pulling back. 

"I'll miss you too. Even if I'll have too much fun to notice it." 

"Alright, smarty pants." Raven pushed her away with a laugh. 

Octavia took Maya's hand. "Bye everyone! See you next year."

"Bye, guys." Maya waved at them.

As the others sat back down, Raven caught Bellamy's arm. 

"I'll walk you out." 

Bellamy just grinned and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

She liked the silliness of it now; how she missed him when he was away, how she got excited to see him again. It had been harder to enjoy years ago with things still muddled. 

Bellamy left a lingering kiss on her lips by the car and brushed her hair behind her ear. She didn't tell him to drive safely because he always did. Instead she waved them off as they drove away. 

Inside, Clarke and Miller where arguing over what to have for dinner at Bellamy's party. Monty looked at Raven over the back of the couch and pointed to the door with his thumb. Raven stifled a laugh, staying put as Monty kissed the side of Miller's head before getting up and skipping over to her. 

"I love them, but that's going to take a while." 

Raven hooked her arm in his and they stepped out of the coffee shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have to say rn before i get all sappy: when octavia & maya have their first kid they'll be a vie-blake, which i realized sounds like [irish/scottish/whatever accent] wee blake. which is absolutely what miller calls them for their entire lives. now for the Real stuff
> 
> like. damn. it's been what 10 months since we started this and it's been .. pretty indescribable. we were pretty emo like from the moment we started this but now it's .. we finished this. we Did This. and i can't even say how grateful i am to have aisling in my life & having done this with her. & tbh everyone who's liveblogged w us and given us so much love like it's just been beyond great i don't really even have the words rn i'm just gonna cry about it.  
> it's sad that it's over but all that work and planning and writing and everything's just been 100% worth it. so thank you. & we hope that we've given some light in the sad times where t100 is still a reality. it's been fun to have done shit so much better than them lmao. we're still gonna be around .. i'm working on a rewrite fic & aisling's gonna roll out some gorgeous trc stuff in the near future so hopefully we'll see yall soon!  
> \- vilma
> 
> [friends au aesthetics 11/11](http://natharmiller.tumblr.com/tagged/fau) \+ in my [friends au tag](http://natharmiller.tumblr.com/tagged/friends-au) you can find all the beautiful things people have created for this fic


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